Ask HN: Why keep living?
67 comments
I've struggled with the same question and seemingly just to add to my despair I find I cannot answer the question satisfactorily.
The only reason I do keep living is that I find I can't answer the opposite question either:
Why not keep living?
At least for that variant many reasons do surface, and whilst none seem overwhelmingly strong they do allow the question to evolve into:
Why not keep living a little while longer?
A deferred decision as I've found no strong answers either way.
I suspect that living a long life is to just not have strong answers either way and to discover that time has passed and now you're old.
I don't buy the argument that suicide isn't an option, of course it is. When despair is all you have, and the future is bleak, it sometimes can appear to be the only option. Somehow though, a short time later, decision not made, I've always found myself in some place in which I'm glad I didn't. In which I've found some peace, some bliss, some joy from life... and doing so has driven the despair away.
I have no answer for "Why keep living?", but if you are willing to consider changing things in your life (to get away from the things that bring you despair) then you can find some answers of varying merit to the opposite question.
The only reason I do keep living is that I find I can't answer the opposite question either:
Why not keep living?
At least for that variant many reasons do surface, and whilst none seem overwhelmingly strong they do allow the question to evolve into:
Why not keep living a little while longer?
A deferred decision as I've found no strong answers either way.
I suspect that living a long life is to just not have strong answers either way and to discover that time has passed and now you're old.
I don't buy the argument that suicide isn't an option, of course it is. When despair is all you have, and the future is bleak, it sometimes can appear to be the only option. Somehow though, a short time later, decision not made, I've always found myself in some place in which I'm glad I didn't. In which I've found some peace, some bliss, some joy from life... and doing so has driven the despair away.
I have no answer for "Why keep living?", but if you are willing to consider changing things in your life (to get away from the things that bring you despair) then you can find some answers of varying merit to the opposite question.
Please seek a mental health professional/suicide hotline/tell a family member/tell a friend/move somewhere you feel better/do anything to get out of this state.
That said, there are many good reasons to stay alive: love, pleasure, personal connections, contentment, spirituality. You may not have any of these now, but you must acknowledge the possibility that they will happen for you in the future. Even people in the worst of circumstances are able to sometimes find these things. Hope for a better day must stay alive.
That said, there are many good reasons to stay alive: love, pleasure, personal connections, contentment, spirituality. You may not have any of these now, but you must acknowledge the possibility that they will happen for you in the future. Even people in the worst of circumstances are able to sometimes find these things. Hope for a better day must stay alive.
"""
... a mental health professional ...
"""
Most professionals will find a way to make this work, or have a sliding scale. If you are serious about getting help you need to try.
Life is what you make it to be, it's unique to each of us. I can tell you why I find it worth living but it probably wont mean much to you, or anyone else because its my path. It seems as if you have found a little bit of enjoyment from making others happy, Id recommend you pursue that further. Everyone needs a passion, something that they enjoy and drives them but its never easy to find it. All I can say it keep putting one foot infront of the other and put effort into finding your path. My comment is obtuse and I apologize for it, all I can say is everyone walks their own path and its not always easy.
Life is what you make it to be, it's unique to each of us. I can tell you why I find it worth living but it probably wont mean much to you, or anyone else because its my path. It seems as if you have found a little bit of enjoyment from making others happy, Id recommend you pursue that further. Everyone needs a passion, something that they enjoy and drives them but its never easy to find it. All I can say it keep putting one foot infront of the other and put effort into finding your path. My comment is obtuse and I apologize for it, all I can say is everyone walks their own path and its not always easy.
My comment is obtuse and I apologize for it, all I can say is everyone walks their own path and its not always easy.
Without knowing your locale, it's tough to give you specific direction, but it's likely the county/city/state has a way to provide these services. You know what? I live in a state that has closed most of its mental hospitals, refused the Medicaid expansion, etc., but these services are still available to anyone who requests intake. The hardest part is finding the agency to contact.
If this is keeping you from working, you're disabled at least temporarily. If you have work credits, claim SSDI.
If this is keeping you from working, you're disabled at least temporarily. If you have work credits, claim SSDI.
It's important that you are not alone with these thoughts. You need someone to talk with you, the person that would understand how you feel and be willing to listen. Then they can share their views with you as well. As previously mentioned, it doesn't have to be a professional - could be a friend, a family member.
If you feel there is no-one or you need more people - I am willing to give you my contact info.
If you feel there is no-one or you need more people - I am willing to give you my contact info.
Well, life is absurd. So to be honest there's not much reason to live.
However, during the time that I'm still here, whenever I feel like crap, I blame myself. If my thoughts are depressing me, then it's my job to change the thought patterns. Committing suicide seems like a cop-out to me. If it's to escape pain, I have to ask: where does the pain come from? Who made up the rules that I should be happy about this and that and I should be unhappy about this and that? Is it society? Is it my family? Nature? Well, if it were up to me, I'd rewrite the rules so that I win. And ultimately, I have to remember that it is in fact up to me to feel good or not.
Easier said than done, but this is the outlook that makes me reject feeling like crap. Remember, your thoughts don't define you. Just because you're the one thinking certain thoughts doesn't mean you should accept them all: pick and choose which ones you allow and which ones you should consider alien. Negative thoughts can be ignored, they can be changed. Meditation. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Travel to foreign lands.
However, during the time that I'm still here, whenever I feel like crap, I blame myself. If my thoughts are depressing me, then it's my job to change the thought patterns. Committing suicide seems like a cop-out to me. If it's to escape pain, I have to ask: where does the pain come from? Who made up the rules that I should be happy about this and that and I should be unhappy about this and that? Is it society? Is it my family? Nature? Well, if it were up to me, I'd rewrite the rules so that I win. And ultimately, I have to remember that it is in fact up to me to feel good or not.
Easier said than done, but this is the outlook that makes me reject feeling like crap. Remember, your thoughts don't define you. Just because you're the one thinking certain thoughts doesn't mean you should accept them all: pick and choose which ones you allow and which ones you should consider alien. Negative thoughts can be ignored, they can be changed. Meditation. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Travel to foreign lands.
Why? Your eventual answer may be different from mine, but my character is a really stubborn SOB. I say keep living because to take you down will take being ran over by a Mack truck.
I've had my confidence shattered as well. It happens and can take years to recover it. I for one, am going out kicking and screaming. You've made it this far, saying "f the world" isn't offing yourself. It's bitterly going down to the last round.
I told my boss at work that my gravestone will never say "he was afraid to speak up for himself" or "he was afraid to take his shot". Because I'm not going out quietly, nor am I living meekishly. Speak out when you sense injustice. Join me, make yourself and presence heard.
I'd recommend if you're feeling that down, maybe try a change of scenery. Go to Costa Rica or someplace in Mexico, sit on the beach for weeks and drink beer. Find someone to have sex with, even if you have to pay for it. Use a rubber.
There's no way it's impossible for you to snap out of this. You can, and you will. I hope my words help you.
I've had my confidence shattered as well. It happens and can take years to recover it. I for one, am going out kicking and screaming. You've made it this far, saying "f the world" isn't offing yourself. It's bitterly going down to the last round.
I told my boss at work that my gravestone will never say "he was afraid to speak up for himself" or "he was afraid to take his shot". Because I'm not going out quietly, nor am I living meekishly. Speak out when you sense injustice. Join me, make yourself and presence heard.
I'd recommend if you're feeling that down, maybe try a change of scenery. Go to Costa Rica or someplace in Mexico, sit on the beach for weeks and drink beer. Find someone to have sex with, even if you have to pay for it. Use a rubber.
There's no way it's impossible for you to snap out of this. You can, and you will. I hope my words help you.
Seeing as your posting here I'll assume you are of a logical bent.
One of the only certainties in life is that you will ultimately die. So why hasten it? You may as well just continue existing, you'll definitely die eventually.
Lets consider our lives like a video game, the score you get at the end is the sum total of all the happiness and joy you've experienced in your life.
Even if nothing good happens in all the decades of the rest of your natural life, that time would still not affect your score, neither a net loss or a net gain.
Also, this is an incredibly unlikely scenario. Moments of joy an happiness do have a tendency to happen to humans over time, so if you try to live as long as possible your almost certain to increase your score.
I know at times it may seem like you will never again experience joy, but you can refute this by finding examples of times when you felt like you would never again experience joy, and then subsequently did experience some joy. Even in your short post there is one example.. "I went through a very long period of my life where I was horrendously depressed" followed by.. "I finally got over it last year when I started doing small kind gestures for the people I care about."
Also in the meantime, you could occupy yourself by achieving and adhering to a strict daily regimen: have a normal sleeping pattern, get 20 minutes of vigorous exercise each day, eat healthily.
It would be a probabilistic miracle for you to not have some amazing moments ahead of you.
One of the only certainties in life is that you will ultimately die. So why hasten it? You may as well just continue existing, you'll definitely die eventually.
Lets consider our lives like a video game, the score you get at the end is the sum total of all the happiness and joy you've experienced in your life.
Even if nothing good happens in all the decades of the rest of your natural life, that time would still not affect your score, neither a net loss or a net gain.
Also, this is an incredibly unlikely scenario. Moments of joy an happiness do have a tendency to happen to humans over time, so if you try to live as long as possible your almost certain to increase your score.
I know at times it may seem like you will never again experience joy, but you can refute this by finding examples of times when you felt like you would never again experience joy, and then subsequently did experience some joy. Even in your short post there is one example.. "I went through a very long period of my life where I was horrendously depressed" followed by.. "I finally got over it last year when I started doing small kind gestures for the people I care about."
Also in the meantime, you could occupy yourself by achieving and adhering to a strict daily regimen: have a normal sleeping pattern, get 20 minutes of vigorous exercise each day, eat healthily.
It would be a probabilistic miracle for you to not have some amazing moments ahead of you.
Death is not certain, it's just at this point still quite likely. But today with the rapidly advancing rate of research in medical technology, it is within the realm of the possible for someone to never die.
You may be suffering from depression caused by a neurochemical imbalance. My daughter similarly suffered. It took a frustratingly long time to get everything sorted out but they eventually determined she had a neurochemical imbalance and then it took a frustratingly long time to develop a chemotherapy that worked.
That was a little over a two years ago. Now you wouldn't recognize her because she's so happy and vibrant - very far from when she was found unconscious alongside the road as a result of an attempted suicide and taken to the hospital by a Good Samaritan.
But it hasn't been easy and she couldn't have done it herself. You need friends and family to help you through this and you need to be brutally honest with them. Mental health is the least understood health issue. You're correct that thinking happy thoughts won't make the depression go away. You're correct that thinking positive thoughts won't make the depression go away. You're sick and you need medical help. It's no different from having cancer or an abscessed tooth - you're sick and you need medical assistance, and you need a patient advocate because mental healthcare in the United States is appalling.
Good luck and remember you're not alone. Many people have beat this illness and you can too!
That was a little over a two years ago. Now you wouldn't recognize her because she's so happy and vibrant - very far from when she was found unconscious alongside the road as a result of an attempted suicide and taken to the hospital by a Good Samaritan.
But it hasn't been easy and she couldn't have done it herself. You need friends and family to help you through this and you need to be brutally honest with them. Mental health is the least understood health issue. You're correct that thinking happy thoughts won't make the depression go away. You're correct that thinking positive thoughts won't make the depression go away. You're sick and you need medical help. It's no different from having cancer or an abscessed tooth - you're sick and you need medical assistance, and you need a patient advocate because mental healthcare in the United States is appalling.
Good luck and remember you're not alone. Many people have beat this illness and you can too!
Feeling anxious and depressed for no discernible reason is the definition of clinical depression/anxiety. Please understand that, just as if you had a foot cut off and was bleeding profusely, you are acutely sick. Hence you need professional help. Nothing shameful about that, just like there's no shame in asking for a doctor to put your broken leg back together.
