Tell HN: You are not alone this Christmas
Hi, my Christmas is solitary this year, no family or friends. I'm not even having a Christmas dinner. I'm not sad about this, though. It's just the way it is. What I wanted to say is, if you are in the same situation, you are not alone. So have a virtual hug from me.
313 comments
Thank you for this gesture.
I lost almost everything. Job, 7-year relationship, my mental health.
Feeling that I'm not only alone but inadequate to have a life like anybody else.
I'm still alive, so there's that.
Feeling that I'm not only alone but inadequate to have a life like anybody else.
I'm still alive, so there's that.
Thank you for this post, I spent the majority of Christmas '19 and '20 alone and it was in the middle of a very challenging time of my life. I'm very young and grateful for the friends and others that included me in their holiday celebrations, and having time alone to reflect and come to the realization that Christmas doesn't come from having family to share it with.
While most traditional Christmas stories and many people focus on celebrating children, love and family, material goods, etc it's also about looking on the bright side of life, counting your blessings, and carrying on traditions. A happy Christmas is a choice, and my advice to all who are alone today is this: Build your own traditions, buy yourself something and wrap it up nice, decorate a tree, make gingerbread houses, or cook a meal you really like, whatever appeals to you.
I'll leave you with the last line from How the Grinch Stole Christmas and a link to an In Our Time episode about (A Christmas Carol)[https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m0012fl5]:
"Welcome Christmas, bring your cheer. Cheer to all Who's far and near Christmas day is in our grasp, so long as we have hands to clasp. Christmas day will always be, just as long as we have we. Welcome Christmas while we stand, heart to heart and hand in hand."
While most traditional Christmas stories and many people focus on celebrating children, love and family, material goods, etc it's also about looking on the bright side of life, counting your blessings, and carrying on traditions. A happy Christmas is a choice, and my advice to all who are alone today is this: Build your own traditions, buy yourself something and wrap it up nice, decorate a tree, make gingerbread houses, or cook a meal you really like, whatever appeals to you.
I'll leave you with the last line from How the Grinch Stole Christmas and a link to an In Our Time episode about (A Christmas Carol)[https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m0012fl5]:
"Welcome Christmas, bring your cheer. Cheer to all Who's far and near Christmas day is in our grasp, so long as we have hands to clasp. Christmas day will always be, just as long as we have we. Welcome Christmas while we stand, heart to heart and hand in hand."
This year, after a tumultuous breakup (that quite literally plunged me into my deepest crisis to day), I’m practicing being alone. Mostly because what lead to said breakup in the first place, was me being a relationship-addict, which at this point in my self-awareness journey I understand to be a transgenerational issue. Thus being with family does not help at all (even though I did my fair share of being with them yesterday). As opposed to OP, I’m less than happy about the whole thing understandably.
What helps is hiking, I guess, trying to get a grip on whether doing it alone or with others helps more.
I guess this is close to being rock bottom for me at this point, hope you guys feel at least a tiny bit ok.
What helps is hiking, I guess, trying to get a grip on whether doing it alone or with others helps more.
I guess this is close to being rock bottom for me at this point, hope you guys feel at least a tiny bit ok.
There was a Category 5 Typhoon in in the Philippines where I am last week. The power was out and there was no electricity, refrigeration, or internet for a week. One of the transformers in my neibourhood blew out and got destroyed, and at 6pm on Christmas Eve they replaced it and we finally had power! I'm a software developer with a wife and two kids and we have a lot to be thankful for. We survided COVID-19 and a Category 5 hurricane.
This Christmas is significantly different for me. Normally it would be filled with friends and family, but not this year.
I succeeded in hiking >10 miles yesterday and today, legs willing, I'll be at least spending part of the day in the PacNW forests to keep the depression at bay.
<3
JWST was my Christmas present. I'm happy to see we've got final separation and the last view of the telescope. If anything, it's the best thing I could ask for today.
I succeeded in hiking >10 miles yesterday and today, legs willing, I'll be at least spending part of the day in the PacNW forests to keep the depression at bay.
<3
JWST was my Christmas present. I'm happy to see we've got final separation and the last view of the telescope. If anything, it's the best thing I could ask for today.
Yes I am. I am alone.
I am disabled, and homeless living in my van. I have a family history of mental illness and even they abandoned me. My friends, I get it, they just did not understand what happened to me. I make $1600 on disability but I still cannot find housing. Even when people
I love your sentiment but virtual hugs do not do it for me, nor for most people in my position.
