Full disclosure: I'm not a recruiter or a coder. I'm a publicist. Instead of pitching Very Important Programmers all day, I pitch Very Important Editors. But, unsurprisingly, the things that make a great story pitch are the same things that make a great recruiting pitch. You're completely right - research, knowing your audience and his/her skills, history, and interests, are more important than anything else. Candidness and full disclosure are key, as is professionalism. And receiving dozens of emails a day from people who pitch without abiding by those processes is probably a huge pain in the ass.
However.
I think it's also important to realize, from a recruiter's perspective, that not everyone feels the same way you do. How would a recruiter know, before you posted this extremely condescending letter, that you're too important to speak to anyone but your mother on the phone? Some people prefer the phone to email (I certainly think it can be more efficient, especially when dealing with Q&A). How would a recruiter know that you actually WANT to not be considered for amazing jobs in certain areas because of your sexuality? (In my thinking, that's a type of discrimination that should be discouraged.) How is a recruiter to know that what would be too much detail in a job description for another potential hire is not enough detail for you? Or vice-verse?
Everyone is busy. Recruiters are busy, programmers are busy, stay at home moms are busy, CEOs are busy. As soon as you think you're too important and busy to show other people respect, there's a problem.
I certainly think you're right about many things. Publicists who send blanket mass pitches that begin "Dear editor," give the rest of us a bad rap and make our jobs that much harder. But closing your letter with "Most engineers hate recruiter pitches not because we hate being pitched, it’s because we hate dealing with recruiters" tells me even if a recruiter follows all of your guidelines and sends you amazing pitches, you'll still think of him/her as a less important person than you, and treat her/him accordingly - simply because of the career they've happened to choose. As a person who's been on the receiving end of emails like yours before (along the lines of "I don't deal with publicists") I can tell you you're not going to gain a lot of respect by making sure everyone knows how Very Important you are. If I were a top recruiter and happened to read this, you can bet I wouldn't bother approaching you in the future - I'd look for someone who communicates like he remembers what it's like to not be on top.
However.
I think it's also important to realize, from a recruiter's perspective, that not everyone feels the same way you do. How would a recruiter know, before you posted this extremely condescending letter, that you're too important to speak to anyone but your mother on the phone? Some people prefer the phone to email (I certainly think it can be more efficient, especially when dealing with Q&A). How would a recruiter know that you actually WANT to not be considered for amazing jobs in certain areas because of your sexuality? (In my thinking, that's a type of discrimination that should be discouraged.) How is a recruiter to know that what would be too much detail in a job description for another potential hire is not enough detail for you? Or vice-verse?
Everyone is busy. Recruiters are busy, programmers are busy, stay at home moms are busy, CEOs are busy. As soon as you think you're too important and busy to show other people respect, there's a problem.
I certainly think you're right about many things. Publicists who send blanket mass pitches that begin "Dear editor," give the rest of us a bad rap and make our jobs that much harder. But closing your letter with "Most engineers hate recruiter pitches not because we hate being pitched, it’s because we hate dealing with recruiters" tells me even if a recruiter follows all of your guidelines and sends you amazing pitches, you'll still think of him/her as a less important person than you, and treat her/him accordingly - simply because of the career they've happened to choose. As a person who's been on the receiving end of emails like yours before (along the lines of "I don't deal with publicists") I can tell you you're not going to gain a lot of respect by making sure everyone knows how Very Important you are. If I were a top recruiter and happened to read this, you can bet I wouldn't bother approaching you in the future - I'd look for someone who communicates like he remembers what it's like to not be on top.