Online Dating for Scientists(dating.newscientist.com)
dating.newscientist.com
Online Dating for Scientists
http://dating.newscientist.com/
49 comments
Works great for women, but poorly for men.
Women sign up, immediately get hundreds of messages - choose one and go on a date. Men sign up, send out a few messages and nothing happens.
Women sign up, immediately get hundreds of messages - choose one and go on a date. Men sign up, send out a few messages and nothing happens.
I'm a guy and I've gone on a couple dozen dates from online dating sites over the years and met six of my past girlfriends this way. All of these dates came from women who wrote to me.
Cultivate interests that appeal to women, write an interesting profile, and put up a nice photo and the women will come to you. (I'm no Calvin Klein model, by the way.)
Cultivate interests that appeal to women, write an interesting profile, and put up a nice photo and the women will come to you. (I'm no Calvin Klein model, by the way.)
Cultivate interests that appeal to you. Those interests will probably appeal to people you will want to date as well.
For many geeky guys, this turns out to be a self-indulgent view that will virtually guarantee that they'll spend their life alone. I've met plenty of guys who think that they should just be able to find the video-game playing, D&D-, MtG-, hard scifi-, Linux-loving girl geek of their dreams. If they can, more power to 'em! On the other hand, I'm willing to bet that their chances will be significantly increased if they develop a taste and passion for art and cinema and cuisine and travel, etc.
Of course, it's not going to work if you end up having no real interest in these things, but if you do, then you might take these interests off of the back burner.
Another common fallacy is that you can weigh 300 pounds and yet attract a 110 lb waif. It's been known to happen, but the odds are stacked against you.
Of course, it's not going to work if you end up having no real interest in these things, but if you do, then you might take these interests off of the back burner.
Another common fallacy is that you can weigh 300 pounds and yet attract a 110 lb waif. It's been known to happen, but the odds are stacked against you.
> Another common fallacy is that you can weigh 300 pounds and yet attract a 110 lb waif.
For guys, being skinny isn't considered that attractive though. Better than being fat, but not as good as being buff.
For guys, being skinny isn't considered that attractive though. Better than being fat, but not as good as being buff.
Yes. That being said, women's tastes seem to fall on a broader spectrum than men's. If you're a skinny guy, dress flatteringly and you'll be attractive to some non-trivial demographic of women. Skinny guys can look great in a suit or more formal clothing, or they can get skinny jeans and go for the heroin chic look. Same is true for heavier guys. Take up touch football on the weekends and there will be a demographic of southern women who will be into that.
I have two different male friends who were really very skinny and both were constantly picking up thin women. They just put themselves out there.
I am not particularly buff, and I've had about a dozen girlfriends, and have "dated" another ten or so. Now if only I could meet the right one....
I am not particularly buff, and I've had about a dozen girlfriends, and have "dated" another ten or so. Now if only I could meet the right one....
Except the gender ratios for interests are not all equal. For every gamer girl, there are multiple gamer guys hitting on her.
> Cultivate interests that appeal to women
Yeah... nope.
Yeah... nope.
Which is why you send out hundreds of messages. Like job searching (well, job searching outside the bubble that is software development at the moment), the trick is volume.
Also, if you're sending out a ton of messages and still getting no bites, then you're probably pricing yourself too high. Aim lower and see if you get any bites. OKCupid isn't really that gender imbalanced (at least compared to the typical science/engineering circles) so most guys should be able to get some responses, statistically speaking.
Also, if you're sending out a ton of messages and still getting no bites, then you're probably pricing yourself too high. Aim lower and see if you get any bites. OKCupid isn't really that gender imbalanced (at least compared to the typical science/engineering circles) so most guys should be able to get some responses, statistically speaking.
"then you're probably pricing yourself too high"
Or it's more likely that the user has unwanted characteristics, i.e. Asian male, short, etc. FWIW, I've met and dated beautiful women who I first met in real life circumstances. Whereas in online dating, I've sent messages/requests to women who I would probably not be that attracted to in real life and got zero responses. In real life, personality and confidence can compensate for certain physical characteristics.
Or it's more likely that the user has unwanted characteristics, i.e. Asian male, short, etc. FWIW, I've met and dated beautiful women who I first met in real life circumstances. Whereas in online dating, I've sent messages/requests to women who I would probably not be that attracted to in real life and got zero responses. In real life, personality and confidence can compensate for certain physical characteristics.
Sure, but in my experience, engineers usually have the opposite problem. They're perfectly average looking white guys, but can't project the confidence that is necessary to be successful in the bar scene (or the similar situations). Online dating is a great format for people like that (assuming their personality is good--there is no helping the hopeless).
