Life Lessons I’ve Learned in 38 Years(zenhabits.net)
zenhabits.net
Life Lessons I’ve Learned in 38 Years
http://zenhabits.net/38/
10 comments
Let me speak up just once to object (and simultaneously confirming your QA ;)).
I am a vegetarian, but rarely discuss it, unless someone explicitly inquires about my motivations. Personally, I do think that killing an animal for food is immoral, but moral is not absolute.
What if a desert nomad family is starving? In my position I can barely imagine what it is like to be starving, so I am certainly not in the position to judge them for killing an animal. What if I meet someone who has saintly behavior, but enjoys a steak every once in a while? He or she has probably brought more happiness to the world then I ever will.
Borrowing from Matthew: "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?"
I am a vegetarian, but rarely discuss it, unless someone explicitly inquires about my motivations. Personally, I do think that killing an animal for food is immoral, but moral is not absolute.
What if a desert nomad family is starving? In my position I can barely imagine what it is like to be starving, so I am certainly not in the position to judge them for killing an animal. What if I meet someone who has saintly behavior, but enjoys a steak every once in a while? He or she has probably brought more happiness to the world then I ever will.
Borrowing from Matthew: "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?"
Alright, so if I can interject my own personal history and views that counter your views sure.
I grew up on a farm and have both hunted as well as literally cut the throat of the things I've eaten (cows and pigs included). I think attributing the taking of another animals life as immoral is a bit naive. I'm not saying everyone should eat purely meats and proteins, but our entire natural world revolves around animals/plants eating other animals/plants.
I find the distinction of killing animals versus plants a false dichotomy, you are still killing a living creature of some sort. If we take an Aristotelean view that the telos of a human diet, given that we are omnivores is to consume both meat and vegetables, there is little point to describing killing an animal as immoral.
Now Aristotle logic problems aside such as most animals telos is arguably not to be eaten, its likely to reproduce and make more happy little animals, I'm curious as to your philosophical reasons for attributing eating meat, likely not from insects, to being an immoral action? I'll presume that no creature killed is "sentient", basically not human to make things simpler.
It sounds like your definition of moral behavior is consequentialist, but its hard to tell why outside of taking life being immoral. If we take a common law view, not even necessity is justification for murder. I'm reading between lines but guessing the killing of the creature is your immoral judgement. Ref http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R_v_Dudley_and_Stephens granted that was referring to murder of the cabin boy to sustain the rest, but I think its a example of survival versus morality.
Out of pure curiosity what is your take on Tibetan sky burials? Is it right to feed animals human meat? If not, I'm curious how you reconcile that against humans eating dead animals?
Ok back to my automation.
I grew up on a farm and have both hunted as well as literally cut the throat of the things I've eaten (cows and pigs included). I think attributing the taking of another animals life as immoral is a bit naive. I'm not saying everyone should eat purely meats and proteins, but our entire natural world revolves around animals/plants eating other animals/plants.
I find the distinction of killing animals versus plants a false dichotomy, you are still killing a living creature of some sort. If we take an Aristotelean view that the telos of a human diet, given that we are omnivores is to consume both meat and vegetables, there is little point to describing killing an animal as immoral.
Now Aristotle logic problems aside such as most animals telos is arguably not to be eaten, its likely to reproduce and make more happy little animals, I'm curious as to your philosophical reasons for attributing eating meat, likely not from insects, to being an immoral action? I'll presume that no creature killed is "sentient", basically not human to make things simpler.
It sounds like your definition of moral behavior is consequentialist, but its hard to tell why outside of taking life being immoral. If we take a common law view, not even necessity is justification for murder. I'm reading between lines but guessing the killing of the creature is your immoral judgement. Ref http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R_v_Dudley_and_Stephens granted that was referring to murder of the cabin boy to sustain the rest, but I think its a example of survival versus morality.
Out of pure curiosity what is your take on Tibetan sky burials? Is it right to feed animals human meat? If not, I'm curious how you reconcile that against humans eating dead animals?
Ok back to my automation.
An interesting TED presentation, giving perspective on animal suffering:
http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/eng/mike_rowe_celebrates_dirty...
Matthew is committing a tu quoque fallacy.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tu_quoque
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tu_quoque
39: You will die, and you do not know when. When you start to truly accept this you will go about your life with little fear. Change friends, Pick up an old book, choose a new career path, move to another state or country, ask for a raise, and more importantly know there isn't the "only one for me", there are many of them.
