The Other Side of Diversity(medium.com)
medium.com
The Other Side of Diversity
https://medium.com/@ericajoy/the-other-side-of-diversity-1bb3de2f053e
447 comments
As a white male, I have my own related experience to share: I'm the only foreigner on my team that is otherwise completely Chinese (in China, so that makes sense); my whole lab has maybe a handful of foreigners, who, even though not homogeneous in the least, are at least bound together by our foreign-ness.
We generally feel a lack of belonging; some of us try to fit in and are successful at it, but some of us just live with it. Our management team really does try to help out, but there is also some pressure to participate in lab-wide activities that leads to tension (e.g. no, I don't really want to sing, dance at the gala this year). While working, side conversations are often in Chinese (I speak Chinese better than most of us, but still not enough to participate very well), and there are all sorts of comical culture shock experiences even after being here for 7 years. And really, what can be expected when the workplace is 90%+ one way? I think our lab handles it as best as it can.
Here is the twist: there is no pressure to assimilate because well, I could never be Chinese. But back in the states (or even Europe), I don't feel like I really fit in either despite matching the ethnic and gender standard. There is not much to match me to my colleagues, and there is a lot of pressure to assimilate since at first glance, I should be able to.
We generally feel a lack of belonging; some of us try to fit in and are successful at it, but some of us just live with it. Our management team really does try to help out, but there is also some pressure to participate in lab-wide activities that leads to tension (e.g. no, I don't really want to sing, dance at the gala this year). While working, side conversations are often in Chinese (I speak Chinese better than most of us, but still not enough to participate very well), and there are all sorts of comical culture shock experiences even after being here for 7 years. And really, what can be expected when the workplace is 90%+ one way? I think our lab handles it as best as it can.
Here is the twist: there is no pressure to assimilate because well, I could never be Chinese. But back in the states (or even Europe), I don't feel like I really fit in either despite matching the ethnic and gender standard. There is not much to match me to my colleagues, and there is a lot of pressure to assimilate since at first glance, I should be able to.
Yet another white, male engineer here. I agree with the "what am I supposed to do about it" responses. I don't think I'm doing anything exclusionary (my team does have a lot of non-whites, mostly Indian and Chinese). The guy she uses as the main example - the teammate who made the domestic abuse "jokes" - clearly should be out on his ass with a lawsuit. I think we can all agree with that. But what exactly do you want the other 99% of us who just happen to have been born into the majority to do?
One theme from the article that bothered me:
>diversity lightning struck: I was a black woman reporting to another black woman in a technical role. Moreover, our team was predominantly black.
This sounds like she's most comfortable working only with black people - in which case, the pleas for all-inclusive diversity sound a bit hollow...
One theme from the article that bothered me:
>diversity lightning struck: I was a black woman reporting to another black woman in a technical role. Moreover, our team was predominantly black.
This sounds like she's most comfortable working only with black people - in which case, the pleas for all-inclusive diversity sound a bit hollow...
I grew up in rural Kentucky. People were polite to me but there was always this strange distance I would encounter when interacting with people, a distance that my friends never seemed to receive. I always chalked it up to my personality. I became a bit of an introvert, took on a passion for computer science, and moved to Silicon Valley after graduation. I fit in splendidly and for the first time in my life I felt like I was part of a real community. It was at this point that I started getting asked "Are you white or Asian?" by many people. It was a completely innocent question but it surprised me so much that I mentioned it in a conversation with my old friends and to my amazement they all wanted to know the answer as well. It blew my mind. Here I was, a 22 year old white guy from rural Kentucky, who just found out he was Asian. No one bothered to tell me growing up, it made me feel both incredibly stupid and somewhat perplexed. Pieces of my past started falling into place all of a sudden. All the strange looks I used to get on the field as a little redneck kid topping tobacco during the summer. The old white farmers at the local BP station asking me questions about the world as if I held some sort of mystic wisdom. My ex-girlfriend who would constantly mention how much she liked Asian guys before we started dating. All of these things and more just hit me like a bag of bricks and I laughed my ass off for a good 10 minutes. My grandmother was Japanese and my mom was half but as a child I was a blonde white kid so as I got older and my hair darkened it never occurred to me that I was anything else. Now that I'm older I kind of like it. My differences, although superficial, make me feel closer to my late mother and grandmother who were both wonderful people.
It's really nice to hear such a personal, candid take on the need for diversity. It's a refreshing change from the politically-charged generalities you often see written by your typical white male twentysomething in the tech industry when they write about diversity. Sharing these kinds of concrete, lifelong experiences really drives home the point of why it's necessary: it's not diversity for its own sake, it's for the sake of not alienating people like our author here, people who undoubtedly have a lot to contribute.
I am a black (Haitian and Dominican decent) 26-year-old male DevOps Engineer living in Atlanta and I can totally understand where she is coming from. I always try to not think much of it, but somehow there is definitely this feeling that I don't belong. I could never put my finger on exactly what it is because I do get along great with my co-workers and have never seen my race as a hindrance. I just feel like there is no room for the real me, so all my co-workers get is the side of me I want them to see which is the EDM loving, Linux ninja that I'm expected to be.
It is feels even worse when I go to a tech conference like the upcoming AWS re:Invent because I'm usually the only black guy around, but I still participate as much as possible and even placed in last year’s hackathon.
