Get Your Shit Together(getyourshittogether.org)
getyourshittogether.org
Get Your Shit Together
http://getyourshittogether.org/
53 comments
I'm not sure whether I'd consider it morbid and sad or helpful to constantly wear a bracelet reminding myself that I'm going to die and might at any point in time become hopelessly disabled.
The buddhist in me (he's in there somewhere) tells me it could be quite liberating.
I've always wondered why this type of information hasn't been attached to a driver's license much like organ donorship is in many states. Seems like a prime system to keep such a thing organized and available.
This makes me want a service that allows me to send letters to people upon my death/capture (or text messages or whatever) so if I don't unmark a flag after x days/months/years it sends out that information. Sort of like, "If you're watching this, I must be dead," or, "PS I Love You," kind of thing.
Google has an inactive account manager that basically does this:
https://www.google.com/settings/u/0/account/inactive
> Making a will is critical for everyone. Not having a will is frankly not an option, you know this.
I keep hearing this, but I don't believe it. No kids, no assets of any significance, and my state's intestacy laws are fine by me for what there is. Of course, I'll revisit when my situation changes but I just can't see why making and maintaining a will needs to be a high priority for me.
I keep hearing this, but I don't believe it. No kids, no assets of any significance, and my state's intestacy laws are fine by me for what there is. Of course, I'll revisit when my situation changes but I just can't see why making and maintaining a will needs to be a high priority for me.
My grandma didn't need a will.
My mom was on her checking account (because my mom took care of a lot of her finances) so my mom automatically got all of her money in the world - $900. The only other thing she owned was her house. Her will said it was to be sold and the money split between her children. Exactly zero of her children were interested in the house, selling the house, living in the house, or anything to do with the house. So the house was abandoned along with all the stuff in her house. My grandma knew that would happen (the house was literally falling apart - if code enforcement saw it then it would be condemned) but she made a will because she was "supposed" to.
My mom was on her checking account (because my mom took care of a lot of her finances) so my mom automatically got all of her money in the world - $900. The only other thing she owned was her house. Her will said it was to be sold and the money split between her children. Exactly zero of her children were interested in the house, selling the house, living in the house, or anything to do with the house. So the house was abandoned along with all the stuff in her house. My grandma knew that would happen (the house was literally falling apart - if code enforcement saw it then it would be condemned) but she made a will because she was "supposed" to.
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My recommendation to anyone who does not want to leave their loved ones empty-handed is to get life insurance. Depends where you shop, but for about $10/month you can get $100k in life insurance - not a huge amount but probably enough to cover any debts you might have, cover the cost of your funeral, and more. For about $30/month (if you are ~30 years old and relatively healthy), you can get $500k in life insurance. The other good thing about setting this up is that your insurance agency will usually help you get your other items in order like your will, your trust, who will be your guardian(s) if you have children, etc. It might seem premature to get life insurance young, but I have had friends in their 20s and 30s who have died or had near-death experiences.
A little over a week ago, I had a Branch Vein Retinal Occlusion - basically, a stroke in my retina. I cannot read with my right eye now, and that may or may not heal. This makes me think, a lot.
First, it could have been an inch back in my head, and I might not be here to talk about it at all. Or I could be hospitalized for an extended time, or a vegetable, or permanently unable to work.
Second, there's about a one in six chance it will happen again. If that happens, I could lose my other eye, and my ability to read - thus ending my career. I'd also lose driving and any number of other things I enjoy.
Is my shit together? No. I just assume my assets go to my wife, and she can share out what she feels should be shared out with our now-adult children, friends, and my (distant) family.
First, it could have been an inch back in my head, and I might not be here to talk about it at all. Or I could be hospitalized for an extended time, or a vegetable, or permanently unable to work.
Second, there's about a one in six chance it will happen again. If that happens, I could lose my other eye, and my ability to read - thus ending my career. I'd also lose driving and any number of other things I enjoy.
Is my shit together? No. I just assume my assets go to my wife, and she can share out what she feels should be shared out with our now-adult children, friends, and my (distant) family.
It is a lot of work being an executor. Even more stressful if someone challenges the will. I was recently involved (as a beneficiary) in an estate where someone challenged the will, and I'm glad the solicitor was the executor and not me!
I know someone who is a beneficiary and an executor of an estate currently nearly £10,000 in debt countering a challenge of a will (as the beneficiary, not the executor, however).
I know someone who is a beneficiary and an executor of an estate currently nearly £10,000 in debt countering a challenge of a will (as the beneficiary, not the executor, however).
With so many passwords, my will shall be a book. I use Lastpass and will prefer to give the master password :)
The thing that bothers me are the auto renew settings on my subscriptions. One (any probably only) way to stop them is to cancel the cards they are on. For e.g: Dropbox/ Amazon s3 will charge me for my hosted data for eternity.
The thing that bothers me are the auto renew settings on my subscriptions. One (any probably only) way to stop them is to cancel the cards they are on. For e.g: Dropbox/ Amazon s3 will charge me for my hosted data for eternity.
This needs to be turned into a WebApp. A place where you can edit, update, retrieve, and share these vital records.
Definitely good advice. Need to get my will done, this has inspired me.
A will?
My father died recently and he did not make a will and it would have been quite useless, but we're a very simple family: no divorce, and none of us are poor..
So YMMV.
I like the content (idea) but I wonder if it was just me that didn't like the chosen words, there isn't any mention to the grieving process, making everything sound too cold and materialistic:
In 2009 my husband was killed in an accident. In the following hours, weeks, and months I was shocked by the number of things we had left disorganized or ignored.
In 2009 my husband was killed in an accident. In the following hours, weeks, and months I was shocked by the number of things we had left disorganized or ignored.
This is a subject where it is often difficult to break through to people. Everyone fears death, and most of us live with a kind of denial about the fact that we will die.
There are different tactics that can be used to try to get past the denial. Stating things bluntly is a worthwhile tactic. Merely mentioning facts is another possible tactic, but you run into the problem that people would prefer to screen out any information about such a painful topic.
This a subject where shock tactics can be justified, if they manage to get people to think about the fact that, yes, they will die someday.
There are different tactics that can be used to try to get past the denial. Stating things bluntly is a worthwhile tactic. Merely mentioning facts is another possible tactic, but you run into the problem that people would prefer to screen out any information about such a painful topic.
This a subject where shock tactics can be justified, if they manage to get people to think about the fact that, yes, they will die someday.
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this is very good - sensible stuff, details will vary but this is a very useful start - everybody should do something along these lines, obviously tailored towards there own personal circumstances
This a good site, and can help to guide you. Probably even give you templates to store your info in, but what about sharing?
Check out my company www.estateassist.com (Estate Assist) which is much more focused on being a Digital Safe Deposit box to protect and share financial and digital assets with trusted recipients.There is nothing more stupid than doing a will or getting life insurance. The other advice is worth thinking about.
There is no imaginary place in the sky where you can look down after your death and see people happy because you left them money or less stress.
Live life for the present and future. Not for the nothing.
Sure, game theory might throw a spanner in the works for the now and future-
- Your partner having a will / life insurance might be important, so you have to get one for quid quo pro.
- You might be stuck being stupid and it'll help you relax. Humans are weird.
- Stupid people might judge you or smart people might sham you (Since wills probably benefit society)
But this crutch we can get, that in death my kids and wife will be happy, a false safety valve, can be more destructive to your life than the reasons above.
There is no imaginary place in the sky where you can look down after your death and see people happy because you left them money or less stress.
Live life for the present and future. Not for the nothing.
Sure, game theory might throw a spanner in the works for the now and future-
- Your partner having a will / life insurance might be important, so you have to get one for quid quo pro.
- You might be stuck being stupid and it'll help you relax. Humans are weird.