"Failures are the stepping stones to success. Without failure, we’ll never learn how to succeed. So try to fail, instead of trying to avoid failure through fear."
I don't know how this one has hung around for so long (seems like a cultural cornerstone of valiance), but I find it just plain wrong. The first part of it (stepping stones) is reasonable, but the second part is doing a great disservice for those struggling every day to try and achieve their form of success.
Suggesting and encouraging failure is not the same as embracing and supporting it when it happens, and the author seems to be conflating the two.
I don't know how this one has hung around for so long (seems like a cultural cornerstone of valiance), but I find it just plain wrong. The first part of it (stepping stones) is reasonable, but the second part is doing a great disservice for those struggling every day to try and achieve their form of success.
Suggesting and encouraging failure is not the same as embracing and supporting it when it happens, and the author seems to be conflating the two.
I didn't interpret it that way when I read it - perhaps it could be worded better.
I read it to mean that you should not avoid trying to do something because you might fail - you should accept that you might fail and go for it anyway - not an encouragement to actively sabotage yourself and fail. Doing something you KNOW will fail is just stupid.
I read it to mean that you should not avoid trying to do something because you might fail - you should accept that you might fail and go for it anyway - not an encouragement to actively sabotage yourself and fail. Doing something you KNOW will fail is just stupid.
I want to thank you for your thought provoking article. I just passed my 36th birthday, and I've reached some different conclusions. Many of my criticisms stem from your statements that are over generalized and inflexible. I may agree with the spirit you wrote them, but many of these arbitrary rules break when subjected to different contexts. Some I totally disagree with but please apply to my challenges a friendly and respectful tone:
1. Always ... say you’re sorry ...
Apologizing indicates acknowledgement of wrongdoing. Don't apologize when you are not in the wrong. I would say "be quick to apologize, when you have wronged someone".
2. Possessions are worse than worthless ...
False. Possessions are bad because they cost money? My possessions add a lot to my life, I couldn't manage without my Android phone, and my physical condition would suffer without my hiking boots and mountain bike. Don't get me started on my computer, a possession that enriches my life immensely. That said make sure that possessions don't own you.
3. Slow down.
Speed up. Think faster and the world moves slower around you. It's beautiful.
4. Goals aren’t as important as we think.
Goals are AWESOME! Especially when you accomplish a difficult one.
5. The moment is all there is.
I probably shouldn't touch this, but as much as I believe in being present in the moment I think it is important to plan ahead, and to remember the past.
6. When your child asks for your attention, always grant it.
Agreed. Who or what is more important?
7. Don’t go into debt.
Do go into debt. Just be smart about it. Rich people go into debt all the time. It's the basis of many tax shelters. 13% interest is still cheaper than paying taxes. If you can borrow and make a profit, do it. Don't pay $1200/mo for rent because you don't want a $150K mortgage with a $900/mo payment. Be careful though: don't borrow more than you can afford to repay.
8. I’m not cool ...
Good for you. You don't care about what other people think; that's pretty cool.
9. The only kind of marketing you need is an amazing product. If it’s good, people will spread the word for you. All other kind of marketing is disingenuous.
False. You absolutely need to reach as many people as possible and YOU need to explain why your product is great and you need to use every tool at your disposal. It's up to you whether your message is an honest one, but that doesn't make all other marketing "disingenuous".
10. Never send an email or message that’s unfit for the eyes of the world. In this digital age, you never know what might slip into public view.
True.
11. You can’t motivate people. The best you can hope for is to inspire them with your actions. People who think they can use behavioral “science” or management techniques have not spent enough time on the receiving end of either.
You can indeed motivate people, although most management techniques fail woefully to do so. I've been motivated by great managers in the past, and hopefully someday I will motivate others around me.
12. If you find yourself swimming with all the other fish, go the other way ...
If you arbitrarily assume that the crowd is wrong, you are still letting them decide for you. Think critically, and for yourself.
13. You will miss a ton, but that’s OK.
True.
14. Mistakes are the best way to learn. Don’t be afraid to make them. Try not to repeat the same ones too often.
False. There are better ways to learn that meth is bad than to try it. Still I agree that you should not be afraid to fail.