What do we need? An understanding of Mental Illness stigma, housing for the 60% of us homeless who have a serious mood disorder, lower cost housing for the disabled. All of these would give me stability and a community again where I can feel like I am part of something instead of being an outsider.
There have been great people that helped me, and I hold no regrets because it reduces the stress and that helps me deal with my mental illness, but all the suffering comes right back, because here I am, alone again, in my van, in a vacant public park, on Christmas morning.
You want to really hug me? Start a revolution.
I am disabled, and homeless living in my van. I have a family history of mental illness and even they abandoned me. My friends, I get it, they just did not understand what happened to me. I make $1600 on disability but I still cannot find housing. Even when people
I love your sentiment but virtual hugs do not do it for me, nor for most people in my position.
What do we need? An understanding of Mental Illness stigma, housing for the 60% of us homeless who have a serious mood disorder, lower cost housing for the disabled. All of these would give me stability and a community again where I can feel like I am part of something instead of being an outsider.
There have been great people that helped me, and I hold no regrets because it reduces the stress and that helps me deal with my mental illness, but all the suffering comes right back, because here I am, alone again, in my van, in a vacant public park, on Christmas morning.
You want to really hug me? Start a revolution.
Hey. Thanks for doing this. Most of my Christmases have been alone. No relationship with my parents.
But for the first time this year, I reached out to spend Christmas with my bestfriend and his family. Its a lot of fun.
I also met the love of my life, and although she's traveling with her family right now, we are getting engaged soon and she reassures me ill never have to spend a Christmas alone.
I never thought I'd spend a Christmas with loved ones in my life, so if you are feeling alone, just know that it could change.
Much love, and merry christmas
But for the first time this year, I reached out to spend Christmas with my bestfriend and his family. Its a lot of fun.
I also met the love of my life, and although she's traveling with her family right now, we are getting engaged soon and she reassures me ill never have to spend a Christmas alone.
I never thought I'd spend a Christmas with loved ones in my life, so if you are feeling alone, just know that it could change.
Much love, and merry christmas
My mum died in January and my Dad died a couple of weeks ago. We didn’t do much for Christmas as a family but I keep thinking of the interesting things to tell my Dad about that he’s not around to tell.
He’d almost certainly be watching the James Webb Telescope launch
He’d almost certainly be watching the James Webb Telescope launch
I spent christmas alone in a hotel. It was my choice over meeting family who wanted masks, rapid tests etc before meeting for christmas.
I have followed every single piece of mandate for two years. Including double dose Moderna that I still have ptsd from.
I am done, I had ribs a glass of cognac and witcher marathon alone in a 4 star hotel instead.
Best christmas in a long time.
Happy holidays to all and wish a wonderful 2022 to all of you.
We live in a time that, even before covid, there are a record number of single people in their 30's and 40's (in the U.S. and some Western European countries I am assuming as well), and to go one step further, a record number with no interest in having kids (or some fear that's keeping them). [1]
We live in a different times. Many are alone.
1. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-single/202009...
We live in a different times. Many are alone.
1. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-single/202009...
The worse side about these things is that you can't vent out your sadness or general feelings to anyone. Which is I think what people really need. Not a huge host of siblings and friends but just emotional closure to have your feelings validated and accepted. It's okay to feel sad, it's okay to not to feel sad.
It's hard to do so without being really close with someone but I wish all could have speck of shared empathy from this thread. We are not just boxes of text but real people around the world who all have their share of good and bad. Pushing away feelings does work and you get lot of things done doing so. But I don't recommend doing so in the long run - the re-prioritization can be quite shock once you notice all the stuff don't bring you that much joy.
It's hard to do so without being really close with someone but I wish all could have speck of shared empathy from this thread. We are not just boxes of text but real people around the world who all have their share of good and bad. Pushing away feelings does work and you get lot of things done doing so. But I don't recommend doing so in the long run - the re-prioritization can be quite shock once you notice all the stuff don't bring you that much joy.
Don't sweat it. I generally ignore holidays: I don't care about them. I spent this Christian with my parents largely because they insisted. I think with age I start carrying less and less about holidays. When I was 20, spending say new years alone sounded like a nightmare. At 32 last new year, I spent it on the couch with my dog watching movies and building a huge ass Lego set and to be completely honest it was probably my best new years eve.