- Stupid people might judge you or smart people might sham you (Since wills probably benefit society)
But this crutch we can get, that in death my kids and wife will be happy, a false safety valve, can be more destructive to your life than the reasons above.
WTF? I can't believe this is the top comment.
I don't believe in life after death, but I do believe that the world will continue to exist after I die. And in that world, chances are good that my wife and kid will still be alive, but I will not be earning money to support them. Planning for that scenario is not stupid at all. It has nothing to do with how I or anyone else will feel, unless you count "hungry" as a feeling.
I don't believe in life after death, but I do believe that the world will continue to exist after I die. And in that world, chances are good that my wife and kid will still be alive, but I will not be earning money to support them. Planning for that scenario is not stupid at all. It has nothing to do with how I or anyone else will feel, unless you count "hungry" as a feeling.
Really?
Making sure that the financial needs of your loved ones are met if you do depart in a sudden manner, is the most selfless thing you can do. It has nothing to do about making you feel happy, it has everything to do with being pragmatic so that they have one less thing to worry about.
Making sure that the financial needs of your loved ones are met if you do depart in a sudden manner, is the most selfless thing you can do. It has nothing to do about making you feel happy, it has everything to do with being pragmatic so that they have one less thing to worry about.
Not dying and living life is both selfish and (one hopes) better for your loved ones.
But that's hard. It means you have to be healthy. Reduce stress. Spend quality time with people.
Filling out a will is an easy escape.
Doing the best for yourself and loved ones is hard. The second half of the article touches on this.
But that's hard. It means you have to be healthy. Reduce stress. Spend quality time with people.
Filling out a will is an easy escape.
Doing the best for yourself and loved ones is hard. The second half of the article touches on this.
>> There is nothing more stupid than doing a will or getting life insurance.
This is extraordinarily variable based on where you are in your life. If you have a lot of assets or a family that depends on your income, a will and life insurance can make sense. If you are like me, a single, 26 year old who has a decent job, some assets, but that's it, it's a waste of time and money.
This is extraordinarily variable based on where you are in your life. If you have a lot of assets or a family that depends on your income, a will and life insurance can make sense. If you are like me, a single, 26 year old who has a decent job, some assets, but that's it, it's a waste of time and money.
Thanks for the reminder.
This site is great! My wife and I were just discussing how we needed to get a living will/will written down so our wishes are clearly understood in the case of an emergency.
I ran across this site the other day as well as my wife and I were discussing that with a kid now we should get wills.
Great idea! One thing though - this is presumably USA specific but nowhere does it actually spell that out, which could be confusing/timewasting for any brits or aussies who want to get their shit together. E.g a UK will has completely different wording to a USA will.
this is presumably USA specific but nowhere does it actually spell that out
We humans have a hard time remembering that anything we communicate has _a lot_ of implicit context. On the Internet, this becomes especially conspicuous because our communications quickly escape the realm where that implicit context is known & valid. Up to now, the way to deal with that seems to be EULAs written in Legalese.
We humans have a hard time remembering that anything we communicate has _a lot_ of implicit context. On the Internet, this becomes especially conspicuous because our communications quickly escape the realm where that implicit context is known & valid. Up to now, the way to deal with that seems to be EULAs written in Legalese.
It's a morbid subject, but working in home health care I'm shocked by how many people are totally unprepared when it comes to end of life planning.
And it's not just relatively young people or unexpected deaths. Many senior citizens with decent sized estates are totally unprepared or just assume their family will figure it out.
You pass on a lot of additional stress and hardship to your loved ones by not being prepared.
I love the site title btw.
And it's not just relatively young people or unexpected deaths. Many senior citizens with decent sized estates are totally unprepared or just assume their family will figure it out.
You pass on a lot of additional stress and hardship to your loved ones by not being prepared.
I love the site title btw.
There was a great Planet Money episode on this topic: http://www.npr.org/sections/money/2014/03/05/286126451/livin...
True. I had a relative pass a few years back from cancer. It wasn't sudden at all.
The relative worked in the financial services industry and had provided me advice about estate planning.
When it came to the estate things were not prepared at all. If fact it was a bit of a mess.
I guess it's the case of builders living in unfinished houses and that.
The relative worked in the financial services industry and had provided me advice about estate planning.
When it came to the estate things were not prepared at all. If fact it was a bit of a mess.
I guess it's the case of builders living in unfinished houses and that.
Can you imagine being in a vegetative state and not having legal means to end your life or have someone pull the plug?
I need to get my shit together.
I need to get my shit together.
I actually JUST completed my will on doyourownwill for free. Pdf and word doc. http://www.doyourownwill.com
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I didn't see this covered under the will section but do talk to important people in your life while you are making your will. Nothing in your will should be a surprise to those that are involved in your estate after you die.
If you are leaving a large asset (money, house, investments, a 500 foot yacht in the Bahamas you never told anyone about) then the person getting it should know before hand.
If you have kids you need to discuss what happens to them, who takes care of them etc. This is a careful balance of the burden you put on family and friends and the well being of you children with the balance favoring your kids.
The most important thing is that you have these discussions and then document them in a will. Do not just fill out an online form, have it notarized and filed in a safe deposit box to be unearthed when you meet your end, timely or otherwise.
The process of creating a will like this can be a catalyst to re-prioritize your life and what is important to you and your family.
But of course, it doesn't have to be. As this site mentions, get your shit together! It's better to have a boilerplate will squirreled away somewhere that no one but your lawyer knows about than none at all.
If you are leaving a large asset (money, house, investments, a 500 foot yacht in the Bahamas you never told anyone about) then the person getting it should know before hand.
If you have kids you need to discuss what happens to them, who takes care of them etc. This is a careful balance of the burden you put on family and friends and the well being of you children with the balance favoring your kids.
The most important thing is that you have these discussions and then document them in a will. Do not just fill out an online form, have it notarized and filed in a safe deposit box to be unearthed when you meet your end, timely or otherwise.
The process of creating a will like this can be a catalyst to re-prioritize your life and what is important to you and your family.
But of course, it doesn't have to be. As this site mentions, get your shit together! It's better to have a boilerplate will squirreled away somewhere that no one but your lawyer knows about than none at all.
If you are leaving a large asset (money, house, investments, a 500 foot yacht in the Bahamas you never told anyone about) then the person getting it should know before hand.
Some things create hassles, especially illiquid assets like a house or yacht if that person has no desire for them and no knowledge about selling them.
Also, family conflicts. If your brother's uncle's nephew gets the house instead of the son who expects it, but there's good reason (he was renting it already), family conflicts arise for not great reasons.
Also, family conflicts. If your brother's uncle's nephew gets the house instead of the son who expects it, but there's good reason (he was renting it already), family conflicts arise for not great reasons.
We were strongly advised not to do this. It puts you in a difficult bind if you change your mind later on. Plus there is little value in most beneficiaries knowing beforehand.
They might be confusing executor issues with beneficiary issues. The cost of maintaining an extra house, until it sells, can be kinda high in some areas, for example. And there are ways of handling this in the legal system, most of which involve the beneficiaries getting much less money (starting with asking a judge to assign an expensive lawyer as executor instead of whomever). And unfortunately some folks can't really keep their stuff together by themselves when you're alive under normal conditions, so dumping executorship on them is just going to totally mess them up, they can't run one household now temporarily they have two.
Someone who's totally clueless about 500 foot yachts is just going to get screwed over either as executor or inheritor... hope at least one of them is semi-clueful about yachts, hopefully ahead of time. There are bottom feeders who look thru the legal notices in the paper and will descend on the grieving victims with absolutely ridiculous offers to take the hassle away... for pennies on the dollar, if that. Oh that classic Ferrari in perfect condition, well, I can't really offer more than scrap steel price for that, and next thing you know some poor widow gets screwed out of $100K.