Also, let's face it, not every woman is out on the bar scene. There are plenty of women who find that social situation to be awkward and prefer the less intense world of online dating. I think if you're not naturally charismatic, going with the CW and trying to work the bar scene is a losing proposition. You're competing on a battlefield that doesn't play to your strengths while trying to meet the women who are least likely to overlook that aspect of your personality.
Also, let's face it, not every woman is out on the bar scene. There are plenty of women who find that social situation to be awkward and prefer the less intense world of online dating. I think if you're not naturally charismatic, going with the CW and trying to work the bar scene is a losing proposition. You're competing on a battlefield that doesn't play to your strengths while trying to meet the women who are least likely to overlook that aspect of your personality.
This man speaks truth about the MCA gallery nights. The Friday night events at the Art Institute and the Jazz nights in the summer at the Aquarium are also great date destinations.
So what's the best dating method for us sweaty, drunk guys?
Whois tells me it's a white-labeled "launch your own dating site!" site from http://datinglab.net/
Title is a little misleading, as far as I can tell there are no aspect of this site that verify the users are scientists at all. If only there was a dating site that did, that let me filter my potential mates by how prestigious an institution they got their PhD from =)
Are the profiles peer reviewed? Joking aside, one of the featured profiles is for someone who thinks "American" is a language.
Spoken like a true scientist.
> "American" is a language.
"American" covers a number of very distinct varieties of English. It isn't considered its own language for political and cultural reasons, not necessarily linguistic ones. (As another example, look at the divide between Hindi and Urdu.)
"American" covers a number of very distinct varieties of English. It isn't considered its own language for political and cultural reasons, not necessarily linguistic ones. (As another example, look at the divide between Hindi and Urdu.)
There is no legitimate linguistic authority that recognizes a language or dialect called "American". Even the term "General American", used to discuss features shared by most forms of American English requires "scare-quotes" to indicate that it's an abstraction across many different dialects.
By the "standard" of mutual intelligibility you could cook up a much more compelling case for AAVE as a separate language from English than American English from British English. I get that you're playing devil's advocate, but seriously.
I just want to warn you gold diggers that scientists tend to be very underpaid given their high levels of education.
Don't call them 'gold diggers', just mention that they're uninterested in people unable to financially provide for them.
It's a perfectly valid concern in this wintry economic climate.
It's a perfectly valid concern in this wintry economic climate.
When I Google "dating website for scientists" my first search result is Science Connection. They advertise in Scientific American and probably other places too. If you go to their website:
http://www.sciconnect.com/index.htm
the copyright notice at the bottom says "Copyright © 1991-2012." Does that mean they've been around since 1991?
http://www.sciconnect.com/index.htm
the copyright notice at the bottom says "Copyright © 1991-2012." Does that mean they've been around since 1991?
this page [1] seems to suggest that the service predates 1997 by a good number of years.
[1] http://www.sciconnect.com/staff.shtml
[1] http://www.sciconnect.com/staff.shtml
I remember them running print ads in Scientific American back in the 80s (if not them, an organization with a very similar logo of two lab mice).
Only a matter of time before such a service sprung up. Nice to see News Scientist take this up though "The Dating Lab" seems to be behind the implementation [0].
[0] http://www.thedatinglab.com/
[0] http://www.thedatinglab.com/
It seems to have sprung up a while ago. I found a profile there which was last modified in 2007.
OKCupid found through their data that online dating is highly racist. I am wondering how the online dating for scientists would look!
How did they define racist? Besides the weak tendency to date someone your own race, there's also not a lot of variation from among those with doctorates in the first place: http://www.nsf.gov/statistics/wmpd/pdf/tab7-7.pdf (Though there are a lot of temporary residents: http://www.nsf.gov/statistics/wmpd/pdf/tab7-4.pdf)
Do you mean that most people are highly selective about the race of their potential mate? If this is the case, I don't think that this is racist. Besides, scientists are humans too, I doubt there would be much of a difference.
How isn't that racist?
Racism doesn't need to involve blathering idiots who want to burn your house down, all it takes is someone to treat another person worse because of their race.
Which is to say, we're all at least a little bit racist. One of the greatest lies of modern society is that racism is somehow exceptional, or intrinsic to a character, when it is in fact highly contextual and can be brought out of anyone.
Race in dating is very heavily influenced by popular perceptions of particular races, including stereotypes - that someone won't give a black person the time of day even if they are articulate and hit other criteria is racist, though the fault here seems to lie more with society than the individual.