Thank you for the hug! I hug you too.
We are all cave-people still, living now in our little caves, using tools that still require a lot of grinding to make and to use (mental mostly), still afraid of monsters and winters.
We are still mesmerized by lightnings, storms, stars, and everything that happens above and inside us. We're curious about world and life around, scribble things on our walls, we sleep a lot, and dream!
Ones in San Diego, CA, I saw a bunch of seals laying on nice stinky rocks, chatting about something with each other. Some younger pup was trying to crawl on other seal's head (just for fun of it, probably). So another bigger seal literally hugged the pup with that flapper arm of theirs and kept on telling whatever story that was. It worked!
We hug, therefore we exist.
We are all cave-people still, living now in our little caves, using tools that still require a lot of grinding to make and to use (mental mostly), still afraid of monsters and winters.
We are still mesmerized by lightnings, storms, stars, and everything that happens above and inside us. We're curious about world and life around, scribble things on our walls, we sleep a lot, and dream!
Ones in San Diego, CA, I saw a bunch of seals laying on nice stinky rocks, chatting about something with each other. Some younger pup was trying to crawl on other seal's head (just for fun of it, probably). So another bigger seal literally hugged the pup with that flapper arm of theirs and kept on telling whatever story that was. It worked!
We hug, therefore we exist.
Same. I plan to sleep in today (haven't even gone to bed yet, still up from the 24th). I finished up watching Doctor Who: Flux a little while ago, about to head to bed, and when I get up later today after sleeping for a while I'm just going to go fish for a bit, come back home, cook, and spend the rest of the day vegging out and watching Netflix, Prime, whatever, maybe do some reading, yadda yadda. My family all live a few hours away and I don't feel like a road-trip, so this is just a little mini vacation (stay-cation) for me and some time to veg out, relax, and do whatever-the-fuck-I-want-with-no-obligations for a little while.
So yes, I'll be spending most of my time alone, but that's not necessarily a bad thing.
Anyway, have a "Merry Christmas", or "Happy Holidays" or "Happy Festivus" or whatever holiday greeting you desire from me. And a virtual hug as well.
So yes, I'll be spending most of my time alone, but that's not necessarily a bad thing.
Anyway, have a "Merry Christmas", or "Happy Holidays" or "Happy Festivus" or whatever holiday greeting you desire from me. And a virtual hug as well.
Please accept my warmest Christmas wishes - your message is very kind, and you have all my encouragement.
Lately I've been coming back to reading short citations from philosophers. What's great is that you can chose any topic you like, and find quotes from all kinds of influential people on the topic (on one of the "quotes" cites, there are several) and see what the collective wisdom of civilizations has to propose - it's like a conversation with the past, and has been part of the solution for me.
Most of all I would recommend reading Proverbs - consider it a toolbox to peruse - I think most anyone can find some "missing piece" there that can get one unstuck from whatever rut one might be in: https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=proverbs+1&vers...
Finally, if you feel up to it at some point, I would encourage you to seek out those who are also lonely - I've been doing music at retirement homes for a while now, and it's very worthwhile - perhaps there are charities involved in alleviating loneliness in your area - visiting, talking, organizing events... there is lots of room for creativity and meeting generous people.
Best wishes, Sebastian.
Lately I've been coming back to reading short citations from philosophers. What's great is that you can chose any topic you like, and find quotes from all kinds of influential people on the topic (on one of the "quotes" cites, there are several) and see what the collective wisdom of civilizations has to propose - it's like a conversation with the past, and has been part of the solution for me.
Most of all I would recommend reading Proverbs - consider it a toolbox to peruse - I think most anyone can find some "missing piece" there that can get one unstuck from whatever rut one might be in: https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=proverbs+1&vers...
Finally, if you feel up to it at some point, I would encourage you to seek out those who are also lonely - I've been doing music at retirement homes for a while now, and it's very worthwhile - perhaps there are charities involved in alleviating loneliness in your area - visiting, talking, organizing events... there is lots of room for creativity and meeting generous people.
Best wishes, Sebastian.
This year I decided to finally stop participating in other people's illusions. I was raised Catholic but stopped believing about 15 years ago. Still, each year I went through the motions. This year I thought: I don't believe, I don't care, so why bother? This feels quite liberating and I'm proud of myself
I'm an immigrant living in the UK by myself and it is not even in my homeland tradition to celebrate Christmas. So today will just be a regular Saturday for me!