15. Failures are the stepping stones to success ...
Sometimes. But this is number 14!
16. Being a vegan/vegetarian is wonderful.
Good for you! I can't comment, being a full on opportunistic omnivore.
17. There are few joys that equal a good book, a good walk, a good hug, or a good friend. All are free.
True. Let me add to the list decimating an opponent @ Starcraft2.
18. Fitness doesn’t happen overnight ...
True.
19. The destination is just a tiny slice of the journey.
True enough.
20. A good walk cures most problems.
False. Although hiking is AWESOME!
21. Let go of expectations.
Helpful advice for sure.
22. Giving is so much better than getting.
I like both in my life.
23. Competition is very rarely as useful as cooperation ...
I think both are useful. You must cooperate to compete.
24. Gratitude is one of the best ways to find contentment ...
Not bad advice, but I value striving to better myself too.
25. Compassion for other living things is more important than pleasure.
See 16. To me this is a question of where you draw the line. Plants also are living things.
26. Taste buds change ...
See 16.
27. Create ...
True.
28. Get some perspective.
Good advice.
29. Don’t sit too much.
True.
30. Use the magic of compound interest.
False. By the time the magic kicks in you can see number 36. Mutual funds are a horrible investment, that 5% (if you are lucky) rate of return is wiped out by management fees and inflation. You could do better with craigslist arbitrage. Invest in ideas and businesses.
31. All we are taught in schools, and all we see in the media (news, films, books, magazines, Internet) has a worldview that we’re meant to conform to. Figure out what that worldview is, and question it.
True.
32. Learn the art of empathy.
True. A powerful tool to help you command the weak. =)
33. Do less. Most people try to do too much. They fill life with checklists, and try to crank out tasks as if they were widget machines. Throw out the checklists and just figure out what’s important. Stop being a machine and focus on what you love. Do it lovingly.
True. Focus. Do stuff you do well. Do stuff you love doing.
34. No one knows what they’re doing as parents.
False. Some parents have really got it together.
35. Love comes in many flavors.
It is as you say. I love my wife, second wife and my mistress in very different, yet equal ways. =)
36. Life is exceedingly brief. You might feel like there’s a huge mass of time ahead of you, but it passes much faster than you think.
True.
37. Fear will try to stop you.
Fear is the mind killer.
38. I have a lot left to learn.
True. Me too.
1. Always ... say you’re sorry ...
Apologizing indicates acknowledgement of wrongdoing. Don't apologize when you are not in the wrong. I would say "be quick to apologize, when you have wronged someone".
2. Possessions are worse than worthless ...
False. Possessions are bad because they cost money? My possessions add a lot to my life, I couldn't manage without my Android phone, and my physical condition would suffer without my hiking boots and mountain bike. Don't get me started on my computer, a possession that enriches my life immensely. That said make sure that possessions don't own you.
3. Slow down.
Speed up. Think faster and the world moves slower around you. It's beautiful.
4. Goals aren’t as important as we think.
Goals are AWESOME! Especially when you accomplish a difficult one.
5. The moment is all there is.
I probably shouldn't touch this, but as much as I believe in being present in the moment I think it is important to plan ahead, and to remember the past.
6. When your child asks for your attention, always grant it.
Agreed. Who or what is more important?
7. Don’t go into debt.
Do go into debt. Just be smart about it. Rich people go into debt all the time. It's the basis of many tax shelters. 13% interest is still cheaper than paying taxes. If you can borrow and make a profit, do it. Don't pay $1200/mo for rent because you don't want a $150K mortgage with a $900/mo payment. Be careful though: don't borrow more than you can afford to repay.
8. I’m not cool ...
Good for you. You don't care about what other people think; that's pretty cool.
9. The only kind of marketing you need is an amazing product. If it’s good, people will spread the word for you. All other kind of marketing is disingenuous.
False. You absolutely need to reach as many people as possible and YOU need to explain why your product is great and you need to use every tool at your disposal. It's up to you whether your message is an honest one, but that doesn't make all other marketing "disingenuous".
10. Never send an email or message that’s unfit for the eyes of the world. In this digital age, you never know what might slip into public view.
True.
11. You can’t motivate people. The best you can hope for is to inspire them with your actions. People who think they can use behavioral “science” or management techniques have not spent enough time on the receiving end of either.