I hope I don't come off as whiny because I still very much love what I do and would not trade it for the world. I have met and worked with some awesome people over the years and have learned so much. Sorry for the mini-rant, I just wanted to give some of my perspective on the matter
It is feels even worse when I go to a tech conference like the upcoming AWS re:Invent because I'm usually the only black guy around, but I still participate as much as possible and even placed in last year’s hackathon.
I hope I don't come off as whiny because I still very much love what I do and would not trade it for the world. I have met and worked with some awesome people over the years and have learned so much. Sorry for the mini-rant, I just wanted to give some of my perspective on the matter
What my moving to the Bay Area has solidified for me, is that we as a culture do not know how to deal with group psychology.
Really, it's no wonder, because the mechanisms of group cohesion and ingroup/outgroup distinction have probably been with us even longer than language has. Furthermore, practically every form of human organization uses those mechanisms for group solidarity. As a result, we are as ill equipped to deal with the consequences of group psychology as ancient greek philosophers were at dealing with aerodynamics. Because no human culture yet has the proper "mental furnishings" to effectively deal with such phenomena, the best that most people currently manage is to point out examples of everyone else's groupthink while being largely blind to our own.
The way that group membership and identification distorts thought is essentially "bought into" by our language and our culture, to the point that even our attempts at dispassionate academic examinations of the phenomenon are colored by the same phenomena.
http://www.newyorker.com/science/maria-konnikova/social-psyc...
I would like to thank EricaJoy for writing about such experiences so clearly.
Really, it's no wonder, because the mechanisms of group cohesion and ingroup/outgroup distinction have probably been with us even longer than language has. Furthermore, practically every form of human organization uses those mechanisms for group solidarity. As a result, we are as ill equipped to deal with the consequences of group psychology as ancient greek philosophers were at dealing with aerodynamics. Because no human culture yet has the proper "mental furnishings" to effectively deal with such phenomena, the best that most people currently manage is to point out examples of everyone else's groupthink while being largely blind to our own.
The way that group membership and identification distorts thought is essentially "bought into" by our language and our culture, to the point that even our attempts at dispassionate academic examinations of the phenomenon are colored by the same phenomena.
http://www.newyorker.com/science/maria-konnikova/social-psyc...
I would like to thank EricaJoy for writing about such experiences so clearly.
This is probably the most genuine perspective I've read around women and black people in tech. It is refreshing to read actual experiences and views without general vagaries. I can only hope that as a white male twentysomething I'm not contributing to these hostile environments.
As a gay man her self-actualization at the end reminded me of my own coming out in high school and college. It sucks that some people have such a hard time coming to a place of self confidence like this, and I suspect some people who never experience this otherness never have the identity crisis that leads to it. It's certainly a diffult but interesting and ultimately rewarding experience having to think critically about your own identity.
As a gay man her self-actualization at the end reminded me of my own coming out in high school and college. It sucks that some people have such a hard time coming to a place of self confidence like this, and I suspect some people who never experience this otherness never have the identity crisis that leads to it. It's certainly a diffult but interesting and ultimately rewarding experience having to think critically about your own identity.
White male engineer here. The isolation described by the author is felt by many, myself included. Obviously the issue is not a problem with my race or sex but one still closely tied to a lack of diversity in these environments. I don't see how any company can claim to be building any component of our future when its environment can scarcely represent some semblance of actual society. The IT industry has a serious "bro problem". A problem felt perhaps most vividly by the minority groups in this industry but also felt, though in a manner that may be harder to describe and even harder to justify, by many of the majority group. I doubt anyone here would want to live in a city that is 80% white male, much less have it build our future societies.
>He’d say things like “Did you get that bruise from your boyfriend beating you?” or “I bet your parents abused you as a child.”
Really don't know what to say about this quote. I can understand not being able to fit in to a homogenous culture, but this guy is just an asshole.
Really don't know what to say about this quote. I can understand not being able to fit in to a homogenous culture, but this guy is just an asshole.
[American-born-Nigerian male, in tech, in SF]
First, once again HN has impressed me with its overall positive reception of this article.
Anyways, that East Bay comment rings so very true for me. So many times people ask me "Do you feel safe in East Bay? You're in Pittsburg? Aren't you scared?" This was extremely common with my at&t coworkers in San Ramon, California. I've been there for like 10 years; nothing has ever happened. Not even minor. Eventually, I started to take note of the people who were asking me those questions and I realized why they might be uncomfortable with East Bay. They probably had no experience with it and only heard things word of mouth from their circle of coworkers & friends.... which usually don't have a minority in 'em. One evening one of them, a lady, even admitted to me that: "You know, you're the only black person most of us really know."
There are a bunch of examples of generalizing a whole area as dangerous when only really specific sections are of concern. Usually because the people doing the generalizing have no direct experience with the place, or maybe just one bad experience from one time they were there... or they just keep hearing stuff on the news that loves reporting negative stuff.
Mexico, Oakland, Africa, ...etc...
As for the workplace-vibe thing, I suspect being a first gen American-Nigerian gives me a different perspective than an African-American. I don't think I'm in the same situation or feel the same things as the author, but I do understand what she's saying.
First, once again HN has impressed me with its overall positive reception of this article.
Anyways, that East Bay comment rings so very true for me. So many times people ask me "Do you feel safe in East Bay? You're in Pittsburg? Aren't you scared?" This was extremely common with my at&t coworkers in San Ramon, California. I've been there for like 10 years; nothing has ever happened. Not even minor. Eventually, I started to take note of the people who were asking me those questions and I realized why they might be uncomfortable with East Bay. They probably had no experience with it and only heard things word of mouth from their circle of coworkers & friends.... which usually don't have a minority in 'em. One evening one of them, a lady, even admitted to me that: "You know, you're the only black person most of us really know."