Someone who's totally clueless about 500 foot yachts is just going to get screwed over either as executor or inheritor... hope at least one of them is semi-clueful about yachts, hopefully ahead of time. There are bottom feeders who look thru the legal notices in the paper and will descend on the grieving victims with absolutely ridiculous offers to take the hassle away... for pennies on the dollar, if that. Oh that classic Ferrari in perfect condition, well, I can't really offer more than scrap steel price for that, and next thing you know some poor widow gets screwed out of $100K.
as smileysteve said anything except for cash has it's own burdens and commitment associated with it.
If I left my house to my brother who travels all over the place and has a carefree life it might be more of a burden trying to maintain it, rent it out or sell it than its worth. It might not, but that's why I would talk to him before putting it in a will.
Also, having these kinds of conversations is good for everyone involved because it makes them think about the little details beforehand and not while they are in the middle of funeral plans and grieving.
It's called estate planning, not estate liquidation or estate lottery. You wouldn't make major plans regarding your family without talking to your spouse or business plans without talking to your partners.
Just because you won't be around doesn't mean you should treat it any differently. Anyone involved in your estate should be involved prior to your will going into effect whether they be executors, caregivers or recipients.
If I left my house to my brother who travels all over the place and has a carefree life it might be more of a burden trying to maintain it, rent it out or sell it than its worth. It might not, but that's why I would talk to him before putting it in a will.
Also, having these kinds of conversations is good for everyone involved because it makes them think about the little details beforehand and not while they are in the middle of funeral plans and grieving.
It's called estate planning, not estate liquidation or estate lottery. You wouldn't make major plans regarding your family without talking to your spouse or business plans without talking to your partners.
Just because you won't be around doesn't mean you should treat it any differently. Anyone involved in your estate should be involved prior to your will going into effect whether they be executors, caregivers or recipients.
> This is a careful balance of the burden you put on family and friends and the well being of you children with the balance favoring your kids.
If the balance "favours your kids", presumably meaning that the new caretakers feel overwhelmed by that responsibility, I guess they could refuse that responsibility. I guess having that wish be in your will might pressure them sufficiently to actually go through with that responsibility, but that kind of pressuring somehow doesn't feel right either.
If the balance "favours your kids", presumably meaning that the new caretakers feel overwhelmed by that responsibility, I guess they could refuse that responsibility. I guess having that wish be in your will might pressure them sufficiently to actually go through with that responsibility, but that kind of pressuring somehow doesn't feel right either.
Great site. This has given me the inspiration to finally get this done.
One of the better pieces of financial advice I ever got from a mentor was: if you have a business or are self employed, get disability insurance.
I ended up enrolling in California's Disability Insurance Elective Coverage (DIEC) - http://www.edd.ca.gov/disability/self-employed.htm. I wonder if anyone else has gone this route?
I ended up enrolling in California's Disability Insurance Elective Coverage (DIEC) - http://www.edd.ca.gov/disability/self-employed.htm. I wonder if anyone else has gone this route?
This is great advice all around, but get a local lawyer involved to prepare your will. Even in US, there is not a single set of laws that apply to wills and power of attorney. It varies state by state. With a generic template pulled from the internet, you could just be doing a whole lot of work and ultimately be ending up with a document that has little legal basis.
Do your loved ones a favor - hire a lawyer to do it. It's not free, but they'll do the actual paperwork, and you'll get the comfort of knowing it's done right.
Do your loved ones a favor - hire a lawyer to do it. It's not free, but they'll do the actual paperwork, and you'll get the comfort of knowing it's done right.
There are a few grammatical errors in these documents as well that do not inspire confidence.
Also, you better be damn sure that you can trust the person you give power of attorney to -- the document provided here assigns power of attorney immediately, not on incapacitation/death, and allows the person you designate to gift themselves up to $13,000 a year of your own property without your consent.
Considering the laws of the 50 states are sometimes very different, and these documents cover a wide range of legal topics, I think you'd have to be an idiot to use these documents without running them by a lawyer in your state, because they might not have the consequences you think they have.
Frankly I don't see why the HN crowd would upvote a site like this -- I'd bet it was ring votes that got it to the front page. Or maybe it was just the snarky domain, who knows.
www.uslegalforms.com has been around for a long time now, and they at least have state-specific documents. Use them if you're going to use anything without consulting a lawyer. But really, pay a lawyer, it's worth it.
I am not a lawyer, this is not legal advice.
Also, you better be damn sure that you can trust the person you give power of attorney to -- the document provided here assigns power of attorney immediately, not on incapacitation/death, and allows the person you designate to gift themselves up to $13,000 a year of your own property without your consent.
Considering the laws of the 50 states are sometimes very different, and these documents cover a wide range of legal topics, I think you'd have to be an idiot to use these documents without running them by a lawyer in your state, because they might not have the consequences you think they have.
Frankly I don't see why the HN crowd would upvote a site like this -- I'd bet it was ring votes that got it to the front page. Or maybe it was just the snarky domain, who knows.
www.uslegalforms.com has been around for a long time now, and they at least have state-specific documents. Use them if you're going to use anything without consulting a lawyer. But really, pay a lawyer, it's worth it.
I am not a lawyer, this is not legal advice.
> Frankly I don't see why the HN crowd would upvote a site like this -- I'd bet it was ring votes that got it to the front page. Or maybe it was just the snarky domain, who knows.
My guess is it struck a chord with people similar to myself - young family and minimal EOL planning. (although the snarky domain definitely helps)
For us, the biggest problem has been deciding who should take care of the kids if something happens to both myself and my spouse. The only members of our family that aren't shitty people or very flaky are elderly or have medical issues preventing them from caring for children. (And all of our close friends have kids and full lives of their own.) I would love to hear if anyone has suggestions for determining the least shitty choice in a situation like that.
My guess is it struck a chord with people similar to myself - young family and minimal EOL planning. (although the snarky domain definitely helps)
For us, the biggest problem has been deciding who should take care of the kids if something happens to both myself and my spouse. The only members of our family that aren't shitty people or very flaky are elderly or have medical issues preventing them from caring for children. (And all of our close friends have kids and full lives of their own.) I would love to hear if anyone has suggestions for determining the least shitty choice in a situation like that.
The key to cutting through this incredibly difficult question is to remember : at that point, you're out of the picture and whatever hopes and dreams you had for the kids now come a distant second place to finding the best way forward for them in a horrific situation. Your kids are going to be messed up if your gone, no question. At that point the focus should be on 'loving family' first and everything else distant second. If that means another city, state or country,so be it. If that means them living in a family with less money, so be it. If you vote for the purple party and they vote for the yellow part, so be it. Your kids will end up voting yellow but at least they will be loved and supported.
Find a loving family, they are the answer. And make sure the life insurance is sorted out.
Find a loving family, they are the answer. And make sure the life insurance is sorted out.
I'm in a similar situation and trying to make those same decisions. We ended up picking the ex-wife of a family member. Our immediate family did not fit our criteria and after we talked with her it seems like the best choice.
However, we are still struggling with how to distribute the life insurance in this case. Currently, she would get it all, but I think setting aside x% for education for each kid is worth considering (maybe y% for after college graduation). I realize someone taking in someone else's kids will incur some costs, so I think they should get 'something' - with two more kids, they may need to upgrade their house.
Thoughts on %'s or amounts?
However, we are still struggling with how to distribute the life insurance in this case. Currently, she would get it all, but I think setting aside x% for education for each kid is worth considering (maybe y% for after college graduation). I realize someone taking in someone else's kids will incur some costs, so I think they should get 'something' - with two more kids, they may need to upgrade their house.
Thoughts on %'s or amounts?
