The magic of traveling alone(yuvalaizenman.com)
yuvalaizenman.com
The magic of traveling alone
https://yuvalaizenman.com/the-magic-of-traveling-alone
13 comments
I spent years travelling alone for work. I grew bitter. I hated it. I started to hate travelling.
Some years later, I decided that I wanted to be able to enjoy travelling alone. So I did, for 30 days, in France. I made rules for myself:
- Don’t stay in the same city more than two nights.
- Go do all the touristy stuff, eat at all the restaurants, etc, that I would do if I was not alone.
- Speak to people.
It was the best vacation of my life… I have so many stories from those 30 days.
Travelling alone is as hard, uncomfortable or increasingly good, as you yourself let it be.
Some years later, I decided that I wanted to be able to enjoy travelling alone. So I did, for 30 days, in France. I made rules for myself:
- Don’t stay in the same city more than two nights.
- Go do all the touristy stuff, eat at all the restaurants, etc, that I would do if I was not alone.
- Speak to people.
It was the best vacation of my life… I have so many stories from those 30 days.
Travelling alone is as hard, uncomfortable or increasingly good, as you yourself let it be.
I think it's more so your business travel experiences that caused you to hate it initially, not the solo travel itself. I've used similar rules, sometimes, and other times I didn't, both were good. For example, I stayed 5 weeks almost exclusively in Seoul last year and it was awesome, I met many people I simply would not have had I only stayed there two nights. I also discovered a lot more of the city and over the weeks I was able to feel myself living more like a local. Very interesting experience.
Also, travelling for work vs for pleasure is vastly different.
I probably also average about two nights per town when going train travelling in Europe. Sometimes one, sometimes three.
I probably also average about two nights per town when going train travelling in Europe. Sometimes one, sometimes three.
Back in '17, I took my car across the Atlantic to the US, and drove coast to coast and back again for a total of 10 weeks. The majority of the trip was spent driving alone.
My original plan had been 12 weeks, but coming around the 7th-8th week, as I was driving back to the East Coast, I was hit with a severe sense of home sickness, so I decided to cut my trip short.
It was a great trip, and I met a lot of people on the way. Also met my now wife -- though, ironically, on the last day of the trip.
I will recommend these sorts of trips, particularly to younger people before they settle down. But - as pointed out elsewhere - remember to talk to people. Still made me feel home sick; and exhausted from the constant bombardment of new experiences.
My original plan had been 12 weeks, but coming around the 7th-8th week, as I was driving back to the East Coast, I was hit with a severe sense of home sickness, so I decided to cut my trip short.
It was a great trip, and I met a lot of people on the way. Also met my now wife -- though, ironically, on the last day of the trip.
I will recommend these sorts of trips, particularly to younger people before they settle down. But - as pointed out elsewhere - remember to talk to people. Still made me feel home sick; and exhausted from the constant bombardment of new experiences.
Wow, what a story!
What motivated you to transport the car across the sea instead of rent/buy a car in the US?
What motivated you to transport the car across the sea instead of rent/buy a car in the US?
(This is also an answer to your sibling.)
My primary motivation was this was something I wanted to do in that specific car. When I checked prices, I discovered that shipping a vehicle was actually cheaper than renting. One way across the Atlantic was about $1,500. Good luck renting a car for 10+ weeks for $3k.
The car was a 1998 Citroën Xantia Activa V6. So my tour of North America primarily involved visiting Citroën enthusiasts across the country, of which - apparently - there are plenty, even though Citroën hasn't sold a car in North American since 1974.
Of course, I had no spare parts there, so I brought an oil filter and a drive belt with me. So amongst the car's history is a bill for an oil change in California. I had no problems with the car, except a brief bit in Louisiana during a heavy rainfall, that the left windscreen wiper leapt and landed on my side mirror. Fortunately, there was an exit almost immediately, and I was able to pull over to a fuel station to fix it (I obviously kept a toolkit in the boot).
