Where could I, a total beginner in crypto-stuff, learn more about this kind of thing? What would be the list of things I'd need to know how to do in order to "break in", and where could I learn how to do them?
Banks have these operating hours because the accounts on which they make the most money are small and large business accounts. Their profit margins on personal checking and savings accounts are much lower. It's all dictated by the market.
As for barbers, most shops in the U.S. are open until 7 or 8pm and weekends, pretty reasonable.