Don't set aside money for education, that will just interfere with financial aid. No parents means no income means free school
My parents made wills that nominated close friends as guardians for us kids. The friends nominated my parents as guardians for their kids. There would have been enough value in either house to cover any extra costs of looking after the orphaned set of kids.
> who should take care of the kids if something happens to both myself and my spouse
I would expect this to be a very rare occurrence. Most likely is an accident that kills one of the parents only, but in most scenarios where both parents are together, they would have the children with them. I guess it's always important to plan for risks, even if they are rare, if the consequences are very bad - 'high threat, low probability' is the military term, I believe?
I would expect this to be a very rare occurrence. Most likely is an accident that kills one of the parents only, but in most scenarios where both parents are together, they would have the children with them. I guess it's always important to plan for risks, even if they are rare, if the consequences are very bad - 'high threat, low probability' is the military term, I believe?
+1 for the ring votes theory
Not saying it is not useful or important. It just doesn't fit the subject matter people come here to read.
Not saying it is not useful or important. It just doesn't fit the subject matter people come here to read.
Do you have any friends with kids of their own? We found in our planning that the people who had kids of similar age to ours were the best choice. They're already dealing with "kid stuff" and, other than finances, adding more kids doesn't totally change the nature of their life.
Make sure to have life insurance, and have your lawyer set it up as a trust for the child's well-being. You can designate someone other than the caretaker of the child to be the trustee of the trust if you want to decentralize responsibility, though in our case we found that unnecessary. In our case, we recognized that additional kids would mean our designees need a bigger house, so we took a very liberal view of what constitutes the children's well-being.
Also keep in mind that you may revise your choices over time. We reasoned that her friend is the best choice for this 5 years, but when our daughter gets a bit older, we can reevaluate and see who in our then-social-circle is the ideal.
Make sure to have life insurance, and have your lawyer set it up as a trust for the child's well-being. You can designate someone other than the caretaker of the child to be the trustee of the trust if you want to decentralize responsibility, though in our case we found that unnecessary. In our case, we recognized that additional kids would mean our designees need a bigger house, so we took a very liberal view of what constitutes the children's well-being.
Also keep in mind that you may revise your choices over time. We reasoned that her friend is the best choice for this 5 years, but when our daughter gets a bit older, we can reevaluate and see who in our then-social-circle is the ideal.
I'm in a similar situation. The other members of both sides of our family are all either flaky, dirt poor, or too old to take care of our kids.
And one of our children is autistic and will likely need long-term care when she's an adult. Maybe one of our other children will step up when the time comes, but I can't count on that.
My plan is to live forever.
And one of our children is autistic and will likely need long-term care when she's an adult. Maybe one of our other children will step up when the time comes, but I can't count on that.
My plan is to live forever.
Dirt poor shouldn't be a problem. Buy life insurance.
In the Roman Catholic tradition, this problem is solved with godparents. I'm not Catholic (and I don't have kids yet), but the model seems to make sense. Forgive me for stepping way beyond the bounds of "internet stranger's business" but if your close friends' lives are so full that they would not care for your children if you became incapacitated, you need better friends.
I come from the RC tradition as well, though we didn't baptize our children.
I can think of exactly two sets of people in our diverse set of friends (and they are good friends) whom we might ask for this kind of consideration, but really, even both of them are problematic for reasons that have nothing to do with the quality of our friendship.
I can think of exactly two sets of people in our diverse set of friends (and they are good friends) whom we might ask for this kind of consideration, but really, even both of them are problematic for reasons that have nothing to do with the quality of our friendship.
I strongly disagree with that view. I don't have children of my own and while I would open the door at 3 am to take friends in (or heck a neighbor) while we get things sorted out taking on children is a major life disrupting experience.
So yes saying no would be selfish, assuming that any of your friends would have their lives completely disrupted just because you have children seems quite a bit more selfish.
So yes saying no would be selfish, assuming that any of your friends would have their lives completely disrupted just because you have children seems quite a bit more selfish.
The point is that throughout history, raising children are considered the point of life, not trophies that are otherwise a distraction from vacations and toys.
Well, no. Traditionally care for those kids goes to the extended family, not the friends. Sneering at friends who won't take in children is not something that you can support in terms of an argument of tradition.
I don't think it would solve the problem you are responding to, which is that the person doesn't know anyone they feel are capable of taking care of their children. Having a formal title for the role isn't going to help them find someone for the role.
There's no easy answer. You just gotta talk with close friends about it.
Taking care of more children would be difficult for my wife and I but I would strongly consider it if we were approached by one of our friends or family members about it.
Our life with 5 kids is already full but we are stable, love each other and have the resources, both emotional and financial to provide for more.
We would have to change our life and make sacrifices but that's what love is all about.
This doesn't really answer your question, it's more about taking care of someone else's children than finding someone to take care of your own. But if you are thinking about these things the other side is that you need to ask yourself if you could make the sacrifice to take in more kids yourself.
My criteria for choosing who would take care of my children are simple:
1. their family is emotionally capable. 2. the family is willing - including both parents and any children they already have.
We're talking about an already incredibly bad situation. My goal wouldn't be to give my kids everything they would have if they still had their parents. It would be to minimize the risk of more horrible things happening to them - abuse, abject poverty etc.
Taking care of more children would be difficult for my wife and I but I would strongly consider it if we were approached by one of our friends or family members about it.
Our life with 5 kids is already full but we are stable, love each other and have the resources, both emotional and financial to provide for more.
We would have to change our life and make sacrifices but that's what love is all about.
This doesn't really answer your question, it's more about taking care of someone else's children than finding someone to take care of your own. But if you are thinking about these things the other side is that you need to ask yourself if you could make the sacrifice to take in more kids yourself.
My criteria for choosing who would take care of my children are simple:
1. their family is emotionally capable. 2. the family is willing - including both parents and any children they already have.
We're talking about an already incredibly bad situation. My goal wouldn't be to give my kids everything they would have if they still had their parents. It would be to minimize the risk of more horrible things happening to them - abuse, abject poverty etc.
Agreed. And remember that the family taking on the kids doesn't necessarily need to be able to support them financially. Your will should designate sufficient funds to a trust account (either through your savings if you have enough, and/or through life insurance) to care for your kids through childhood. Plus ideally some extra for the people taking on this huge responsibility. Otherwise everything iamthepieman said.
Find a friend in the same situation as you, and agree to be each other's back-up parents. Get some term-life insurance in a fairly large amount to go in trust to the kids if your spouse dies; that will cover the expenses, and term-life is pretty darn cheap.
> Frankly I don't see why the HN crowd would upvote a site like this -- I'd bet it was ring votes that got it to the front page. Or maybe it was just the snarky domain, who knows.
Or maybe it's because the site is a useful checklist of what we should do to prevent death from completely destroying our family.
I'm the original poster and I'm not affiliated with the author in any way. The core message is not "we offer 100% legalese-proof papers", the pdfs are described as templates. The core message is:
Or maybe it's because the site is a useful checklist of what we should do to prevent death from completely destroying our family.
I'm the original poster and I'm not affiliated with the author in any way. The core message is not "we offer 100% legalese-proof papers", the pdfs are described as templates. The core message is:
Get your shit together now and breathe a huge sigh of relief.I thought this is a great starting point.
Also, after looking through the actual wills, they are already filled out with George Washington's information so the legal documents are used as an example, not for actual legal use.
Plus, I'm not sure my family would enjoy looking through my will upon my death with: Get Your Shit Together! printed at the bottom of each page :)
This site is helpful to let me know which parts I overlooked like simple things like passwords or account access.
Plus, I'm not sure my family would enjoy looking through my will upon my death with: Get Your Shit Together! printed at the bottom of each page :)
This site is helpful to let me know which parts I overlooked like simple things like passwords or account access.