You would be surprised how common this is, even among "successful" valley founders.
Good luck. Get help today.
You would be surprised how common this is, even among "successful" valley founders.
Good luck. Get help today.
I've been through some of this myself, and have several friends who've gone through it as well.
I cannot recommend finding a good cognitive-behavioural therapist enough. Cognitive behavioural therapy with a good therapist actually helps; I've seen it with other people and myself.
Outside of that, personally I've that while external validation like you're trying can be nice, it doesn't always fight off intrinsic issues. For short term things, I've found going back to things I know I enjoy or used to enjoy helpful--finding friends I haven't hung out with in a while, or a videogame I know I like to play, or a favourite TV show, or a personal project I used to care about. I usually don't want to do these things before I start, but find they're easier to get back into than I expect.
This can be really tough, and I'm sorry you're going through it. But it is something you can get through!
But please find a good therapist (who lists cognitive behavioural therapy as something they specialize in)! And if the first person you find isn't someone you like, try another. I promise there are wonderful ones out there!
I cannot recommend finding a good cognitive-behavioural therapist enough. Cognitive behavioural therapy with a good therapist actually helps; I've seen it with other people and myself.
Outside of that, personally I've that while external validation like you're trying can be nice, it doesn't always fight off intrinsic issues. For short term things, I've found going back to things I know I enjoy or used to enjoy helpful--finding friends I haven't hung out with in a while, or a videogame I know I like to play, or a favourite TV show, or a personal project I used to care about. I usually don't want to do these things before I start, but find they're easier to get back into than I expect.
This can be really tough, and I'm sorry you're going through it. But it is something you can get through!
But please find a good therapist (who lists cognitive behavioural therapy as something they specialize in)! And if the first person you find isn't someone you like, try another. I promise there are wonderful ones out there!
Suicidal thinking is always something you need to see a good doctor for. A woman finding a small hard lump in the breast or a man finding a small hard lump on a testicle would see a doctor right away. I know you say you can't afford it but you need to talk to a doctor before you say you can't afford it.
Anxiety and depression respond well to cognitive behaviour therapy. Ideally this is done with an experienced qualified registered therapist but it's possible to do it yourself by book or website.
"Mind over Mood" is a good, recommended, book. http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0898621283/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=...
A websearch for the English "books on prescription" scheme will return curated lists of good books.
"Mood Gym" is a recommended website. https://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome
But it is most important that you see a doctor.
Anxiety and depression respond well to cognitive behaviour therapy. Ideally this is done with an experienced qualified registered therapist but it's possible to do it yourself by book or website.
"Mind over Mood" is a good, recommended, book. http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0898621283/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=...
A websearch for the English "books on prescription" scheme will return curated lists of good books.
"Mood Gym" is a recommended website. https://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome
But it is most important that you see a doctor.
Sorry, I don't live in Silicon Valley where everyone has a six figure salary and the solution for feeling bad is to see a doctor. So many of the reasons why I don't stem from money issues, but also time issues (I'll probably never get days off, vacation time, etc. at my current gig, and that eats up 11-13 hours per day including travel because of the bus system here).
You asked for advice. Seeking medical attention for a medical condition is good advice. What you do with that advice is up to you. You're free to ignore that advice. But you shouldn't dismiss it for bogus reasons; just be honest and say that you don't want to see a doctor.
I'm sorry you think the undisclosed circumstances of my life are bogus and that I am a dishonest person. From a throwaway account to hide my identity, there's no possible defense I can mount against an accusation of dishonesty. But my circumstances aren't as simple as "do I want to see a doctor? [y/n]"
I know you're in a bad place at the moment so you may find it a little hard to get some perspective on some of the advice you're being given.
Let's say, for argument's sake, that one of the underlying factors with you is neurochemical or at any rate neurological. This isn't an unwarranted assumption because we know that the hopelessness that you feel is in your mind (I don't mean imagined, I mean that these are mental states) and we know the mind is the brain. Your circumstances (money-related, time-related) notwithstanding it seems like really really good advice to go see someone who does brain-stuff, either a doctor or a counsellor.
DanBC is _not_ saying that the undisclosed circumstances of your life are bogus - he is saying that using the (undisclosed) circumstances of your life as excuses or _reasons_ for not seeking professional help is bogus. And without sounding harsh, I'd have to agree. I'm sure there are at least some kind of charitable organisations out your way that'll see you free of charge (and if these conflict with your hours of work and you can't possibly take a day off) then there are 24-hour (toll-free) helplines, websites, what have you.
If you really feel that you are in a hopeless situation and you're contemplating an irreversible act then don't you owe it to yourself to thoroughly investigate every option?
There are many times that I didn't and many years later I now wish I had; could have spared me a lot of suffering and pain.
Let's say, for argument's sake, that one of the underlying factors with you is neurochemical or at any rate neurological. This isn't an unwarranted assumption because we know that the hopelessness that you feel is in your mind (I don't mean imagined, I mean that these are mental states) and we know the mind is the brain. Your circumstances (money-related, time-related) notwithstanding it seems like really really good advice to go see someone who does brain-stuff, either a doctor or a counsellor.
DanBC is _not_ saying that the undisclosed circumstances of your life are bogus - he is saying that using the (undisclosed) circumstances of your life as excuses or _reasons_ for not seeking professional help is bogus. And without sounding harsh, I'd have to agree. I'm sure there are at least some kind of charitable organisations out your way that'll see you free of charge (and if these conflict with your hours of work and you can't possibly take a day off) then there are 24-hour (toll-free) helplines, websites, what have you.
If you really feel that you are in a hopeless situation and you're contemplating an irreversible act then don't you owe it to yourself to thoroughly investigate every option?
There are many times that I didn't and many years later I now wish I had; could have spared me a lot of suffering and pain.
I'm not suicial now, but I have seen doctors about this in the past.
I was suicidal because I felt like my life had no control. The way this has was treated is to have me committed, where I have to spend the little energy I have convincing people I'm normal and sane so they'll let me go, and I will regain the control of being at least capable in theory to take my life. I come out of it much worse than how I came in.
I would love a good doctor, or even an understanding person to talk to. It's easy to snap your fingers and prescribe that, but for some people it feels hopeless to realize you may never get it.
It's called a downward spiral for a reason. One of my life goals, if I can get to it, would be to dismantle the terrible mental health infrastructure of the Western world and replace it with science and compassion.
I was suicidal because I felt like my life had no control. The way this has was treated is to have me committed, where I have to spend the little energy I have convincing people I'm normal and sane so they'll let me go, and I will regain the control of being at least capable in theory to take my life. I come out of it much worse than how I came in.
I would love a good doctor, or even an understanding person to talk to. It's easy to snap your fingers and prescribe that, but for some people it feels hopeless to realize you may never get it.
It's called a downward spiral for a reason. One of my life goals, if I can get to it, would be to dismantle the terrible mental health infrastructure of the Western world and replace it with science and compassion.
Good job of scaring someone away from getting actual medical advice rather than the fucking bullshit being spewed in this thread.
Excuse the cheesy line, but this life is all you've got. Don't throw it away.
My parents were murdered just under 10 years ago. I have spent the last decade fighting depression, PTSD, and a society that doesn't know how to deal with extreme emotional effects. I feel like I'm finally getting out of that hole. It has taken a long time.
Your recent anxiety sounds like the late effects of PTSD, or some other trauma related condition. I would highly recommend speaking to a professional (actually, speak to as many as it takes to find one you like). You aren't alone, and your condition isn't unique. There will be good advice out there.
As to people being happier when you're around, That's usually a good "life" metric to check, but in times of personal crisis, you want to think about you. Who are you happiest around? Can you talk to them about your feelings? If not, can you spend more time with them?
Life is sometimes hard, and "sometimes" can last a long time, but there will be good bits, then better bits, then eventually, the majority will hopefully be good.
My parents were murdered just under 10 years ago. I have spent the last decade fighting depression, PTSD, and a society that doesn't know how to deal with extreme emotional effects. I feel like I'm finally getting out of that hole. It has taken a long time.
Your recent anxiety sounds like the late effects of PTSD, or some other trauma related condition. I would highly recommend speaking to a professional (actually, speak to as many as it takes to find one you like). You aren't alone, and your condition isn't unique. There will be good advice out there.
As to people being happier when you're around, That's usually a good "life" metric to check, but in times of personal crisis, you want to think about you. Who are you happiest around? Can you talk to them about your feelings? If not, can you spend more time with them?
Life is sometimes hard, and "sometimes" can last a long time, but there will be good bits, then better bits, then eventually, the majority will hopefully be good.
Maybe you can look at life this way.
The universe is billions of years old. And it will exist for billions of years more. A long, long time.
And we each exist for a very brief span of time in comparison. Less than an eyeblink, relative to that.
You have a rare opportunity to live, see, and experience all kinds of things.
The universe will go on long after us. So there is plenty of time to be dead... later. Plenty of time. No need to rush that.
Live now.
The universe is billions of years old. And it will exist for billions of years more. A long, long time.
And we each exist for a very brief span of time in comparison. Less than an eyeblink, relative to that.
You have a rare opportunity to live, see, and experience all kinds of things.
The universe will go on long after us. So there is plenty of time to be dead... later. Plenty of time. No need to rush that.
Live now.
Find a way to spend time with kids. I find kids are consistently better at knowing how to "be" than adults, and they can help you reset how to perceive reality.
In my shirt pocket, I always carry stickers from a game I'm working on. Whenever I bump into a parent wrangling kids, I offer the parent stickers with this line, "In case these are of some use."
I do not explain they're from my game, nor do they have any branding on them. It's not about that. It's about making a kid happy with a sticker, and it works.
They do all kinds of things with them, from sticking them on themselves to immediately creating stories behind them. The good parents usually remind their kids to "thank the nice man for the stickers" and then they proceed to be good kids and deliver perfectly adorable "thank you"'s.
I've seen and done a lot of things, and it'll sound trite, but not nothing can compare to making a kid smile.
In my shirt pocket, I always carry stickers from a game I'm working on. Whenever I bump into a parent wrangling kids, I offer the parent stickers with this line, "In case these are of some use."
I do not explain they're from my game, nor do they have any branding on them. It's not about that. It's about making a kid happy with a sticker, and it works.
They do all kinds of things with them, from sticking them on themselves to immediately creating stories behind them. The good parents usually remind their kids to "thank the nice man for the stickers" and then they proceed to be good kids and deliver perfectly adorable "thank you"'s.
I've seen and done a lot of things, and it'll sound trite, but not nothing can compare to making a kid smile.
Dear OP, your second user account (an_tye_h3ro) is getting auto-killed, which you won't notice while logged in, so only people with showdead enabled can see comments from that account. I've sent an email to HN about it but they're probably fast asleep right now. Maybe see if you can post on the original throwaway again?
Additionally, there's a dead comment from streetwiseherc you might want to read which will show up if you enable showdead in your profile
Hope you feel better soon
edit: I see you noticed just before I commented and posted asking why you've been shadowbanned - FYI, it's an automatic thing if HN detects a new account from the Tor network. Mods will normally undo the ban once they notice, if they think it isn't deserved.
Additionally, there's a dead comment from streetwiseherc you might want to read which will show up if you enable showdead in your profile
Hope you feel better soon
edit: I see you noticed just before I commented and posted asking why you've been shadowbanned - FYI, it's an automatic thing if HN detects a new account from the Tor network. Mods will normally undo the ban once they notice, if they think it isn't deserved.
Just to clarify so OP doesn't think their being targeted on purpose: new accounts over Tor are prone to automatic bans.
[deleted]
It's times like this that I wish had a botnet lol
I think it's very important to understand and accept that what you are feeling is not a normal state. I would say try to think focus your efforts on arriving at the normal state; of being able to feel pleasure and happiness. Depression is well within the range of human emotion, but you must understand the other parts of the range, and work towards them! As it has already been said, it sounds like what you're feeling is chemical, and you should try to address that -- you can't easily rationalize depression away if its in fact chemical.