There are a bunch of examples of generalizing a whole area as dangerous when only really specific sections are of concern. Usually because the people doing the generalizing have no direct experience with the place, or maybe just one bad experience from one time they were there... or they just keep hearing stuff on the news that loves reporting negative stuff.
Mexico, Oakland, Africa, ...etc...
As for the workplace-vibe thing, I suspect being a first gen American-Nigerian gives me a different perspective than an African-American. I don't think I'm in the same situation or feel the same things as the author, but I do understand what she's saying.
what can we do to help? If the answer is hiring more diverse employees for the sake of their ethnicity/cultural backgrounds, we need to accept that it involves a compromise. You no longer are opting to choose based on cost/performance of the employee. are we seriously okay with this? Isn't that demoralizing to the new hire? Now every moment, they are wondering if they got hired because of who their parents are, versus whether they earned it or not.
Perhaps the real problem is not the corporate culture not catering to the employees, but the employees needing to mature a bit and learn to be comfortable with themselves regardless of social pressures. You will not always fit in culturally with your coworkers. That is just life. If you prioritize this in your own life, that is great and good for you! That is your choice about who you choose to work for (and where).
However, in the article, as I stated elsewhere, the poor management and lack of HR follow up is horrendously unacceptable. Nobody should tolerate harassment at any level.
Perhaps the real problem is not the corporate culture not catering to the employees, but the employees needing to mature a bit and learn to be comfortable with themselves regardless of social pressures. You will not always fit in culturally with your coworkers. That is just life. If you prioritize this in your own life, that is great and good for you! That is your choice about who you choose to work for (and where).
However, in the article, as I stated elsewhere, the poor management and lack of HR follow up is horrendously unacceptable. Nobody should tolerate harassment at any level.
Do Indians have similar negative experiences working in predominantly white IT teams? I have many Indian friends that work in all-white teams, in middle America, as well as in the Bay Area. Are they keeping their complaints bottled up, or do they have a fundamentally different experience?
In the eighties my parents moved to an all-black neighborhood in an apartment complex. I felt like such an outsider and scared. I got into fights (full on punching). I was between 6-7 years old and actually wanted to be black because they did not have to get a tan like I did!
But I was starting to build a dislike for them. Thankfully my mom set me straight. She let me know that when groups of the same people get together they have trouble with someone who is different. We were the minority. My mom never allowed me to be racist. I thank her so much for that.
A world with all women in charge would be abusing men. A world with all purple people in charge would be abusing whites. A world with 50% on one side and 50% on the other ... would be a world in constant conflict. Humanity is not (as you might have been told) "basically good".
The source of racism, anger, war ... is people.
But I was starting to build a dislike for them. Thankfully my mom set me straight. She let me know that when groups of the same people get together they have trouble with someone who is different. We were the minority. My mom never allowed me to be racist. I thank her so much for that.
A world with all women in charge would be abusing men. A world with all purple people in charge would be abusing whites. A world with 50% on one side and 50% on the other ... would be a world in constant conflict. Humanity is not (as you might have been told) "basically good".
The source of racism, anger, war ... is people.
I sense a problem in that she actually "belongs" to a minority - meaning how can she expect not to be a minority at work? Or at least, why blame the workplace? If it bothers her, maybe the only option really is to move to a place with different demographics?
Edit: thanks for the downvote. My question is serious. Since she is part of a minority, even in a perfectly diverse workplace she will still be in the minority. Hence the diversity movement won't fix her problem. (Just looked it up: "Blacks and African Americans" are 13.5% of the US population. So in a SCRUM team of "normal" diversity she will be the only Black woman. According to Wikipedia, a SCRUM development team consists of 3-9 individuals: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scrum_%28software_development%...).
Edit: thanks for the downvote. My question is serious. Since she is part of a minority, even in a perfectly diverse workplace she will still be in the minority. Hence the diversity movement won't fix her problem. (Just looked it up: "Blacks and African Americans" are 13.5% of the US population. So in a SCRUM team of "normal" diversity she will be the only Black woman. According to Wikipedia, a SCRUM development team consists of 3-9 individuals: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scrum_%28software_development%...).
> I know this: I am not my job. I am not my industry or its stereotypes. I am a black woman who happens to work in the tech industry.
Just be a person. If you're a techie, a black woman, a white man, a gay man, etc. you have to start asking "what does it mean to be a techie, a black woman, a white man, a gay man, ...?" Regardless of the label you pick, you'll end up denying your own feelings and impulses to fit in with the category you choose to associate with. Some categories are more comfortable than others, but the more comfortable the category, the more people expect from you, and the more of yourself you ultimately have to deny. You are who you are, and you feel what you feel. Your own truth ought to be enough.
Just be a person. If you're a techie, a black woman, a white man, a gay man, etc. you have to start asking "what does it mean to be a techie, a black woman, a white man, a gay man, ...?" Regardless of the label you pick, you'll end up denying your own feelings and impulses to fit in with the category you choose to associate with. Some categories are more comfortable than others, but the more comfortable the category, the more people expect from you, and the more of yourself you ultimately have to deny. You are who you are, and you feel what you feel. Your own truth ought to be enough.
White, male here. I moved to the US 3 years ago.
I worked at a rather "diverse" company.
