Anxiety, Depression, Technology, and Me(anxious-tec.blogspot.com)
anxious-tec.blogspot.com
Anxiety, Depression, Technology, and Me
http://anxious-tec.blogspot.com/2007/04/anxiety-depression-technology-and-me.html
52 comments
The one thing I've found that has helped me the most is exercise. I wouldn't have believed it myself and most of the evidence I have is just my own subjective experience, but there is one incident that stands out where one day my boss mentioned that my attitude had completely changed for the better at some point. I didn't think it had, but apparently there was enough of a change for him to mention the observation. Of course, I can't say for sure it was the result of exercise, but I couldn't place it on anything else I had been doing at that point. It was enough to convince me that exercise is something I just need to do regularly.
I can second that. You feel more energetic, you need less sleep, you think faster, your memory recall is better.
Perhaps more importantly, by exercising regularly you will learn discipline and focus, and my life has benefited so much from having more of that.
Perhaps more importantly, by exercising regularly you will learn discipline and focus, and my life has benefited so much from having more of that.
If only I had the discipline to keep myself going to the gym. I am always glad that I did, but with that in mind, I don't know why I can't seem to keep it consistent.
What is it that fuels fitness freaks? And where can I get some? Not talking about roids or HGH, here. :)
What is it that fuels fitness freaks? And where can I get some? Not talking about roids or HGH, here. :)
Consistency doesn't matter. Persistence does. (Of course, what I mean is, "Don't think about consistency. Think about persistence.") Never let past slips become an excuse not to exercise today. Too many people try really hard until they miss a workout, which creates a bit of a letdown, but they keep going, and then they miss another, which discourages them a little bit, and so on, with each missed workout weakening their resolve until they quit altogether.
This is because people only want the long-term goal of fitness, weight loss, happiness, and attractiveness. That's all they think about. They only feel positive feedback when they see their actions as part of a pattern that leads to long-term results. This is logical, but it only works as long as you stay confident and optimistic. Therefore, for many people, it's emotionally tenable.
An easier way is to forget about the long term results (to the extent possible) and focus on the short term. If you want to exercise now, no matter whether it is part of a longer-term pattern of performance leading to life-changing benefit, then it's a lot easier to do it. Your decision doesn't have to run a gauntlet of skepticism about your past and future performance. Concentrate on appreciating the immediate benefits of a single workout: you'll elevate your mood, feel better about yourself, like yourself more, burn some calories, and shake off some rust. If you can't help thinking beyond today, just think that you're strengthening the behavioral and physical foundation for future exercise, which is all you can do today. Let tomorrow's you worry about tomorrow's exercise.
This is because people only want the long-term goal of fitness, weight loss, happiness, and attractiveness. That's all they think about. They only feel positive feedback when they see their actions as part of a pattern that leads to long-term results. This is logical, but it only works as long as you stay confident and optimistic. Therefore, for many people, it's emotionally tenable.
An easier way is to forget about the long term results (to the extent possible) and focus on the short term. If you want to exercise now, no matter whether it is part of a longer-term pattern of performance leading to life-changing benefit, then it's a lot easier to do it. Your decision doesn't have to run a gauntlet of skepticism about your past and future performance. Concentrate on appreciating the immediate benefits of a single workout: you'll elevate your mood, feel better about yourself, like yourself more, burn some calories, and shake off some rust. If you can't help thinking beyond today, just think that you're strengthening the behavioral and physical foundation for future exercise, which is all you can do today. Let tomorrow's you worry about tomorrow's exercise.
" Let tomorrow's you worry about tomorrow's exercise."
I've had more success in getting myself to exercise the past month or two than I had previously, and I think this sentence sums it up pretty well. Don't start thinking about yesterday or tomorrow, just focus on how good you're going to feel in an hour when you're finished today.
I've had more success in getting myself to exercise the past month or two than I had previously, and I think this sentence sums it up pretty well. Don't start thinking about yesterday or tomorrow, just focus on how good you're going to feel in an hour when you're finished today.
You need to approach it like any other habit. Take smoking. At first, smoking sucks so you actually have to work at it to make it a habit. Eventually it becomes rewarding to smoke. Exercise is no different, except for the fact that it's actually healthy for you, but I've never found that to be a convincing argument (just like nobody ever convinced me to stop smoking by telling me it was unhealthy). With that in mind, here are some tips:
1. The most important tip is simple: Exercise six days a week. What you do in the beginning is basically irrelevant. Your job is to form the habit which is much harder to do if you only go three days a week (who smokes only three days a week?)
2. Some may disagree, but I also highly recommend doing your exercise in a gym. It's too easy to put off if all you're doing is going for a run outside or some sit-ups inside. If you fail to go to the gym, you'll feel worse. This is mostly about making yourself feel bad for not going. Also, other people exercising around you will help motivate you (and the scenery is nice... unless it's an all-male gym ;)
3. It helps to be somewhat vain and narcissistic, both of which I admit to being. I don't like being flabby because it presents a poor image. Even if I have nobody else to impress, I still have to impress myself, which when it comes to physicality is not a trivial task.