BTW, I am very happy to hear that you've been helping the needy and being selfless in general :-)!
BTW, I am very happy to hear that you've been helping the needy and being selfless in general :-)!
TLDR: check out vipassana meditation - it's free and I use it to stay calm.
I'm also from a country without great access to health care(Ukraine) :)
My experience is about remembering the moment in my life where I was lying on the floor, then saying in rattling voice "I've decided to live" and getting on my feet. Not sure what was the reason to live before that :)
Now it's probably more about things to look forward to. Mine thing is hanging out with children(they're so energetic!). If you're on hacker news, you probably know some programming, if so maybe volunteering as a teacher for an orphanage can be an inspiring thing to do?
I'm also from a country without great access to health care(Ukraine) :)
My experience is about remembering the moment in my life where I was lying on the floor, then saying in rattling voice "I've decided to live" and getting on my feet. Not sure what was the reason to live before that :)
Now it's probably more about things to look forward to. Mine thing is hanging out with children(they're so energetic!). If you're on hacker news, you probably know some programming, if so maybe volunteering as a teacher for an orphanage can be an inspiring thing to do?
You seem like a smart fellow. Problem with emotions is that sometimes they doesn't seem so rational - its hard to figure out whats going on with us.
I would strongly suggest you lean on someone (friends, family, professional, a suport group) until you can figure out a plan to escape.
To answer your question, my reasons for living is finding happiness from inside - I try to learn how to be happy when either it's raining or sunny, rich or poor, single or married - etc.
If you (or anyone!) wants to have a chat my email is my profile.
I would strongly suggest you lean on someone (friends, family, professional, a suport group) until you can figure out a plan to escape.
To answer your question, my reasons for living is finding happiness from inside - I try to learn how to be happy when either it's raining or sunny, rich or poor, single or married - etc.
If you (or anyone!) wants to have a chat my email is my profile.
If you've got even a little bit of love to give to the world, bud, keep giving, keep living. In time, it comes back.
But don't just rely on Hacker News. Seek out others, in the flesh, face-to-face. Get some help. Don't try to feel okay by yourself. There's nothing wrong with feeling like shit. But there are a lot of people out there who've been through what you're going through and who want to help. Find someone objective to talk to -- a therapist, or a support group -- and keep coming back to them until you get to the bottom of what's going on.
As for me -- my girlfriend of many years is gone. I'm alone, working a job I don't like, living in a fairly expensive town with no friends who live close by. Believe me when I say that I've felt like calling it a done deal. I keep going because there are people out there who've invested in me and who care, because I have a dog who needs me to walk him every damned day, because I do have good people in my life, because I do have work to do even if I don't always like it, and because I've been alive long enough to know that, given time, the wheel turns 'round.
I won't tell you to cheer up. That's bullshit advice. I will tell you to dig deep, find something that matters to you, and stick around.
But don't just rely on Hacker News. Seek out others, in the flesh, face-to-face. Get some help. Don't try to feel okay by yourself. There's nothing wrong with feeling like shit. But there are a lot of people out there who've been through what you're going through and who want to help. Find someone objective to talk to -- a therapist, or a support group -- and keep coming back to them until you get to the bottom of what's going on.
As for me -- my girlfriend of many years is gone. I'm alone, working a job I don't like, living in a fairly expensive town with no friends who live close by. Believe me when I say that I've felt like calling it a done deal. I keep going because there are people out there who've invested in me and who care, because I have a dog who needs me to walk him every damned day, because I do have good people in my life, because I do have work to do even if I don't always like it, and because I've been alive long enough to know that, given time, the wheel turns 'round.
I won't tell you to cheer up. That's bullshit advice. I will tell you to dig deep, find something that matters to you, and stick around.
Life is about the journey, not the destination. I'll give you a quote that inspired me lately, I found it somehow after trying to track down a similar Interstellar quote. I like this one better as it describes my nature, that is probably similar to many other people's nature here, and maybe you if you identify in the hacker spirit. The quote is, I think, a better version of a West Wing quote and the person is responding to someone asking what business do we have to continue in our exploration of space:
"But you go to the moon 'cause it's next. We came out of the cave, went over the hill, crossed the ocean, pioneered a continent and took to the heavens. We were meant to be explorers. Explorers, builders and protectors."
I feel I owe it to all the people that preceded us from the cavemen to Einstein; from the strong to the intelligent, from the brave and daring to the prudent caretaker, we owe it to the people that innovated and broke with the past and those that helped preserve it. I feel we owe them to keep pushing forward and upwards! This is our nature.
Take on an ambitious goal and share it with others, or join someone else's goal and try to enjoy the journey. If you find your way whatever it may be you'll look forward to tomorrow!
"But you go to the moon 'cause it's next. We came out of the cave, went over the hill, crossed the ocean, pioneered a continent and took to the heavens. We were meant to be explorers. Explorers, builders and protectors."
I feel I owe it to all the people that preceded us from the cavemen to Einstein; from the strong to the intelligent, from the brave and daring to the prudent caretaker, we owe it to the people that innovated and broke with the past and those that helped preserve it. I feel we owe them to keep pushing forward and upwards! This is our nature.
Take on an ambitious goal and share it with others, or join someone else's goal and try to enjoy the journey. If you find your way whatever it may be you'll look forward to tomorrow!
> basically I had all of my dreams in life shattered [...]. The long-term stress robbed me of any self-confidence.
The following might apply to you or not - you have to decide yourself: You might have connected your self-confidence to your goals or dreams or success and are possibly also comparing yourself to others (jealousy). You need to let go of all that, since love for life is at the very bottom of everything, and does not come by struggling for it. There are countless reasons to live, as you have surely experienced before - you just can't see them right now. This will change eventually, and it's worth to stick around to get to see it. So that's one thing. The other thing is the situation you find yourself in, which you still might want to improve. To do that without becoming depressed, try to reserve a fixed amount of time to work toward any goals, without becoming attached to them. Just put in the effort every day for a fixed amount of time. If the things you want to change can't be changed by working towards them, you need to let them go, too.
Does this ring a bell? If not, each depression is different - and I hope some of the other comments help you.
The following might apply to you or not - you have to decide yourself: You might have connected your self-confidence to your goals or dreams or success and are possibly also comparing yourself to others (jealousy). You need to let go of all that, since love for life is at the very bottom of everything, and does not come by struggling for it. There are countless reasons to live, as you have surely experienced before - you just can't see them right now. This will change eventually, and it's worth to stick around to get to see it. So that's one thing. The other thing is the situation you find yourself in, which you still might want to improve. To do that without becoming depressed, try to reserve a fixed amount of time to work toward any goals, without becoming attached to them. Just put in the effort every day for a fixed amount of time. If the things you want to change can't be changed by working towards them, you need to let them go, too.
Does this ring a bell? If not, each depression is different - and I hope some of the other comments help you.
You mention a) return of depressive episodes, b) no funds.
For a):
There's a method that was developed recently by a couple of very qualified people, specifically to overcome the problem of the relapse of depression. It's based on the practice of "Mindful meditation" and the book (with CD) is called "The Mindful Way Through Depression". The program lasts 8 weeks. You'll do exercises everyday and you'll learn the tool(s) to stop any relapse right when it threatens to take over your life again. And there's scientific proof that this program actually really does re-wire your brain: news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2011/01/eight-weeks-to-a-better-brain/
For b):
Here are the gems:
The audio files you'll need to do the exercises: https://thepiratebay.se/torrent/4180277/Mindful_Way_Through_...
The book (pdf) you'll need to read: http://www.torrentz.com/3935b3cbcfc33c14d45fa8eefada3210347b...
For a):
There's a method that was developed recently by a couple of very qualified people, specifically to overcome the problem of the relapse of depression. It's based on the practice of "Mindful meditation" and the book (with CD) is called "The Mindful Way Through Depression". The program lasts 8 weeks. You'll do exercises everyday and you'll learn the tool(s) to stop any relapse right when it threatens to take over your life again. And there's scientific proof that this program actually really does re-wire your brain: news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2011/01/eight-weeks-to-a-better-brain/
For b):
Here are the gems:
The audio files you'll need to do the exercises: https://thepiratebay.se/torrent/4180277/Mindful_Way_Through_...
The book (pdf) you'll need to read: http://www.torrentz.com/3935b3cbcfc33c14d45fa8eefada3210347b...
Dear Soul,
Above all else, please remember that this will always be true: No matter what "IT" is that shattered your dreams or caused your run-in with the law or brought about your recent upset, IT IS TEMPORARY AND WILL PASS. Everything passes...time, sadness, and yes, even the good times. But please know that you will only experience happiness from within when you understand that these things are temporary.
YOU AND YOU ALONE are the master of your world because only you can change your perception of what goes on around you. Once you accept that these negative experiences are temporary AND you have the ability to DECIDE whether these TEMPORARY things are going to cost you the most Precious gift you've been given (life), then you'll have no more thoughts of suicide. You'll understand how your life is worth living AND you'll begin to see how your absence would impact the lives of those you love.
Think back to when you were a child and got hurt. Did that physical pain last forever? This won't either...
Take care of you. YOU are PRECIOUS and you are LOVED.
Above all else, please remember that this will always be true: No matter what "IT" is that shattered your dreams or caused your run-in with the law or brought about your recent upset, IT IS TEMPORARY AND WILL PASS. Everything passes...time, sadness, and yes, even the good times. But please know that you will only experience happiness from within when you understand that these things are temporary.
YOU AND YOU ALONE are the master of your world because only you can change your perception of what goes on around you. Once you accept that these negative experiences are temporary AND you have the ability to DECIDE whether these TEMPORARY things are going to cost you the most Precious gift you've been given (life), then you'll have no more thoughts of suicide. You'll understand how your life is worth living AND you'll begin to see how your absence would impact the lives of those you love.
Think back to when you were a child and got hurt. Did that physical pain last forever? This won't either...
Take care of you. YOU are PRECIOUS and you are LOVED.
"""
Once you accept that these negative experiences are temporary . . . then you'll have no more thoughts of suicide.
"""
Curiosity really. Things will happen in the next 50 years that I'd like to learn/know/see/do, and something (life) is better than nothing (death). Even if I knew in that all the broader goals of my life I would fail and be miserable, I'd still derive some pleasure from reading and learning and just observing humanity as a whole. Allie Brosh wrote two excellent blogs about depression that you may enjoy (or at least relate to, my partner swore this was the best explanation for her depression): http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com.au/2011/10/adventures-...
http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com.au/2013/05/depression-...
I won't diminish your feelings by claiming this is a total solution, but getting regular exercise has really helped me come back from the place of despair I was in a few months ago. You don't need to be fit; I definitely wasn't. Something as simple as walking for an hour or two a day is free and has huge benefits; it'll get you up and outside of your normal environment, shake up your routine/rut, improve your sleep and hopefully help get you some of those feel-good chemicals pumping again. Any weight loss or fitness gains are a nice self-esteem boosting cherry on top.
I enjoy listening to audiobooks and podcasts while I'm out doing my daily 6 miles. Is there a book you really like, or one you've been really wanting to read? Get the audiobook and commit to a walking experiment for the 10-20 hours it takes to listen through that one book.
I enjoy listening to audiobooks and podcasts while I'm out doing my daily 6 miles. Is there a book you really like, or one you've been really wanting to read? Get the audiobook and commit to a walking experiment for the 10-20 hours it takes to listen through that one book.
> when I suddenly started feeling anxious and depressed for no discernible reason
This sounds chemical! Medication helped me, try it!
This sounds chemical! Medication helped me, try it!
Medication is a luxury some people literally can't afford. I'm one of them.
