Ask HN: Do you ever feel guilty about what you have?
13 comments
Bill Gates, giving a commencement speech at Harvard:
My mother, who was filled with pride the day I was admitted here – never stopped pressing me to do more for others. A few days before my wedding, she hosted a bridal event, at which she read aloud a letter about marriage that she had written to Melinda. My mother was very ill with cancer at the time, but she saw one more opportunity to deliver her message, and at the close of the letter she said: “From those to whom much is given, much is expected.”
http://www.networkworld.com/news/2007/060807-gates-commencem...
My mother, who was filled with pride the day I was admitted here – never stopped pressing me to do more for others. A few days before my wedding, she hosted a bridal event, at which she read aloud a letter about marriage that she had written to Melinda. My mother was very ill with cancer at the time, but she saw one more opportunity to deliver her message, and at the close of the letter she said: “From those to whom much is given, much is expected.”
http://www.networkworld.com/news/2007/060807-gates-commencem...
First off, it's not your fault that there are other people who are worse off than you, so there's really no logical reason for you to feel guilty.
Secondly, instead of feeling negative, why don't you help in some way. It doesn't matter if your contribution is small. Try it, and see what happens.
Secondly, instead of feeling negative, why don't you help in some way. It doesn't matter if your contribution is small. Try it, and see what happens.
I live in India, and yes, I do. For anyone conscientious here, this is a very common feeling (Even when we have earned whatever we have most scrupulously)
For me, I worry more about some people not getting an opportunity to do well. The fact that there were many kids born at the same time as me who did not get the opportunities that I did pains me more than me having stuff that many around me don't.
For me, I worry more about some people not getting an opportunity to do well. The fact that there were many kids born at the same time as me who did not get the opportunities that I did pains me more than me having stuff that many around me don't.
I tend to think in terms of what the community's return-on-investment is with respect to my upbringing and support. Society has collectively invested a lot of money in me without demanding a direct return: some very good state scholarships and a fellowship to go to graduate school are only the most obvious and quantifiable contributions. There are many more indirect examples, government services and institutions which have helped me in a more diffuse way. These are shared and less quantifiable, but they still helped in an observable fashion.
I appreciate the help, and I will feel accomplished in some way when I feel that I've contributed an equal or greater amount back to the community. Charitable contributions, volunteer work, growing a company, generating employment and wealth, and paying taxes willingly are all activities which contribute to society. That's not to say I won't help myself along the way--I'm human--but I think there are plenty of ways to simultaneously support yourself and support others, and I think it's worth keeping that aim in mind. "Providing a positive ROI" is obviously a long-term project, but I think it's as good a goal as any.
As for addressing unfairness, it's a hard problem and I don't claim to have good answers. All I can think to do is be compassionate and look for chances to help others. I can't hope to help those starving billions, but I can help the guy down the street who needs someone to watch his kids while he goes to a job interview; there's nothing wrong with helping locally.
TL;DR: Think about how others have helped you, pay it forward and try to leave the world a better place. The rest is details.
I appreciate the help, and I will feel accomplished in some way when I feel that I've contributed an equal or greater amount back to the community. Charitable contributions, volunteer work, growing a company, generating employment and wealth, and paying taxes willingly are all activities which contribute to society. That's not to say I won't help myself along the way--I'm human--but I think there are plenty of ways to simultaneously support yourself and support others, and I think it's worth keeping that aim in mind. "Providing a positive ROI" is obviously a long-term project, but I think it's as good a goal as any.
As for addressing unfairness, it's a hard problem and I don't claim to have good answers. All I can think to do is be compassionate and look for chances to help others. I can't hope to help those starving billions, but I can help the guy down the street who needs someone to watch his kids while he goes to a job interview; there's nothing wrong with helping locally.
TL;DR: Think about how others have helped you, pay it forward and try to leave the world a better place. The rest is details.
I feel it all the time. Especially in India where high standard living goes hand to hand with super-poor living.
What do you do about that feeling? What would you like to see done? Anything the online tech space/startup scene can provide?
Nothing aggressive. I make sure people I employ gets paid well. I give tips generously. I have taught young kids in slums and I donate my clothes and other used stuff quite generously. I don't give to beggars because it's like supporting an industry that should not exist at the first place. It really hurts to say not to these folks.
You really need to be on the ground to help these folks. There are NGOs and social organizations doing this on the ground. I think online tech space can either assist this (for example a web app for an NGO that collects clothes) or a startup that tracks/rates various NGOs and monitors their funding/spending etc.
I am no expert. My few quick thoughts.
You really need to be on the ground to help these folks. There are NGOs and social organizations doing this on the ground. I think online tech space can either assist this (for example a web app for an NGO that collects clothes) or a startup that tracks/rates various NGOs and monitors their funding/spending etc.
I am no expert. My few quick thoughts.
The online tech space/startup is a tool of wealth creation, and wealth if handled conscientiously can solve a lot of problems. The way I think about it is, it gives me a chance to do very well for myself in terms of money and influence, and maybe later, I'll put this to good use to work on these problems directly.
