Ask HN : What do you do when you feel like a loser?
Even though you are better than your peers in terms of $$, job and status. But deep inside you feel that you have not achieved much in life. BTW i'm 25
42 comments
There's a sort of generational ennui, in that the traditional milestones of adulthood have largely been eroded in the last sevenish decades and we're raised with a clear set of expectations and paths for success (and feeling successful, being seen as successful, and being told we're successful) which function right up until age 22, at which point life loses virtually all out-of-the-box structure and you have to supply your own. Some people adjust to that transition better than others.
Random advice?
Don't hang around with anybody who routinely asks "Why am I a loser?". There is a tight feedback loop. (This is a subset of the more general rule "Associate more with people who you'd like to be like and less with people who you wouldn't like to be like.")
You know those guys who say that exercise and diet cure almost everything? They're a lot more right than I would have credited them 10 years ago.
If job / career / $$$ are not primary happiness drivers for you (which is Totally OK), then figure out what is and take the obvious steps towards getting them.
Random advice?
Don't hang around with anybody who routinely asks "Why am I a loser?". There is a tight feedback loop. (This is a subset of the more general rule "Associate more with people who you'd like to be like and less with people who you wouldn't like to be like.")
You know those guys who say that exercise and diet cure almost everything? They're a lot more right than I would have credited them 10 years ago.
If job / career / $$$ are not primary happiness drivers for you (which is Totally OK), then figure out what is and take the obvious steps towards getting them.
"Associate more with people who you'd like to be like and less with people who you wouldn't like to be like"
This. I always tell exactly this to my friends who come to me for advice related to career. You want to be a successful manager/executive ? Try and associate with those. You don't want to be a loser in life ? Stop associating with ppl who always think so about themselves.
Overall, associate with people who you think are better than you in the context of things that you wish to achieve.
This. I always tell exactly this to my friends who come to me for advice related to career. You want to be a successful manager/executive ? Try and associate with those. You don't want to be a loser in life ? Stop associating with ppl who always think so about themselves.
Overall, associate with people who you think are better than you in the context of things that you wish to achieve.
I don't want to be like my co-workers, but I still need to be with them :\ I want to be one amongst the great developers, with whom I'm already coding :) So this is kina mixed emotions. I'm so there, but still so far!
> Don't hang around with anybody who routinely asks "Why am I a loser?".
This is probably great advice for any individual, but really screws your friends who are depressed or otherwise in bad places. How would you like it if you felt like a failure, were sad all the time, and then all your friends stopped talking to you because you were a downer?
This is probably great advice for any individual, but really screws your friends who are depressed or otherwise in bad places. How would you like it if you felt like a failure, were sad all the time, and then all your friends stopped talking to you because you were a downer?
Job / career / $$$ shouldn't be primary happiness drivers for anyone.
I'm sorry, but that's a very naive and dangerous view. Being satisfied by what you do has always been a good goal, and society has always rewarded you for doing well at your job.
I can't see what angle you are coming from, so I can't give you a specific refutation, I hope it was novel.
I can't see what angle you are coming from, so I can't give you a specific refutation, I hope it was novel.
You don't want a job for job's sake. You want it to earn money to spend it somewhere else.
Here's an heuristic for you: imagine you are old and are dying. What things would you like to say on your deathbed? "I had a great job, great career, earned lots of money"? Or maybe "I had a great life/kids/wife/contribution to society/whatever"? Before answering, take some time to really imagine the situation. Don't give a knee-jerk answer.
"
"
Maybe those are your priorities, but I don't think you should apply them to everyone else and then accuse them of not taking time to think it through if they don't share your priorities.
Of the things you listed, only two are really concrete (wife, kids) and some people don't have those things, sometimes by choice. "Great life" could mean different things to different people and I'm not sure what "contribution to society" entails. Charitable works, volunteering? Again, this could mean all sorts of things; some people see raising good kids as contributing to society, while others might consider their work important to society (for example, medical research, clean energy, advancements in computer science, etc.)
If I spend at least 8 hours of every weekday working, that's an enormous portion of my life. So, going back to the death bed scenario, you better bet I don't want to be like "well, I spent a huge portion of my life sleeping, and another huge portion working a mediocre job, but the rest was pretty good." I'd rather be able to say that I had a rewarding and challenging career that gave me satisfaction (above and beyond just money for survival and comfort).
Many people value wife/kids and see their job as just a paycheck and there's nothing wrong with that. But some people look for different things, and yes, that can include one's career and professional life. And some people are a mix of the two. To assume that it's just about money is to project your own view on everyone else.
Of the things you listed, only two are really concrete (wife, kids) and some people don't have those things, sometimes by choice. "Great life" could mean different things to different people and I'm not sure what "contribution to society" entails. Charitable works, volunteering? Again, this could mean all sorts of things; some people see raising good kids as contributing to society, while others might consider their work important to society (for example, medical research, clean energy, advancements in computer science, etc.)
If I spend at least 8 hours of every weekday working, that's an enormous portion of my life. So, going back to the death bed scenario, you better bet I don't want to be like "well, I spent a huge portion of my life sleeping, and another huge portion working a mediocre job, but the rest was pretty good." I'd rather be able to say that I had a rewarding and challenging career that gave me satisfaction (above and beyond just money for survival and comfort).
Many people value wife/kids and see their job as just a paycheck and there's nothing wrong with that. But some people look for different things, and yes, that can include one's career and professional life. And some people are a mix of the two. To assume that it's just about money is to project your own view on everyone else.