I have so many things I haven't done yet.
I have so many people I haven't met yet.
Life is a short and most likely one time thing. We might as well see what we can make of it and who we can impact in a positive way.
Please talk to your friends and family if you start having harmful thoughts.
Life is a short and most likely one time thing. We might as well see what we can make of it and who we can impact in a positive way.
Please talk to your friends and family if you start having harmful thoughts.
Call this number right now. Right now.
1 (800) 273-8255
I will not be calling any strange number until I've found a way to make truly anonymous phone calls (e.g. something in the realm of RedPhone + onion routing like Tor).
They also have chat: http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/GetHelp/LifelineCha...
But it's limited to US IPs. Using Tor browser, you can specify US exits. See https://tor.stackexchange.com/questions/4732/google-play-sto... You put the configuration options in ./Data/Tor/torrc-defaults. See https://tor.stackexchange.com/questions/1065/what-happened-t...
But it's limited to US IPs. Using Tor browser, you can specify US exits. See https://tor.stackexchange.com/questions/4732/google-play-sto... You put the configuration options in ./Data/Tor/torrc-defaults. See https://tor.stackexchange.com/questions/1065/what-happened-t...
Eh, okay I get what you mean, then at least read this; it's gotten me through some tough times:
http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/
http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/
Post limit hit. New account, it is! (Also, Tor :D)
I've actually already read this before, years ago when I was at my worst.
I've actually already read this before, years ago when I was at my worst.
Use a pay-phone or buy a burner phone with a pre-paid card
Isn't it weird to care about that at a time like this?
It's fairly reasonable to care about privacy when it comes to sensitive topics like this. Maybe the OP isn't ready for people to know his identity yet.
My two cents:
Try meditating (specifically with the HeadSpace app if you own a smartphone). Meditating helps you concentrate on the present instead of thinking of the past. For example when I take a walk outside, it helps me appreciate it a lot more even if its cold and uncomfortable. And I don't spend time thinking of useless stuff like I should have worked more at school, or I should have done this and that.
Now you can try this app for free, but I think after 10 courses you have to pay for it. I have a 3 months trial coupon if you want, just contact me through my personal website and I'll send you a coupon: http://andrei.pervychine.com
Try meditating (specifically with the HeadSpace app if you own a smartphone). Meditating helps you concentrate on the present instead of thinking of the past. For example when I take a walk outside, it helps me appreciate it a lot more even if its cold and uncomfortable. And I don't spend time thinking of useless stuff like I should have worked more at school, or I should have done this and that.
Now you can try this app for free, but I think after 10 courses you have to pay for it. I have a 3 months trial coupon if you want, just contact me through my personal website and I'll send you a coupon: http://andrei.pervychine.com
"All human wisdom is contained in these two words: wait and hope."
Sorry man, that's all I got.
Sorry man, that's all I got.
Thanks for trying :)
>>>I won't go into the details that led up to this event<<<<
Fix the problem and then go ahead and do whatever you want. Atleast you would be helping one other person. One you have crossed the line, there are no rules,nothing to stop you. Problems are created by people or a group of people. Fix the problem and you will watch problems run to the hills. Yes you will have to pay a price for all this.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I5UBikauIQM
http://codepad.org/LMNJWE6X
They say "Life is suffering". You want to choose to the easy route or the hard way, i leave it upto you.
Read upon Irom Sharmila.If you can do that , you are beyond anything. Nothing can stop you.
Fix the problem and then go ahead and do whatever you want. Atleast you would be helping one other person. One you have crossed the line, there are no rules,nothing to stop you. Problems are created by people or a group of people. Fix the problem and you will watch problems run to the hills. Yes you will have to pay a price for all this.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I5UBikauIQM
http://codepad.org/LMNJWE6X
They say "Life is suffering". You want to choose to the easy route or the hard way, i leave it upto you.
Read upon Irom Sharmila.If you can do that , you are beyond anything. Nothing can stop you.
Well, there seems to be no ultimate purpose. Life will take whatever purpose you want to give it. No purpose, if it gives you happiness, is a less perfect purpose. It could be a simple or complex reason, but its aptness will only depend on its ability to motivate you / make you happy and nothing else.
We are but a speck of dust in the unraveling of the universe, and there is no less or more important purpose if we consider the scale at which we exist. We all have risen from this earth, and to it we shall return in time. But for the time we are here, let's not squander away our precious time. Let's do something to make it count for ourselves.
TLDR: check out vipassana meditation - it's free and I use it to stay calm.
I'm also from a country without great access to health care(Ukraine) :)
My experience is about remembering the moment in my life where I was lying on the floor, then saying in rattling voice "I've decided to live" and getting on my feet. Not sure what was the reason to live before that :)
Now it's probably more about things to look forward to. Mine thing is hanging out with children(they're so energetic!). If you're on hacker news, you probably know some programming, if so maybe volunteering as a teacher for an orphanage can be a nice thing to do?
I'm also from a country without great access to health care(Ukraine) :)
My experience is about remembering the moment in my life where I was lying on the floor, then saying in rattling voice "I've decided to live" and getting on my feet. Not sure what was the reason to live before that :)
Now it's probably more about things to look forward to. Mine thing is hanging out with children(they're so energetic!). If you're on hacker news, you probably know some programming, if so maybe volunteering as a teacher for an orphanage can be a nice thing to do?
Get up, get ready, have breakfast, and start writing. Write in your journal / diary every day (it has to be pen / pencil and paper, not keyboard-based online journal; not sure why it works that way). Even if you think there is nothing to write / say; you will be very surprised once the pen touches the paper. Then take a long walk. This combination helps a lot. It draws out the thoughts that may be under the radar of your consciousness and whose expression provides relief.
Summary : Write. Long walk.
All the best, man. I can only imagine what State-persecution does to a person.
Summary : Write. Long walk.
All the best, man. I can only imagine what State-persecution does to a person.
> it has to be pen / pencil and paper, not keyboard-based online journal
Does anyone know why this is? I've seen this sentiment quite a few times now.
Does anyone know why this is? I've seen this sentiment quite a few times now.
I'd be interested in this, too. It is ridiculous the number of times I sat down with the feeling that there is nothing new to write, only to get up an hour or so later with my hand paining from having written / drawn continuously for pages and pages!
In fact, I am worried that OP, seemingly an accomplished hacker, will not heed my advice and try just typing or maybe OneNote. OP, I spent $2000 on a tablet PC with OneNote + pen to realize that it simply isn't even in the same league as good old writing.
manmukh, one reason this seems to the case is that writing is a slow-bandwidth activity, and forces the mind into what I call "walking mode", i.e., it is well-known that walking fosters creativity by putting one in this special floating / limbo state of mind where new thoughts and new connections arise naturally. Writing seems to provoke the same state of mind by being slow! It is as if the mind goes to take a walk while the hand finishes it's duty of serializing the last bunch of thoughts...:-)
In fact, I am worried that OP, seemingly an accomplished hacker, will not heed my advice and try just typing or maybe OneNote. OP, I spent $2000 on a tablet PC with OneNote + pen to realize that it simply isn't even in the same league as good old writing.
manmukh, one reason this seems to the case is that writing is a slow-bandwidth activity, and forces the mind into what I call "walking mode", i.e., it is well-known that walking fosters creativity by putting one in this special floating / limbo state of mind where new thoughts and new connections arise naturally. Writing seems to provoke the same state of mind by being slow! It is as if the mind goes to take a walk while the hand finishes it's duty of serializing the last bunch of thoughts...:-)
Try both, each medium has benefits and downsides.
Bettering yourself, by constantly learning and experiencing new things, can be a great part of life.
Read some of the great books that exist in the world. They contain amazing thoughts that might change your entire mindset.
Read some of the great books that exist in the world. They contain amazing thoughts that might change your entire mindset.
I think you should get help. You either have health insurance now, or you qualify for a lot of government help. Almost everywhere in America now has some kind of mental health intervention. Please, go and look. Do not assume that you won't be able to afford it. Most clinics won't turn you away for that reason anyway.
Your depression is like an adversary, trying to kill you, and it is feeding you wrong thoughts. Some of them are obvious, depriving meaning from meaningful things, and some of them are not obvious, like the idea that you cannot get help for one reason or another. But it's just another tactic for your adversary.
I would guess that you need some friends. Having a "support network" is important. If you had one, you wouldn't be reaching out to strangers on HN. But, look at it this way—I haven't logged in to leave a comment in a year and a half, and I did for you. And you have two other people leaving comments, so clearly you are interesting enough to make some friends. So I would recommend you try and do that.
The rest of my advice is probably useless, but I'll say it anyway.
Sometimes when I get depressed I fantasize about going somewhere remote and just living in a cabin or something. I'm sure I'd be awful at it, but you know, if your alternative is killing yourself, you might as well try it. At least that way you can die of something exotic. Would you rather die because you were trying something dangerous in the hopes of enjoying it, or because you decided to call it quits early? Have you tried freighthopping? If you're going to kill yourself, you might as well get a free trip or two out of it. You might as well go down to the dangerous part of town and get into a fight. You might as well, I dunno, get an awful job like helping people move that pays rather well and blow it all on something frivolous.
I dunno. I suffer from depression myself but haven't been suicidal in a long time. The thing is that it's a disease, and treating your mood is treating the symptom. You probably need medication and counseling to treat the disease. But for me, a major turning point was regarding the negative thoughts as something adversarial, a manifestation of the disease, rather than just "truth." Another thing that helped me was that I had the faith that if I did kill myself, I would be depriving someone of their soulmate. Corny. But it's the truth, it helped me a lot. And now I know I was right to have faith in that.
I don't know. This probably isn't constructive. Try lots of things and talk to lots of people about it. Don't give up.
Oh, and get some sunlight (or vitamin D). And avoid street drugs. Ecstasy in particular can cause this.
Your depression is like an adversary, trying to kill you, and it is feeding you wrong thoughts. Some of them are obvious, depriving meaning from meaningful things, and some of them are not obvious, like the idea that you cannot get help for one reason or another. But it's just another tactic for your adversary.
I would guess that you need some friends. Having a "support network" is important. If you had one, you wouldn't be reaching out to strangers on HN. But, look at it this way—I haven't logged in to leave a comment in a year and a half, and I did for you. And you have two other people leaving comments, so clearly you are interesting enough to make some friends. So I would recommend you try and do that.
The rest of my advice is probably useless, but I'll say it anyway.
Sometimes when I get depressed I fantasize about going somewhere remote and just living in a cabin or something. I'm sure I'd be awful at it, but you know, if your alternative is killing yourself, you might as well try it. At least that way you can die of something exotic. Would you rather die because you were trying something dangerous in the hopes of enjoying it, or because you decided to call it quits early? Have you tried freighthopping? If you're going to kill yourself, you might as well get a free trip or two out of it. You might as well go down to the dangerous part of town and get into a fight. You might as well, I dunno, get an awful job like helping people move that pays rather well and blow it all on something frivolous.
I dunno. I suffer from depression myself but haven't been suicidal in a long time. The thing is that it's a disease, and treating your mood is treating the symptom. You probably need medication and counseling to treat the disease. But for me, a major turning point was regarding the negative thoughts as something adversarial, a manifestation of the disease, rather than just "truth." Another thing that helped me was that I had the faith that if I did kill myself, I would be depriving someone of their soulmate. Corny. But it's the truth, it helped me a lot. And now I know I was right to have faith in that.
I don't know. This probably isn't constructive. Try lots of things and talk to lots of people about it. Don't give up.
Oh, and get some sunlight (or vitamin D). And avoid street drugs. Ecstasy in particular can cause this.
Most of what was worth saying has been said already, so I'll just add a simple stone to the growing pile of rocks/comments that symbolise the fact that we care and want you to get better. This strange state of mind you're in will pass, one way or another. There are people around the world who, without even knowing you personally, empathise deeply and genuinely care about your continued existence.