So yeah, part of the motivation was also having Citroën fans in the US see a car they rarely see. And - perhaps something only I appreciate - the look on people's faces when they see a car on European plates (and not just fake front plates).
My primary motivation was this was something I wanted to do in that specific car. When I checked prices, I discovered that shipping a vehicle was actually cheaper than renting. One way across the Atlantic was about $1,500. Good luck renting a car for 10+ weeks for $3k.
The car was a 1998 Citroën Xantia Activa V6. So my tour of North America primarily involved visiting Citroën enthusiasts across the country, of which - apparently - there are plenty, even though Citroën hasn't sold a car in North American since 1974.
Of course, I had no spare parts there, so I brought an oil filter and a drive belt with me. So amongst the car's history is a bill for an oil change in California. I had no problems with the car, except a brief bit in Louisiana during a heavy rainfall, that the left windscreen wiper leapt and landed on my side mirror. Fortunately, there was an exit almost immediately, and I was able to pull over to a fuel station to fix it (I obviously kept a toolkit in the boot).
So yeah, part of the motivation was also having Citroën fans in the US see a car they rarely see. And - perhaps something only I appreciate - the look on people's faces when they see a car on European plates (and not just fake front plates).
What was the car?
The “magic” seems little more than not having to compromise, allowing you to be selfish without the guilt of hurting others.
With friends, the magic comes when the holiday has finished and you start saying “remember that thing on that holiday!”. The worst form of loneliness is only having memories nobody else shares.
With friends, the magic comes when the holiday has finished and you start saying “remember that thing on that holiday!”. The worst form of loneliness is only having memories nobody else shares.
For me the worst form of loneliness is to be with people that I don't want to be with. That's is like mental suffocation - a sizeable chunk of your mind is occupied due to simple presence of people you are travelling with
> The “magic” seems little more than not having to compromise, allowing you to be selfish without the guilt of hurting others.
You say that like it's a bad thing. Don't get me wrong, I completely agree on the value of shared memories from traveling with friends. But as you said, by definition the memories will be of experiences that were shaped by compromise. When traveling alone, the experience is yours alone and defined by the memories you want to make.
Is the value of shared memories worth the tradeoff of potentially missing out on some memories you were looking to have? I think it depends a lot on the person, the trip, and the group, but it seems silly to suggest there's an obvious right answer that's universally applicable.
The point of articles like this isn't that solo travel is the only valid way to do things either. But it offers an alternative for consideration in a world where group travel is the default. And the worst travel experience is one you don't have at all because you didn't have anyone to go with.
You say that like it's a bad thing. Don't get me wrong, I completely agree on the value of shared memories from traveling with friends. But as you said, by definition the memories will be of experiences that were shaped by compromise. When traveling alone, the experience is yours alone and defined by the memories you want to make.
Is the value of shared memories worth the tradeoff of potentially missing out on some memories you were looking to have? I think it depends a lot on the person, the trip, and the group, but it seems silly to suggest there's an obvious right answer that's universally applicable.
The point of articles like this isn't that solo travel is the only valid way to do things either. But it offers an alternative for consideration in a world where group travel is the default. And the worst travel experience is one you don't have at all because you didn't have anyone to go with.
This resonances with me as well. Telling people about travel abroad is sort of like telling people about your dreams, rarely ever welcome.
> The worst form of loneliness is only having memories nobody else shares
It depends on people. I have plenty of memories I share alone and I am happy to do so. I am not nostalgic so the "it was better then" does not work for me.
I am much, much more interested to sharing the present with people, i.e. meeting them for the sake of meeting and not doing extraordinary things together.
It depends on people. I have plenty of memories I share alone and I am happy to do so. I am not nostalgic so the "it was better then" does not work for me.
I am much, much more interested to sharing the present with people, i.e. meeting them for the sake of meeting and not doing extraordinary things together.
I've made lots of friends as I traveled, so much that when I meet up with them in a different corner of the world, we do indeed reminisce about our previous adventures.