> Plus, I'm not sure my family would enjoy looking through my will upon my death with: Get Your Shit Together! printed at the bottom of each page :)
Who cares? I'd make "get your shit together" a condition of inheriting anything from me if it had any legal standing.
Who cares? I'd make "get your shit together" a condition of inheriting anything from me if it had any legal standing.
I just coughed up my email to get the reminders, because,
(employers don't read this:) I'm a lazy procrastinating POS.
I'll probably use LegalZoom to get the forms if I ever do
get off my ass and get it done.
It's at least a checklist and covers stuff you should be thinking about but may not have thought of (even if not financial such as the Thoughts section).
For instance, my wife and I need more videos of us and not just the kid. If something happened to me tomorrow I would love it if my wife could show him videos of me when he gets older.
I agree that maybe the site needs a disclaimer that getting a lawyer is better but for some isn't a generic form better than nothing? Not a lawyer either so not entirely sure about that.
For instance, my wife and I need more videos of us and not just the kid. If something happened to me tomorrow I would love it if my wife could show him videos of me when he gets older.
I agree that maybe the site needs a disclaimer that getting a lawyer is better but for some isn't a generic form better than nothing? Not a lawyer either so not entirely sure about that.
For the videos, you two might want to record some of your stories and values. If you have iPhones, I've built an app that guides you through it -- http://www.oakvideos.com
Good advice.
I think this got upvoted because it offers a monthly email nudge/reminder and hopefully the site/service will stay on top of future issues related to staying on top of keeping your stuff together.
But yeah, talk to a lawyer to ensure state specific issues are properly covered/handled.
I think this got upvoted because it offers a monthly email nudge/reminder and hopefully the site/service will stay on top of future issues related to staying on top of keeping your stuff together.
But yeah, talk to a lawyer to ensure state specific issues are properly covered/handled.
Something I've always wish the Social Security Administration offered was an executor service of sorts.
They're the canonical reference if you're dead or not, so upon my death, I could have configured in their web interface:
* who to notify, along with documents for each person (personal letters, etc)
* who to turn bank accounts over to
* a whole long laundry list of other stuff I have to find someone I trust to do if I do sooner than expected
What organization is typically entrusted to do this sort of task? I don't mind paying for my loved ones to be secure and guided after my death, I just want an org that I can 1) trust and 2) will be around for 100+ years.
They're the canonical reference if you're dead or not, so upon my death, I could have configured in their web interface:
* who to notify, along with documents for each person (personal letters, etc)
* who to turn bank accounts over to
* a whole long laundry list of other stuff I have to find someone I trust to do if I do sooner than expected
What organization is typically entrusted to do this sort of task? I don't mind paying for my loved ones to be secure and guided after my death, I just want an org that I can 1) trust and 2) will be around for 100+ years.
You trust the government to do that? You're braver than I am. I would expect the government would have a great time knowing about everyone's end of life plans. The IRS would certainly love it. I don't trust the government to wash my car let alone ensure my family is protected if I were to die.
You, presumably as an American citizen, already trust the government to do a whole lot more than "wash your car," so the fear seems a bit unfounded. You implicitly trust them to fund/manage/develop/build: the entire infrastructure your car rides on (and which your safety depends on), the educational system that will likely educate/indoctrinate your children for 12+ years, and the legal system (and all of it's record keeping complexities) which preserves and allows you to uphold your rights and well-being. That's just to name a few that are certainly more complex than the task the GP is envisioning. Maybe you can pose a "free-market alternative" for the second one, but you can't for the other two. (Thankfully.) Plus, if you still prefer having a "real" physical executor there, just put that single person's name down for all of the fields from the SSA.
Adding a few fields to a database is well within the capabilities of pretty much every government agency around. At least until feature bloat and cruft starts to develop...
Adding a few fields to a database is well within the capabilities of pretty much every government agency around. At least until feature bloat and cruft starts to develop...
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The legal system was/is constructed by lawyers, for lawyers.
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You may set your beneficiary for almost all of your bank accounts and financial accounts. You just have to notify them of your beneficiary. EDIT: This may only be for retirement accounts?
I use Simple for banking, which doesn't support this, but Betterment (who manages my retirement accounts) does. My wife is my primary beneficiary, and I've submitted a feature request to them that they support specifying a 501(c)(3) as my contingent beneficiary (Watsi, in case you're wondering) if we've both died at the same time.
I'm curious what their UX around it is; I should ask! Ideally, my wife would provide them proof of my death, and then they would say "Here are your options, and the consequences of each."
I'm curious what their UX around it is; I should ask! Ideally, my wife would provide them proof of my death, and then they would say "Here are your options, and the consequences of each."
The social security administration notifies banks of your death.
I'm curious how they do this. Do they provide a list of SSNs on a schedule to financial orgs through the Fed?
The SSA has a death index. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_Security_Death_Index Banks probably register your SS number (which they are required to have) with the SSA for "notify if dead" (just a guess). Doubtful they give every financial institution the SS numbers of all deaths on a regular basis. Then again they might have direct access to such information since they can't open up an account for a dead person.
Of course it suck if you end up on it while you are still alive
http://consumerist.com/2015/05/04/being-declared-dead-by-the...
>She learned that she was dead when she received a letter from her bank. The bank expressed its corporate condolences, and locked her out of her account. The Social Security Administration also stopped her retirement checks, and her health insurance also stopped.
Of course it suck if you end up on it while you are still alive
http://consumerist.com/2015/05/04/being-declared-dead-by-the...
>She learned that she was dead when she received a letter from her bank. The bank expressed its corporate condolences, and locked her out of her account. The Social Security Administration also stopped her retirement checks, and her health insurance also stopped.
> Frankly I don't see why the HN crowd would upvote a site like this.
If you view this as an MVP of an open source repository for EOL information then it makes total sense that it got upvoted here. If we can keep our code dry, why can't we keep our lives dry?
If you view this as an MVP of an open source repository for EOL information then it makes total sense that it got upvoted here. If we can keep our code dry, why can't we keep our lives dry?
RE ring votes: There are a suspicious number of one-sentence / add-no-value comments on this all posted about an hour ago.
I'm the original poster and I'm not affiliated with the author in any way. The core message of OP is not "we offer 100% legalese-proof papers", but "I'm a wake up call, now go and get things done".
HN voting rings are fairly tough to actually get working. I doubt this site used one. Also, a small number of upvotes from varying accounts (in terms of age, location, reputation, etc) can cause a post to hit the front page.
"It varies state by state. With a generic template pulled from the internet, you could just be doing a whole lot of work"
You won't be doing a "whole lot of work", but anyway, what works really well is giving a lawyer professional paperwork from another state (or whatever) and telling him to fix it for your state's laws.
They handle this kind of "translation" all the time because of people who moved in from another state, they might be a bit confused if you moved in from the state of "the internet" but it'll be less confusing than walking in with a completely blank slate. At least they'll have to ask a lot fewer questions and explain a lot fewer things. Spending money to telling a lawyer "i donno" can be very expensive compared to how cheap it is to tell him something like "I want the inheritance to work something similar to Wisconsin law"
Think by analogy of doing desktop support for a guy who can't articulate anything clearer than "the internet is broken on the hard drive", its gonna cost him a lot. But if the guy walked in with professional documentation of his specific problem, its gonna be a lot cheaper.
You won't be doing a "whole lot of work", but anyway, what works really well is giving a lawyer professional paperwork from another state (or whatever) and telling him to fix it for your state's laws.