It doesn't really matter what your preferences are. That's why I had the "whatever" option. I am just advocating that you have to be aware of what matters to you, always. It's pretty easy to get lost in everyday stuff, whether procrastinating on the internet or anywhere else. If you know what's important to you, by comparison you won't be bothered with the rest, and you'll spend your energy wisely.
Fair enough, I can certainly agree with that.
Personally family/kids are a big part of what I want from life, but there are people out there who don't actually want that.
Job may not be everything, just as kids may not be everything (find my a homeless person who has had kids and tell me his life is perfect), but that doesn't mean that a career can't be enjoyable and a big positive in your life, not just a necessity.
Job may not be everything, just as kids may not be everything (find my a homeless person who has had kids and tell me his life is perfect), but that doesn't mean that a career can't be enjoyable and a big positive in your life, not just a necessity.
It's not one or the other. Having a good job/career and in turn $$$ means you can contribute more to the society, and provide for your family better.
So on my deathbed, I'd like to say: "I was good at making $$$ which allowed me to spend more time with my family, give some to charities and see a good portion of my mother earth with the ones I love."
So on my deathbed, I'd like to say: "I was good at making $$$ which allowed me to spend more time with my family, give some to charities and see a good portion of my mother earth with the ones I love."
Will do it soon, thanks.
>> I can't see what angle you are coming from, so I can't give you a specific refutation, I hope it was novel.
Why would you downvote or even refutate instead of asking?
Those shouldn't be your primary drivers but it doesn't mean you won't have them. I don't measure happiness with those variables, they are a result of what makes me happy, a consequence.
Why would you downvote or even refutate instead of asking?
Those shouldn't be your primary drivers but it doesn't mean you won't have them. I don't measure happiness with those variables, they are a result of what makes me happy, a consequence.
society has always rewarded you for doing well at your job.
This is far from the case, and even trivial reflection presents us with many counterexamples (military veterans, construction workers, folks from NASA, etc.).
This is far from the case, and even trivial reflection presents us with many counterexamples (military veterans, construction workers, folks from NASA, etc.).
He/She said it shouldn't be a primary driver. I am not seeing how both of you are saying dynamically different things unless your use of the term "Being satisfied" means "I love my job and it is the main thing in my life that drives me".
Awesome advice! :)
I don't want to be like my co-workers, but I still need to be with them :\
I want to be one amongst the great developers, with whom I'm already coding :)
So this is kina mixed emotions. I'm so there, but still so far!
"Don't hang around with anybody who routinely asks "Why am I a loser?". "
What if they're people you care about?
What if they're people you care about?
Travel to another country NOW.
I know you are American, why?, because "loser" is an American word, as an American friend told me "In America everything is about money and they have this word they are always using, loser".
Go to Brazil, India, Rift Valley in Africa and contemplate how people could be 10 times more happier than you having 10 times less and think about that. Look at how people live in communities there and not isolated like in the US, where places to walk and talk with your peers simply do not exist, unless you have lots of money(but not time) to enjoy it.
$$, job and status is an external thing, we need a minimum those things, but is not going to make you happy over it. You are not going to eat 10 times a day, or drive two cars at the same time, are you?.
You also need internal things to make you happy. For every person is different. E.g I need to create new stuff for feeling alive, I need to spend time with my girlfriend, touch and feel her, money(once my necessities are satisfied) is nothing in comparison.
I know you are American, why?, because "loser" is an American word, as an American friend told me "In America everything is about money and they have this word they are always using, loser".
Go to Brazil, India, Rift Valley in Africa and contemplate how people could be 10 times more happier than you having 10 times less and think about that. Look at how people live in communities there and not isolated like in the US, where places to walk and talk with your peers simply do not exist, unless you have lots of money(but not time) to enjoy it.
$$, job and status is an external thing, we need a minimum those things, but is not going to make you happy over it. You are not going to eat 10 times a day, or drive two cars at the same time, are you?.
You also need internal things to make you happy. For every person is different. E.g I need to create new stuff for feeling alive, I need to spend time with my girlfriend, touch and feel her, money(once my necessities are satisfied) is nothing in comparison.
> Go to Brazil, India, Rift Valley in Africa and contemplate how people could be 10 times more happier than you having 10 times less and think about that. Look at how people live in communities there and not isolated like in the US, where places to walk and talk with your peers simply do not exist, unless you have lots of money(but not time) to enjoy it.
cough bullshit cough. I grew up in Africa and spent ten years in India. There is nothing magical about communities there that will solve the OP's feeling of being a loser or not. Just because people are forced to interact with community or family because they have no space or they have deep cultural ties doesn't mean that they automatically become happy. I have known enough people who are deeply sad within and keep up fake appearances just to make others think that they are doing OK. Also, the other thing about these societies is the lack of filters: People will tell you straight to your face that you suck and are worthless. I am unsure of how going to these countries as tourists and getting enamored by the external facade is going to help OP get over feeling like a loser. Also, everywhere you will find people who like the idea of money. I could argue that people here in the U.S. are more open to the idea of finding themselves because of the societal safety nets (Yes, despite all the shit flying in Congress, America has way better a safety net than the third world) than people that live in the third world. The myth of the primitive savage who lives a noble existence is just that... a myth.
cough bullshit cough. I grew up in Africa and spent ten years in India. There is nothing magical about communities there that will solve the OP's feeling of being a loser or not. Just because people are forced to interact with community or family because they have no space or they have deep cultural ties doesn't mean that they automatically become happy. I have known enough people who are deeply sad within and keep up fake appearances just to make others think that they are doing OK. Also, the other thing about these societies is the lack of filters: People will tell you straight to your face that you suck and are worthless. I am unsure of how going to these countries as tourists and getting enamored by the external facade is going to help OP get over feeling like a loser. Also, everywhere you will find people who like the idea of money. I could argue that people here in the U.S. are more open to the idea of finding themselves because of the societal safety nets (Yes, despite all the shit flying in Congress, America has way better a safety net than the third world) than people that live in the third world. The myth of the primitive savage who lives a noble existence is just that... a myth.