You're not alone, though it may feel like that some time.
Every day that you continue to exist is a victory for all of us.
You're not alone, though it may feel like that some time.
Every day that you continue to exist is a victory for all of us.
Why keep living? Because it sure beats not-living. You'll have plenty of time to not live after you're not alive anymore. You might as well try out living while you're still alive.
Anxiety sucks. Personally, I tend to feel more anxious when I haven't been taking care of the basics - eating right, getting regular exercise, working on the things I told myself I'd work on, etc.. getting plenty of sleep etc.
The heart can be a fragile thing. You have to keep reminding it that everything will be alright.
Anxiety sucks. Personally, I tend to feel more anxious when I haven't been taking care of the basics - eating right, getting regular exercise, working on the things I told myself I'd work on, etc.. getting plenty of sleep etc.
The heart can be a fragile thing. You have to keep reminding it that everything will be alright.
Why keep living?
Because life is the master of all games, it's incredibly hard, but as long as you don't physically die there is always a new life waiting for you to start once you push that reset button.
There is nothing that compares to it, no other game is as rich, as deep and complex with endless opportunities for improvisation.
Have you ever played a game that you can't possibly win, but you kept trying, fighting, again and again, with a grin on your face because it was so epic? This is how life can be, once you let go of the fear of losing. No matter if everything is burning around you, if it keeps kicking you down, even adversity can become your power, your scream for meaningfulness in a mad mad world.
I had a really bad year in 2014. Anxiety attacks, dark thoughts, I know what you are going through. Meditation is what got me through. If you can't afford therapy you should really try.
Before you reject it of hand, I don't mean you should start believing crazy things about chakras and other stuff if that is not part of your culture. It doesn't matter if you are an atheist, a christian or a muslim, or whatever else, meditation itself is a scientific tool, it's how you become a researcher of your own mind. Just sit down, and for 20 minutes try to stick with your breathing. If you can, try to think about any people or things in your life that you are grateful for. That really does wonders.
I've found a lot of wisdom in Michael Carroll's books, that explain how to become fearless, using Buddhist teachings but without having to accept Buddhist dogmas. You can find them: http://www.amazon.com/Awake-Work-Practical-Principles-Discov... http://www.amazon.com/Fearless-Work-Confidence-Resilience-Cr...
Lastly, I've experienced a similar relapse after I was doing quite well for some time. Maybe what you are feeling now is the last fortress of darkness before everything becomes better again. Keep helping people, you will push through for sure.
Hope this helps
Because life is the master of all games, it's incredibly hard, but as long as you don't physically die there is always a new life waiting for you to start once you push that reset button.
There is nothing that compares to it, no other game is as rich, as deep and complex with endless opportunities for improvisation.
Have you ever played a game that you can't possibly win, but you kept trying, fighting, again and again, with a grin on your face because it was so epic? This is how life can be, once you let go of the fear of losing. No matter if everything is burning around you, if it keeps kicking you down, even adversity can become your power, your scream for meaningfulness in a mad mad world.
I had a really bad year in 2014. Anxiety attacks, dark thoughts, I know what you are going through. Meditation is what got me through. If you can't afford therapy you should really try.
Before you reject it of hand, I don't mean you should start believing crazy things about chakras and other stuff if that is not part of your culture. It doesn't matter if you are an atheist, a christian or a muslim, or whatever else, meditation itself is a scientific tool, it's how you become a researcher of your own mind. Just sit down, and for 20 minutes try to stick with your breathing. If you can, try to think about any people or things in your life that you are grateful for. That really does wonders.
I've found a lot of wisdom in Michael Carroll's books, that explain how to become fearless, using Buddhist teachings but without having to accept Buddhist dogmas. You can find them: http://www.amazon.com/Awake-Work-Practical-Principles-Discov... http://www.amazon.com/Fearless-Work-Confidence-Resilience-Cr...
Lastly, I've experienced a similar relapse after I was doing quite well for some time. Maybe what you are feeling now is the last fortress of darkness before everything becomes better again. Keep helping people, you will push through for sure.
Hope this helps
a few points:
1) You don't know (for absolutely certain) that being dead will be better. Since it is an irreversible step the risk/payoff is terrible.
2) Death comes for us all eventually, why the hurry? Why go to any effort to accelerate what is unavoidable. See point 1.
3) There are millions of tiny spots of wonder and brightness all around you but you have to work a bit to see them. The tiny rainbow in a dewdrop is an entire world of magic and knowledge but can still be easy to overlook.
4) I totally know where you are coming from, it would be so easy to stop swimming and just go under. But that is not the nature of life. Life is struggle & pain, anyone who tells you otherwise is selling something. Embrace the pain.
5) It has helped me a lot to brainwash my self with a bunch of positive inputs. A Phineas and Ferb marathon really helped me a few weeks ago when I was recovering from a physical illness & had slipped into depression in the wake of a tooth infection. Set myself up a huge collection of upbeat songs with great lyrics on Spotify.
To quote Candace: "Time is what you make of it, so take a chance. Life is full of music, so you oughta dance."
1) You don't know (for absolutely certain) that being dead will be better. Since it is an irreversible step the risk/payoff is terrible.
2) Death comes for us all eventually, why the hurry? Why go to any effort to accelerate what is unavoidable. See point 1.
3) There are millions of tiny spots of wonder and brightness all around you but you have to work a bit to see them. The tiny rainbow in a dewdrop is an entire world of magic and knowledge but can still be easy to overlook.
4) I totally know where you are coming from, it would be so easy to stop swimming and just go under. But that is not the nature of life. Life is struggle & pain, anyone who tells you otherwise is selling something. Embrace the pain.
5) It has helped me a lot to brainwash my self with a bunch of positive inputs. A Phineas and Ferb marathon really helped me a few weeks ago when I was recovering from a physical illness & had slipped into depression in the wake of a tooth infection. Set myself up a huge collection of upbeat songs with great lyrics on Spotify.
To quote Candace: "Time is what you make of it, so take a chance. Life is full of music, so you oughta dance."
I think a lot of us have been through depression or anxiety and at some point and felt the way you did. In my case several things help me get over my situation. The first thing is to try not to be alone. Surround yourself with people you love or that are positive and happy. Next was meditating in my situation compare to others who might be in a worse situation, for example with some type of chronical condition or having no food or place to live in. And finally being thankful to God for the good things you have in life for example health, a job to maintain a decent living, a family, a beautiful earth to live in and other things you might not notice that are a blessing to have. In other words having a spiritual need can bring happiness to ones life. A lot of the questions we think we don't have an answer to can all be found in the Bible. People think to look at the Bible just as a spiritual book but it also contains a lot of practical advice about dealing with anxieties and normal everyday problems. People all over the world have found happiness from reading and studying the Bible regardless of their emotional or physical situation. I hope you can get over your situation but know this, it is easier to deal with a problem when you know you have the most powerful being in the universe backing you up. Please take the time and browse this website when you get a chance jw.org and you can find the answer to the questiom you posted about why keep living?
> I had all of my dreams in life shattered and then I dealt with the Department of Justice for a year. The long-term stress robbed me of any self-confidence.
Perhaps a slightly different perspective than the prevailing "get talked at, take drugs, feel 'normal'" advice here: stay weird, stay upset. The key is turning despair into anger and anger into calm motivation. As with small gestures, there is happiness to be found in doing right by others. Those who experience and recognise the evils of their inherited society (including the corrupt, self-serving legal system) are uniquely suited to motivate change to said system that will help countless others. If running errands feels good, I imagine that exerting tears, sweat, and blood towards reforming an overbearing, abusive legal system will feel even better. Stay weird, stay motivated, and realise that in appreciating how awful things can get for one person, you might be able to act and prevent many future persons from experiencing a like fate.
Write letters, write pamphlets, attend town hall meetings, vote, support non-corrupt officials, devote time and money to defend the truly innocent. No matter what, find a way to turn the emotion of your unique history of experience into a unique motivation to fix the things wrong with the world that put us where we are today. That drive, that knowledge of what is yet to be done to do right by the honest individual: that is what keeps saints, warriors, explorers, and geniuses from giving in to the daemons that plague all brilliant minds.
Perhaps a slightly different perspective than the prevailing "get talked at, take drugs, feel 'normal'" advice here: stay weird, stay upset. The key is turning despair into anger and anger into calm motivation. As with small gestures, there is happiness to be found in doing right by others. Those who experience and recognise the evils of their inherited society (including the corrupt, self-serving legal system) are uniquely suited to motivate change to said system that will help countless others. If running errands feels good, I imagine that exerting tears, sweat, and blood towards reforming an overbearing, abusive legal system will feel even better. Stay weird, stay motivated, and realise that in appreciating how awful things can get for one person, you might be able to act and prevent many future persons from experiencing a like fate.
Write letters, write pamphlets, attend town hall meetings, vote, support non-corrupt officials, devote time and money to defend the truly innocent. No matter what, find a way to turn the emotion of your unique history of experience into a unique motivation to fix the things wrong with the world that put us where we are today. That drive, that knowledge of what is yet to be done to do right by the honest individual: that is what keeps saints, warriors, explorers, and geniuses from giving in to the daemons that plague all brilliant minds.
Do a free 10-day Vipassana course http://www.dhamma.org/
You've got nothing to lose.
You've got nothing to lose.
If you are amenable to reading a short non-fiction book, Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl discusses this topic exactly. He recounts his struggles with the same question while trying to survive the Holocaust. As an added dimension, the author was a highly respected psychologist.
As someone who suffers from mental health disorders, I found it immensely helpful.
As someone who suffers from mental health disorders, I found it immensely helpful.
From what you say, it's totally understandable that you would at times feel anxious and depressed. There's nothing wrong with that. It's normal. However, there's a risk of getting stuck in a downward spiral. At some unpredictable point, you might find yourself in an upward spiral. But that can't happen if you commit suicide.
This sounds exactly like my situation to a T.
I'll be straightforward: I'd love to chat -- anonymously of course -- in the hope that we both might benefit. I cooked up a GMail account just for that reason, which you can find in my profile.
I'll monitor it for the next day or so if you'd accept the offer.
I'll be straightforward: I'd love to chat -- anonymously of course -- in the hope that we both might benefit. I cooked up a GMail account just for that reason, which you can find in my profile.
I'll monitor it for the next day or so if you'd accept the offer.
I saw 7Cups of Tea (a YC backed startup) on HN sometime ago offering to provide listening services.
http://www.7cupsoftea.com/depression-help-online/
Have you tried it?
The first step out of depression is finding someone to trust. Find a therapist or a friend. You can determine if a person is trustworthy by how they respond to your feelings. Do they honor and affirm how you are feeling. Do not carry this alone, its too much.
I havent figured out "the meaning of life" ever since that class i took about philosophy in high school. Each day I wake up and puzzle about this question.
As stubborn as I am, I will find the answer to this question! Or die trying!
As stubborn as I am, I will find the answer to this question! Or die trying!
I'm not sure about you but I'd like to see as cool of a future as possible, and that means living a really really long time.
Anti-depressants work and aren't expensive.
Hello, formerly suicidal depressed twentysomething replying from an old throwaway account here.
As you might have noticed, I did found some reasons for continuing to live.
However, I won't tell you! If I told you my reasons, you would find them trivial because I would talk about my family and friends, I would talk about beauty of nature, warm bread, long and lonely morning walks, and other blah blah like this. Also, you might not even need all these things right now to feel better. The whole point here is not the reason.
I've been locked into my house for about one year because of a major depression that degenerated into agoraphobia. I whispered my own name and found it not to be familiar anymore on some nights. No wonder I felt suicidal!
