Anyone who lives in a hurricane-prone area like myself (Florida) knows that while forecasts have gotten a _lot_ better, there is still so much room for improvement.
I am not affiliated, but I recommend checking out https://www.forecastadvisor.com/ to see what forecasts are best for your city. I totally changed weather providers and it seems much better now.
'The Secret World of Weather: How to Read Signs in Every Cloud, Breeze, Hill, Street, Plant, Animal, and Dewdrop' by Gooley is a fun read for anyone interested in figuring out weather without a forecast (or to supplement).
I've been trying to do this with intention myself over the last year. Some things that worked for me:
- Get a dog! Seriously, going to dog bars, dog parks, and even walking the dog are all great opportunities for spontaneous social interactions.
- Group fitness classes can be good, even if you just chat with the instructor before or after class. Going regularly you're bound to talk with some of the other members.
- Arts classes (i.e., pottery) can be good, as it's usually a small group setting and you can chitchat while you're working.
Not the question, but another thing to consider is your body language when you're in those spaces. Try to be cognizant of it and present yourself to being "open" to conversation (especially in a bar setting). By that I mean, looking around, make eye contact, smile at people, don't be on your phone, and don't be afraid to say hi.
Huge +1 to this. It sounds like they may need to switch therapists. I’ve had personal success with therapists that have expertise in CBT, DBT, and IFS.
OP may also want to explore mindfulness/meditation, which has been a huge QoL improvement for me.
Some resources I’ve found helpful:
- Book: Adult children of emotionally immature parents
- Book: How to meditate by Pema Chodron
- Website on DBT: https://dbtselfhelp.com/
- Book: The Antidote: Happiness for people who can’t stand positive thinking
- Meditation Apps: Waking Up, Headspace, Ten Percent. Also, if you don’t like one, try another. They all have distinct styles.
Seriously though, do therapy and hop therapists until one clicks. I read on here once “you can’t read the label from inside the bottle.” This type of work significantly benefits from a good outside perspective.
Also, OP, be kind to yourself and, as another poster said, allow yourself to just exist for a bit
Generally agreed with this, and I had a similar experience.
I think overall it comes down to trying to help them build empathy by showing them that they aren't the only one that will have to interact with what they build, as they are a part of a team.
An easy way to start is, like the parent suggests, with showing "How does making it easier to read or reason about ultimately benefit you?" (e.g., not having to be asked for help by junior engineers). The downside of this is it's kind of abstract, and ultimately a selfish motivator ("what benefits me?" over "what benefits the team?"), as another commenter mentioned.
One option that might be more tangible and team-oriented is to discuss design options as a team. Hopefully in doing so they can understand the complexity in their approach as other people ask questions. If you're able to structure in such a way, one trick here is to separate the design phase from the actual implementation phase. So, whoever designs the approach isn't the one that implements it (within reason -- you could also pair program here, with the whoever designed it as a reviewer and not the primary).
Some of this is also about them realizing what is obvious to them is not obvious to others. One tell here is if they use "why don't you just..." a lot when asked questions.
One phrase I use a lot on my team is "don't be a hero". Heroics in a team setting (willingness to write overly complex features, take on indefinite maintenance of code they wrote so others don't have to reason with it, etc.) are generally detrimental to the team overall. If they find themselves having the need to "carry the team" a lot, you could direct some of their energy/problem solving towards how they could help up-level the team overall or fix team processes.
Anyway, a bit of a ramble, but that's my 2 cents. YMMV.
There was also a ruling last week explicitly overturning certain gun regulation laws. See: New York State Rifle & Pistol Association v. Bruen [0], which overturns a law that has stood since 1911 in New York State. Based on Gallup data [1], 52% of Americans want stricter gun laws, and only 11% want less strict gun laws. The decision makes it much harder to impose additional restrictions, and will require some states to lessen restrictions.
0: https://www.supremecourt.gov/opinions/21pdf/20-843_7j80.pdf 1: https://news.gallup.com/poll/1645/guns.aspx
The book “The Science of Stuck” by Britt Frank is the best I’ve read about this. She has an interview on the podcast You Are Not So Smart that could be a good low-effort way to think about it. It’s been incredibly helpful for me.
She reviews all of the latest and groundbreaking research about anxiety, from older therapy tactics like CBT, to how it is a physical response (eg Body Keeps the Score by van der Kolk). It’s also easy to read (ie not overly academic).
As an aside, one thing that helps me, as others have alluded to, is to “just start” and/or break things down into very small tasks to get small wins. Eg, if you have to write a paper, just open a doc to start.
Also, adopting an approach of being ok with “just good enough” or “anything is better than nothing”. I find I get stuck because I want something to be very high quality from the start, but adopting the strategy of a brain dump or “sh*t first draft”, with the intention of throwing it away, has helped immensely, as I’ve accepted the fact that my first draft will be bad, and it is iteration that makes things good.
Agreed wholeheartedly. I was recently listening to the podcast You Are Not So Smart with an interview from an author named Britt Frank [0]. She discusses exactly the problem with low value therapists and how they can actually be really harmful as part of a broader conversation about feeling “stuck”. I really recommend the episode. After listening, I ordered the book, but haven’t yet read it, so I cannot recommend the book just yet.
I really enjoy The Browser[0] newsletter for this reason. They find very very good articles that often also end up on the front page of HN. I’ve found a lot of great new blogs / magazines this way.
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0: https://thebrowser.com/
This may be an unpopular opinion, but I really enjoy YouTube Premium. It’s nice to have the option to pay for an ad free experience, which is particularly useful on iOS mobile as uBlock origin doesn’t work. Having the ability to easily download videos for offline viewing and turn off auto play (which I think is also available without premium) is nice, too.
I am sure they are still hoovering up all my data but I hope they at least heed the signal that some people will pay for ad-free alternatives!
One rule I have for trying new exercises is to try it five times before giving up. This is particularly true for classes with an instructor.
The first time you have absolutely no idea what’s going on.
The 2nd - 4th times you are starting to get the hang of it and will see the slight derivations across different classes.
By the 5th time you’ve probably gotten enough exposure to be able to say “yeah ok this really isn’t my thing” or “these of the parts of this I really enjoy”.
I agree with other commenters that there is something important about weight lifting, though. Certainly having cardio as your main exercise is fine, but I think diversity of exercise is important, too.