Racism doesn't need to involve blathering idiots who want to burn your house down, all it takes is someone to treat another person worse because of their race.
Which is to say, we're all at least a little bit racist. One of the greatest lies of modern society is that racism is somehow exceptional, or intrinsic to a character, when it is in fact highly contextual and can be brought out of anyone.
Race in dating is very heavily influenced by popular perceptions of particular races, including stereotypes - that someone won't give a black person the time of day even if they are articulate and hit other criteria is racist, though the fault here seems to lie more with society than the individual.
Is it racist to be more or less attracted to certain physical attributes including skin colour? I'm gay but I don't think that makes me sexist, I prefer certain colours of hair but I don't think that makes me.. whatever the bad thing there is... personally I've rarely been physically attracted to anybody black, does "never having dated a black person" equal "treating another person worse because of their race"?
(I do agree that everyone is capable of racism even if they aren't going round lynching people, just not that racial preference when it comes to sex is always about racism.)
(I do agree that everyone is capable of racism even if they aren't going round lynching people, just not that racial preference when it comes to sex is always about racism.)
I disagree. Mating is deeply biological phenomenon; the rational brain has little to do with it.
For example: I'm attracted to slim women. But some of my best friends are curvy. I'm not discriminating against curvy women; it's just that I find the skinny ones more attractive, without any rational reason for it.
For example: I'm attracted to slim women. But some of my best friends are curvy. I'm not discriminating against curvy women; it's just that I find the skinny ones more attractive, without any rational reason for it.
I believe this is less biological than you think it is. You're attracted to slim women because there are a truckload of cultural artifacts celebrating slim women. If you were born 500 years ago, or in a different part of the world today, you may very well be attracted to curvy women.
And this is even more true for race - there may very well be people who are biologically wired to dislike certain skin colors, but IMO they are well into the minority. Race in dating has much more to do with cultural perceptions of race than any evolutionarily hard-wired perception.
In any case though:
> " it's just that I find the skinny ones more attractive, without any rational reason for it."
Which makes you, I guess the word would be... weightist?
The whole point of my post isn't to point at people and go "you monster! you won't date black people!", it's to point out that even subconsciously influenced racism is racism, and the net effect for the target individual is the same, regardless of if you're "simply like that without rational reason" or if you actively and consciously dislike them.
The fact that we've been programmed by culture and circumstance to discriminate against a certain group doesn't make it our fault, but it is still discrimination at the end of the day.
And this is even more true for race - there may very well be people who are biologically wired to dislike certain skin colors, but IMO they are well into the minority. Race in dating has much more to do with cultural perceptions of race than any evolutionarily hard-wired perception.
In any case though:
> " it's just that I find the skinny ones more attractive, without any rational reason for it."
Which makes you, I guess the word would be... weightist?
The whole point of my post isn't to point at people and go "you monster! you won't date black people!", it's to point out that even subconsciously influenced racism is racism, and the net effect for the target individual is the same, regardless of if you're "simply like that without rational reason" or if you actively and consciously dislike them.
The fact that we've been programmed by culture and circumstance to discriminate against a certain group doesn't make it our fault, but it is still discrimination at the end of the day.
I think of it this way: It's just as racist as how straight/gay people are sexist :) Physical attraction to someone is a whole different thing.
Previous employee of Dating lab here, some info you guys might like: All in-house dev done on linux, content and profile vetting is taken very seriously, there is a dedicated team making sure no one get's scammed and profiles are real people. There is checks and balances to prevent on-line stalking also.
The two-way match algorithm is also pretty beefy and rather impressive. A few of my friends are married to partners they met on one of the datinglab network sites, a few employees also. These guys have been in the business a while, they know what they are doing.
Pro tip from them: "Lose your heart, NOT your cash" ;)
Wonder how the male/female percentages on those platform are...
Wonder how the male/female percentages on those platform are...
Probably better than EE, where it is +infinity.
dating limited to any given group of people is just so backward it's amazing they'd try it for scientists. If you're university educated and are dumb enough to think only other university graduates are educated, you'll disregard lots of great people that have learned by say, reading on their own, and would also have a lot to offer. Reinforcing these artificial boundaries is just absurd.
Finally a place for sheldon cooper .. :)
Also: shared interest forums are a great place to meet people. My wife and I posted on the same law forum before we ran into each other in person.
Also, and this is unrelated but I have to share since I'm too married for it to be useful to me: if you're in Chicago, the Museum of Contemporary Art on their gallery nights.