3 White Males (2 of them foreigners from Europe, including myself)
1 White Female
2 Black Males
2 Black Females
2 Hispanic Males
1 Asian Female
Diverse, not because we had some HR person make sure we can write a cute blog post for HackerNews on how great our "diverse workspace" is., but because it just came into place like that.
We all shared the same office space. I never felt uncomfortable and neither did anybody else (not that i know of). We all got along very well. Coming from Germany, i got thrown a Nazi joke a few times. I know how it was ment and how to take it.
Or as a fan of old school hip-hop, i found myself at concerts with a 80% black crowd. Did I, in that moment, realize that i am "the white kid"? Yep. But guess what: I don't care. I don't go on HackerNews and cry about it.
Overall: if everybody could stop being so sensetive. Grow up. People are different. Some people aren't nice. Learn to deal with it.
> I did what I thought I had to do to survive in the environment. I once again donned the uniform to fit in. Jeans, “unisex” t-shirt, Timbuk2 messenger bag. I stayed late playing multiplayer Battlefield, I quickly learned a bunch of classic rock songs so I could play Rock Band and Guitar Hero with the team, I don’t like beer so I went out to beer taverns and drank water.
The only person that is making you uncomfortable are you yourself. Really, wear what you like, play whatever you like, listen to the music you like.
In the case of the guy with the domestic abuse "jokes": that is a total different thing. That's not being racist or sexist, it is just being an asshole and legal steps against that guy should be taken.
I worked at a rather "diverse" company.
3 White Males (2 of them foreigners from Europe, including myself)
1 White Female
2 Black Males
2 Black Females
2 Hispanic Males
1 Asian Female
Diverse, not because we had some HR person make sure we can write a cute blog post for HackerNews on how great our "diverse workspace" is., but because it just came into place like that.
We all shared the same office space. I never felt uncomfortable and neither did anybody else (not that i know of). We all got along very well. Coming from Germany, i got thrown a Nazi joke a few times. I know how it was ment and how to take it.
Or as a fan of old school hip-hop, i found myself at concerts with a 80% black crowd. Did I, in that moment, realize that i am "the white kid"? Yep. But guess what: I don't care. I don't go on HackerNews and cry about it.
Overall: if everybody could stop being so sensetive. Grow up. People are different. Some people aren't nice. Learn to deal with it.
> I did what I thought I had to do to survive in the environment. I once again donned the uniform to fit in. Jeans, “unisex” t-shirt, Timbuk2 messenger bag. I stayed late playing multiplayer Battlefield, I quickly learned a bunch of classic rock songs so I could play Rock Band and Guitar Hero with the team, I don’t like beer so I went out to beer taverns and drank water.
The only person that is making you uncomfortable are you yourself. Really, wear what you like, play whatever you like, listen to the music you like.
In the case of the guy with the domestic abuse "jokes": that is a total different thing. That's not being racist or sexist, it is just being an asshole and legal steps against that guy should be taken.
I have to start by saying that I’m incredibly impressed not only by the article, but by the level and tone of the discussion here. I am a vegetarian, agnostic, non drinking, black physicist. Like many of you, I grew up reading fantasy and science fiction. I loved playing video games (I started with the C-64 and also wrote some of my own) growing up. Like most of you, I was also advanced in math and despite growing up in a college town, felt isolated, but it could have been much worse! Like some of you, I also took my first graduate courses in physics and math at 18. Unlike some of you, I’ve also experienced racism (police stops, being asked if I’m in the right neighborhood, etc.).
At least for a number of physicists, mathematicians, and other technical folks, I would say that I’m fortunate to share a certain sense of humor and certain bit of “geek” culture. One of my coworkers recently threw a halloween party and there were a number of crypto-costumes. One of my friends/coworkers (who incidentally grew up on a farm) was a gnome of the resistance who was wearing an armband which represented 1 Ohm. My point is that within any culture, there are shared jokes, references, etc. that someone not from that culture wouldn’t get. I think that is part of the difficulty that the OP faced. My impression (which could be wrong) is that while she was extremely willing to explore the culture at her workplace, it was never really hers. Rather, it was an imperfect mask that she put on to try to get along with her coworkers.
Also, as a black woman, I think that some people probably feel comfortable saying some things that they would not feel comfortable saying to me as a black man (I have another friend who is a female black physicist and she has encountered far more overtly racist statements from people than I ever have). Some people have asked what they can do as part of the majority culture to make minorities feel more welcome. One thing I would suggest is shutting down outright hostile individuals hard. There are some people who are just ignorant. For example, when I was traveling once through a small area in Mexico, a young girl told me she never had seen hair like mine and wanted to feel it. I thought this was rather innocent (though probably wouldn’t make sense in a workplace setting.) and let her. I was fortunate to briefly study abroad in Japan (Hikone) when I was middle school and a number of people (adults and children) had strange ideas about blacks in the US, but it was easy to talk (well outside of the language barrier :-p), but I think there is a clear dividing line beyond someone who is just curious, or misinformed, as compared to someone who is creating a hostile work environment (such individuals should be fired). If one looks at the social networks in the US, there are a number of people in the majority culture who have had little if any significant social interaction with a number of minorities, so there is naturally a great deal of ignorance and confusion. As minorities, I think we can expect this--but on the same hand, I can understand how some people feel tired or awkward explaining things over and over again to clear up misconceptions. Perhaps the easiest way to understand a bit of the feeling is to spend some time in a place where you are not in the majority. For example, some white friends who have lived in Japan for extended periods of time have felt a degree of isolation there. Some other posters have mentioned their experiences as being part of the minority and the isolation that has resulted from that. One other thing that people in the majority could do to help would be to actively challenge their subconscious. For example, there is the halo effect in which people transfer one positive attribute (beauty) into others (ex. intelligence). Looking at a number of the talks on Altman’s startup school, a number of early founders hire their friends. Then, in some cases, they hire friends like them. In some sense this is natural. But due to network effects, (a number of people in the majority may have few if any minorities in their network) this can result in minorities having few opportunities to enter these startups at an early stage. If applications come in from outside of the network, consider them. Also, while it’s great to socialize with your coworkers and feel that they’re someone that you would like to socialize with, I think that it’s important to make room for people whose social activities are different. This also becomes important when it’s time to make promotions, give raises, etc. Also, critical information shouldn’t only be available at social gatherings. It’s not easy, but I think it will make it easier to include people from different backgrounds. Though at the workplace, people should definitely be able and willing to work well with their teammates.