Seth Everman has a Christmas stream for exactly this this year. If you're into gaming or music, he's your guy. Super funny dude. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2UmnWZRiLVs
I'll be there too :)
I'll be there too :)
Thank you. I just want to add that there's nothing wrong about being alone. You can be happy, and you can have an interesting life, without having to be always in company of other people.
Thanks! Last couple of years have been more lonely due to covid stuff. I'm only my own but picking up my kids tomorrow for a week. Enjoy your day, it's just another day though! I'll be doing some chores, going for a bike ride, then roasting something.
I am not spending Christmas alone, but sometimes I wish I was. The holidays are the toughest time of year for me, because they bring up bad memories from my childhood, and the darkness of winter amplifies it and makes me feel dead inside. Every year around the holidays I have at least one really bad breakdown, and I'm just way more vulnerable emotionally, so everything hurts so much more and for longer. The pain generally has to do with relationships with other people though, so being alone helps. I don't know if it would be better to be totally alone, as OP is, but spending extensive amounts of time with family or a romantic partner is just terrible for me. Cheers OP, buy yourself a gift.
I vividly remember coding, moderating IRC channels and playing StarCraft while being alone on a Christmas night, lobbies were full of joy and wishes, games were fun, and I felt way less lonely than while spending time with people I didn’t really connect with.
Christmas is seen as a moment to be spent with people, but IMO this day is only what you make of it. It is not bad to want to be totally alone, or connected with online randoms!
There are many people in these virtual worlds that you probably share something with if you spend Christmas alone or are reading this message on Dec 25th. I’m glad HN exists.
And if you really want another experice, go east if you can afford it, and enjoy in places where Dec 24/25th are just regular days.
Christmas is seen as a moment to be spent with people, but IMO this day is only what you make of it. It is not bad to want to be totally alone, or connected with online randoms!
There are many people in these virtual worlds that you probably share something with if you spend Christmas alone or are reading this message on Dec 25th. I’m glad HN exists.
And if you really want another experice, go east if you can afford it, and enjoy in places where Dec 24/25th are just regular days.
I have people but still feel alone. Every year is a brutal reminder that there will come a moment when you have finally met all the people that will ever love you, and the list only shrinks more and more every year. For me, it must have happened long ago.
All alone here too.
Truth be told, it would take some effort to trust someone enough to spend it with them now. I can thank my own family (back when I considered them family) for that.
Now I just make my own dinner, play some video games, and chill out. Took a fair few years to get there though.
Truth be told, it would take some effort to trust someone enough to spend it with them now. I can thank my own family (back when I considered them family) for that.
Now I just make my own dinner, play some video games, and chill out. Took a fair few years to get there though.
Thanks, you too. Solitary Christmas here too - being an INTJ, I wouldn't like it any other way. To me, this is a great opportunity to review the past year, plan/predict the next one and work on some cool side projects. All best wishes!
You can also get an actual virtual hug and virtual dance etc in online gaming if you re bored. Even if public gatherings are turned off this year, technology gives people , solitary or not, ways to connect with each other
(I'll shamelessly plug these open-source world parties https://opensimworld.com/?sub=events )
(I'll shamelessly plug these open-source world parties https://opensimworld.com/?sub=events )
Nobody in this World has ever been alone.
Everybody has their team of guides in the higher dimensions, and they are never on vacation, they are present every second of every day and every night.
You just need to learn to perceive them and to connect to them.
Everybody has their team of guides in the higher dimensions, and they are never on vacation, they are present every second of every day and every night.
You just need to learn to perceive them and to connect to them.
Solitary here too. I like being alone, but I do require a little "punctuation" throughout the year when I see people. It's a shame that gatherings seem to require an excuse or some big event and can't just be "because I haven't seen you for a while". Maybe they can be. But I lack the social skills to make that happen. Also my latent social anxiety.
There are also those who have lost many loved ones...
For those, Christmas is a mix of happiness and sadness. Happiness if there is someone left with who to share our life with, sadness for missing those who left...
You're not alone either!
For those, Christmas is a mix of happiness and sadness. Happiness if there is someone left with who to share our life with, sadness for missing those who left...
You're not alone either!
This year has been rough. The antiviral pills are just getting approved, seem to be effective. There's a chance we'll get back to normal in the new year. Merry Christmas!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UEaKX9YYHiQ
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UEaKX9YYHiQ