They handle this kind of "translation" all the time because of people who moved in from another state, they might be a bit confused if you moved in from the state of "the internet" but it'll be less confusing than walking in with a completely blank slate. At least they'll have to ask a lot fewer questions and explain a lot fewer things. Spending money to telling a lawyer "i donno" can be very expensive compared to how cheap it is to tell him something like "I want the inheritance to work something similar to Wisconsin law"
Think by analogy of doing desktop support for a guy who can't articulate anything clearer than "the internet is broken on the hard drive", its gonna cost him a lot. But if the guy walked in with professional documentation of his specific problem, its gonna be a lot cheaper.
Exactly! My dad remarried and moved to Georgia. He didn't change the will at all thinking all are set.
When he passed away, I found out that the will is invalidated because that's how it works in Georgia's legal system. Luckily my dad's wife is a nice woman and worked with me to ensure the estate went through probate properly.
But always double check when your life's circumstances change (new residence, etc)
When he passed away, I found out that the will is invalidated because that's how it works in Georgia's legal system. Luckily my dad's wife is a nice woman and worked with me to ensure the estate went through probate properly.
But always double check when your life's circumstances change (new residence, etc)
If you have a big estate see a lawyer.
If you don't, or cash strapped now, you can get by with Nolo press. If you can understand ROR, and programming, after reading their two books on wills and trusts, I think you can set up a trust and will, and skip the lawyer.
On the will get two signatures from people not in the will, and it does not need to be notarized in California. If you want to exclude a child out of a estate you must explicitly state that in the will.(Some kids got a lot of cash early on. Explain to them you love them. Make sure they are doing well, if you exclude them.) I recently did a will for a friend. Her daughter took all the family money when her father died--leaving her mother with nothing. The ironic part is her daughter is a multimillionaire in LA, with a successful business. She took advantatage of a bad situation, and a angry dying man. So yes, I didn't feel it was immoral to exclude her from the will of that friend.
If you don't, or cash strapped now, you can get by with Nolo press. If you can understand ROR, and programming, after reading their two books on wills and trusts, I think you can set up a trust and will, and skip the lawyer.
On the will get two signatures from people not in the will, and it does not need to be notarized in California. If you want to exclude a child out of a estate you must explicitly state that in the will.(Some kids got a lot of cash early on. Explain to them you love them. Make sure they are doing well, if you exclude them.) I recently did a will for a friend. Her daughter took all the family money when her father died--leaving her mother with nothing. The ironic part is her daughter is a multimillionaire in LA, with a successful business. She took advantatage of a bad situation, and a angry dying man. So yes, I didn't feel it was immoral to exclude her from the will of that friend.
Great advice.
Even with a will, in some places the probate process is very expensive and onerous. In many cases, it's a lot easier to use a simple trust mechanism vs. a will. 3 hours of attorney time now can avoid 50 hours + lots of calendar time later.
Even with a will, in some places the probate process is very expensive and onerous. In many cases, it's a lot easier to use a simple trust mechanism vs. a will. 3 hours of attorney time now can avoid 50 hours + lots of calendar time later.
Did it through RocketLawyer myself, and they have attorneys to review it as well as to guarantee it's legal in the state you live in. I also did my living will through them, all legitimate.
There are plenty of bad lawyers out there, so if you're going to hire one, please do the legwork (get referrals, speak to multiple candidates) to find a good, trusted one.
If anyone needs convincing to use this site, read the About Us page. It's a big credit to Chanel Reynolds that she was able to drawn on a tragic experience to help others.
I'm the sole income earner for our household (my wife is at home with our wee ones). I've found that it's a lot easier to plan for my own disability/death than for hers.
For instance, I get relatively straightforward short-term and long-term disability insurance through my company. Should I become disabled, I get a percentage of my salary. But because my wife does not work, we've struggled to find a straightforward way to get (reasonably priced) disability insurance for her.
I'm assuming that many of you who are either self-employed or are in a household in which one person is not currently working have faced similar challenges. Anybody have any recommendations about how to overcome them?
For instance, I get relatively straightforward short-term and long-term disability insurance through my company. Should I become disabled, I get a percentage of my salary. But because my wife does not work, we've struggled to find a straightforward way to get (reasonably priced) disability insurance for her.
I'm assuming that many of you who are either self-employed or are in a household in which one person is not currently working have faced similar challenges. Anybody have any recommendations about how to overcome them?
Get the minimum insurance you will need to take care of your kids and pay any debts that would be hard or impossible to pay if your wife were to become disabled.
Anytime you buy insurance you have to be ready to do some math. If you make enough to cover a caregiver (often covered or partially covered under health insurance) for your wife and have a strategy for taking care of your kids then you may not even need it.
I'm fortunate enough to live close to both my parents and my wife's parents. Because of this and because we have decent savings we decided against disability and life insurance for her. We are in the process of getting better life insurance for myself but are keeping it as low as possible to cover our debts and living expenses until the children are old enough to go to work in the coal mines.
Anytime you buy insurance you have to be ready to do some math. If you make enough to cover a caregiver (often covered or partially covered under health insurance) for your wife and have a strategy for taking care of your kids then you may not even need it.
I'm fortunate enough to live close to both my parents and my wife's parents. Because of this and because we have decent savings we decided against disability and life insurance for her. We are in the process of getting better life insurance for myself but are keeping it as low as possible to cover our debts and living expenses until the children are old enough to go to work in the coal mines.
There is a spreadsheet included with this book [1] that helps you figure out how much life insurance to get your non-working spouse. We signed up for private term life - it was substantially less expensive than my employer's optional term life plan. Plus it's decoupled from whatever job you happen to hold at the time!
[1] http://www.amazon.com/The-Ultimate-Financial-Plan-Balancing/...
[1] http://www.amazon.com/The-Ultimate-Financial-Plan-Balancing/...
Create an account on ssa.gov to estimate your Social Security Disability benefits and Social Security Survivors benefits. Mine are plenty enough for me to live comfortably on but I have a very, very modest lifestyle without any debt.
If fact you should create an account on ssa.gov and irs.gov no matter what so nobody else does it for you if your identity is stolen.
If fact you should create an account on ssa.gov and irs.gov no matter what so nobody else does it for you if your identity is stolen.
Heading to Egypt with my wife for two weeks while our 2 year old daughter stays at home. Definitely something we've been trying to get together, and I really appreciate someone doing the leg work.
Memento mori, motherfucker.
I love this idea. It's highly practical, of good use and deals with life as it is.
I think there are several out there, the best one I've found for simple will and living wills (and free, no monthly charge bs) is http://www.doyourownwill.com It also has good general advice and a legal forms section..and was fast. pdf and doc. made it easy for us.
Prepaid funerals are way cheaper and far less burdensome on family and friends.
What they don't mention:
* Document -all- of your bank accounts, assets and debts.
* Don't die without a will. If you do and you appoint an executor, you are giving them a very dirty job.
* Think twice about offshore accounts. They are a nightmare for executors.
* Document -all- of your bank accounts, assets and debts.
* Don't die without a will. If you do and you appoint an executor, you are giving them a very dirty job.
* Think twice about offshore accounts. They are a nightmare for executors.
Don't die without a will. If you do and you appoint an executor, you are giving them a very dirty job
This is one of the reasons I've been putting off completing a will :-( Is there a good option for going about this without naming an executor?
This is one of the reasons I've been putting off completing a will :-( Is there a good option for going about this without naming an executor?
Certain countries require you by law to appoint an executor to your estate. If you don't, the state steps in and does it for you. Hardly the sort of thing you'd want, especially if you want it done properly.
You can appoint lawyers to be executors to your estate, mind you. They take a fee from the total bucket, and make sure everything is done according to your will.
Also, as far as I'm aware, appointing them the executor of your estate doesn't mean you give them the money. You entrust them with resolving all the issues with your estate, it's a bit different.
You can appoint lawyers to be executors to your estate, mind you. They take a fee from the total bucket, and make sure everything is done according to your will.