Myth! hmm ok... I heard yoga helps a lot and people in India must do a lot of it to be happy :\ ? (Duh! foolish thought)
True, I always get this feeling of going out of this country! Need make some courage.
Work out, get a good night's sleep. Remember Tom Lehrer's words, "By the time Mozart was my age, he had been dead for ten years.", laugh and move on.
Assuming that you have been working towards your goals since 16, that's nine years. You have a reasonable expectation of four times as many productive years in front of you, maybe five times.
Assuming that you have been working towards your goals since 16, that's nine years. You have a reasonable expectation of four times as many productive years in front of you, maybe five times.
heh heh nice qoute!
25 is a good age to feel like a loser - you've got another 50 years to do something about it.
I find that writing down an internal dialog helps profoundly with isolating the specific reason that I feel like a loser. Then, it's just execution.
I find that writing down an internal dialog helps profoundly with isolating the specific reason that I feel like a loser. Then, it's just execution.
Run a marathon. It won't improve your $$, job, or status, but it will probably be the hardest thing you've done up to this point in your life, and once it's done you won't feel like a loser anymore.
Go on a trip, and do something physical outside. Ideally, combine the two--I went on a very long bicycle tour, but a running/kayak/canoe/hiking trip would also work. Bonus points for making the trip itself an achievement, but even if all you get is some clear-headed thinking in nature you should be fine.
You only need to make a lasting difference for one new person in your life. That way, the chain isn't broken. Anything on top of that is a bonus.
I just turned 36 and have recently felt a similar way, though I wouldn't go as far as to call myself a loser. I distilled my understanding of that dissatisfaction down and realized that I'm always consuming nowadays (video games, reddit, HN, music, movies, food, etc.) and hardly producing anything. I think we're all defined by what we create and the best place to look when we're feeling out of sorts is in the fruits of our labor. I was always creating something when I was younger. A comic book in high school, short stories and poetry in college, and nothing significant now since about 2006 except for a huge home renovation and having two great kids. So, once I realized (within the past 4 months) that I've stopped being a creator and haven't been following my passions, I started taking steps to correct that. I just got accepted to grad school for Software Engineering, so hopefully that'll be the first step towards some significant progress, but I'm also trying to take on some personal projects. And when I say personal projects, I mean build something that YOU want to build, not something that someone else wants from you.
Frankly? It's because you haven't achieved anything in your life of any real import and you probably never will. But guess what - neither have 99.9999999% of humans who have ever lived, or ever will live.
125 billion humans have walked the planet since the first Homo Sapiens first roamed Africa. How many of them are remembered today? How many of them had any real impact or achieved important things?
Statistically, it is unlikely that you will be either remembered, or in fact have any real impact on the future of any great significance.
Thinking otherwise will merely depress you.
You are feeling like a loser because you are one - just like the rest of us. None of us will be known a generation from now and furthermore our entire existence will effectively be wiped away within 2 generations.
So do whatever makes you happy for the longest period of time and embrace the pointlessness of your existence.
I know I have.
125 billion humans have walked the planet since the first Homo Sapiens first roamed Africa. How many of them are remembered today? How many of them had any real impact or achieved important things?
Statistically, it is unlikely that you will be either remembered, or in fact have any real impact on the future of any great significance.
Thinking otherwise will merely depress you.
You are feeling like a loser because you are one - just like the rest of us. None of us will be known a generation from now and furthermore our entire existence will effectively be wiped away within 2 generations.
So do whatever makes you happy for the longest period of time and embrace the pointlessness of your existence.
I know I have.
I think you're projecting your own problems here. OP did not complain about cosmic futility or worry about being remembered a generation hence, just a feeling they hadn't done much in life yet.
These achievements are ostensibly done for the purposes of either impact, memory or gene dispersal.
Nope. Wrong, wrong, wrong.
List an achievement you don't think fits the above statement and is of the type you believe the OP wishes to accomplish.
I don't know what's wrong with OP's life or who he envies (I asked, which nobody else has done so far...) but I can answer for myself.
You presuppose that there are certain things in life which are "mine" and that significance means that I enlarge those things, like a ripple in a pond. But you observe, correctly, that few of us make a great splash. Our ripples are lost in the chaos.
Okay, first of all - we all can improve the welfare of others. Small ripples can be good enough.
But the main fallacy in your argument is that there is a "me" whose impact needs to be enlarged. I believe this is fundamentally incorrect. What is the distinction between me and you right now? I have high-bandwidth communication going on between the neurons in my skull, but they're doing a low-bandwidth dance with yours right now too. This is why our achievements are lost in the chaotic echoes, because we are chaotic echoes. There never was a time when they were not just chaotic echoes. Things become arbitrary and meaningless when you succumb to the illusion that things are otherwise.