But I kept repeating to myself: "One day I'm going to be fine again. I just have to hang in there a little bit more". And it worked. That simple thought gave me something which stands between hope and curiosity. That simple thought made me feeling prepared to something good. They say you have to be always prepared to handle bad things, but sometimes we forget to be prepared for good things! With this in mind, I found the strength to continue living, which resulted into understanding what was the cause of my depression in the first place (I won't tell you that either), and then one little step at a time, whitout even noticing it, I found myself living a happy life (...again).
I'm not a doctor but these practical things helped me a lot feeling AT LEAST alive during that time:
- math exercises; there is no way 2 + 2 is going to equal 5, do some simple math and enjoy the relief of dealing with something that works as expected everytime
- keep notes of what you do everyday; depression flattens your days, and it gets harder for you to distinguish yesterday from the the day before yesterday and this gets the whole thing harder
- write down some day-by-day to do list; simple things just to get to the end of the day with the feeling of having done everything that was supposed to be done
- turn off the computer; when in an alienation-prone mood, computers don't help at all
- do not expect gratitude from other people; right now your mood cannot possibly rely on someone else! Do good things and forget about it. You have to be the only one to know how good you can do right now
And in the end, put yourself first. Yes, I said it, be egoist until you find out who are you now, what you want now, what you need now, and why you feel so crappy now. One day you're going to be fine again, you just have to hang in there a little bit more.
As you might have noticed, I did found some reasons for continuing to live.
However, I won't tell you! If I told you my reasons, you would find them trivial because I would talk about my family and friends, I would talk about beauty of nature, warm bread, long and lonely morning walks, and other blah blah like this. Also, you might not even need all these things right now to feel better. The whole point here is not the reason.
I've been locked into my house for about one year because of a major depression that degenerated into agoraphobia. I whispered my own name and found it not to be familiar anymore on some nights. No wonder I felt suicidal!
But I kept repeating to myself: "One day I'm going to be fine again. I just have to hang in there a little bit more". And it worked. That simple thought gave me something which stands between hope and curiosity. That simple thought made me feeling prepared to something good. They say you have to be always prepared to handle bad things, but sometimes we forget to be prepared for good things! With this in mind, I found the strength to continue living, which resulted into understanding what was the cause of my depression in the first place (I won't tell you that either), and then one little step at a time, whitout even noticing it, I found myself living a happy life (...again).
I'm not a doctor but these practical things helped me a lot feeling AT LEAST alive during that time:
- math exercises; there is no way 2 + 2 is going to equal 5, do some simple math and enjoy the relief of dealing with something that works as expected everytime
- keep notes of what you do everyday; depression flattens your days, and it gets harder for you to distinguish yesterday from the the day before yesterday and this gets the whole thing harder
- write down some day-by-day to do list; simple things just to get to the end of the day with the feeling of having done everything that was supposed to be done
- turn off the computer; when in an alienation-prone mood, computers don't help at all
- do not expect gratitude from other people; right now your mood cannot possibly rely on someone else! Do good things and forget about it. You have to be the only one to know how good you can do right now
And in the end, put yourself first. Yes, I said it, be egoist until you find out who are you now, what you want now, what you need now, and why you feel so crappy now. One day you're going to be fine again, you just have to hang in there a little bit more.
There are people out there far more weaker than you- They need your help.
Miles to go before I sleep.
[deleted]
To see what's next.
Huh, I appear to be shadowbanned now? What gives?
because feeling even the worse feelings is superior to dying which feels like nothing. get your head around this concept.
I never post on here, but as someone who has struggled with these same feelings since childhood, I thought I'd offer my perspective.
I've come to look at it like this: depression is like an Instagram filter. (Wait, just...bear with me.) Go take a picture of a tree outside with Instagram. Now lower the saturation, pump up the shadows, add vignette edges. You'll end up with something that looks like a goth album cover. Is it still an accurate picture of the tree? Yes...but you've chosen which aspects of it to focus on. You've given it an emotional coloring.
Being depressed is like having that Instagram filter on your entire worldview. You're not delusional, you're not just imagining that the world sucks...but your ability to see the full spectrum of things has been limited. And the worst part is, you can't control when that filter gets slammed down on you.
Sometimes it's situational. Here's a hypothetical for you: if somebody showed up at your door tomorrow with a check for a billion dollars and the deed to your own private island where you could go be alone or be surrounded only by people you wanted around you, do you think you would still be depressed? If not, then you know the answer: go find a billion dollars and a private island, obviously. (Go find Peter Thiel and hit him up, he's into big money and private islands these days, I hear.)
But in all seriousness, if your depression seems tied to circumstance, never forget that circumstance can change, either on its own or by your own effort of will. Unless you are actually in prison right now, you can almost always walk away from where you are and find somewhere else to be. Someone else to be, in some sense.
But you have to be honest with yourself and willing to admit that maybe you're not where you're supposed to be, even if you've spent your whole life headed in this direction. Maybe you'd be better served working as a bartender in some roadhouse down on the Gulf Coast, or living in a shit apartment doing sculpture and working part-time as a barista just to afford rent and ramen noodles. I know people who are perfectly content with the idea of never being rich or successful, but just doing what they want and not worrying about whether anybody else gives a shit at all. (I'm becoming one of them myself.)
And there's always the possibility that your depression is, at some point in the stack, hardware-based -- that you've got a chemical imbalance in your head meat. And listen, as a longtime freelancer and contractor who's been doing the startup dance for a real long goddamn time now, I feel you on the medical thing -- hell, I wrote a book about going to Juarez, Mexico to get my wisdom teeth fixed because it was cheaper to do it there, including travel expenses, than to get it done at the dentist down the street. And that shit can be tricky in America, especially if you're not actually indigent but can't afford to spend hundreds or thousands of dollars on doctors and medicine. (I think your income level at that point is legally defined as "between a rock and a hard place".)
But there are resources. If you live in an urban area there are almost certainly free mental health resources. You can go and sit in line and find out if you qualify. It sucks and it's boring and it can make you feel like a pathetic crazy person, but never forget: that's not about you, that's about the way the system is set up in this country.
Or look at it another way: if you had diabetes, or a weak heart or your legs stopped working, wouldn't you do whatever it took to figure out why it was happening to you and how to stop it, even if it meant sitting in some overcrowded janky-ass waiting room for a day?
You've got a potentially life-threatening condition that may or may not be caused by bad wiring. If there's a way to fix it, fix it.
Because here's the thing, sir or madam, and please, please take this from someone who has spent more than one night staring at a razor blade or a handful of pills: this is a fucking glorious universe we live in. Really. The moments when depression leaves me entirely are the moments when I'm just alive in the world, looking at how ridiculous and amazing it is. I don't kill myself because I'm not done with the awesome. I'm not done with eating the food and seeing the cities and sleeping with wonderful ladies and watching the Marvel Cinematic Universe unfold and listening to all the goddamn rock and roll I possibly can and just finding nice, quiet places to stare up at the Milky Way and think about whether or not this is all just one great big algorithm, playing out over billions of years.
We live in a mystery, homes, and you'll never come to the end of it. But isn't that worth something?
I hope my advice helps, or at least puts some perspective on things. I don't know you and probably never will, but I'm rooting for you. You can handle this. Don't give up. As the writer Neil Gaiman once put it -- and this is maybe the best advice any human ever gave another -- you don't have to stay anywhere forever.
Vaya con Dios.
I've come to look at it like this: depression is like an Instagram filter. (Wait, just...bear with me.) Go take a picture of a tree outside with Instagram. Now lower the saturation, pump up the shadows, add vignette edges. You'll end up with something that looks like a goth album cover. Is it still an accurate picture of the tree? Yes...but you've chosen which aspects of it to focus on. You've given it an emotional coloring.
Being depressed is like having that Instagram filter on your entire worldview. You're not delusional, you're not just imagining that the world sucks...but your ability to see the full spectrum of things has been limited. And the worst part is, you can't control when that filter gets slammed down on you.
Sometimes it's situational. Here's a hypothetical for you: if somebody showed up at your door tomorrow with a check for a billion dollars and the deed to your own private island where you could go be alone or be surrounded only by people you wanted around you, do you think you would still be depressed? If not, then you know the answer: go find a billion dollars and a private island, obviously. (Go find Peter Thiel and hit him up, he's into big money and private islands these days, I hear.)
But in all seriousness, if your depression seems tied to circumstance, never forget that circumstance can change, either on its own or by your own effort of will. Unless you are actually in prison right now, you can almost always walk away from where you are and find somewhere else to be. Someone else to be, in some sense.
But you have to be honest with yourself and willing to admit that maybe you're not where you're supposed to be, even if you've spent your whole life headed in this direction. Maybe you'd be better served working as a bartender in some roadhouse down on the Gulf Coast, or living in a shit apartment doing sculpture and working part-time as a barista just to afford rent and ramen noodles. I know people who are perfectly content with the idea of never being rich or successful, but just doing what they want and not worrying about whether anybody else gives a shit at all. (I'm becoming one of them myself.)
And there's always the possibility that your depression is, at some point in the stack, hardware-based -- that you've got a chemical imbalance in your head meat. And listen, as a longtime freelancer and contractor who's been doing the startup dance for a real long goddamn time now, I feel you on the medical thing -- hell, I wrote a book about going to Juarez, Mexico to get my wisdom teeth fixed because it was cheaper to do it there, including travel expenses, than to get it done at the dentist down the street. And that shit can be tricky in America, especially if you're not actually indigent but can't afford to spend hundreds or thousands of dollars on doctors and medicine. (I think your income level at that point is legally defined as "between a rock and a hard place".)
But there are resources. If you live in an urban area there are almost certainly free mental health resources. You can go and sit in line and find out if you qualify. It sucks and it's boring and it can make you feel like a pathetic crazy person, but never forget: that's not about you, that's about the way the system is set up in this country.
Or look at it another way: if you had diabetes, or a weak heart or your legs stopped working, wouldn't you do whatever it took to figure out why it was happening to you and how to stop it, even if it meant sitting in some overcrowded janky-ass waiting room for a day?
You've got a potentially life-threatening condition that may or may not be caused by bad wiring. If there's a way to fix it, fix it.
Because here's the thing, sir or madam, and please, please take this from someone who has spent more than one night staring at a razor blade or a handful of pills: this is a fucking glorious universe we live in. Really. The moments when depression leaves me entirely are the moments when I'm just alive in the world, looking at how ridiculous and amazing it is. I don't kill myself because I'm not done with the awesome. I'm not done with eating the food and seeing the cities and sleeping with wonderful ladies and watching the Marvel Cinematic Universe unfold and listening to all the goddamn rock and roll I possibly can and just finding nice, quiet places to stare up at the Milky Way and think about whether or not this is all just one great big algorithm, playing out over billions of years.
We live in a mystery, homes, and you'll never come to the end of it. But isn't that worth something?
I hope my advice helps, or at least puts some perspective on things. I don't know you and probably never will, but I'm rooting for you. You can handle this. Don't give up. As the writer Neil Gaiman once put it -- and this is maybe the best advice any human ever gave another -- you don't have to stay anywhere forever.
Vaya con Dios.
In my opinion, you don't need reasons for wanting to live: Survival instinct is the default in the human being. Not wanting to live is the strange thing, but in Western society (or Asian)it is becoming more and more normal, because it is easy to not get the basics there.
I have lived in countries like Angola, Uganda, Rwanda with people having 1 /20 of the things what an American has. But they are much happier overall, because they have more in what makes a life human.
First they have friends and they have family. People in Western societies live alone, specially in America most people don't have friends at all. They can live in a McMansion completely isolated from the rest of the world.
"family" for an American means:"your parents" or "your children". For an African person could mean between 20 to 40 people.
This is an advantage for some things. In the west you could do whatever you want, without having to convince people in your family that does not understand, but also is a tremendous disadvantage as you are alone in tough times.
