Here I am, somewhere in the autistic spectrum. Quick learner, scores well on IQ-tests but I have a lot of problems understanding, interacting and connecting with other people. Although my mental illness is somewhat different and probably not as severe as yours I recognize my own situation very much from what you describe.
I don't have an official diagnose, and I'm not overly eager to get my mental illness on paper as that can be to your disadvantage in many situations and besides there isn't really much help available for someone like me within the public health-care system of my country.
From the outside I appear to be functional. I have a job, a home and a car, although I'm in my forties and don't have any family.
But I have to fight really hard with myself just to get by some days. Sometimes using self-medication, I've found SSRIs to be helpful. Although I'm not always sure why I should bother to get through that day, I still keep fighting. I'm thinking about suicide at least a few times every year and sometimes I have gone quite far with the actual preparations.
And you are so extremely spot on when you describe how nobody cares.
I try very hard to perform well at job, besides my illegal medications, which doesn't even have any narcotic effects, I abide every written law of society, I try to help and give kind words whenever I can, I donate money to charities every month.
And nobody would even care to listen, answer a question or give an advice, at least not with any truthfulness or honesty. Hey guys I'm not asking for your money, only a moment of your time and some honesty that I really could use to find my way onwards in life.
Some people around me, both at work and my neighbors have noticed my condition and are willing to talk about it when I'm not around. But they are obviously not prepared to give me 15 minutes of their time and just brief moment of truthfulness, they just want to get rid of the crazy guy and move on.
Here I am, somewhere in the autistic spectrum. Quick learner, scores well on IQ-tests but I have a lot of problems understanding, interacting and connecting with other people. Although my mental illness is somewhat different and probably not as severe as yours I recognize my own situation very much from what you describe.
I don't have an official diagnose, and I'm not overly eager to get my mental illness on paper as that can be to your disadvantage in many situations and besides there isn't really much help available for someone like me within the public health-care system of my country.
From the outside I appear to be functional. I have a job, a home and a car, although I'm in my forties and don't have any family.
But I have to fight really hard with myself just to get by some days. Sometimes using self-medication, I've found SSRIs to be helpful. Although I'm not always sure why I should bother to get through that day, I still keep fighting. I'm thinking about suicide at least a few times every year and sometimes I have gone quite far with the actual preparations.
And you are so extremely spot on when you describe how nobody cares.
I try very hard to perform well at job, besides my illegal medications, which doesn't even have any narcotic effects, I abide every written law of society, I try to help and give kind words whenever I can, I donate money to charities every month.
And nobody would even care to listen, answer a question or give an advice, at least not with any truthfulness or honesty. Hey guys I'm not asking for your money, only a moment of your time and some honesty that I really could use to find my way onwards in life.
Some people around me, both at work and my neighbors have noticed my condition and are willing to talk about it when I'm not around. But they are obviously not prepared to give me 15 minutes of their time and just brief moment of truthfulness, they just want to get rid of the crazy guy and move on.
Nobody cares, for real!