You paid by the minute to connect to CompuServe. I eventually found free software - shared in the CompuServe forums - that would dial up, collect messages from threads you had marked offline, then hang up your modem so you could read and reply at your leisure. This was my first exposure to shareware and a huge $$ saving. I contacted the developer and offered to pay him for this and he replied with, "No thanks. Just pay it forward." A couple of great lessons there.
Thank you for sharing, and for writing so clearly. I just finished Four Magic Words and enjoyed it very much, including the author's note. Just bought your book as well. I wish you joy even in these difficult circumstances.
This is me as well. I don't naturally 'see' that a task is actually a bunch of smaller, easier tasks. It's easier not to start when you're not sure where to start.
The Twin Peaks theme always makes me think of The Locomotion by Little Eva. Play The Locomotion at half speed and compare. https://youtu.be/eKpVQm41f8Y
When I interviewed for my current job, I asked the HR rep and the hiring manager if they were happy working at the company. The question seemed to surprise them. Both smiled, thought for a moment, then responded positively, with some details about why they enjoyed their jobs and this company. That was 11 years ago and we're all still here.
I have learned, slowly and painfully, that I need to wait 24 hours before saying yes to any optional assignment. I'm too optimistic about my available time and wired to be a people pleaser. When I'm asked to help and I recognize a gap I can fill, I tend to volunteer, even if I'm not the right person for the job. Days or weeks later, I realize it was the wrong decision then the Ugh feelings start up in earnest.
It's important for me to realistically assess whether I have the knowledge, desire, and time to do the task. I'm learning to say no more often than I would like, and to be less afraid of the consequences of saying no. Promising to do something I can't or won't do is bad for everyone.
Better to think on the decision and politely say no up front if I don't have the time or interest or enthusiasm required to get the job done.
Reminds me of a small detail from John Brunner's sci-fi book "Shockwave Rider". If I remember it correctly, citizens who voted were then allowed to bet on who would win the election.
"You are likely to be eaten by a Grue.
If this predicament seems particularly cruel,
consider whose fault it might be;
not a torch or a match in your inventory."
https://youtu.be/4nigRT2KmCE