As for direct effect of tech venture on these problems, the effect is only of a trickle-down magnitude.
As for direct effect of tech venture on these problems, the effect is only of a trickle-down magnitude.
No, one of my goals in life is to save all humans. Though I could give myself some fuzzies in the meanwhile by donating to Village Reach and saving the life of an infant.http://www.givewell.org/international/top-charities/villager...
I will match the next $100 donated to Village Reach, reply here with proof of your donation and then I'll donate.
I will match the next $100 donated to Village Reach, reply here with proof of your donation and then I'll donate.
No. As a person of relative privilege, it's your duty to generate value for the world with as much aggression as you can muster.
The world is a crazy place full of pleasure and suffering. The world doesn't care what you deserve; what matters is what you're gonna do about it.
The world is a crazy place full of pleasure and suffering. The world doesn't care what you deserve; what matters is what you're gonna do about it.
I don't feel guilty about what I have, but I do feel guilty when I take what I have for granted.
Don't EVER feel guilty about what you have unless you stole or deceived your way into getting it.
You can feel thankful or maybe lucky, but never guilty. There were a lot of people who have made a lot of sacrifices so I can be in the position I'm in. The most important person who made sacrifices was myself - I've spent an INSANE amount of time perfecting my craft and now I'm reaping the rewards. When most classmates were hitting the bars, I was slinging code. When most were playing xbox, I was slinging code.
I'm not trying to say you shouldn't ever help anyone else, I do all the time - but I'm never going to feel compelled to do it.
"I swear, by my life and my love of it, that I will never live for the sake of another man, nor ask another man to live for mine" - Ayn Rand
You can feel thankful or maybe lucky, but never guilty. There were a lot of people who have made a lot of sacrifices so I can be in the position I'm in. The most important person who made sacrifices was myself - I've spent an INSANE amount of time perfecting my craft and now I'm reaping the rewards. When most classmates were hitting the bars, I was slinging code. When most were playing xbox, I was slinging code.
I'm not trying to say you shouldn't ever help anyone else, I do all the time - but I'm never going to feel compelled to do it.
"I swear, by my life and my love of it, that I will never live for the sake of another man, nor ask another man to live for mine" - Ayn Rand
I feel something that might be in the neighborhood of what you're describing, but it's different. It's more "Why haven't I figured out a strategy for helping more people get closer to where I am?"
I have the benefit of being guilt-free overall. Statistically, I have no good reason to be anywhere close to where I am. So many hispanic kids end up involved in gangs, in jail, on drugs, or worse. My cousin, for example. Is dead. With a d.
So how did I beat the numbers? I got lucky because even though my mom got pregnant with me at 20 (common) she worked extremely hard (outlier), showed me the right way to go about living my life (extreme outlier), and then when I got old enough, I took over. Pushed hard, dreamed big, worked a lot, and was enough of a pain in the ass to get toward the career I want. I have my mom, computers and the internet to thank for everything meaningful I have today.
Still, I won the ovarian lottery in that I was born in North America in a country whose baseline standard of living is luxurious from a global perspective. So I feel a deep and abiding duty to advance the human condition in such a way that a larger percentage of other people get access to the silver bullet that cures all human bullshit: education.
Education is how we get everyone on its feet. I don't know how, yet. But fixing education is key to giving everyone who wants it a chance to be where I am today. Without the opportunity to learn, I'd be in jail, shooting up, or stuck in a dead-end job with no hope.
There's got to be a way to get more people on that train.
I have the benefit of being guilt-free overall. Statistically, I have no good reason to be anywhere close to where I am. So many hispanic kids end up involved in gangs, in jail, on drugs, or worse. My cousin, for example. Is dead. With a d.
So how did I beat the numbers? I got lucky because even though my mom got pregnant with me at 20 (common) she worked extremely hard (outlier), showed me the right way to go about living my life (extreme outlier), and then when I got old enough, I took over. Pushed hard, dreamed big, worked a lot, and was enough of a pain in the ass to get toward the career I want. I have my mom, computers and the internet to thank for everything meaningful I have today.
Still, I won the ovarian lottery in that I was born in North America in a country whose baseline standard of living is luxurious from a global perspective. So I feel a deep and abiding duty to advance the human condition in such a way that a larger percentage of other people get access to the silver bullet that cures all human bullshit: education.
Education is how we get everyone on its feet. I don't know how, yet. But fixing education is key to giving everyone who wants it a chance to be where I am today. Without the opportunity to learn, I'd be in jail, shooting up, or stuck in a dead-end job with no hope.
There's got to be a way to get more people on that train.
Almost all the time, also I feel even more guilty for not helping them out enough.
Don't judge yourself or others. And you will never feel guilty. That's my mantra.
No.
I'm not pointing fingers, I'm just curious as I often struggle with the issue of reconciling all my privileges (and wants) with the fact that billions of people live in poverty.