With everything in my life that has had lasting value, there is a certain dissolving of the boundaries between myself and others. I don't mean altruism, I mean something more than that. I'm not sure I can explain it better than Chuang Tzu.
http://home.earthlink.net/~bchaney/ty/joy-of-fishes.htm
You presuppose that there are certain things in life which are "mine" and that significance means that I enlarge those things, like a ripple in a pond. But you observe, correctly, that few of us make a great splash. Our ripples are lost in the chaos.
Okay, first of all - we all can improve the welfare of others. Small ripples can be good enough.
But the main fallacy in your argument is that there is a "me" whose impact needs to be enlarged. I believe this is fundamentally incorrect. What is the distinction between me and you right now? I have high-bandwidth communication going on between the neurons in my skull, but they're doing a low-bandwidth dance with yours right now too. This is why our achievements are lost in the chaotic echoes, because we are chaotic echoes. There never was a time when they were not just chaotic echoes. Things become arbitrary and meaningless when you succumb to the illusion that things are otherwise.
With everything in my life that has had lasting value, there is a certain dissolving of the boundaries between myself and others. I don't mean altruism, I mean something more than that. I'm not sure I can explain it better than Chuang Tzu.
http://home.earthlink.net/~bchaney/ty/joy-of-fishes.htm
heh heh :)
But how did some of them manage to stay for generation after their dead?
If you feel like you haven't achieved much in life, go achieve something.
I know that sounds glib - maybe even unfair - but it's also easier than it's ever been, especially if you're a programmer.
Start with something stupid. Buy a domain and implement it.
Then put in a little more effort to think of something a little less stupid.
Repeat until you have your pride back.
I know that sounds glib - maybe even unfair - but it's also easier than it's ever been, especially if you're a programmer.
Start with something stupid. Buy a domain and implement it.
Then put in a little more effort to think of something a little less stupid.
Repeat until you have your pride back.
I have about 370 such articles on my blog, but no I'm not happy yet...
Stop thinking of people being "better" or "worse", and stop thinking so much about yourself. Try focusing your attention on your interests and goals instead (the goals themselves, not your evaluation of your performance).
If you do that for a month you'll likely find yourself feeling a lot better.
If you do that for a month you'll likely find yourself feeling a lot better.
I'm amazed how many people are chastising the OP for worrying about job status and pay. He's NOT. He's explicitly saying that DESPITE making MORE than his peers, he feels like a loser.
That's a healthy way to feel. Save up, cut your costs, and then quit your job and try to do something amazing.
That's a healthy way to feel. Save up, cut your costs, and then quit your job and try to do something amazing.
You Sir, you read my mind!
Maybe your outside validation so far has come from people that don't really "get it"?
People on the outside may be easily impressed (parents, friends, acquaintances) but maybe you don't quite believe it because they haven't poked holes in your accomplishments so far?
Yes, I am projecting.
People on the outside may be easily impressed (parents, friends, acquaintances) but maybe you don't quite believe it because they haven't poked holes in your accomplishments so far?
Yes, I am projecting.
Have more compassion for yourself.
Read this book to understand more what I'm talking about:
http://www.amazon.com/Compassion-Self-Hate-Alternative-Despa...
Read this book to understand more what I'm talking about:
http://www.amazon.com/Compassion-Self-Hate-Alternative-Despa...
On it.
I had the same exact feeling at 25. My advice would be to work on small, achievable (side) projects and focusing on finishing each project before starting a new one. I remember having lots of ideas but never really finishing anything great or meaningful, which was a source of anxiety back then.
Remember, you don't have to create a new RoR or Facebook to feel successful. For example, many small open source projects provide great value for a number of people. Now at 30, I'm happy to be able to list a number of things I have done, however small or big they are.
Remember, you don't have to create a new RoR or Facebook to feel successful. For example, many small open source projects provide great value for a number of people. Now at 30, I'm happy to be able to list a number of things I have done, however small or big they are.
>>>not achieved much in life
Your expectations are wrong then.
EDIT: You asked what to do. Change your expectations. Really, that's probably the root of things. What are you calling "achievement," to begin with?
Your expectations are wrong then.
EDIT: You asked what to do. Change your expectations. Really, that's probably the root of things. What are you calling "achievement," to begin with?
Since the question is about what I (the reader) would do, I'll answer it from that POV. I'm 35 and I've had that feeling ever since I can remember. To me it's a feeling of wanting growth and movement in all aspects of my life. I adopted the motto "always happy, never satisfied," which sums it up perfectly for me. Only when I'm feeling down do I feel like a loser. I make sure I take stock and be thankful for what I have achieved, otherwise it's easy to get caught up in all my unmet goals.
If I look at my achievements that I am proud of, they have do not link to traditional status symbols like money and job. I see both achievement in my professional career and in my private life. And all achievements would be possible if I had no $$, a more basic job and a lesser status.
Try to find your achievements in being a friend, being a valuable person in your community. Do arts. Publish your art.
Try to be part of a community of crazy people, people who try things out, people who motivate you.
Try to find your achievements in being a friend, being a valuable person in your community. Do arts. Publish your art.
Try to be part of a community of crazy people, people who try things out, people who motivate you.
When you feel like a loser, do something good for someone else. It doesn't have to be for strangers or charity-specific.
Call your parents, hell - go see them and take them to a movie on your dime. Buy a video game for your nephew/niece and play with them. Call your friends up and buy a round of beer!