I think it’s also important to establish a culture in which differences are accepted. For example, I’m a nondrinker--I don’t push others not to drink, but also don’t like others to try to push me to drink (the same goes for religion and diet). I think that managers and early employees can set a tone that it’s ok for people to do their own thing and still be accepted. It seems like the people at the workplaces that she was at did try to include her in activities that they found enjoyable, it’s just that these were not activities which she truly enjoyed. This can be a challenge--I think for a number of us, there is an increasing overlap between our work and social lives. We spend long hours with our coworkers. We go to parties at each other’s homes, we do activities like hiking, gaming, happy hours etc. together. In these contexts, we inevitably talk shop and talk business. If someone doesn’t attend these activities, then they will miss out on this. On the one hand, merit can still be recognized, but on the other hand, some people could be left out of the loop. I will say that a number of people at my workplace try to organize family friendly activities outside activities, but depending on the size of the company and the relative ages of people, it’s easy to see how young parents could be left out given their time commitments.
Some people have remarked on her statement of feeling at home in Oakland because there were more black people there, or on teams that were more diverse. For those of you who have lived for extended periods outside of your home country, have you ever missed something from back home. Perhaps the sound of your native tongue (for a number of blacks, the dialect that is spoken at home can be different from that spoken at work)? A particular dish? A certain set of shared assumptions based on common experiences? I think that this part of what she feels.
For her though, I would suggest that she try to assimilate less. If you’re a unicorn, own it. I think trying new activities is great. But, putting up with racist and sexist jokes is ridiculous. I think that she would have been happier if she made it clear that she was fun and easy to get along with and willing to do activities like gaming with people and to be social. But, she should draw the line at dealing with some types of behavior. I don’t know what her job and life situation were like at the company where she had to deal with the truly racist guy who was creating a hostile environment, but if HR wouldn’t get involved, then she should have moved up the command chain or left. There are some environments that simply aren’t worth being in (I realize that not everyone has the luxury to make such choices).
I will say that my current workplace gets a lot right. People like working there and for the most part my coworkers play well with others. They are smart, but I think that is part of the hiring decision--you might be able to afford a small number of people who can only work alone, but at least for us, you really need to be able to work with other people. Also, a lot of individuals make efforts to have social activities where they try to include other people (instead of just small cliques). It’s not required, but it’s nice--especially since we have a large international population who doesn’t have family in the area--even most of us who are domestic are transplants from other states and cities.
I really hope things work out for this young woman!
At least for a number of physicists, mathematicians, and other technical folks, I would say that I’m fortunate to share a certain sense of humor and certain bit of “geek” culture. One of my coworkers recently threw a halloween party and there were a number of crypto-costumes. One of my friends/coworkers (who incidentally grew up on a farm) was a gnome of the resistance who was wearing an armband which represented 1 Ohm. My point is that within any culture, there are shared jokes, references, etc. that someone not from that culture wouldn’t get. I think that is part of the difficulty that the OP faced. My impression (which could be wrong) is that while she was extremely willing to explore the culture at her workplace, it was never really hers. Rather, it was an imperfect mask that she put on to try to get along with her coworkers.
Also, as a black woman, I think that some people probably feel comfortable saying some things that they would not feel comfortable saying to me as a black man (I have another friend who is a female black physicist and she has encountered far more overtly racist statements from people than I ever have). Some people have asked what they can do as part of the majority culture to make minorities feel more welcome. One thing I would suggest is shutting down outright hostile individuals hard. There are some people who are just ignorant. For example, when I was traveling once through a small area in Mexico, a young girl told me she never had seen hair like mine and wanted to feel it. I thought this was rather innocent (though probably wouldn’t make sense in a workplace setting.) and let her. I was fortunate to briefly study abroad in Japan (Hikone) when I was middle school and a number of people (adults and children) had strange ideas about blacks in the US, but it was easy to talk (well outside of the language barrier :-p), but I think there is a clear dividing line beyond someone who is just curious, or misinformed, as compared to someone who is creating a hostile work environment (such individuals should be fired). If one looks at the social networks in the US, there are a number of people in the majority culture who have had little if any significant social interaction with a number of minorities, so there is naturally a great deal of ignorance and confusion. As minorities, I think we can expect this--but on the same hand, I can understand how some people feel tired or awkward explaining things over and over again to clear up misconceptions. Perhaps the easiest way to understand a bit of the feeling is to spend some time in a place where you are not in the majority. For example, some white friends who have lived in Japan for extended periods of time have felt a degree of isolation there. Some other posters have mentioned their experiences as being part of the minority and the isolation that has resulted from that. One other thing that people in the majority could do to help would be to actively challenge their subconscious. For example, there is the halo effect in which people transfer one positive attribute (beauty) into others (ex. intelligence). Looking at a number of the talks on Altman’s startup school, a number of early founders hire their friends. Then, in some cases, they hire friends like them. In some sense this is natural. But due to network effects, (a number of people in the majority may have few if any minorities in their network) this can result in minorities having few opportunities to enter these startups at an early stage. If applications come in from outside of the network, consider them. Also, while it’s great to socialize with your coworkers and feel that they’re someone that you would like to socialize with, I think that it’s important to make room for people whose social activities are different. This also becomes important when it’s time to make promotions, give raises, etc. Also, critical information shouldn’t only be available at social gatherings. It’s not easy, but I think it will make it easier to include people from different backgrounds. Though at the workplace, people should definitely be able and willing to work well with their teammates.