I've traveled alone, with family, with friends.
My best travels have been with two other members forming a group which now includes a charter making it the envy of many others.
The rules are defined. We rotate hosts. The host is responsible for arranging lodging, destination, and guide. No additional members or visits to others. Rules require we share all meals, exploring, lodging. This syncs up schedules and garnishes agreement.
This is our tenth year. The rules were codified in the third after an ongoing disagreement that now serves as a long running joke.
My best travels have been with two other members forming a group which now includes a charter making it the envy of many others.
The rules are defined. We rotate hosts. The host is responsible for arranging lodging, destination, and guide. No additional members or visits to others. Rules require we share all meals, exploring, lodging. This syncs up schedules and garnishes agreement.
This is our tenth year. The rules were codified in the third after an ongoing disagreement that now serves as a long running joke.
I've backpacked all over the world by myself, but last time I flew out I just kind of got idk, bored of it? There's only so much to do if you're by yourself in a place where you don't know anyone or speak the language very well (if at all). You take walks, you go to museums, you eat the local foods and go out clubbing at night, see if you can't get laid, maybe go to the beach if there is one. And then you can do some hiking if you're in the wilderness.
Very impressive!
but I guess at that point it's time to make some friends for the long term isn't it?
Seems obvious to me but it needs to be said: perhaps you're not looking deep enough. Read the article again, the key message of "connecting with people and their cultures" is hard to miss.
Shallow self gratification of sun, surf, sex and art, these are not going to inspire you, challenge you, or help you grow.
But I feel like you already knew that, so why did you post this.
Shallow self gratification of sun, surf, sex and art, these are not going to inspire you, challenge you, or help you grow.
But I feel like you already knew that, so why did you post this.
There are diminishing returns to everything, travel included. If you go deep enough, you’ll typically just uncover the mundane, everyday realities, that people are often not willing to share with a foreign, relatively wealthy tourist.
i started reading some of paul therouxs books and its given me a refreshed idea of what travel can be and how much some people are ok with opening up about. travel is so hard and expensive to do, were basically all beginners at it. even if you think your well traveled. visit 20 countries sounds like a lot and you start to feel like you know what your doing, but if you did 20 drawings your still clearly learning the basics.
People are not really that different either, even cultures. Get familiar with enough of them and there are few surprises left.
You can get bored of anything if you do it enough.
> At the start, I had some doubts. A sense of loneliness emerged. I was a bit confused. Though, this turned out for the best, serving as a tool for freedom.
Around at which point does it start getting good?
Around at which point does it start getting good?
to be honest, within the second day.
It was simply a matter of time and a bit of boldness.
If you ask me, it's when you start talking with the people in the area you're staying in. It's very freeing to have a fresh start in a new place.
About what? In what circumstances? Walk up to people tending their front yard and strike up a conversation? At bus stops? I've tried at least the latter but people generally aren't up for it in western Europe at least
This advice article could be a whole lot more concrete
This advice article could be a whole lot more concrete
Stay in hostels and chat to other travellers. Depends on your time of life though. There's totally a gap for high-end hostels for mid-life people with some money who still want a common area to hang out in, but without staying in a crappy dorm. Hotels just don't have the same vibe.
Many hostels have private rooms exactly for this purpose
Yes but also many hostels are rank. The last one I booked into in South America I just had to assume the bedding had been changed. And it was a good job I was waking up early because the piece of paper for a curtain was about as useful as a chocolate teapot.
When It wasn't intuitive to me or for the other side, I used some sneaky ways/tricks:
Asking them if they're from here? if yes - ask a favor. and then ask some other questions about related stuff... if no - "then where are you from?" "and what are you fucking doing here?"
complementing them - on anything.
Don't care. you'll never meet them again (if something goes wrong) so if you want something, ask for it. if you have something stupid to say, say it, it's better than nothing.
I did it at the train, bus, street, hostel.
it seems that everyone in their headphones and doesn't want to talk, but people actually like to discover, to learn, to joke. It's just a mask.
complementing them - on anything.