Americans are puritans, they can't see a breast from a woman. The people that do, do it for commercial profit reaping the "scandal", like Madonna or MTV annual prices shows.They could call the cops if they see you making pictures to a kid smiling on the street(being puritan means they are obsess with sex and have a tremendous dirty mind).
In Africa sex is normal. There is no such a concept of "possessing another person" like in the West. In my opinion this alone is pathological creating hypocrisy and jealously . You see people naked from both sexes taking a bath in the river, or women breastfeeding their children in public. It is normal there, like having sex with multiple people(which makes AIDS a great problem).
In Africa you have fantastic weather. Great sun, no winter in most of the continent. In the West lots of people don't see the sun at all because they are working all day inside buildings. In places like Boston you can't simply not live out there in winter, it is too cold.
The food in the US is so preprocessed. People are overweight because the food they eat is so artificial. Food that have stayed in the fridge or is industrially processed destroys lots of useful substances(enzymes, co enzymes, vitamins, fiber and lots of substances that let you incorporate other substances).
In Africa people is young, lots of kids smiling everywhere. The West is becoming an older and older society with worries everywhere, fear for the future.
So I recommend you look at the basics in your live: Do you have friends, love, exercise, quality food, sleep well, go outside frequently?
Do you work too much or too hard?
If not, you need to change your habits first. Traveling far away is a great way of being forced to change your habits fast.
Once you have your basics, start using self help material, like books and videos and learn what works for you. There is amazing material out there, the problem is knowing what works and what does not.
You can learn meditation, which is basically training for controlling your internal thoughts. But this is advanced, you first need to have the basics solved.
I have lived in countries like Angola, Uganda, Rwanda with people having 1 /20 of the things what an American has. But they are much happier overall, because they have more in what makes a life human.
First they have friends and they have family. People in Western societies live alone, specially in America most people don't have friends at all. They can live in a McMansion completely isolated from the rest of the world.
"family" for an American means:"your parents" or "your children". For an African person could mean between 20 to 40 people.
This is an advantage for some things. In the west you could do whatever you want, without having to convince people in your family that does not understand, but also is a tremendous disadvantage as you are alone in tough times.
Americans are puritans, they can't see a breast from a woman. The people that do, do it for commercial profit reaping the "scandal", like Madonna or MTV annual prices shows.They could call the cops if they see you making pictures to a kid smiling on the street(being puritan means they are obsess with sex and have a tremendous dirty mind).
In Africa sex is normal. There is no such a concept of "possessing another person" like in the West. In my opinion this alone is pathological creating hypocrisy and jealously . You see people naked from both sexes taking a bath in the river, or women breastfeeding their children in public. It is normal there, like having sex with multiple people(which makes AIDS a great problem).
In Africa you have fantastic weather. Great sun, no winter in most of the continent. In the West lots of people don't see the sun at all because they are working all day inside buildings. In places like Boston you can't simply not live out there in winter, it is too cold.
The food in the US is so preprocessed. People are overweight because the food they eat is so artificial. Food that have stayed in the fridge or is industrially processed destroys lots of useful substances(enzymes, co enzymes, vitamins, fiber and lots of substances that let you incorporate other substances).
In Africa people is young, lots of kids smiling everywhere. The West is becoming an older and older society with worries everywhere, fear for the future.
So I recommend you look at the basics in your live: Do you have friends, love, exercise, quality food, sleep well, go outside frequently?
Do you work too much or too hard?
If not, you need to change your habits first. Traveling far away is a great way of being forced to change your habits fast.
Once you have your basics, start using self help material, like books and videos and learn what works for you. There is amazing material out there, the problem is knowing what works and what does not.
You can learn meditation, which is basically training for controlling your internal thoughts. But this is advanced, you first need to have the basics solved.
Life is truly miraculous.
Being able to breathe the air or look up at the sky is truly remarkable. Yet, many people overlook the amazing every day because we have expectations of how life should go.
In our anticipation of the future or recollections of the past we never quite nestle into the present unless we are fortunate enough to realize that true understanding and true contentment come from within.
We all have this amazing experience we are sharing. Life is, indeed, tumultuous, it is not always easy or straightforward, but we all know there is a "better" someplace. That is, generally, what keeps us all going, if we are not with the luxury to coast.
Know that no matter how much you agonize and suffer, the experiences you have are rich and valuable, because you can one day use this to help someone else. We are each like a universe unto ourselves in a way -- we each have (for the most part) a visual field, a sound sphere, a taste, smell, and tactile sense field of sensory immersion. Even if you are hurting a lot, know that things change. This is the truth.
Know also, that to be able to prevent or relieve someone else's suffering is not only valuable to them, but valuable to you, because we are all connected in deep ways, many of which are not apparent to our "thinking" minds.
Before you do anything rash, I would encourage you to try and learn as much as you can about life and its myriad expressions. Go to a nursing home and volunteer for an afternoon. Go to a hospital and hang out with some people with cancer, or even just with a simple boo-boo. Your heart might open, and the truth and beauty of a life lived for others might dawn in your mind.
Really, our greatest purpose, if I may be so bold as to lay claim to one, is to help the brilliance of creativity, joy, compassion, and openness grow and illuminate our world.
Perhaps you have noticed that your attitude and willingness to open up to other people influences how you feel, and this is no coincidence. Look at your own body -- cells pass nutrients and signals along to other cells, and in the end "you" (although where "i" or "you" truly dwell is a deep question) are able to walk around and get some coffee. Something as simple as your afternoon tea takes a chorus of millions upon millions of cells coordinating selflessly in order to happen.
Life is not about monetary success or fame or gain. These lumps come and go, they coagulate and they pass, it is not the truest our life aims can be. Certainly, these can sometimes ease our burdens, and make service easier, but true satisfaction will come when your heart aligns, even in the slightest, with the heartbeat of the universe (multiverse)...
To spend your days contemplating the greatest and deepest impulse of the cosmos in its infinite and unbound expression would not be a waste of your time. It would, in fact, be a great gain, for yourself and others.
Happiness is not a condition, it is a practice. Since we are all connected, the more you aspire to helping others lift up their end of the "net" so-to-speak, the more you yourself will rise. Your opportunity for the most sublime and wonderful unfolding is in this life. Our potential as humans is unlimited. Aspire to the greatest benefit for all, and your arrows of action shall not miss their mark. For every little bit can grow and grow.
Knowing that we all suffer, that it in inherent to life, and that we all wish to be free of suffering is only the beginning. "It is better to travel well than to arrive."
Plant your seeds and help your garden grow.
Being able to breathe the air or look up at the sky is truly remarkable. Yet, many people overlook the amazing every day because we have expectations of how life should go.
In our anticipation of the future or recollections of the past we never quite nestle into the present unless we are fortunate enough to realize that true understanding and true contentment come from within.
We all have this amazing experience we are sharing. Life is, indeed, tumultuous, it is not always easy or straightforward, but we all know there is a "better" someplace. That is, generally, what keeps us all going, if we are not with the luxury to coast.
Know that no matter how much you agonize and suffer, the experiences you have are rich and valuable, because you can one day use this to help someone else. We are each like a universe unto ourselves in a way -- we each have (for the most part) a visual field, a sound sphere, a taste, smell, and tactile sense field of sensory immersion. Even if you are hurting a lot, know that things change. This is the truth.
Know also, that to be able to prevent or relieve someone else's suffering is not only valuable to them, but valuable to you, because we are all connected in deep ways, many of which are not apparent to our "thinking" minds.
Before you do anything rash, I would encourage you to try and learn as much as you can about life and its myriad expressions. Go to a nursing home and volunteer for an afternoon. Go to a hospital and hang out with some people with cancer, or even just with a simple boo-boo. Your heart might open, and the truth and beauty of a life lived for others might dawn in your mind.
Really, our greatest purpose, if I may be so bold as to lay claim to one, is to help the brilliance of creativity, joy, compassion, and openness grow and illuminate our world.
Perhaps you have noticed that your attitude and willingness to open up to other people influences how you feel, and this is no coincidence. Look at your own body -- cells pass nutrients and signals along to other cells, and in the end "you" (although where "i" or "you" truly dwell is a deep question) are able to walk around and get some coffee. Something as simple as your afternoon tea takes a chorus of millions upon millions of cells coordinating selflessly in order to happen.
Life is not about monetary success or fame or gain. These lumps come and go, they coagulate and they pass, it is not the truest our life aims can be. Certainly, these can sometimes ease our burdens, and make service easier, but true satisfaction will come when your heart aligns, even in the slightest, with the heartbeat of the universe (multiverse)...
To spend your days contemplating the greatest and deepest impulse of the cosmos in its infinite and unbound expression would not be a waste of your time. It would, in fact, be a great gain, for yourself and others.
Happiness is not a condition, it is a practice. Since we are all connected, the more you aspire to helping others lift up their end of the "net" so-to-speak, the more you yourself will rise. Your opportunity for the most sublime and wonderful unfolding is in this life. Our potential as humans is unlimited. Aspire to the greatest benefit for all, and your arrows of action shall not miss their mark. For every little bit can grow and grow.
Knowing that we all suffer, that it in inherent to life, and that we all wish to be free of suffering is only the beginning. "It is better to travel well than to arrive."
Plant your seeds and help your garden grow.
I've been in an on-and-off existential funk for most of the last two years. At times I've seriously wondered if I was capital-D Depressed. I don't think I was though - as in, my problem was caused by a specific frustration with things wrong with my life, rather than a chemical imbalance in my brain.
To clarify: when people feel "anxious and depressed for no discernible reason", it might be because of a neurological disorder in their brain. Even happy times feel empty and meaningless. Or, it might be because of an actual issue in their lives, but one they haven't fully discerned. It's hard to tell which group you might be in.
At the time I found doing volunteering did give me some genuine happiness. Another activity I found very meaningful was deep reading of philosophy and literature. Over time the reading became less and less rewarding though (the volunteering stopped because of logistical issues). I had a feeling that there was some process that was sucking meaning out of everything good in my life, which was pretty scary, and made me wonder if I was developing clinical depression.
In my case, I've come to the conclusion that my unhappiness was caused by unacknowledged issues with my life situation, not neurochemistry. You mention "I had all of my dreams in life shattered" - my situation was not so drastic, but still a bit similar. I'd been reading about startups all throughout university, and was accepted into a prestigious new accelerator on graduating (more of a pre-accelerator, actually, so ideas and teams were in a bit of flux). It was intense but I felt on top of the world. My problem was I "pivoted" three times while looking for the right team + idea, until the accelerator programme had ended and I had no serious traction with anything. So I found myself working in Starbucks on crappy PHP code for a freelance client. Then that dried up and I found another short-term gig basically doing monkey work with Excel. I went through a hairy few weeks after a late invoice where I almost ran out of cash. So I was trying to figure out my life direction while also struggling to survive.
Looking back, I had a combination of a) over-ambition ("I need to be working on a potentially huge startup before I turn 24") and b) lack of understanding of the effort required to create something halfway-decent (and the experience required to create something actually good).
Over time I managed to tune down the over-ambition through a combination of introspection, CBT, self-acceptance and observation of how difficult even very smart people have obtaining moderate success. The work ethic I improved by taking a couple of standard web development jobs and learning to do things the right way. Still, this existential depression has waxed and waned over the last two years, and (I now believe) it's because at least part of my psyche never stopped believing that I could and should be doing something greater.
It's like - as we grow up we get used to the fact that our younger dreams often aren't worth sticking to. Lots of people wanted to be astronauts as kids, but they probably don't despair that they never became astronauts, just because it's such an unlikely thing to become. But the minor character in Fight Club who secretly wanted to become a veterinarian - well, it was a challenge to become a veterinarian but not an impossible challenge, so why didn't he do it?
So my small suggestion to you is: take a look at your "shattered dreams" and rationally evaluate which still seem achievable and worthwhile.