4. If your discipline is based on seeing quick results, you will fail. Nothing happens quickly at the gym, except injury. It takes about six months to transform yourself, anybody who says differently is wrong. You need to find the granular results; weight lifting helps with this. If you gain weight, even a little weight, every week in your exercises, that should be enough.
5. It's hard being a "noob", especially at a gym. Don't let it get you down. You need to quickly learn one very important fact: at the gym, everybody is always in better shape than you, no matter what shape you're in.
Sooner or later, and probably without noticing, you'll have a fitness addiction. You'll begin feeling terrible if you don't exercise every day. You'll feel bad unless you're slightly sore. Oh, and you'll have a body worthy of admiration (or at least fear ;)
That being said, I've been awake almost two hours so I really should get to the gym... it's back and shoulders day! Good luck!
1. The most important tip is simple: Exercise six days a week. What you do in the beginning is basically irrelevant. Your job is to form the habit which is much harder to do if you only go three days a week (who smokes only three days a week?)
2. Some may disagree, but I also highly recommend doing your exercise in a gym. It's too easy to put off if all you're doing is going for a run outside or some sit-ups inside. If you fail to go to the gym, you'll feel worse. This is mostly about making yourself feel bad for not going. Also, other people exercising around you will help motivate you (and the scenery is nice... unless it's an all-male gym ;)
3. It helps to be somewhat vain and narcissistic, both of which I admit to being. I don't like being flabby because it presents a poor image. Even if I have nobody else to impress, I still have to impress myself, which when it comes to physicality is not a trivial task.
4. If your discipline is based on seeing quick results, you will fail. Nothing happens quickly at the gym, except injury. It takes about six months to transform yourself, anybody who says differently is wrong. You need to find the granular results; weight lifting helps with this. If you gain weight, even a little weight, every week in your exercises, that should be enough.
5. It's hard being a "noob", especially at a gym. Don't let it get you down. You need to quickly learn one very important fact: at the gym, everybody is always in better shape than you, no matter what shape you're in.
Sooner or later, and probably without noticing, you'll have a fitness addiction. You'll begin feeling terrible if you don't exercise every day. You'll feel bad unless you're slightly sore. Oh, and you'll have a body worthy of admiration (or at least fear ;)
That being said, I've been awake almost two hours so I really should get to the gym... it's back and shoulders day! Good luck!
"at the gym, everybody is always in better shape than you, no matter what shape you're in"
Yes! It's hilarious. I learned this on the running trail near my house. Only a narcissist (which I doubt you really are) naturally compares himself or herself to weaker people. Most of us only see the people who are better than us. It feels exactly as it would if the others weren't there at all. Even when I consciously look at a fatter guy and tell myself I'm better off than him, my reaction is emotionally blank: "So?" But when I see a buffer, faster guy, the fact that I'm less fit than him seems extremely important.
Yes! It's hilarious. I learned this on the running trail near my house. Only a narcissist (which I doubt you really are) naturally compares himself or herself to weaker people. Most of us only see the people who are better than us. It feels exactly as it would if the others weren't there at all. Even when I consciously look at a fatter guy and tell myself I'm better off than him, my reaction is emotionally blank: "So?" But when I see a buffer, faster guy, the fact that I'm less fit than him seems extremely important.
Agreed.
I've found that martial arts (Tae Kwon Do in may case) are great if you're not a gym person. With Tae Kwon Do I didn't have to think about "a plan". It was all pretty much laid out for me. First I get yellow tag, then yellow belt and so on. Having these goals is a great way of keeping motivated.
I've found that martial arts (Tae Kwon Do in may case) are great if you're not a gym person. With Tae Kwon Do I didn't have to think about "a plan". It was all pretty much laid out for me. First I get yellow tag, then yellow belt and so on. Having these goals is a great way of keeping motivated.
I trained for a marathon to get me going- It was a personal challenge of sorts, and my friends had placed heavy peer pressure on me, by telling me that there was no way I'd ever be able to do it.
Now, I just see exercise as part of being a complete person. we're supposed to have a sound body in addition to a sound mind. Most techies that I meet don't seem to care for physical fitness. It's the nerd role in reverse. Just as we thought it stupid that athletes never studied, we're pretty stupid if we don't get off our butts and exercise.
My personal philosophy is that we're here for a limited time period- I want to spend that time maximizing my genetic potential as much as possible - in the classroom, with my interactions with other people, and in the gym.
Now, I just see exercise as part of being a complete person. we're supposed to have a sound body in addition to a sound mind. Most techies that I meet don't seem to care for physical fitness. It's the nerd role in reverse. Just as we thought it stupid that athletes never studied, we're pretty stupid if we don't get off our butts and exercise.