I think it’s also important to establish a culture in which differences are accepted. For example, I’m a nondrinker--I don’t push others not to drink, but also don’t like others to try to push me to drink (the same goes for religion and diet). I think that managers and early employees can set a tone that it’s ok for people to do their own thing and still be accepted. It seems like the people at the workplaces that she was at did try to include her in activities that they found enjoyable, it’s just that these were not activities which she truly enjoyed. This can be a challenge--I think for a number of us, there is an increasing overlap between our work and social lives. We spend long hours with our coworkers. We go to parties at each other’s homes, we do activities like hiking, gaming, happy hours etc. together. In these contexts, we inevitably talk shop and talk business. If someone doesn’t attend these activities, then they will miss out on this. On the one hand, merit can still be recognized, but on the other hand, some people could be left out of the loop. I will say that a number of people at my workplace try to organize family friendly activities outside activities, but depending on the size of the company and the relative ages of people, it’s easy to see how young parents could be left out given their time commitments.
Some people have remarked on her statement of feeling at home in Oakland because there were more black people there, or on teams that were more diverse. For those of you who have lived for extended periods outside of your home country, have you ever missed something from back home. Perhaps the sound of your native tongue (for a number of blacks, the dialect that is spoken at home can be different from that spoken at work)? A particular dish? A certain set of shared assumptions based on common experiences? I think that this part of what she feels.
For her though, I would suggest that she try to assimilate less. If you’re a unicorn, own it. I think trying new activities is great. But, putting up with racist and sexist jokes is ridiculous. I think that she would have been happier if she made it clear that she was fun and easy to get along with and willing to do activities like gaming with people and to be social. But, she should draw the line at dealing with some types of behavior. I don’t know what her job and life situation were like at the company where she had to deal with the truly racist guy who was creating a hostile environment, but if HR wouldn’t get involved, then she should have moved up the command chain or left. There are some environments that simply aren’t worth being in (I realize that not everyone has the luxury to make such choices).
I will say that my current workplace gets a lot right. People like working there and for the most part my coworkers play well with others. They are smart, but I think that is part of the hiring decision--you might be able to afford a small number of people who can only work alone, but at least for us, you really need to be able to work with other people. Also, a lot of individuals make efforts to have social activities where they try to include other people (instead of just small cliques). It’s not required, but it’s nice--especially since we have a large international population who doesn’t have family in the area--even most of us who are domestic are transplants from other states and cities.
I really hope things work out for this young woman!
First of all, thank you to this person who wrote this, this story needs to be told more often.
"I know this: I am not my job. I am not my industry or its stereotypes. I am a black woman who happens to work in the tech industry. I don’t need to change to fit within my industry. My industry needs to change to make everyone feel included and accepted."
Two things i'd say about these points:
1. You don't need to change to fit within your industry, but you do need to be proactive about protecting yourself, your rights, your individuality, etc. You can not expect anyone else to fight for you. Of course your company and its employees should treat your fairly and with respect, but you should never just expect it: you should demand it. And that applies to everyone.
2. No industry will ever make everyone feel included and accepted. Even when there's a perfect racial/gender harmony, or hell, even if it was just all white males! There's still plenty of people left over who feel like they're not being included or accepted. Our industry should work to foster tolerance, acceptance, equality and respect for all people, but they're never going to make everyone feel like they fit in.
"I know this: I am not my job. I am not my industry or its stereotypes. I am a black woman who happens to work in the tech industry. I don’t need to change to fit within my industry. My industry needs to change to make everyone feel included and accepted."
Two things i'd say about these points:
1. You don't need to change to fit within your industry, but you do need to be proactive about protecting yourself, your rights, your individuality, etc. You can not expect anyone else to fight for you. Of course your company and its employees should treat your fairly and with respect, but you should never just expect it: you should demand it. And that applies to everyone.
2. No industry will ever make everyone feel included and accepted. Even when there's a perfect racial/gender harmony, or hell, even if it was just all white males! There's still plenty of people left over who feel like they're not being included or accepted. Our industry should work to foster tolerance, acceptance, equality and respect for all people, but they're never going to make everyone feel like they fit in.
I work as a consultant and am at a different company more or less every week, as a result i've made a couple of observations.
As a temp/contractor, its hard to get to know people in an organisation when they know you'll only be there for a week, you might have lunch with the team one or two days, but for the most part, you'll spend a lot of your time on your own.
