Get a copy of Racing the Beam to get some insight into how programmers were able to wring out every bit[1] of potential from the Atari 2600: https://mitpress.mit.edu/books/racing-beam
If you want to get leadership experience, you will need to take on a role that requires it. To get that role, you will have to ask for it. The minimum requirement for leadership is the ability to get things that you want.
The best advice for dealing with the possibility of being "ambushed", or otherwise being made to answer awkward questions, comes from the British television series "Yes, Prime Minister".
(Prime Minister Hacker speaking to Bernard Woolley, his hapless Principal Private Secretary who has made unwise remarks to the press after being ambushed):
"If you have nothing to say, say nothing. But better, have something to say and say it, no matter what they ask. Pay no attention to the question, make your own statement. If they ask you the same question again, you just say, 'That's not the question' or 'I think the more important question is this:' Then you make another statement of your own."
Do you have a university near you? If you can get into their library (or even their bookstore), you can take a look at the recommended books yourself and see if they suit you. You can also get the book lists from university courses that interest you.
I have a similar, but slightly different issue. I also have an undergraduate degree, and I did take courses in operating systems, compilers, and algorithm design. The trouble is that I don't remember anything. I remember taking the courses, but there was a huge amount of information that got shoved into my head and remained there just long enough to pass the exams and now it's gone.
This is an enormous pity, because it's only now, years later when I have a full-time job and not much time, do I realize what I missed.
If I won the lottery or somehow came into enough money ('fuck-you' money, I guess), I'd probably repeat my undergraduate schooling. However, there are a couple of options that you and I might have.
The first thing to remember is that no matter whether or not you take a formal course, you'll probably be reading some good books in the subjects that we're interested in. There are lots of lists of good, solid introductions to the subjects that we are interested in.
The second thing is that we'll have to make time for the subjects that we're interested in. As working people, we don't have the luxury of spending all our free time on a given subject, but unlike undergraduates, our attention is not necessarily divided over several subjects. In my last year of undergrad, I was taking plenty of courses and it's perhaps not surprising that I forgot so much. Now we can choose one subject (like compiler design), and focus our free time (however little) on it.
A third option is a sort of middle-ground. Is there a local university to you? Most universities allow you to take undergraduate courses as a continuing student. We have our degrees, we're more interested in the knowledge that the course can give us than the credential that the course grants us. The course would grant us the structure and discussion we'd benefit from as undergraduates, while not completely monopolizing our time.
I think you've made an important observation about true education versus the prestige of education, and the valuing of the prestige and little else is certainly not confined to the United States. It is the dominant attitude towards education in East and South Asia, for example, even though those societies are perceived as having greater respect for education than the USA.
It's time to move to Japan, if you don't live there already. It's the closest you'll get to studying 27 hours a day, and the only sure path to fluency, given the level you're at.
I'm fairly certain George Orwell lived in the UK as well.
cf. http://www.george-orwell.org/The_Road_to_Wigan_Pier/7.html