When you stop thinking about "YOUR" achievements and start thinking about others, I'd bet you will feel a whole lot more successful.
Call your parents, hell - go see them and take them to a movie on your dime. Buy a video game for your nephew/niece and play with them. Call your friends up and buy a round of beer!
When you stop thinking about "YOUR" achievements and start thinking about others, I'd bet you will feel a whole lot more successful.
Do you do anything physical in a natural place on a regular basis? That's one place to look.
Does your work have meaning? When you are 50 or 60 and you look back at your life's work, will it have value? If not, you might try to find a socially meaningful project to contribute to. It seems you've got valuable technical skills; share them with a project that has the kind of value you'd like in your life.
Does your work have meaning? When you are 50 or 60 and you look back at your life's work, will it have value? If not, you might try to find a socially meaningful project to contribute to. It seems you've got valuable technical skills; share them with a project that has the kind of value you'd like in your life.
Almost 0 physical work :\ And yes I have a blog and I contribute in free and open source.
Everything is impermanent and has no real nature. Learn to ride the waves of change. Enjoy the small and beautiful things in life, the company of friends and family, and don't be afraid of change.
For me, mindfulness meditation helped me understanding emotions, sensations, and life in general. But running, hiking, or cycling, works for many people as well. Give your mind peacefulness.
For me, mindfulness meditation helped me understanding emotions, sensations, and life in general. But running, hiking, or cycling, works for many people as well. Give your mind peacefulness.
Zomg! I started with mindfulness meditation last week.
Give.
Time, money, advice, effort, compliments - whatever you have to give. After you've ticked your own achievements off you need to expand your goals. Nothing feels more rewarding than achieving something bigger than your own wants.
Something longer term, challenging & meaningful will give you direction, purpose and greater success than just money alone.
Time, money, advice, effort, compliments - whatever you have to give. After you've ticked your own achievements off you need to expand your goals. Nothing feels more rewarding than achieving something bigger than your own wants.
Something longer term, challenging & meaningful will give you direction, purpose and greater success than just money alone.
Channel that feeling into motivation to achieve more. A bit of dissatisfaction is natural and happens to folks irrespective of what they may have achieved -- it can be a healthy force that pushes you to do more with your life.
well, i don't feel like a loser. but then i've never thought of comparing myself using $$ job and status.
i'd suggest growing up a bit. get some more perspective on life. do something different. broaden your outlook.
you might also consider counselling. perhaps there are "issues" about trying to please parents or whatever.
what i'm saying is that what's broken is not how you evaluate yourself (winner or loser), but that you're actually doing the comparison at all. people are different. value different things, want different things, care about different things. you can't put them in a line.
i'd suggest growing up a bit. get some more perspective on life. do something different. broaden your outlook.
you might also consider counselling. perhaps there are "issues" about trying to please parents or whatever.
what i'm saying is that what's broken is not how you evaluate yourself (winner or loser), but that you're actually doing the comparison at all. people are different. value different things, want different things, care about different things. you can't put them in a line.
Buy a bike. Of course this will not work for everyone, but it might for someone here. Sorry for the long post.
http://velonews.competitor.com/2012/06/news/a-bicycle-and-a-...
http://www.competitivecyclist.com/closeouts/ridley.454.html?...
From http://redkiteprayer.com/2012/12/a-new-alchemy-of-speed/
------------------------------------------------------------
Let’s start with an audacious premise, that just by virtue of the fact that you are reading these words, you are fast. I know. I know. “Bullshit,” you think to yourself. But maybe it’s true, last week’s post not withstanding.
These things can be self-fulfilling, the placebo that cures what ails you.
Allow me to perform the trick of the medium, the palm-reader or the gazer into crystal balls. Dim the lights. Put your credit card on the table.
You ride a bike. Oh yes, the low-hanging fruit. The obvious. But don’t you see we’re already more than half-way there. Because not only do you a ride a bike, but you ride a bike often, some might even say regularly. Wait. Wait. It’s more than that. You actually define yourself, sketch the outlines of your deep and true and core identity, in relation to the bike.
You are a cyclist, but you are more. You are a committed cyclist. In the back of your mind, at some point, you have assigned yourself a sub-identity within the cycloverse. You are a climber (grimpeur) or a rouleur. Maybe a sprinter or a randonneur. It doesn’t matter, because you know which one you are, and you know which one you are because you’ve tried to be at least one of the others and found it didn’t suit you.
How am I doing? Uncanny, right? Look, every Robot with a neon sign out front isn’t a charlatan. Some of us have true mystical powers. We see things. We know.
And so you ride. You ride a lot. Maybe you ride through the winter, or maybe you take an off-season. It doesn’t matter. Even if you use the term “winter weight” un-ironically, you remain a cyclist, and you know, even as you shovel another forkful of cake into your gaping maw, that you will return to the bike. You have faith that it will set you free from these days of excess, the license you’ve given to your id, that rotten son-of-a-bitch who doesn’t care a whit how (not) fast you are in the spring.
It’s all alright, because you’re a cyclist.
And now we circle back to our premise that you are fast. “Pfffffttt!!” you think again, “Have you met me?” And yes, I have. I know you. You’re that guy who rides a bike, by virtue of which, you are fast.