In larger companies (I primarily work in IT environments) that are more diverse (in Australia anyway), ethnic groups stick together and speak in their native tongues. I've sat and watched a group of Indian guys/girls chat in hindi in a circle over lunch, a bunch of Chinese guys sit and chat in Mandarin while a table full of Japanese people do the same a few meters away and the two white guys (who I don't know/haven't been introduced to) sit and don't talk. What's more, no-one interacted with anyone else at all outside of their little groups.
I personally find that really bizarre and I wish i could change it somehow but as i'm not even involved with the organisation other than as a contractor, its quite removed from my role.
As a temp/contractor, its hard to get to know people in an organisation when they know you'll only be there for a week, you might have lunch with the team one or two days, but for the most part, you'll spend a lot of your time on your own.
In larger companies (I primarily work in IT environments) that are more diverse (in Australia anyway), ethnic groups stick together and speak in their native tongues. I've sat and watched a group of Indian guys/girls chat in hindi in a circle over lunch, a bunch of Chinese guys sit and chat in Mandarin while a table full of Japanese people do the same a few meters away and the two white guys (who I don't know/haven't been introduced to) sit and don't talk. What's more, no-one interacted with anyone else at all outside of their little groups.
I personally find that really bizarre and I wish i could change it somehow but as i'm not even involved with the organisation other than as a contractor, its quite removed from my role.
Reminds me of the Oprah Winfrey story some time ago. She tried to buy a luxury handbag in a shop in Switzerland (Winfrey is hardly known in Europe, BTW). The shop assistant treated her badly and Winfrey interpreted it as racist. It turned out that shop assistants there treat all customers badly 'irrespective of the person'.
The result was that I avoided the one place in the Bay Area I could go and feel not so different. It never dawned on me that the people who were telling me not to go there were the people who might go there and feel uncomfortable.
Oh man, this is exactly what happened to us when we moved to D.C. Everyone we knew said "Oh, you don't want to live in Prince Georges County, it's bad there." When we realized the people who said that look very different than the PG county demographic, it became clear what their reservation was.
This article really hit home to me as well though because as a mixed race guy I never really fit in anywhere, but can kind of blend in no matter where I go - a double edged sword. As bad as it sounds, my father (black) was the one who self assimilated into white culture from birth (he was adopted) such that I grew up just assuming we were white, especially given that my mother is white.
When I look back on it, that was a huge benefit in some cases where I feel comfortable in the (largely white) networks of power and elitism, but also makes me feel like it kind of cedes the game.
At the end of the day though, I don't identify as any race or culture other than "American" and with that approach I almost never have issues assimilating.
Oh man, this is exactly what happened to us when we moved to D.C. Everyone we knew said "Oh, you don't want to live in Prince Georges County, it's bad there." When we realized the people who said that look very different than the PG county demographic, it became clear what their reservation was.
This article really hit home to me as well though because as a mixed race guy I never really fit in anywhere, but can kind of blend in no matter where I go - a double edged sword. As bad as it sounds, my father (black) was the one who self assimilated into white culture from birth (he was adopted) such that I grew up just assuming we were white, especially given that my mother is white.
When I look back on it, that was a huge benefit in some cases where I feel comfortable in the (largely white) networks of power and elitism, but also makes me feel like it kind of cedes the game.
At the end of the day though, I don't identify as any race or culture other than "American" and with that approach I almost never have issues assimilating.
Wow, so many insightful comments here. I'm a black engineer and can relate to a lot of what was said in the article. However, I learned early on not to compromise myself to try to fit in. Instead, I knew the importance embracing one's cultural community and always sought out like-minded and like-cultured groups with which to associate, as was suggested by Woodson in the "Mis-Education of the Negro."
Upon entering the workforce, it was much harder to find that sense of community, so I started a black social network in my spare time so that I could still have that exposure. During the day, the only other black person I saw at my job for 6 years was the janitor. And I had a better relationship with him than the people I actually worked with...
My perspective is that it's much more enjoyable and easier to thrive in a culturally homogeneous environment. And that it's challenging to be a token member of a culturally diverse environment.
A decade of being a minority in technology has crystallized my opinion on the matter; I don't believe that taking a homogeneous group and tossing in a few minorities is the best way to embrace diversity.
Instead, I am a proponent of encouraging the creation of a diverse set of culturally homogeneous groups. And yes, I realize that what I'm suggesting is basically segregation. The difference is subtle, but all the issues Erica lists in her article can be addressed by this shift in diversity strategy.
To paraphrase: As a black person, I would rather be part of a mostly-black team/company than be one of the few black faces in a mostly-non-black team/company.
Upon entering the workforce, it was much harder to find that sense of community, so I started a black social network in my spare time so that I could still have that exposure. During the day, the only other black person I saw at my job for 6 years was the janitor. And I had a better relationship with him than the people I actually worked with...
My perspective is that it's much more enjoyable and easier to thrive in a culturally homogeneous environment. And that it's challenging to be a token member of a culturally diverse environment.
A decade of being a minority in technology has crystallized my opinion on the matter; I don't believe that taking a homogeneous group and tossing in a few minorities is the best way to embrace diversity.
Instead, I am a proponent of encouraging the creation of a diverse set of culturally homogeneous groups. And yes, I realize that what I'm suggesting is basically segregation. The difference is subtle, but all the issues Erica lists in her article can be addressed by this shift in diversity strategy.
To paraphrase: As a black person, I would rather be part of a mostly-black team/company than be one of the few black faces in a mostly-non-black team/company.
Thanks for writing this. I'm sorry you had to go through all that and will try (despite cognitive biases being hard to self-correct) to never contribute to anyone experiencing the same sort of behavior.