Avoid the twin emotional traps of grandiosity and helplessness ("yes, this is the idea, I'm going to work on becoming the next Elon Musk for 18 hours a day and get VC money and Techcrunch coverage and everyone will love me forever" vs "why do I want to work on a new project, just summoning up the effort will add more strife to my existence in the valley of tears, I should just find a safe spot and stop moving"). A good perspective is one of balance, clarity and equanimity: "my life is OK, there are things that I can improve and I will patiently work on plans to improve them, and try and build relationships with people who I can help or who can help me".
To clarify: when people feel "anxious and depressed for no discernible reason", it might be because of a neurological disorder in their brain. Even happy times feel empty and meaningless. Or, it might be because of an actual issue in their lives, but one they haven't fully discerned. It's hard to tell which group you might be in.
At the time I found doing volunteering did give me some genuine happiness. Another activity I found very meaningful was deep reading of philosophy and literature. Over time the reading became less and less rewarding though (the volunteering stopped because of logistical issues). I had a feeling that there was some process that was sucking meaning out of everything good in my life, which was pretty scary, and made me wonder if I was developing clinical depression.
In my case, I've come to the conclusion that my unhappiness was caused by unacknowledged issues with my life situation, not neurochemistry. You mention "I had all of my dreams in life shattered" - my situation was not so drastic, but still a bit similar. I'd been reading about startups all throughout university, and was accepted into a prestigious new accelerator on graduating (more of a pre-accelerator, actually, so ideas and teams were in a bit of flux). It was intense but I felt on top of the world. My problem was I "pivoted" three times while looking for the right team + idea, until the accelerator programme had ended and I had no serious traction with anything. So I found myself working in Starbucks on crappy PHP code for a freelance client. Then that dried up and I found another short-term gig basically doing monkey work with Excel. I went through a hairy few weeks after a late invoice where I almost ran out of cash. So I was trying to figure out my life direction while also struggling to survive.
Looking back, I had a combination of a) over-ambition ("I need to be working on a potentially huge startup before I turn 24") and b) lack of understanding of the effort required to create something halfway-decent (and the experience required to create something actually good).
Over time I managed to tune down the over-ambition through a combination of introspection, CBT, self-acceptance and observation of how difficult even very smart people have obtaining moderate success. The work ethic I improved by taking a couple of standard web development jobs and learning to do things the right way. Still, this existential depression has waxed and waned over the last two years, and (I now believe) it's because at least part of my psyche never stopped believing that I could and should be doing something greater.
It's like - as we grow up we get used to the fact that our younger dreams often aren't worth sticking to. Lots of people wanted to be astronauts as kids, but they probably don't despair that they never became astronauts, just because it's such an unlikely thing to become. But the minor character in Fight Club who secretly wanted to become a veterinarian - well, it was a challenge to become a veterinarian but not an impossible challenge, so why didn't he do it?
So my small suggestion to you is: take a look at your "shattered dreams" and rationally evaluate which still seem achievable and worthwhile.
Avoid the twin emotional traps of grandiosity and helplessness ("yes, this is the idea, I'm going to work on becoming the next Elon Musk for 18 hours a day and get VC money and Techcrunch coverage and everyone will love me forever" vs "why do I want to work on a new project, just summoning up the effort will add more strife to my existence in the valley of tears, I should just find a safe spot and stop moving"). A good perspective is one of balance, clarity and equanimity: "my life is OK, there are things that I can improve and I will patiently work on plans to improve them, and try and build relationships with people who I can help or who can help me".
there must be free services online for people in your situation. maybe even by skype or phone. Google?
continue to look for a purpose. if nothing else, make looking for a purpose your purpose.
idea...once you learn to overcome depressed/depressed feelings, you could share your tricks with others in a similar situation. Helping others escape from similar feelings is surely a valuable and noble purpose.
exercise! Outdoors if possible.
stay sober
volunteer at an animal shelter. or an animal preserve in a third-world country!
find a nice place to live. Something with at least of basic view of something green. Some place with a walkable neighborhood. Can't afford one in the US? Go to Urugauy and find one there.
if you have interet connection, learn new skills. then find better, higher-paying work, then move to a place you love.
go easy on yourself. we all make mistakes and go through rough patches. it's part of the human experience. make sure you cut yourself some slack for your mistakes.
volunteer at a place that actually NEEDS help. not doing your friend's errands. feed some sick people. help build a shelter for someone who's lost everything in a natural disaster.
do something of real value to a community in need: help exploited women/children. protect endangered wildlife.
go on a hike/camp in nature. BIG nature if possible.
enjoy good sex. it's one of life's greatest gifts.
if you use porn, stick to positive pornography and stick to a lower usage limit. excessive porn usage, especially of negative porn, can make one feel worse.
start small with successes: finish a word search. finish a lego set. build plastic models. learn to cook amazing deserts and then invite some people over to enjoy them with you. start small and gradually build up to more challenging achievements.
think outside the box: if you're already at the bottom professionally and working so much and you can't even afford a doctor, there's little risk in making a BIG move to another location (country?) or career.
what are you good at? which people NEED help with those skills? provide it. it will make you feel good.
practice appreciating all the little things. the flowers. the kids' laughter. the rain. music.
adopt a positive, gratitude encouraging mantra. one I use is ..."appreciate this, appreciate that, appreciate it all"
develop a marketable skill that you can do remotely. sure, work in an office if it's feasable, but also work in shared spaces, and also work from really nice locations every once in a while.
power is relative. move to a place where your current skillset is seen as powerful and desirable. being able to dig a well and install a pump might be really highly appreciated in certain parts of the world.
see this mood as something tht's temporary, like the weather. many great people in history have been very down and out before they made there mark on the world. you'll only know what you're fully capable of achieving in your life if you stick around and keep giving it your best.
be good to yourself, and then FELL GOOD ABOUT the fact that your a person that is good to yourself (see what I did there?)
be good to others, and then FELL GOOD ABOUT the fact that your a person that is good to others
be honest and try hard, and then FELL GOOD ABOUT the fact that your a person that is honest and tries hard
do those above three things and you'll be emotionally richer than most.
lastly... are there people out there that love you? Family? Friends? Those people will be emotionally devasted if you leave this planet prematuely. I guarantee it. So if nothing else, for THEIR SAKE, do everything you possibly can to live a long and content life. That means TRY EVERY LAST BIT OF ADVICE for finding meaning and contentment before you ever choose to throw in the towel.
continue to look for a purpose. if nothing else, make looking for a purpose your purpose.
idea...once you learn to overcome depressed/depressed feelings, you could share your tricks with others in a similar situation. Helping others escape from similar feelings is surely a valuable and noble purpose.
exercise! Outdoors if possible.
stay sober
volunteer at an animal shelter. or an animal preserve in a third-world country!
find a nice place to live. Something with at least of basic view of something green. Some place with a walkable neighborhood. Can't afford one in the US? Go to Urugauy and find one there.
if you have interet connection, learn new skills. then find better, higher-paying work, then move to a place you love.
go easy on yourself. we all make mistakes and go through rough patches. it's part of the human experience. make sure you cut yourself some slack for your mistakes.
volunteer at a place that actually NEEDS help. not doing your friend's errands. feed some sick people. help build a shelter for someone who's lost everything in a natural disaster.
do something of real value to a community in need: help exploited women/children. protect endangered wildlife.
go on a hike/camp in nature. BIG nature if possible.
enjoy good sex. it's one of life's greatest gifts.
if you use porn, stick to positive pornography and stick to a lower usage limit. excessive porn usage, especially of negative porn, can make one feel worse.
start small with successes: finish a word search. finish a lego set. build plastic models. learn to cook amazing deserts and then invite some people over to enjoy them with you. start small and gradually build up to more challenging achievements.
think outside the box: if you're already at the bottom professionally and working so much and you can't even afford a doctor, there's little risk in making a BIG move to another location (country?) or career.
what are you good at? which people NEED help with those skills? provide it. it will make you feel good.
practice appreciating all the little things. the flowers. the kids' laughter. the rain. music.
adopt a positive, gratitude encouraging mantra. one I use is ..."appreciate this, appreciate that, appreciate it all"
develop a marketable skill that you can do remotely. sure, work in an office if it's feasable, but also work in shared spaces, and also work from really nice locations every once in a while.
power is relative. move to a place where your current skillset is seen as powerful and desirable. being able to dig a well and install a pump might be really highly appreciated in certain parts of the world.
see this mood as something tht's temporary, like the weather. many great people in history have been very down and out before they made there mark on the world. you'll only know what you're fully capable of achieving in your life if you stick around and keep giving it your best.
be good to yourself, and then FELL GOOD ABOUT the fact that your a person that is good to yourself (see what I did there?)
be good to others, and then FELL GOOD ABOUT the fact that your a person that is good to others
be honest and try hard, and then FELL GOOD ABOUT the fact that your a person that is honest and tries hard
do those above three things and you'll be emotionally richer than most.
lastly... are there people out there that love you? Family? Friends? Those people will be emotionally devasted if you leave this planet prematuely. I guarantee it. So if nothing else, for THEIR SAKE, do everything you possibly can to live a long and content life. That means TRY EVERY LAST BIT OF ADVICE for finding meaning and contentment before you ever choose to throw in the towel.
> enjoy good sex. it's one of life's greatest gifts.
Yeah, that is never going to happen. Not for me. I am 1. gay and 2. ugly.
Yeah, that is never going to happen. Not for me. I am 1. gay and 2. ugly.
[deleted]
Hey, I was sad to hear how you feel, but really glad you said something.
I've been feeling pretty down, too. In the past there were times I felt so bad that the main thing stopping me from hurting or killing myself was that I couldn't bear to hurt my parents. They're great people, who already suffered the loss of their other child, through no fault of theirs.
But I know from experience that it can turn around very quickly. There have been times when my life has gone from hopeless to better than I ever imagined it could be, and I was really happy, and every day was an adventure.
It happened before, and I'm trying every day to make it happen again. The pain I've been going through will have been converted to subtley, and depth of character, and strength, and fuel for humor, and the problems I have now will seem small. Just don't give up! We only find the answers when we're still looking for answers.
I've been feeling pretty down, too. In the past there were times I felt so bad that the main thing stopping me from hurting or killing myself was that I couldn't bear to hurt my parents. They're great people, who already suffered the loss of their other child, through no fault of theirs.
But I know from experience that it can turn around very quickly. There have been times when my life has gone from hopeless to better than I ever imagined it could be, and I was really happy, and every day was an adventure.
It happened before, and I'm trying every day to make it happen again. The pain I've been going through will have been converted to subtley, and depth of character, and strength, and fuel for humor, and the problems I have now will seem small. Just don't give up! We only find the answers when we're still looking for answers.
If you're alive you accomplish something;
been there and heres the shortcut: just work out until you feel better, it will take 1-2 mo but the feeling is really undescribably worth it and amazing
there are still cool things you can do: skydiving, bungee jumping, fly a plane, surfing, buy a motorcycle
there are still cool things you can do: skydiving, bungee jumping, fly a plane, surfing, buy a motorcycle
makebelieve(1)
I won't go into the details that led up to this event (I'm using a throwaway account for a reason!), but basically I had all of my dreams in life shattered and then I dealt with the Department of Justice for a year. The long-term stress robbed me of any self-confidence.
I finally got over it last year when I started doing small kind gestures for the people I care about. Volunteering to run errands. Cleaning the dishes. Anything to convince myself with concrete examples that people are happier that I'm around. Anything to justify not committing suicide.
And it worked, until last week when I suddenly started feeling anxious and depressed for no discernible reason. Being kind to others doesn't seem to have the same effect this time around, so before my condition gets any worse, I'd like to ask the community what reasons they have for continuing to live. Maybe I can figure out why I feel so crappy and pre-emptively stave off those inner demons.