I went through this search earlier in the year (been think about it for YEARS, best thing I ever did). Here's what my search looked like:
1. Asked for a recommendation from a GP (not my usual). Got emailed a big list of offices that I never called.
2. Wait three years.
3. Looked up therapists on my insurance provider's portal and psychologytoday.com. You can filter by zip code.
4. Blast out a copy-pasted message to dozens of therapists I found on those sites.
5. Got a few responses back.
6. Winnow out those who aren't actually nearby. Some therapists practice out of multiple locations, so their availability didn't always work.
7. Made an appointment.
8. I got lucky, the first guy I went to I felt comfortable with.
9. It's starting to help, things are getting better.
10. After a few sessions, he recommends I get evaluated by a psychiatrist. He's a therapist, and can't do "official" diagnosis/prescription.
11. Go back to step 3, but I also went to my actual GP and finally got a referral.
12. Got to psych appointment, get evaluated.
13. She sends me off to get some medical tests before prescribing.
14. New appointment for tests. Lucky, I can do them all at once!
15. I'm currently waiting on results.
16. Next step is follow up appointment with psych and hopefully a prescription. I'm going to continue to see my therapist since we have good report.
I know this looks like an impossibly involved process. Sometime weeks would go by between steps. I won't lie, it can be a dispiriting pain to go through. It's a sick irony that the very thing you're trying to get help with also keeps you from getting help.
We're programmers, we're used to breaking problems down into discrete, manageable steps. But when I did it here, it felt BIGGER and less manageable. such BS.
Once you get started, staying patient and hopeful is the hard part. I don't know your specifics, but here's what worked for me to get through:
* I started really paying attention to my mind and body.
* On the mind front, that was mostly giving myself time to think and just be in whatever I was feeling, good or bad. I'd gotten into the habit of always having a podcast on, and that meant I stopped really processing my thoughts. Now, I'm trying (emphasis on trying) to see menial tasks as a thing to do in and of themselves (cooking, cleaning, driving). That gives my mind unstructured time to breathe. If I listen to a podcast, that's and INTENTIONAL activity, where I want to listen, rather than want a distraction.
* On the body front, that meant making an effort to feel like I'm taking care of myself. Shave regularly instead of always having an almost-beard, starting a skin care routine for my face (I tried these snail goo eye patches that are cool, plus you can just throw them on and watch tv but you're still "doing" something). Brushing my teeth everyday. (I work from home, so hygiene is the first to go when you're feeling the way I felt/feel).
* Some people recommend a journal, but I always just felt guilty for not keeping up on it. If you do this, START SMALL! NO BULLET JOURNALS! you will get overwhelmed.
Some of this may help, much of my advice is specific to me. The important thing it to pick something small and try (TRY, you won't do 100% of the time) to do it. Then, build on it once you fell like you've got a habit, where it doesn't feel like a chore.
1. Asked for a recommendation from a GP (not my usual). Got emailed a big list of offices that I never called.
2. Wait three years.
3. Looked up therapists on my insurance provider's portal and psychologytoday.com. You can filter by zip code.
4. Blast out a copy-pasted message to dozens of therapists I found on those sites.
5. Got a few responses back.
6. Winnow out those who aren't actually nearby. Some therapists practice out of multiple locations, so their availability didn't always work.
7. Made an appointment.
8. I got lucky, the first guy I went to I felt comfortable with.
9. It's starting to help, things are getting better.
10. After a few sessions, he recommends I get evaluated by a psychiatrist. He's a therapist, and can't do "official" diagnosis/prescription.
11. Go back to step 3, but I also went to my actual GP and finally got a referral.
12. Got to psych appointment, get evaluated.
13. She sends me off to get some medical tests before prescribing.
14. New appointment for tests. Lucky, I can do them all at once!
15. I'm currently waiting on results.
16. Next step is follow up appointment with psych and hopefully a prescription. I'm going to continue to see my therapist since we have good report.
I know this looks like an impossibly involved process. Sometime weeks would go by between steps. I won't lie, it can be a dispiriting pain to go through. It's a sick irony that the very thing you're trying to get help with also keeps you from getting help.
We're programmers, we're used to breaking problems down into discrete, manageable steps. But when I did it here, it felt BIGGER and less manageable. such BS.
Once you get started, staying patient and hopeful is the hard part. I don't know your specifics, but here's what worked for me to get through:
* I started really paying attention to my mind and body.
* On the mind front, that was mostly giving myself time to think and just be in whatever I was feeling, good or bad. I'd gotten into the habit of always having a podcast on, and that meant I stopped really processing my thoughts. Now, I'm trying (emphasis on trying) to see menial tasks as a thing to do in and of themselves (cooking, cleaning, driving). That gives my mind unstructured time to breathe. If I listen to a podcast, that's and INTENTIONAL activity, where I want to listen, rather than want a distraction.
* On the body front, that meant making an effort to feel like I'm taking care of myself. Shave regularly instead of always having an almost-beard, starting a skin care routine for my face (I tried these snail goo eye patches that are cool, plus you can just throw them on and watch tv but you're still "doing" something). Brushing my teeth everyday. (I work from home, so hygiene is the first to go when you're feeling the way I felt/feel).
* Some people recommend a journal, but I always just felt guilty for not keeping up on it. If you do this, START SMALL! NO BULLET JOURNALS! you will get overwhelmed.
Some of this may help, much of my advice is specific to me. The important thing it to pick something small and try (TRY, you won't do 100% of the time) to do it. Then, build on it once you fell like you've got a habit, where it doesn't feel like a chore.
EDIT: This interview between Ezra Klein and Johann Hari is about modern depression, and I heard it at the exact right time: https://art19.com/shows/the-ezra-klein-show/episodes/805c9dc...