No, you are not fast relative to Steve. Fucking Steve whose muscle-y ass you’ve had to follow over hill and goddamned dale all summer long. Steve, who once won things and knows how much his wheels weigh. Steve, who, despite being faster and fitter and better adjusted than you are, is actually an alright guy, and let’s be honest, if it wasn’t for Steve, we probably wouldn’t ride as much as we do. Let’s not murder Steve, just because he’s fast. There are better ways to bend the curve of velocity back toward our own very human capabilities.
Go to the grocery store. Never mind a cart. You don’t need a cart. And forget the basket. Put it down. Just walk the aisles. Up. Down. Frozen foods. The chip aisle. Even allow yourself to wander into produce. It doesn’t matter. Have a look around. Count the number of shoppers you couldn’t beat in a two-up, town-line sprint. KAPOW! You’re fast.
Take your life, add a bike, sprinkle liberally with a ruthless realism and a modest sense of humor. It’s that easy. You are fast.
------------------------------------------------------------
http://velonews.competitor.com/2012/06/news/a-bicycle-and-a-...
http://www.competitivecyclist.com/closeouts/ridley.454.html?...
From http://redkiteprayer.com/2012/12/a-new-alchemy-of-speed/
------------------------------------------------------------
Let’s start with an audacious premise, that just by virtue of the fact that you are reading these words, you are fast. I know. I know. “Bullshit,” you think to yourself. But maybe it’s true, last week’s post not withstanding.
These things can be self-fulfilling, the placebo that cures what ails you.
Allow me to perform the trick of the medium, the palm-reader or the gazer into crystal balls. Dim the lights. Put your credit card on the table.
You ride a bike. Oh yes, the low-hanging fruit. The obvious. But don’t you see we’re already more than half-way there. Because not only do you a ride a bike, but you ride a bike often, some might even say regularly. Wait. Wait. It’s more than that. You actually define yourself, sketch the outlines of your deep and true and core identity, in relation to the bike.
You are a cyclist, but you are more. You are a committed cyclist. In the back of your mind, at some point, you have assigned yourself a sub-identity within the cycloverse. You are a climber (grimpeur) or a rouleur. Maybe a sprinter or a randonneur. It doesn’t matter, because you know which one you are, and you know which one you are because you’ve tried to be at least one of the others and found it didn’t suit you.
How am I doing? Uncanny, right? Look, every Robot with a neon sign out front isn’t a charlatan. Some of us have true mystical powers. We see things. We know.
And so you ride. You ride a lot. Maybe you ride through the winter, or maybe you take an off-season. It doesn’t matter. Even if you use the term “winter weight” un-ironically, you remain a cyclist, and you know, even as you shovel another forkful of cake into your gaping maw, that you will return to the bike. You have faith that it will set you free from these days of excess, the license you’ve given to your id, that rotten son-of-a-bitch who doesn’t care a whit how (not) fast you are in the spring.
It’s all alright, because you’re a cyclist.
And now we circle back to our premise that you are fast. “Pfffffttt!!” you think again, “Have you met me?” And yes, I have. I know you. You’re that guy who rides a bike, by virtue of which, you are fast.
No, you are not fast relative to Steve. Fucking Steve whose muscle-y ass you’ve had to follow over hill and goddamned dale all summer long. Steve, who once won things and knows how much his wheels weigh. Steve, who, despite being faster and fitter and better adjusted than you are, is actually an alright guy, and let’s be honest, if it wasn’t for Steve, we probably wouldn’t ride as much as we do. Let’s not murder Steve, just because he’s fast. There are better ways to bend the curve of velocity back toward our own very human capabilities.
Go to the grocery store. Never mind a cart. You don’t need a cart. And forget the basket. Put it down. Just walk the aisles. Up. Down. Frozen foods. The chip aisle. Even allow yourself to wander into produce. It doesn’t matter. Have a look around. Count the number of shoppers you couldn’t beat in a two-up, town-line sprint. KAPOW! You’re fast.
Take your life, add a bike, sprinkle liberally with a ruthless realism and a modest sense of humor. It’s that easy. You are fast.
------------------------------------------------------------
heh heh very well written Sir! I have a bike in my backyard waiting for me from 8months now, I think it's time now!
As long as your expectations are not utterly unrealistic, lowering them won't motivate you to do anything about it.
It helps if you know where you want to go, and you're doing something to get there.
It helps if you know where you want to go, and you're doing something to get there.
I tell my girlfriend how I feel. She always tells me she's proud and I'm not a loser. Sometimes you just need somebody to give you some reassurance.
So go and talk to somebody you love.
So go and talk to somebody you love.
I help people who are less fortunate. I listen to people, instead of waiting for my turn to talk. I try to compare myself to myself, and improve on that metric.
give me half of your Hacker News karma points.
You'll feel much better about yourself - it's all about giving.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zqCT2aP4pSM
You'll feel much better about yourself - it's all about giving.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zqCT2aP4pSM
LSD and MDMA taught me how to love and appreciate myself and got me on the road to get the most out of my life.
Take a chance.
> you have not achieved much in life
There are over 6 billion people on this planet. How many have you heard of by name?
Of those you have heard of, how many appear to have happy lives and don't have children who wont talk to them or belong on a MTV reality show?
I would say live well and if after you die you are remembered outside of your friends and family then you most likely did something wrong.
There are over 6 billion people on this planet. How many have you heard of by name?
Of those you have heard of, how many appear to have happy lives and don't have children who wont talk to them or belong on a MTV reality show?
