Ask HN: Covid-19 is it unreasonable for my wife to ask
16 comments
My uncle was complaining to a co-worker once about how his wife was now wanting $500 a week to "do as she wishes with" (mostly for embellishing grand kids (they were both in their late 50's))
He was already giving her a couple of hundred a week. His co-worker only responded "divorce would cost much more than that"
There are still "happily" married to this day (15 years later).
He was already giving her a couple of hundred a week. His co-worker only responded "divorce would cost much more than that"
There are still "happily" married to this day (15 years later).
Is your wife helping to care for elderly parents, or is she immune suppressed, or with other chronic illnesses?
Are you in a hotspot?
These factors are pretty significant.
All in all, probably not unreasonable, or even quite reasonable, depending on those factors.
Are you in a hotspot?
These factors are pretty significant.
All in all, probably not unreasonable, or even quite reasonable, depending on those factors.
This is a tough call, and I agree with others that it depends if you guys are at risk, or around people that could be at-risk, ie living your your parents / grand parents. BUT, how I would approach this is that if I hated doing those things, which I personally wouldn't do 3-6, and would just do gloves / mask, then wash hands, and if that doesn't work for the wife, I would tell them to go buy the groceries as a compromise since it bothers them more then me.
I don't blame anyone who takes things that seriously. A distant relative of mine recently had covid and said it was miserable, and he's in his 20s and healthy.
Would she do it too if she had to do the shopping on her own once a week? If so, do it or your marriage will suffer. If she can’t reason you have deeper problems than being caught naked by a neighbor.
Hi everyone, we aren't living with anyone else but have a kid that is taken care of by our parents. So to an extent, we are connected to hi-risk individuals.
Does your kid ever come home to you, and then go back to them? If yes, then these precautions are totally reasonable.
If you end up giving it to your kid, and you're both asymptomatic long enough that they give it to your parents and they (possibly) die as a result, would it have felt it's worth it then, to not at least try to prevent it as much as possible?
Personally I would do what I could not to have your kid have to travel back and forth from your parents at all, but I understand that might not be an option.
If you end up giving it to your kid, and you're both asymptomatic long enough that they give it to your parents and they (possibly) die as a result, would it have felt it's worth it then, to not at least try to prevent it as much as possible?
Personally I would do what I could not to have your kid have to travel back and forth from your parents at all, but I understand that might not be an option.
This sounds completely reasonable. This virus is no joke and spreads like wildfire.
Then yes, it's entirely reasonable.
The trick is to time this with when you normally take a shower and run the washing machine. Then apart from the shoe cleaning it’s not much extra bother.
I think anything is unreasonable if it isn’t based on what we know or reasonably suspect today. Mark and gloves are fine but there are huge caveats. 3-6 aren’t based on what we know or reasonably expect today so I think they are unreasonable. Replace 3-6 with “wash hands and any grocery containers”.
If 3-6 are totally unreasonable, then why are medical workers bothering with gowns? Why not just wear their normal coat or scrubs?
I do question the effectiveness of spraying shoes with alcohol, but I personally try to maintain a barrier between what I wear to the grocery store, and what I wear inside in the house.
I do question the effectiveness of spraying shoes with alcohol, but I personally try to maintain a barrier between what I wear to the grocery store, and what I wear inside in the house.
> why are medical workers bothering with gowns? Why not just wear their normal coat or scrubs?
Most medical workers are not wearing gowns.
For the ones who are they're also wearing masks and face shields and two pairs of gloves. There's a big difference between being a medical worker in a room with 12 people who have confirmed covid-19 infection who are unwell and probably coughing, and being a member of the public walking about outside.
Most medical workers are not wearing gowns.
For the ones who are they're also wearing masks and face shields and two pairs of gloves. There's a big difference between being a medical worker in a room with 12 people who have confirmed covid-19 infection who are unwell and probably coughing, and being a member of the public walking about outside.
1) I was specifically referring to medical professionals working with Covid-19 patients. I had assumed it would be obvious, since that's what we were discussing, but clearly that was a poor assumption.
2) That said, even if you're talking about all medical workers, I think you still may be wrong. All dentists that I know locally (2) are wearing gowns, and say their colleagues are, at least those who haven't closed down temporarily. And many other doctors and nurses who aren't working specifically with Covid-19 patients, but who still come into contact with them, are wearing isolation gowns. They're taking the same kind of universal precautions they do for HIV prevention, and assuming that any given patient may be carrying the disease. Given what we are learning about asymptomatic transmission, that's probably a wise approach.
3) Importantly, you appear to have missed the fact that I was making an analogy, not encouraging the general public to wear gowns (I'm not!). You write "There's a big difference between being a medical worker in a room with 12 people who have confirmed covid-19 infection who are unwell and probably coughing, and being a member of the public walking about outside." But that was not and has never been my argument. My argument was, a similar mechanism of action is in the effect of medical professionals wearing gowns, and of the general public washing clothes after being out in public among probably Covid-19 carriers.
Clearly, doctors believe there's some kind of benefit to protecting your clothing from the SARS-CoV-2 virus, or they wouldn't bother wearing gowns in Covid-19 wards (and elsewhere, as mentioned above!).