Don't care. you'll never meet them again (if something goes wrong) so if you want something, ask for it. if you have something stupid to say, say it, it's better than nothing.
I did it at the train, bus, street, hostel.
it seems that everyone in their headphones and doesn't want to talk, but people actually like to discover, to learn, to joke. It's just a mask.
Smaller town cafes have worked for me to chat with people. People who work there especially want to chat to practice their English. But, you have to leave the large tourist cities. It also helps to go to the same place a few times, then people get curious about you.
Bars also work, because after a couple of pints everyone gets a bit chatty.
Bars also work, because after a couple of pints everyone gets a bit chatty.
Striking a conversation with someone at a bus stop is likely interrupting someone who has to be somewhere, so will stay rather shallow.
Try parks, bars, college campuses, maybe museums.
Try parks, bars, college campuses, maybe museums.
Where would you normally talk to people in your home city or area? Would you talk to strangers tending their yard? Or would you try more sociable places like cafés and bars? So too with solo travel and conversing, people are generally the same everywhere. They'll be on their guard if a stranger comes up to them at a bus stop or in front of their lawn, but they'll be much more approachable in social areas.
> Where would you normally talk to people in your home city or area?
Wanna know why I don't speak German after four years of living here? ;)
Without going out of your way for a language course, the interaction with German in Germany is limited to "by card please", "have a good evening/weekend", "a ticket to Aachen please", and forms/contracts like municipal registration, tax returns, and rental contract. Which are way too complex so you use a translator. Similar for a job in German: without first learning it, you can't get one, so you take an English job and the cycle continues.
Yes, I really need to be taking a language course like yesterday already. I'm aware, but that still would not get me chatting with locals; rather, other immigrants and a teacher or so.
> Or would you try more sociable places like cafés and bars?
When we go to cafés, I'd find it super weird if someone came up to our table to make small talk. Worse than at a bus stop. Bars are afaik for people (mainly teenagers) to get drunk together at but I don't drink so I've not been to one, rather walked past outside and can't say that what comes out of that entrance looks appealing to interact with.
Wanna know why I don't speak German after four years of living here? ;)
Without going out of your way for a language course, the interaction with German in Germany is limited to "by card please", "have a good evening/weekend", "a ticket to Aachen please", and forms/contracts like municipal registration, tax returns, and rental contract. Which are way too complex so you use a translator. Similar for a job in German: without first learning it, you can't get one, so you take an English job and the cycle continues.
Yes, I really need to be taking a language course like yesterday already. I'm aware, but that still would not get me chatting with locals; rather, other immigrants and a teacher or so.
> Or would you try more sociable places like cafés and bars?
When we go to cafés, I'd find it super weird if someone came up to our table to make small talk. Worse than at a bus stop. Bars are afaik for people (mainly teenagers) to get drunk together at but I don't drink so I've not been to one, rather walked past outside and can't say that what comes out of that entrance looks appealing to interact with.
Maybe I'll be in Germany soon for a travel. I'd love to meet: [email protected]
Traveling with people is a nightmare. They always want to get up at different times to do things, see different things than you, stay longer at certain places or shorter.
And everyone wants to eat different things at different places at different times.
I refuse to go on traveling vacations with more than 5 other adults (including my wife), so 3 total couples.
Traveling alone through Europe during college as an American was one of the most amazing and life changing experiences of my life.
It was what yanked me firmly out of my US-centric world view and I realized how profound it was on my return trip back seeing all the people in line and being able to so easily spot "obvious Americans" (or at least that's what my brain at that age thought).
I also surprised myself with how confident it made me in myself and socially with some of the random connections I made that led to once in a lifetime adventures like meeting a woman on a bus in Italy, dining with her and her brother+wife at the oldest restaurant in Rome ordering all off menu+house wine, then getting a personal insider tour of Rome by night in their convertible.