You can indeed motivate people, although most management techniques fail woefully to do so. I've been motivated by great managers in the past, and hopefully someday I will motivate others around me.
12. If you find yourself swimming with all the other fish, go the other way ...
If you arbitrarily assume that the crowd is wrong, you are still letting them decide for you. Think critically, and for yourself.
13. You will miss a ton, but that’s OK.
True.
14. Mistakes are the best way to learn. Don’t be afraid to make them. Try not to repeat the same ones too often.
False. There are better ways to learn that meth is bad than to try it. Still I agree that you should not be afraid to fail.
15. Failures are the stepping stones to success ...
Sometimes. But this is number 14!
16. Being a vegan/vegetarian is wonderful.
Good for you! I can't comment, being a full on opportunistic omnivore.
17. There are few joys that equal a good book, a good walk, a good hug, or a good friend. All are free.
True. Let me add to the list decimating an opponent @ Starcraft2.
18. Fitness doesn’t happen overnight ...
True.
19. The destination is just a tiny slice of the journey.
True enough.
20. A good walk cures most problems.
False. Although hiking is AWESOME!
21. Let go of expectations.
Helpful advice for sure.
22. Giving is so much better than getting.
I like both in my life.
23. Competition is very rarely as useful as cooperation ...
I think both are useful. You must cooperate to compete.
24. Gratitude is one of the best ways to find contentment ...
Not bad advice, but I value striving to better myself too.
25. Compassion for other living things is more important than pleasure.
See 16. To me this is a question of where you draw the line. Plants also are living things.
26. Taste buds change ...
See 16.
27. Create ...
True.
28. Get some perspective.
Good advice.
29. Don’t sit too much.
True.
30. Use the magic of compound interest.
False. By the time the magic kicks in you can see number 36. Mutual funds are a horrible investment, that 5% (if you are lucky) rate of return is wiped out by management fees and inflation. You could do better with craigslist arbitrage. Invest in ideas and businesses.
31. All we are taught in schools, and all we see in the media (news, films, books, magazines, Internet) has a worldview that we’re meant to conform to. Figure out what that worldview is, and question it.
True.
32. Learn the art of empathy.
True. A powerful tool to help you command the weak. =)
33. Do less. Most people try to do too much. They fill life with checklists, and try to crank out tasks as if they were widget machines. Throw out the checklists and just figure out what’s important. Stop being a machine and focus on what you love. Do it lovingly.
True. Focus. Do stuff you do well. Do stuff you love doing.
34. No one knows what they’re doing as parents.
False. Some parents have really got it together.
35. Love comes in many flavors.
It is as you say. I love my wife, second wife and my mistress in very different, yet equal ways. =)
36. Life is exceedingly brief. You might feel like there’s a huge mass of time ahead of you, but it passes much faster than you think.
True.
37. Fear will try to stop you.
Fear is the mind killer.
38. I have a lot left to learn.
True. Me too.
> many of these arbitrary rules break when subjected to different contexts. Some I totally disagree with
I'm with you there. I see you are new here, but please continue to contribute your valuable insight to this community.
> My possessions add a lot to my life
You really come to appreciate the value of possessions when you grow up without a cent to your name. It's easy to dismiss their value when you have been relatively well off all your life.
> Do go into debt.
There is good debt, and bad debt. Don't go into credit card debt. Use the 21 day grace period to your advantage.
If buying a house is mathematically more convenient than renting at a given price point, it makes sense to take on that kind of debt. You'll throw away money via rent anyway, you may as well end up owning valuable real estate.
> False. You absolutely need to reach as many people as possible and YOU need to explain why your product is great and you need to use every tool at your disposal.
Amen. It's something that technical people fail to accept very often.
> False. There are better ways to learn that meth is bad than to try it. Still I agree that you should not be afraid to fail.
I like to learn from other people's mistakes when possible.
I'm with you there. I see you are new here, but please continue to contribute your valuable insight to this community.
> My possessions add a lot to my life
You really come to appreciate the value of possessions when you grow up without a cent to your name. It's easy to dismiss their value when you have been relatively well off all your life.
> Do go into debt.
There is good debt, and bad debt. Don't go into credit card debt. Use the 21 day grace period to your advantage.