Also, as far as I'm aware, appointing them the executor of your estate doesn't mean you give them the money. You entrust them with resolving all the issues with your estate, it's a bit different.
I doubt these documents would be worth anything without getting notarized. Among other problems. Getting something notarized runs from free-around $2 so it's hilarious they expect you to track down two impartial witnesses but don't even mention a notary public.
If you are familiar with the current pending Supreme Court case DeBoer v. Snyder (which for the Supreme Court was combined with 3 other cases) you'd know in many cases you can't just appoint any guardian for your children upon your death. Basically the facts are: a lesbian couple has 4 children - 2 adopted by one woman and 2 adopted by the other. All children have been raised together as brothers and sisters by both women. No children we ever being raised by only one parent. They found out that they couldn't guarantee that the other parent would keep all 4 children in the event of the death of one parent. Under Michigan law, in their case, the courts would be free to appoint guardianship of the deceased's two children to whomever they choose no matter the paperwork the couple drafted beforehand.
http://www.nytimes.com/2015/01/25/us/one-couples-unanticipat...
>Their close call with the truck that day in 2011 led them to a lawyer, Dana Nessel, who advised them that she could draw up guardianship papers, but that they would be nearly worthless legally. She urged them instead to file a federal lawsuit challenging the adoption law in Michigan.
If you are familiar with the current pending Supreme Court case DeBoer v. Snyder (which for the Supreme Court was combined with 3 other cases) you'd know in many cases you can't just appoint any guardian for your children upon your death. Basically the facts are: a lesbian couple has 4 children - 2 adopted by one woman and 2 adopted by the other. All children have been raised together as brothers and sisters by both women. No children we ever being raised by only one parent. They found out that they couldn't guarantee that the other parent would keep all 4 children in the event of the death of one parent. Under Michigan law, in their case, the courts would be free to appoint guardianship of the deceased's two children to whomever they choose no matter the paperwork the couple drafted beforehand.
http://www.nytimes.com/2015/01/25/us/one-couples-unanticipat...
>Their close call with the truck that day in 2011 led them to a lawyer, Dana Nessel, who advised them that she could draw up guardianship papers, but that they would be nearly worthless legally. She urged them instead to file a federal lawsuit challenging the adoption law in Michigan.
The law of wills can be peculiar. Under New York law a will MUST be signed by two witnesses to be valid (EPTL §3-2.1). A notarization won't cut it - a notary can be a witness just like anyone else but you still need a second witness.
On the other hand a trust can be either notarized or witnessed (EPTL §7-1.17) and a power of attorney must be notarized (General Obligations Law §5-1501B, which also requires a typeface "no less than twelve point in size").
On the other hand a trust can be either notarized or witnessed (EPTL §7-1.17) and a power of attorney must be notarized (General Obligations Law §5-1501B, which also requires a typeface "no less than twelve point in size").
Regarding a living will, one I've seen that I really like is Five Wishes (https://www.agingwithdignity.org/five-wishes.php). I have one filled out that I've been procrastinating giving to friends and doctors, which is a mandatory step for having it be an effective document. Thank you to GYST for reminding me I need to take care of this.
I'm using this book by Nolo and it's great! Covers the basics plus a lot more and comes with a computer program to generate the documents for you:
http://www.amazon.com/Quicken-WillMaker-Plus-2015-Software/d...
Nolo is a well-known established company, like LegalZoom for books, and I've also used their stuff for business setup and contracts.
http://www.amazon.com/Quicken-WillMaker-Plus-2015-Software/d...
Nolo is a well-known established company, like LegalZoom for books, and I've also used their stuff for business setup and contracts.
Maybe not the place, but where do people buy their cheap term life insurance?
AAA...west coast life.. your work place... etc. Cheap is also very relative - depending on the face amount, you may have to submit to a health examination...
My father died in extremely unexpected circumstances, and as much as a will would've been handy (understatement of the year), there are other bits that save heartache and frustrated compromise.
For example:
- do you want to be buried or cremated? And where? Any thoughts on coffin design?
- do you want a church service or something else? What songs, how big, as many details as possible.
It's morbid stuff, but by writing it down informally somewhere, you lift the burden from your loved ones having to make unknown "it's what he would have wanted" guesses.
For example:
- do you want to be buried or cremated? And where? Any thoughts on coffin design?
- do you want a church service or something else? What songs, how big, as many details as possible.
It's morbid stuff, but by writing it down informally somewhere, you lift the burden from your loved ones having to make unknown "it's what he would have wanted" guesses.
>> you lift the burden from your loved ones having to make unknown "it's what he would have wanted" guesses.
To each his own, but consider that maybe that's not the right question. My paternal grandmother recently died, and my dad sat shiva for her (Jewish mourning ritual). It almost certainly would not have been what she wanted, she was a fierce atheist. But it was what my dad wanted, what comforted him, and he was the one around and mourning, not my grandmother.
Just something to consider.
To each his own, but consider that maybe that's not the right question. My paternal grandmother recently died, and my dad sat shiva for her (Jewish mourning ritual). It almost certainly would not have been what she wanted, she was a fierce atheist. But it was what my dad wanted, what comforted him, and he was the one around and mourning, not my grandmother.
Just something to consider.
Absolutely +1 to this. My dad also died extremely unexpectedly, and while nothing about the process was easy, having his last wishes known to us was a relief. He and my mom had each prepared a "farewell letter" to the family. My dad's was characteristically brief, poignant, and hilarious - which itself served to make the situation a tiny bit brighter as we could almost imagine him there with us one last time.
And in other news, I still owe him a trip into the Great Smoky Mountains to scatter his ashes.
And in other news, I still owe him a trip into the Great Smoky Mountains to scatter his ashes.
The one thing I know about my mother's death (won't happen until after she's reached 100 according to her) is that she has expressly forbidden us from having flowers at her funeral. Instead, she prefers we send her flowers while she's still alive so she can actually enjoy them.
She also wants her body to be burned in a viking longship out at sea. We'll see how that goes.
She also wants her body to be burned in a viking longship out at sea. We'll see how that goes.
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Curious. I never gave it a thought because I always assumed that the funeral is for the ones that keep on living, so it's on them to figure out which kind of mourning ritual would help them cope with the lose better.
To be fair, if I someone made me go through coffin designs for my own coffin, or any kind of arrangement, chances are it would end in a practical joke. I just don't give a damn.
To be fair, if I someone made me go through coffin designs for my own coffin, or any kind of arrangement, chances are it would end in a practical joke. I just don't give a damn.
Another bit of advice, if you have prepared these basic documents, it is a good idea to review them periodically.
It is particularly important to review and revise these documents after life changing events: getting married, having children, or when parents or executor becomes elderly, incapacitated, or dies.
It is particularly important to review and revise these documents after life changing events: getting married, having children, or when parents or executor becomes elderly, incapacitated, or dies.
And the step my parents forgot: when your eldest child turns 18, add them as an executor.
Always loved this Twitter account. I use it now and then to remind my followers that my shit is not together https://twitter.com/ismyshittogethr
Also there is no silver bullet for the maze that is life other than all the usual methods that the old masters laid out, like meditation, compassion, empathy, and logos/love/balance
Also there is no silver bullet for the maze that is life other than all the usual methods that the old masters laid out, like meditation, compassion, empathy, and logos/love/balance
some other general advice from my experiences - make sure you handle the case where you go missing. I know I'm drilling down into a bunch of conditional situations (missing for how long? under what circumstances?), but the last thing you want is to do is leave loved ones in situation where they can't get anything done.
I had a friend who committed suicide, but his body was never found and since there was no note, he was never officially declared dead. Even though that was years ago, his family still doesn't have access to his assets.