Or getting lost in the Vatican, missing a museum tour, then realizing the crowd I was watching was listening to the Pope on his balcony.
Or wandering through the Lanes in Brighton at night with a pint on the street while visiting my college roommate who was doing a semester abroad there.
Or visiting our other roommate who was from Vienna and at home who gave me a guided tour of the mountains and then made me terrified for my life driving down them in a torrential downpour in his tiny smart car.
Or happening to be in Siena during the Palio horse race, completely unplanned.
It wasn't quite as extreme as The Secret Life of Walter Mitty, but about as close as I've come. It has the potential to change you in ways you cannot expect.
It was what yanked me firmly out of my US-centric world view and I realized how profound it was on my return trip back seeing all the people in line and being able to so easily spot "obvious Americans" (or at least that's what my brain at that age thought).
I also surprised myself with how confident it made me in myself and socially with some of the random connections I made that led to once in a lifetime adventures like meeting a woman on a bus in Italy, dining with her and her brother+wife at the oldest restaurant in Rome ordering all off menu+house wine, then getting a personal insider tour of Rome by night in their convertible.
Or getting lost in the Vatican, missing a museum tour, then realizing the crowd I was watching was listening to the Pope on his balcony.
Or wandering through the Lanes in Brighton at night with a pint on the street while visiting my college roommate who was doing a semester abroad there.
Or visiting our other roommate who was from Vienna and at home who gave me a guided tour of the mountains and then made me terrified for my life driving down them in a torrential downpour in his tiny smart car.
Or happening to be in Siena during the Palio horse race, completely unplanned.
It wasn't quite as extreme as The Secret Life of Walter Mitty, but about as close as I've come. It has the potential to change you in ways you cannot expect.
Shoutout to /r/solotravel back when I was first traveling alone, great community there that has some great tips.
I met interesting people, which is why I travel solo. Whenever I see someone with an interesting style or energy, I tell them. It usually leads to nothing. Sometimes it leads to magic :)
Definitely a fun way to become a bit better at dating too!
Definitely a fun way to become a bit better at dating too!
Traveling with people SUCKS. The best times of my life have been being by myself a hundred miles from civilization. I can do whatever the hell I want when I want, and no listening to whining or posing for instagram moments.
Sounds like you could do with better company. Traveling solo can be wonderful, I have done it enough, but travel with fun people can be amazing as well. Whining Instagram posers are shit to be around, both at home, and traveling.
Travelling alone sounds like a dream. But I'm an introvert on the ASD, so... I'm probably the exception.
Start small. "Travel" doesn't have to mean that you spent weeks in some distant country. Spend a day in some nice area that is within a couple hours travel time of where you live.
This also works if time and/or money are tight. Or if you just want to get out & see some new places & people more often.
This also works if time and/or money are tight. Or if you just want to get out & see some new places & people more often.
Being introverted/shy doesn’t make travelling alone any easier. I’ve tried it multiple times and didn’t work too great for me. I enjoy being in familiar places by myself but when unfamiliar it’s a different story.
try it. but more important try to be active and do stuff you wouldn't do usually. you'd be at least surprised.
However, if you do travel alone, you might be proud of the fact, that you managed to do that, despite being an introvert and all that. Speaking from experience. You might not share or talk about it afterwards as much as others, for whom it comes more naturally, but you might have some great memories and feel at least a little bit enabled by having done it before.
* I see more than I am expecting as I meet more people. Solo travel is lonely and you want to speak to others, when you do you get new experiences. Theres nothing stopping you talk to people when you travel with others but the yearning for interaction isn’t as strong. Ex: meeting someone in Beijing and going for a proper local breakfast eating things I’d never imagined.
* It challenges me to overcome my comforts. I’ve experienced far more by pushing my boundaries beyond what I thought possible. Ex: cycling the US Pacific Coast and needing shelter/resources and accepting the help you can get only to find kind people, new experiences and great local recommendations.
Almost every time I share stories at least a couple of stories come out of times I have travelled solo.