If buying a house is mathematically more convenient than renting at a given price point, it makes sense to take on that kind of debt. You'll throw away money via rent anyway, you may as well end up owning valuable real estate.
> False. You absolutely need to reach as many people as possible and YOU need to explain why your product is great and you need to use every tool at your disposal.
Amen. It's something that technical people fail to accept very often.
> False. There are better ways to learn that meth is bad than to try it. Still I agree that you should not be afraid to fail.
I like to learn from other people's mistakes when possible.
>> 17. There are few joys that equal a good book, a good walk, a good hug, or a good friend. All are free.
> True. Let me add to the list decimating an opponent @ Starcraft2.
Nice! Especially if it's a cannon rushing Protoss and you scout and beat it, it's an amazing feeling.
> True. Let me add to the list decimating an opponent @ Starcraft2.
Nice! Especially if it's a cannon rushing Protoss and you scout and beat it, it's an amazing feeling.
Agree
Cannon rushing is lame, and I main P.
Cannon rushing is lame, and I main P.
This is AWESOME!
This is gold... "The only kind of marketing you need is an amazing product. If it’s good, people will spread the word for you. All other kind of marketing is disingenuous."
That is a totally ignorant viewpoint. Just think of eg applications or music or films or websites. Without marketing the product will most likely drown in the sea of mediocrity.
As a music lover I did not know just how much great free music exists until the netlabel scene rose up in the past years and started promoting music throughout their hemisphere. Nowadays I often find "professional high quality" music under free licenses but since it is not played on the radio or TV (thanks to music industry marketing deals), it does not spread to the major part target audience that relies on those channels for their new material.
As a music lover I did not know just how much great free music exists until the netlabel scene rose up in the past years and started promoting music throughout their hemisphere. Nowadays I often find "professional high quality" music under free licenses but since it is not played on the radio or TV (thanks to music industry marketing deals), it does not spread to the major part target audience that relies on those channels for their new material.
Well, if you work in the Music industry go and pay millions on Ads and TV commercials and you can create the next mainstream artist like Lady Gaga or something.
Try do the same thing with a website with poor content, visitors will never come back.
Try do the same thing with an iPhone/Android app, user installs and uninstall within 20 minutes.
Try do the same with a paid web service, user will only pay the first month of the service.
An Amazing Product will engage the users and they will automatically spread the word.
I certainly will not give that advice to Tommy Mottola(or whoever is in charge of Sony Music now).
Read this, this is Dropbox(YC 07) CEO talking about Adwords.
http://venturebeat.com/2010/10/27/dropbox-drew-houston-adwor...
Try do the same thing with a website with poor content, visitors will never come back.
Try do the same thing with an iPhone/Android app, user installs and uninstall within 20 minutes.
Try do the same with a paid web service, user will only pay the first month of the service.
An Amazing Product will engage the users and they will automatically spread the word.
I certainly will not give that advice to Tommy Mottola(or whoever is in charge of Sony Music now).
Read this, this is Dropbox(YC 07) CEO talking about Adwords.
http://venturebeat.com/2010/10/27/dropbox-drew-houston-adwor...
I agree, the "Build it and they will come" idea drives me insane. For the 0.1% of people that the approach works for, they treat it like gospel, and it just ends up giving the other 99.9% of people with great products an entitlement complex.
Its true in its essence, but the author skipped out a lot of details in marketing. You would never hear about many great products unless it was promoted by "disingenuous" marketing.
The author skipped about his working hard to promote his blog, mainly using the guest posts for other blogs.
> This is gold...
More like Fool's gold.
More like Fool's gold.
Some good soundbites there, but you don't really need 38. I would only add this:
"0. Brevity is the soul of wit."
"0. Brevity is the soul of wit."
39. You can always get to the frontpage of HN by wrapping bromides and platitudes in some kind of Top N list.
The 4-5 things on vegetarian/vegan were platitudish but everything else in the list gave me the impression of deep insight coming from clear thinking and lots of introspecting. I think he has assembled a nice list.
The parent comment should be downvoted; this list is deserving of supporting arguments attacking its quality, and you have none.
The parent comment should be downvoted; this list is deserving of supporting arguments attacking its quality, and you have none.
[deleted]
I'm sorry to say it. But this is all mostly misguided advice. No context whatsoever
A: Don't worry, they'll let you know!