I'm a Very Important Person!
I park as a V.I.P.
And when I go to the bathroom...
I go in the V.I.P toilet.
And when I wanna change a lightbulb...
I don't do it myself...
Ohh no...
I have a technician!
'cause I'm a V.I.P.
Now, as I began to become a V.I.P...
I forgot what i've become a V.I.P for
I began to grow accustomed to people saying:
"Right this way sir...drinks are on the house..."
Flight attendants on airplanes saying:
"Please...
Really, I don't wanna bother you sir,
but it's such a pleasure to have you on board.
May I have your autograph... for my... daughter?"
"Yeah baby right after I go to the toilet.
I'll give you a couple of 'em!
'cause I'm a V.I.P!"
Now, one thing about V.I.P is,
they never seem to be alone.
Oh no.
The "true" V.I.P must travel with an entourage!
People who say "Right on boss"
'cause it's a V.I.P!
Right on boss.
As i began to realise that i had gained V.I.P status,
worries began to creep in.
What if one day, i woke up,
and i was no longer a V.I.P ?
No more good tables at the restaurants...
No more strange women smiling and approaching me on the streets...
No more top notch booty!
No more entourage to say "Right on boss!"
I began to have nightmares
And in my nightmares, I was just a fucking nobody.
Laying at the beach, imagining myself being a VIP!
Just like i was before...
Hearing the applause in my head
Beautiful warm embraces of superior members of the female gender...
Of course, when one becomes a V.I.P, one meets other V.I.Ps at social occasions...
And one inevitably thinks:
"How shallow and crass these people are!
They're not down to earth and real like me...
Ohh no! I'm a very special V.I.P"
Another interesting phenomenon, associated with V.I.P celebrityhood,
is the "V.I.P reflection effect", during which
anyone associated with the V.I.P,
becomes a sort of V.I.P in their own right.
Such as:
"son OF the V.I.P",
"guitar player FOR the V.I.P",
"girlfriend WITH the V.I.P",
"accountants of the V.I.P"
The maid, the dog, the music publisher...
All enjoy a sort of 'reflected glory', as in:
"Hi this is Nastea
I work for Iggy
And i'd like 6 tables tonight in the V.I.P section
And he needs passes for everyone
And free drinks of course in the V.I.P area"
Right on boss.
'cause i'm a V.I.P.
It's also true that when one is a V.I.P, everybody's happy to see you...
All the time !
And there's an implicit rule that a V.I.P must never...
NEVER
Be on a bummer.
'cause everybody expects YOU to make THEIR day
And they'll all be on to you if you're in a bad mood.
They will "tisk tisk tisk!" and "mur mur mur mur mur mur...",
And you will find yourself with the WRONG kind of attention:
A *DIFFICULT* V.I.P.
Psychologists tell us that a sense of self-esteem is so necessary in today's world.
As a V.I.P, I can guarantee you...
You'll never be alone.
Another frequently displayed characteristic is to become pedantic about the technical aspects of gun specifications, and the precise language and acronyms surrounding tactics for close-quarter battles, or indirect fire trajectories or... whatever.
Do you guys realize the absurd cognitive dissonance of propping yourselves up with the obvious fallacy of the "good guys versus bad guys" routine, especially when you stand it up next to an appeal to authority through opaque vocabulary?
It may feel like you're winning the argument, but some of us are quick to see through this repetitive display that so many of you cling to, when arguing your point in favor of things like helping people bleed out faster, because we're trying to "save lives" here.