I had a friend who committed suicide, but his body was never found and since there was no note, he was never officially declared dead. Even though that was years ago, his family still doesn't have access to his assets.
How does disability insurance work for students?
I am going to be entering medical school. You typically get disability after you graduate, but if something happened in those four years, I could be a hundred thousand in debt with no viable career option as an MD.
I am going to be entering medical school. You typically get disability after you graduate, but if something happened in those four years, I could be a hundred thousand in debt with no viable career option as an MD.
You would have to purchase private disability insurance or private life insurance. Almost every major insurance company offers it.
Equally important to having legal documents is having conversations with your loved ones about your end-of-life preferences--there is a lot of nuance here and the legalese will not always speak for you the way you'd want it to (and won't necessarily cover things like how you want to be remembered, which photo of yourself is your favorite, what you would want to happen to your FB/twitter/Instagram/HN account, etc.).
I've been working for years in end-of-life planning and as others have said, a lot of these legal documents are state-by-state so be sure to talk to an attorney and your healthcare providers to make sure you're covered.
Apologies for self promotion, but we are building a modern end-of-life planning platform at https://myexitstrategy.co/ and our first offering will be an easy way to designate health care proxies -- everyone over age 18 should have one!
I've been working for years in end-of-life planning and as others have said, a lot of these legal documents are state-by-state so be sure to talk to an attorney and your healthcare providers to make sure you're covered.
Apologies for self promotion, but we are building a modern end-of-life planning platform at https://myexitstrategy.co/ and our first offering will be an easy way to designate health care proxies -- everyone over age 18 should have one!
There is a great startup based in New York doing this sort of thing called: Everplans. https://www.everplans.com/
They make it easy for you to get organized, find resources for handling the tougher scenarios of life and death.
*Not affiliated, just have met their team - all around good people.
They make it easy for you to get organized, find resources for handling the tougher scenarios of life and death.
*Not affiliated, just have met their team - all around good people.
I can not agree with this advice. There are still a few area's where its worth it to have a trained professional, and their fee's are well worth it. I have a wife and three kids, I will not trust their future to some random page on the internet. I went to a reputable estate lawyer and I didn't just get some documents I started a relationship. That is what I am counting on. Every year I now have a professional that I go to not only review and update my documents, but to get advice for how laws change and what their inpact is to me.
Be responsible, don't cut corners.
Be responsible, don't cut corners.
If this sort of thing is interesting to you and you are a Christian and and a fan of Dave Ramsey like myself then you should check out his Legacy Journey class:
https://www.daveramsey.com/legacy
We had already gotten our will done before we took it but I still found it to be packed with good information and it motivated us to get more organized.
We had already gotten our will done before we took it but I still found it to be packed with good information and it motivated us to get more organized.
wat the fuk
I've lately been pondering how to handle the passwords piece of this. I use 1Password, which is convenient because I have a handy-dandy database of passwords, but makes it unrealistic that I'll write them all down on paper. So the problem becomes passing along that database and the master password for it. I also want to avoid giving that to anybody before I'm dead, for obvious reasons.
My best plan so far is to put the database on a hidden (but public) shared location, and use IfIDie.org to send the link to my inheritors. I would then physically meet with them and give them the password (but not the link). It's kind of awkward, and I don't love it, but seems like it could work even for my relatives of modest technical literacy.
I'd be really curious if anyone has a better approach for securely passing important data after you're dead.
My best plan so far is to put the database on a hidden (but public) shared location, and use IfIDie.org to send the link to my inheritors. I would then physically meet with them and give them the password (but not the link). It's kind of awkward, and I don't love it, but seems like it could work even for my relatives of modest technical literacy.
I'd be really curious if anyone has a better approach for securely passing important data after you're dead.
Having been thru this stuff, financial/official orgs have policies for accepting a death certificate by fax or mail. If they know your social security number, there is no need to worry a death cert is the ultimate root password to any account. So don't worry about banks / brokerages /insurance etc. Once your SS # shows up on the SSDI list they don't argue much, and that only takes a day or two, or so it seemed.
Utility/subscription type services pretty much get a copy of the certificate and they go away, maybe with a final billing statement. Look out for scammers sending fake invoices to dead people listed in obituaries or legal notice section of the paper.
Where it gets messier is non-financial institution online accounts, but they wouldn't be financially important or time critical. I remember ebay was fairly civil about the whole thing, although I don't remember what they did.
Utility/subscription type services pretty much get a copy of the certificate and they go away, maybe with a final billing statement. Look out for scammers sending fake invoices to dead people listed in obituaries or legal notice section of the paper.
Where it gets messier is non-financial institution online accounts, but they wouldn't be financially important or time critical. I remember ebay was fairly civil about the whole thing, although I don't remember what they did.
I have a password file encrypted with key that has been split into five shares using Shamir's Secret Sharing Scheme [1]. I printed out the shares, instructions, and file URL and hand delivered them to five trusted individuals in different states. Any three of the five can reassemble the key.
[1] http://point-at-infinity.org/ssss/
[1] http://point-at-infinity.org/ssss/
A safety deposit box with the password to the master database?
Sometimes low tech works.
Sometimes low tech works.
I thought of that, but I don't like it for a few reasons:
1) It's cumbersome to update. I don't want to run to the bank, get the thumbdrive, update it, and take it back every time I change a password.
2) Everyone has to know that I have the box, know where it is, and know where to get the key.
3) The key could get lost or destroyed. For example, if someone slings an especially effective curse at me and I literally die in a (house) fire. You can keep the safe deposit key in a safe... but now you have to store the key for that safe, or the combination.
4) Even if they have the key, the bank still might not let my next-of-kin into the box. The bank keeps a list of who is allowed in and their signatures. You'll have to physically take every person who needs access down to the bank and add them. It's one more chore, particularly because my family lives in other states and rarely comes here to visit (we all go back to the parents' house instead). In theory a death certificate and some other documentation can overcome that, but it's going to be time consuming and annoying, during a time when they don't need one more damn thing. I'm also not sure how access is handled in case of incapacity but not death (ie, coma, sick in a foreign country, kidnapped, whatever).
1) It's cumbersome to update. I don't want to run to the bank, get the thumbdrive, update it, and take it back every time I change a password.
2) Everyone has to know that I have the box, know where it is, and know where to get the key.
3) The key could get lost or destroyed. For example, if someone slings an especially effective curse at me and I literally die in a (house) fire. You can keep the safe deposit key in a safe... but now you have to store the key for that safe, or the combination.
4) Even if they have the key, the bank still might not let my next-of-kin into the box. The bank keeps a list of who is allowed in and their signatures. You'll have to physically take every person who needs access down to the bank and add them. It's one more chore, particularly because my family lives in other states and rarely comes here to visit (we all go back to the parents' house instead). In theory a death certificate and some other documentation can overcome that, but it's going to be time consuming and annoying, during a time when they don't need one more damn thing. I'm also not sure how access is handled in case of incapacity but not death (ie, coma, sick in a foreign country, kidnapped, whatever).
You only need to keep the master password at bank; you can freely update/distribute the encrypted file.
Some sort of secret sharing scheme [1] seems like it would work well here. You can distribute parts of a key so that any 3 of 5 people (or whatever) can work together to recover the key. Unfortunately I don't know of any practical way to do this without kludging together your own system.
1: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Secret_sharing
Some sort of secret sharing scheme [1] seems like it would work well here. You can distribute parts of a key so that any 3 of 5 people (or whatever) can work together to recover the key. Unfortunately I don't know of any practical way to do this without kludging together your own system.
1: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Secret_sharing
I use Keeper to manage my passwords. I use randomly generated hard passwords for all but a few things, so I need it. What isn't random is the password to my laptop, to my phone, and to Keeper. My wife and daughter both know those passwords, just in case.
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