And that's really all I can offer without risking dishonesty.
And that's really all I can offer without risking dishonesty.
So the obvious question for us white-guys running the team is "what the heck am I doing wrong?"
I mean, if there's a complaint - I should tackle that. If I hear something, I should say something. But half the posts here are discussing nebulous feelings of "unbelonging", and I have zero idea what to do about that. So now I'm wondering what I might be doing that's creating that feeling of "unbelonging" among my team.
I mean, if there's a complaint - I should tackle that. If I hear something, I should say something. But half the posts here are discussing nebulous feelings of "unbelonging", and I have zero idea what to do about that. So now I'm wondering what I might be doing that's creating that feeling of "unbelonging" among my team.
There were three black women at my last workplace. One of them had a positive attitude and everyone treated her wonderfully. She seemed happy, and her and I were good friends. The other two complained constantly, and would whisper to the other black woman (who relayed it to me) that race 'kept her down'. Those two weren't happy, and if they were excluded it was due to their attitude more than anything.
It kind of pains me to consider this, especially since it's one of the reasons I got involved with software development in the first place—but I wonder how much these issues are caused by the field's close ties to geek/gamer culture.
I know I love being able to work with people that caustically say "Make it so" when they deploy to master. I love being able to chat about the latest videogames with my coworkers over lunch. I love being able to swap scifi/fantasy novel recommendations and stumble upon test user models named things like "Zaphod." It brightens my day to see references like that, and having so much common ground to talk about with my coworkers is quite frankly a new and exciting experience after having to deal with being the odd person out through most of my time growing up.
But I also can imagine that being forced to deal with what is essentially a foreign culture 24/7 would be really alienating and probably a little frustrating for your average person. No common interests, all these weird references littered through the code and the jokes people make over coffee that you don't get because you never played that one videogame that came out in the 80s. And women tend to be into geek/gamer culture less often than men are, so you would see gender discrimination arise out of that, however unintentional. I read a study recently that found that female undergraduates are less likely to say that they would be interested in computer science as a career if asked about it in a room decorated with Star Trek posters vs a room decorated with generic nature posters (http://depts.washington.edu/sibl/Publications/Cheryan,%20Pla...).
I don't have any kinds of solutions about this. Like I said, that's one of the things I really love about my field. But I think it might be contributing.
I know I love being able to work with people that caustically say "Make it so" when they deploy to master. I love being able to chat about the latest videogames with my coworkers over lunch. I love being able to swap scifi/fantasy novel recommendations and stumble upon test user models named things like "Zaphod." It brightens my day to see references like that, and having so much common ground to talk about with my coworkers is quite frankly a new and exciting experience after having to deal with being the odd person out through most of my time growing up.
But I also can imagine that being forced to deal with what is essentially a foreign culture 24/7 would be really alienating and probably a little frustrating for your average person. No common interests, all these weird references littered through the code and the jokes people make over coffee that you don't get because you never played that one videogame that came out in the 80s. And women tend to be into geek/gamer culture less often than men are, so you would see gender discrimination arise out of that, however unintentional. I read a study recently that found that female undergraduates are less likely to say that they would be interested in computer science as a career if asked about it in a room decorated with Star Trek posters vs a room decorated with generic nature posters (http://depts.washington.edu/sibl/Publications/Cheryan,%20Pla...).
I don't have any kinds of solutions about this. Like I said, that's one of the things I really love about my field. But I think it might be contributing.
>"I feel like there isn’t anyone who can identify with my story, so I don’t tell it."
I absolutely identify.
I've experienced a lot of this, but I'm a man as well as forthright and according to some - intimidating.
Thing is, I expect those things carry their own challenges - being rejected outright rather than given the opportunity to suck it up.
I absolutely identify.
I've experienced a lot of this, but I'm a man as well as forthright and according to some - intimidating.
Thing is, I expect those things carry their own challenges - being rejected outright rather than given the opportunity to suck it up.
I’m not saying Racism and Sexism isn’t a terrible and real thing. They both exist and are terrible.
However, I just want to highlight that many of the people you feel have an easy time fitting in, because they’re white and male, don’t.
They feel just like you, but there isn’t a single obvious issue they can point at blame. They raise the same issues with HR, they get stonewalled just like you.
This is often just an issue of group dynamics where there are the strong personalities and weak. If you misappropriate that as something else, you won’t find any sympathy within the group.
That said, if you really are being passed up because you’re black of female, there is a problem with that and it should be sorted out.
However, I often get passed up for jobs I can do better than the guy who landed it. I’ve never assumed that it’s because I’m Scottish working in London even though it probably occasionally is for that reason.
However, I just want to highlight that many of the people you feel have an easy time fitting in, because they’re white and male, don’t.
They feel just like you, but there isn’t a single obvious issue they can point at blame. They raise the same issues with HR, they get stonewalled just like you.
This is often just an issue of group dynamics where there are the strong personalities and weak. If you misappropriate that as something else, you won’t find any sympathy within the group.
That said, if you really are being passed up because you’re black of female, there is a problem with that and it should be sorted out.
However, I often get passed up for jobs I can do better than the guy who landed it. I’ve never assumed that it’s because I’m Scottish working in London even though it probably occasionally is for that reason.
Oakland definitely has its advantages. Its long working-class and radical history has left an impression on the city.
Thank you so much for writing this, it reflects my experiences perfectly. I can only imagine how additionally difficult it must be for women.