Ask HN: How to hack after Marriage
A Single Programmer About to get Married. How do i still keep hacking or create startup after Marriage. Any Tips , Ideas.
Timing Schedules , Stressful Strategy etc...
4 comments
After marriage isn't the hard part. It's once you have kids that it gets harder.
That being said, I'll address what it's like after marriage.
If you're like me, you probably view hacking as a form of 1) entertainment and 2) continuous self education.
Make sure his/her needs are being met. Eat dinner together, every night. Set aside (at least) one evening for him/her each week. Do something fun as least one weekend a month.
Don't sacrifice his/her time for hacking. Do look at setting aside other activities that aren't really important if hacking is more important to you (i.e. golf, playing video games, watching tv, Skyrim, Minecraft, etc.).
Keep communication open. Let him/her know what you're working on as well as why it's important. Use him/her as a sounding board for your ideas. It keeps him/her involved and informed. Also, focus on point #2 above.
More than likely, he/she will have times that he/she likes to read, watch tv, or go out with friends. You'll find that those times are also valuable for hacking. When you do hack, try to be in the same room and sitting on the couch next to him/her, rather than being down the hall, away at a coffee shop or somewhere else.
To recap: 1) make sure his/her needs are being met, 2) don't be selfish with your hacking time, 3) always keep communication open, 4) be visible.
Good luck!
That being said, I'll address what it's like after marriage.
If you're like me, you probably view hacking as a form of 1) entertainment and 2) continuous self education.
Make sure his/her needs are being met. Eat dinner together, every night. Set aside (at least) one evening for him/her each week. Do something fun as least one weekend a month.
Don't sacrifice his/her time for hacking. Do look at setting aside other activities that aren't really important if hacking is more important to you (i.e. golf, playing video games, watching tv, Skyrim, Minecraft, etc.).
Keep communication open. Let him/her know what you're working on as well as why it's important. Use him/her as a sounding board for your ideas. It keeps him/her involved and informed. Also, focus on point #2 above.
More than likely, he/she will have times that he/she likes to read, watch tv, or go out with friends. You'll find that those times are also valuable for hacking. When you do hack, try to be in the same room and sitting on the couch next to him/her, rather than being down the hall, away at a coffee shop or somewhere else.
To recap: 1) make sure his/her needs are being met, 2) don't be selfish with your hacking time, 3) always keep communication open, 4) be visible.
Good luck!
That is great advice and I can say that sticking to it can be hard and if done does prove to making hacking while married not all that stressful on the relationship.
I'm now moving on to the hacking with a child phase. First due in July. Not sure what my hacking schedule is going to be yet, but I'm sure it is going to be much more abbreviated . But I'm hoping that will keep me better focused during those times that I am.
I'm now moving on to the hacking with a child phase. First due in July. Not sure what my hacking schedule is going to be yet, but I'm sure it is going to be much more abbreviated . But I'm hoping that will keep me better focused during those times that I am.
This is great advice. You'd do well to heed it.
thanks man
And congratulations! Being married is the beginning of the greatest thing that will ever happen to you!
Frankly if it's important to you you two should have already talked about this to make sure your spouse supports the hours and the craziness of it. If you haven't you need to start talking about that now. And you need to be sure you're serious about it and not just messing around.
This is the best advice here. I just got married in November, and my wife and I discussed my programming habits outside of work. I have a few hours of downtime during the week and weekends where my wife is off to work before I begin work that I am able to hack around with stuff, and for me, that is enough time.
Your priorities change when you're married though. You're wife wants, and deserves your attention. She has given her life to you, and the well being of her life and the family you are starting falls on your shoulders.
Once I got married, if I wasn't able to somehow profit off of the little projects I was working on, I dropped them. If the project was a dream of mine to finish, and I really wanted to do it, I figured out how to do it in such a way that it'd be financially wise to finish it so I could make a profit off of it in the future.
Since being married and having this state of mind, I am bringing in some extra money every month by still doing what I love to do.
Your priorities change when you're married though. You're wife wants, and deserves your attention. She has given her life to you, and the well being of her life and the family you are starting falls on your shoulders.
Once I got married, if I wasn't able to somehow profit off of the little projects I was working on, I dropped them. If the project was a dream of mine to finish, and I really wanted to do it, I figured out how to do it in such a way that it'd be financially wise to finish it so I could make a profit off of it in the future.
Since being married and having this state of mind, I am bringing in some extra money every month by still doing what I love to do.
Waking up ~2 hours early before anyone else to hack/create works for me. Then leave the evenings to enjoy with your significant other. =]
It's a lot more responsibility, but if your future wife is supportive it will actually be a lot easier (if she brings dem coffee!) :)