Guide to Online Dating for the Rest of Us(enginarslan.com)
enginarslan.com
Guide to Online Dating for the Rest of Us
https://www.enginarslan.com/posts/guide-to-online-dating-for-the-rest-of-us
2 comments
This article was cute, but the author completely ignored one of the key aspects of online dating: appearance. I think this plays a huge role, for both men and women, and to ignore it is naive at best, and misleading at worst.
I met my ex-gf on some stock trading discord. I had a random avatar, she had a real photo of herself. She said I spoke confidently and was funny so she reached out. I liked her sense of humor and ability to banter, but also she was gorgeous. We very quickly fell for eachother.
I wouldn't consider myself bad looking but I also don't think my looks are so good I could pull with them alone. She liked who I was and how I made her feel, the comfort and safety talking with me brought her. And although she did think I was attractive, I don't think it would have mattered how I looked since the other things were more important to her. Ultimately we dated for 7-months and spent about half of that together. We broke up mostly because the distance became more of an issue as time went on rather than less.
I think that looks may gather more attention in totally vain settings like tinder where your entire basis for giving someone a chance is some photos and bio text. And those using the app to actually find a friend to build a relationship with are lost.
Our experience was more akin to a party or social setting. My ex and I got to see how one another interacted with people, got to "overhear" the jokes we told others. We could playfully flirt with eachother. We would both search eachothers names and read what the other posted while we were away. It was a very sweet experience that reminded me of a highschool romance between two in a friend group. That setting was far more forgiving to forming a meaningful relationship than dating apps.
I wouldn't consider myself bad looking but I also don't think my looks are so good I could pull with them alone. She liked who I was and how I made her feel, the comfort and safety talking with me brought her. And although she did think I was attractive, I don't think it would have mattered how I looked since the other things were more important to her. Ultimately we dated for 7-months and spent about half of that together. We broke up mostly because the distance became more of an issue as time went on rather than less.
I think that looks may gather more attention in totally vain settings like tinder where your entire basis for giving someone a chance is some photos and bio text. And those using the app to actually find a friend to build a relationship with are lost.
Our experience was more akin to a party or social setting. My ex and I got to see how one another interacted with people, got to "overhear" the jokes we told others. We could playfully flirt with eachother. We would both search eachothers names and read what the other posted while we were away. It was a very sweet experience that reminded me of a highschool romance between two in a friend group. That setting was far more forgiving to forming a meaningful relationship than dating apps.
There is no guide. You have to look attractive and that's all there is to it. No matter what you write in your description or on your messages. No matter what strategy you employ. It's all completely meaningless next to your profile picture that counts for everything.