I would say live well and if after you die you are remembered outside of your friends and family then you most likely did something wrong.
if after you die you are remembered outside of your friends and family then you most likely did something wrong.
What?
What about Steve Jobs or Richard Feynman or Christopher Hitchens? (to pick three random examples)
They are dead and well known because they are highly accomplished.
Of course, doing things because you expect to be remembered for it is misguided. But being remembered after you die by large numbers of people is not a sign that you did something wrong.
What?
What about Steve Jobs or Richard Feynman or Christopher Hitchens? (to pick three random examples)
They are dead and well known because they are highly accomplished.
Of course, doing things because you expect to be remembered for it is misguided. But being remembered after you die by large numbers of people is not a sign that you did something wrong.
I'm going to guess that lostnet is saying that it is easier to be remembered for doing something wrong than for doing something right, although I'm not sure what value that would have in terms of advice.
Guess so.
It certainly seems easier to get notoriety - at least for a short time - by doing something significantly hurtful to people (e.g. die in a violent blaze of glory while mass murdering others, like the recent incident in Newtown, CT).
However, I agree that this isn't necessarily useful information for someone who has an innocent question about feeling like a loser.
It certainly seems easier to get notoriety - at least for a short time - by doing something significantly hurtful to people (e.g. die in a violent blaze of glory while mass murdering others, like the recent incident in Newtown, CT).
However, I agree that this isn't necessarily useful information for someone who has an innocent question about feeling like a loser.
The point I was trying to make is that trying to be at the top in one area instead of comfortable in all areas of your life is really not the sign of a person with a healthy self image and often a sign of someone to avoid at a personal level, who is probably not a helpful to their own family.
I'm not big on the heros thing. But the people I looked up to as a child they were people who could fix their own house, show me how to use physics to rescue a lost toy, etc.
When I think of "successful" people like Henry Ford or even John Kennedy, I think how great it is to be unrelated to the rich and famous.
I wont even touch the tech rich by name. But yes, I feel the same way about them...
If you make more than those around and have more social status and you still aren't happy then ask yourself what those around you have not how to get more of what isn't helping.
I'm not big on the heros thing. But the people I looked up to as a child they were people who could fix their own house, show me how to use physics to rescue a lost toy, etc.
When I think of "successful" people like Henry Ford or even John Kennedy, I think how great it is to be unrelated to the rich and famous.
I wont even touch the tech rich by name. But yes, I feel the same way about them...
If you make more than those around and have more social status and you still aren't happy then ask yourself what those around you have not how to get more of what isn't helping.
Go for a walk in the nearest Park, it's a good way to have a think about what you want.
I'm 21 and still feel exactly the same, except without "$$, job and status"
Exercise.
Dunno because i am 40 and i have never felt like a loser.
[deleted]
What do I do? Honestly?
I watch a slo-mo tiger woods fist pump* and get back to work.
http://www.gifsoup.com/view/14342/tiger-woods-fist-pump.html
I watch a slo-mo tiger woods fist pump* and get back to work.
http://www.gifsoup.com/view/14342/tiger-woods-fist-pump.html
I often feel the same way, and at times even feel wrong thinking it given my $$, job, and status. I almost feel ungrateful feeling that way, but that's beside the point.
In my case, I tend to feel like a loser when I'm exhausted from doing things I don't particularly enjoy, and neglect the things I do. For example, spending countless hours doing a job that doesn't particularly excite me (but still do it well), and neglect my favorite activities such as playing soccer, dancing, or going out with friends. Then begins the spiral loop of wondering "what you have achieved", and looking at what others your age or younger have done. If that's how you feel, you're not alone and thankfully there are ways to break that mentality :)
When that happens to me, my best approach over time has been to pause for a moment, take a step back, and reflect on my situation. Realize that at 25, having $$, job, and status is actually "quite an achievement" that many others wish they could have accomplished as well. Realize many of the things you take for granted, like eating every day, having access to water, are a dream for some in other parts of the globe. Being able to afford what you desire for the most part (except maybe that Lamborghini), is a dream for many for many within the country. All in all, on an absolute scale, you're definitely in a pretty good spot and by no mean a "loser".
At that point, I usually feel better about myself. But that's only a temporary fix, because the underlying issues are still there. Rethink your priorities in life in terms of what provides YOU happiness. Forget about what society and movies make you believe priorities should be, and think personal. A quote I really like on the topic, from fight club, is:
"God damn it, an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables; slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need. We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War's a spiritual war... our Great Depression is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off."
Now don't get me wrong, it is possible you genuinely have a personal goal to become a movie star, which would make you the happiest person on earth (but again, that's beyond the point). So think hard about yourself and what really motivates and makes you happy, and reset your priorities. Maybe it's worth not staying as long at work, fix that bug tomorrow, and go play that soccer game you've been craving for. Or maybe instead of spending an afternoon going to some event you don't really want to go to is better spent hacking away this fun idea you've been wanting to do for a while. Whatever makes you excites you, make it and priority and find time for it. The rest really is secondary. In my case, after a while I decided to make the bold move of quitting my job for another that pays less, where I work longer hours, but that is oh soooooo much more fun. I'm loving it and am super happy learning great stuff on a daily basis, and being payed doing what I like. We're all different, so it's up to you to find what your thing is :) Good luck, and I hope if you got this far my answer helps.