All that said, the most important thing to do is to social distance, and stay home unless you must go out. But lots of people have to go out, and for them, a mask is a very good idea, and CDC-recommended.
2) That said, even if you're talking about all medical workers, I think you still may be wrong. All dentists that I know locally (2) are wearing gowns, and say their colleagues are, at least those who haven't closed down temporarily. And many other doctors and nurses who aren't working specifically with Covid-19 patients, but who still come into contact with them, are wearing isolation gowns. They're taking the same kind of universal precautions they do for HIV prevention, and assuming that any given patient may be carrying the disease. Given what we are learning about asymptomatic transmission, that's probably a wise approach.
3) Importantly, you appear to have missed the fact that I was making an analogy, not encouraging the general public to wear gowns (I'm not!). You write "There's a big difference between being a medical worker in a room with 12 people who have confirmed covid-19 infection who are unwell and probably coughing, and being a member of the public walking about outside." But that was not and has never been my argument. My argument was, a similar mechanism of action is in the effect of medical professionals wearing gowns, and of the general public washing clothes after being out in public among probably Covid-19 carriers.
Clearly, doctors believe there's some kind of benefit to protecting your clothing from the SARS-CoV-2 virus, or they wouldn't bother wearing gowns in Covid-19 wards (and elsewhere, as mentioned above!).
All that said, the most important thing to do is to social distance, and stay home unless you must go out. But lots of people have to go out, and for them, a mask is a very good idea, and CDC-recommended.
I would argue the only thing that would be unreasonable is the shower. I have looked a few days ago to see how long SARS-CoV-2 can live on fabric and couldn't find a concrete answer, if there is new data on that I would love to be pointed to it since I want to make sure that my wife and I are as careful as can be.
1. Not unreasonable. But it minimizes the risk of you spreading the disease much more than you getting it. Infection can also occur through eyes. Some places have fines for not doing so already... Check your local authorities and infection levels.
2. Not unreasonable, can indeed hurt:
Gloves and masks can also carry the virus onto other surfaces if not used or disposed of carefully.
3. Can't hurt. Possibly too much. I havent seen a study of virus spread on non-porous surfaces.
The virus seems to survive around three days in plastic, for example. Some are considering careful introduction of groceries to the house.
4. Cant hurt, but soap is likely better than alcohol.
5. Cant hurt.
6. ?
EDIT: it is okay to be careful, but also keep in mind people are overreacting
For instance, people are refraining from donating blood, at a time when it is needed. https://www.npr.org/local/305/2020/03/23/820089376/it-s-safe...
2. Not unreasonable, can indeed hurt:
Gloves and masks can also carry the virus onto other surfaces if not used or disposed of carefully.
3. Can't hurt. Possibly too much. I havent seen a study of virus spread on non-porous surfaces.
The virus seems to survive around three days in plastic, for example. Some are considering careful introduction of groceries to the house.
4. Cant hurt, but soap is likely better than alcohol.
5. Cant hurt.
6. ?
EDIT: it is okay to be careful, but also keep in mind people are overreacting
For instance, people are refraining from donating blood, at a time when it is needed. https://www.npr.org/local/305/2020/03/23/820089376/it-s-safe...
6. I guess she doesn't want him to run naked through the house. He may scare the children or the pets.
Perhaps it would help to read the statistics about the hospitalization and death rate for the age group of the OP and SO. Some people imagine it's like Ebola.
Note that it is different if there is some old people or someone with another bad health precondition. In that case some additional measures may be helpful.
It is important to flatten the curve, but at some point it becomes an overreaction.
Perhaps it would help to read the statistics about the hospitalization and death rate for the age group of the OP and SO. Some people imagine it's like Ebola.
Note that it is different if there is some old people or someone with another bad health precondition. In that case some additional measures may be helpful.
It is important to flatten the curve, but at some point it becomes an overreaction.
where: adverb 1) in or at what place? 2) in what position or circumstances?; conjunction 3) in or at what place, part, point, etc.: 4) in or at the place, part, point, etc., in or at which:; pronoun 5) what place?: 6) the place in which; point at which:
wear: verb 1) to carry or have on the body or about the person as a covering, equipment, ornament, or the like: 2) to have or use on the person habitually: 3) to undergo gradual impairment, diminution, reduction, etc., from wear, use, attrition, or other causes (often followed by away, down, out, or off) 4) to retain shape, color, usefulness, value, etc., under wear, use, or any continued strain:; noun 5) the act of wearing; use, as of a garment: 6) the state of being worn, as on the person.
wear: verb 1) to carry or have on the body or about the person as a covering, equipment, ornament, or the like: 2) to have or use on the person habitually: 3) to undergo gradual impairment, diminution, reduction, etc., from wear, use, attrition, or other causes (often followed by away, down, out, or off) 4) to retain shape, color, usefulness, value, etc., under wear, use, or any continued strain:; noun 5) the act of wearing; use, as of a garment: 6) the state of being worn, as on the person.
I keep coming back to Orwell's short story 'Shooting the Elephant'. tl;dr: The protagonist, a colonial officer during the Raj, against his own judgement shoots an elephant because the townspeople expect of him.