In my case, I tend to feel like a loser when I'm exhausted from doing things I don't particularly enjoy, and neglect the things I do. For example, spending countless hours doing a job that doesn't particularly excite me (but still do it well), and neglect my favorite activities such as playing soccer, dancing, or going out with friends. Then begins the spiral loop of wondering "what you have achieved", and looking at what others your age or younger have done. If that's how you feel, you're not alone and thankfully there are ways to break that mentality :)
When that happens to me, my best approach over time has been to pause for a moment, take a step back, and reflect on my situation. Realize that at 25, having $$, job, and status is actually "quite an achievement" that many others wish they could have accomplished as well. Realize many of the things you take for granted, like eating every day, having access to water, are a dream for some in other parts of the globe. Being able to afford what you desire for the most part (except maybe that Lamborghini), is a dream for many for many within the country. All in all, on an absolute scale, you're definitely in a pretty good spot and by no mean a "loser".
At that point, I usually feel better about myself. But that's only a temporary fix, because the underlying issues are still there. Rethink your priorities in life in terms of what provides YOU happiness. Forget about what society and movies make you believe priorities should be, and think personal. A quote I really like on the topic, from fight club, is:
"God damn it, an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables; slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need. We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War's a spiritual war... our Great Depression is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off."
Now don't get me wrong, it is possible you genuinely have a personal goal to become a movie star, which would make you the happiest person on earth (but again, that's beyond the point). So think hard about yourself and what really motivates and makes you happy, and reset your priorities. Maybe it's worth not staying as long at work, fix that bug tomorrow, and go play that soccer game you've been craving for. Or maybe instead of spending an afternoon going to some event you don't really want to go to is better spent hacking away this fun idea you've been wanting to do for a while. Whatever makes you excites you, make it and priority and find time for it. The rest really is secondary. In my case, after a while I decided to make the bold move of quitting my job for another that pays less, where I work longer hours, but that is oh soooooo much more fun. I'm loving it and am super happy learning great stuff on a daily basis, and being payed doing what I like. We're all different, so it's up to you to find what your thing is :) Good luck, and I hope if you got this far my answer helps.
A piece of advice that has served me well: "Life is about more than trying to see how high up into the upper-middle class you can get."
Consider your three given metrics.
Money is, ultimately, just a measure of how much economic influence you have available. You don't even need to have your own money in order to make a dent--somebody working for a non-profit or trading company probably controls wealth far in excess of whatever you'll be able to scrape together. The value of money isn't even constant across regions: a pauper in the Bay could live like a king in Houston. From this we see that money is not a reliable yardstick.
A job, especially one for someone else doing something you don't enjoy, is just a way of accumulating money. If you aren't rewarded by the work, you are just wasting the reserve of hours you were given at birth. There's plenty that needs doing out there, and plenty of people that'll pay you for it. Even with a "good" job, you are not guaranteed respect by society: a lot of folks who do construction are viewed with contempt by people who've never tried to float drywall properly in their lives, and a lot of folks who design beautiful architectures go utterly unseen and unappreciated by the public who consumes their software. So, jobs are not a good measure of self-worth either.
Status is arbitrary and something that is accorded to you by others. Valuing yourself in that fashion is much like valuing yourself based on how popular with your preferred gender--it's something over which you ultimately have not the final say, and so makes you vulnerable to "market fluctuations". Status is just good marketing, one way or the other, and don't for a second conflate your perceived worth with your actual value as a human being.
~
In the end, you need to remember that the default case is still failure, and that in half a century you'll be dead, and in a century more more than likely completely forgotten.
This being the case, enjoy every morning and opportunity to try something new, put yourself out on the line, and go to bed each day secure in the knowledge that hey, you're ultimately free to play the game however is most enjoyable to you.
And don't worry about indicators that won't mean anything when you're worm food along with the people who would've judged you. :)
Consider your three given metrics.
Money is, ultimately, just a measure of how much economic influence you have available. You don't even need to have your own money in order to make a dent--somebody working for a non-profit or trading company probably controls wealth far in excess of whatever you'll be able to scrape together. The value of money isn't even constant across regions: a pauper in the Bay could live like a king in Houston. From this we see that money is not a reliable yardstick.
A job, especially one for someone else doing something you don't enjoy, is just a way of accumulating money. If you aren't rewarded by the work, you are just wasting the reserve of hours you were given at birth. There's plenty that needs doing out there, and plenty of people that'll pay you for it. Even with a "good" job, you are not guaranteed respect by society: a lot of folks who do construction are viewed with contempt by people who've never tried to float drywall properly in their lives, and a lot of folks who design beautiful architectures go utterly unseen and unappreciated by the public who consumes their software. So, jobs are not a good measure of self-worth either.
Status is arbitrary and something that is accorded to you by others. Valuing yourself in that fashion is much like valuing yourself based on how popular with your preferred gender--it's something over which you ultimately have not the final say, and so makes you vulnerable to "market fluctuations". Status is just good marketing, one way or the other, and don't for a second conflate your perceived worth with your actual value as a human being.
~
In the end, you need to remember that the default case is still failure, and that in half a century you'll be dead, and in a century more more than likely completely forgotten.
This being the case, enjoy every morning and opportunity to try something new, put yourself out on the line, and go to bed each day secure in the knowledge that hey, you're ultimately free to play the game however is most enjoyable to you.
And don't worry about indicators that won't mean anything when you're worm food along with the people who would've judged you. :)
> in a century more more than likely completely forgotten.
Yes, but there are few people whom we still remember who were on this earth ages ago, how did they manage to be that?