That is, just do it. It'll mean nothing in a year that you did. And it's not worth fighting over now.
That is, just do it. It'll mean nothing in a year that you did. And it's not worth fighting over now.
It’s mostly unreasonable. I’ve been told to keep my shoes outside, etc.
I have family members that literally act like they travelled to Chernobyl after having returned from the grocery store. There are limits to all of this. You can wash your hands, that’s about it. Maybe change clothes. Take part in the collective social distancing. But we’re not going to act like idiots, and there’s no need spread irrational hysteria between each other.
Your garage is not some bio hazard laboratory. That virus will spread to you in the most benign way possible in a few weeks when we all return to work.
I have family members that literally act like they travelled to Chernobyl after having returned from the grocery store. There are limits to all of this. You can wash your hands, that’s about it. Maybe change clothes. Take part in the collective social distancing. But we’re not going to act like idiots, and there’s no need spread irrational hysteria between each other.
Your garage is not some bio hazard laboratory. That virus will spread to you in the most benign way possible in a few weeks when we all return to work.
This is entirely reasonable. You should not wear "outside clothes" in as much as possible.
No, it’s not.
All but 1 and 2 are unreasonable unless you guys are at high risk in which case you should get a friend or family member to deliver you groceries.
The vast majority of transmissions are person -> person. Very little of the transmission is person -> object -> person.
The vast majority of transmissions are person -> person. Very little of the transmission is person -> object -> person.
This is normal for me too.
I do whatever gives my wife peace of mind during this stressful time.
These steps are probably a good idea though to protect your family and minimize a chance of infection during/near the peak.
We are also trying to order everything for delivery to minimize trips out. But I still follow all your steps even when picking up a grocery delivery outside.
1. A mask is a good idea. I think covid spreads more through the air than surface to surface. https://www.ky3.com/content/news/Dozens-of-choir-members-sic...
2. Gloves I wear them, then wipe them down with a clorox wipe when I get back to the car. Some say gloves can collect the virus and spread it more, but if you wash your gloved hands or wipe them down I don't think it's going to increase the spread.
3. I strip down in the garage too, have a bin for outside clothes or they go straight in the washer.
4. outside shoes 'crocs' stay in the garage and are washed down outside later when I'm outside.
5. I wash hands twice, then take a shower.
6. fresh clothes
We're also wiping down/sanitizing items that are delivered or picked up, non-perishible items we will even put in bins and let them sit for 5-7 days, then wipe them down before they are brought in.
I would say caution and being overly cautious is ok right now.
They are still figuring out how this spreads. I'm leaning toward it's more airborne spread than they know or are letting on.
Granted most people will have minor symptoms but if you're a family of 4 the odds go up that someone might have a more serious bout of it.
And since it sounds like you have grandparents in the house I would do all these steps for them.
So this isn't unreasonable.
It's a pandemic out there, lots of unknown variables and people are dying and being hospitalized for weeks. You don't want to play it loose and end up in the hospital during the peak.
We all will most likely be exposed at some point, but stay safe and give them time to develop treatments, learn more about it, and eventually a vaccine.
So happily take some extra steps to prevent the spread, keep your family safe and your wife happy.
I do whatever gives my wife peace of mind during this stressful time.
These steps are probably a good idea though to protect your family and minimize a chance of infection during/near the peak.
We are also trying to order everything for delivery to minimize trips out. But I still follow all your steps even when picking up a grocery delivery outside.
1. A mask is a good idea. I think covid spreads more through the air than surface to surface. https://www.ky3.com/content/news/Dozens-of-choir-members-sic...
2. Gloves I wear them, then wipe them down with a clorox wipe when I get back to the car. Some say gloves can collect the virus and spread it more, but if you wash your gloved hands or wipe them down I don't think it's going to increase the spread.
3. I strip down in the garage too, have a bin for outside clothes or they go straight in the washer.
4. outside shoes 'crocs' stay in the garage and are washed down outside later when I'm outside.
5. I wash hands twice, then take a shower.
6. fresh clothes
We're also wiping down/sanitizing items that are delivered or picked up, non-perishible items we will even put in bins and let them sit for 5-7 days, then wipe them down before they are brought in.
I would say caution and being overly cautious is ok right now.
They are still figuring out how this spreads. I'm leaning toward it's more airborne spread than they know or are letting on.
Granted most people will have minor symptoms but if you're a family of 4 the odds go up that someone might have a more serious bout of it.
And since it sounds like you have grandparents in the house I would do all these steps for them.
So this isn't unreasonable.
It's a pandemic out there, lots of unknown variables and people are dying and being hospitalized for weeks. You don't want to play it loose and end up in the hospital during the peak.
We all will most likely be exposed at some point, but stay safe and give them time to develop treatments, learn more about it, and eventually a vaccine.
So happily take some extra steps to prevent the spread, keep your family safe and your wife happy.
1. Where a mask 2. Where gloves 3. Strip naked in the garage and put them through the washing machine. 4. Have my shoes sprayed down with alcohol. 5. Take a shower 6. Put new clothes on