My personal philosophy is that we're here for a limited time period- I want to spend that time maximizing my genetic potential as much as possible - in the classroom, with my interactions with other people, and in the gym.
What helped me a lot was to get a workout partner, someone who is close to your own level of fitness, and doing it for the same reasons. That way some days you will feel lazy, and some days he will feel lazy, but if you don't both feel lazy on the same day you end up going :)
Also weight training is in many ways like programming. You know how when you first started, you didn't really know anything, and it was a frustrating experience? If you have ever tried to teach any of your non-technical friends any programming, you would know what I mean.
But if you are any good at programming, you have been "in the zone" where it feels like your brain is working at more than peak capacity and you just know exactly what algorithm you need, where to write it, what library methods to call, etc. Feels good right? Ever want to give it up?
But you had to get past the newbie frustration phase in order to get there.
Same thing with working out, once your body gets used to it and starts getting into gear. Let's say you go 3 times a week for 1 hour each time, I would guess maybe about 6 months .. by then you will start finding yourself "in the zone" and once you start being able to get there consistently, you won't want to stop, and then it just snowballs from there.
Also weight training is in many ways like programming. You know how when you first started, you didn't really know anything, and it was a frustrating experience? If you have ever tried to teach any of your non-technical friends any programming, you would know what I mean.
But if you are any good at programming, you have been "in the zone" where it feels like your brain is working at more than peak capacity and you just know exactly what algorithm you need, where to write it, what library methods to call, etc. Feels good right? Ever want to give it up?
But you had to get past the newbie frustration phase in order to get there.
Same thing with working out, once your body gets used to it and starts getting into gear. Let's say you go 3 times a week for 1 hour each time, I would guess maybe about 6 months .. by then you will start finding yourself "in the zone" and once you start being able to get there consistently, you won't want to stop, and then it just snowballs from there.
It certainly has been a long road for me to get where I could exercise consistently. I had always viewed exercise as something people did to lose weight which was never enough to motivate me to do it consistently. Then I read "Spark" by John Ratey. The idea that one could use exercise specifically to increase and maintain brain health motivated me enough to give it a shot again. It took me a while, but I eventually found a combination of things I could work into my daily schedule (Getting off the train a stop early, quick lunches followed by long walks on the embarcadero or to coit tower, running around the park near where I live and around the block in my neighborhood, etc.). Now that I've made some progress I've become more of a "fitness freak" but I certainly didn't start out that way and it wasn't my goal to become one.
The best advice I can offer is to make exercise and physical activity a regular part of your life. The easiest way to keep up with something is to make it a habit.
Get up early and do something every day. Don't spend time with people who impede you. Surround yourself with active people. But don't push yourself too hard. Always get plenty of sleep.
Get up early and do something every day. Don't spend time with people who impede you. Surround yourself with active people. But don't push yourself too hard. Always get plenty of sleep.
Don't go to the gym, the reason you have trouble doing that is because it is boring.
Find an activity you enjoy that involves physical labor, and do that thing. Since you enjoy it, the 'work' of exercise won't feel like work - it will be something you want to do because you enjoy it. Explore different outdoor activities and sports, and you'll find one that suits you.
Presently for me this is building a small farm. Before that it was learning to surf. Before that it was cycling for distance. The neat thing about all these is unlike gym time you are building real skills as you do them and they are rewarding beyond the calories burned and the physiological changes.
The gym is hard because other than the physical effects it is dead time, and you know it.
Although for some people the iron is that thing that is quite soothing: http://www.gittlen.com/rollins.htm
Find an activity you enjoy that involves physical labor, and do that thing. Since you enjoy it, the 'work' of exercise won't feel like work - it will be something you want to do because you enjoy it. Explore different outdoor activities and sports, and you'll find one that suits you.
Presently for me this is building a small farm. Before that it was learning to surf. Before that it was cycling for distance. The neat thing about all these is unlike gym time you are building real skills as you do them and they are rewarding beyond the calories burned and the physiological changes.
The gym is hard because other than the physical effects it is dead time, and you know it.
Although for some people the iron is that thing that is quite soothing: http://www.gittlen.com/rollins.htm
I'll third this. However, I've always had a challenge of mixing work (which i do a lot of), and finding time for things like going to a gym, etc. I'm also not one looking to bulk up w/ weights, and when I'm away from work I like meditative things. Using the computer 12+ hours a day is an intense amount of information / brain processing. I think thats why tech people get depressed — they're often mentally exhausted and therefore vulnerable.
Yoga <3 combined with an exercise app I made for the iPhone is working great for me. I'm making this app for myself, and trying to productize it for hackers, life hackers, travelers, etc. It's available on the store now but we've got another few major iterations before it's where we'd like it to be.
Yoga <3 combined with an exercise app I made for the iPhone is working great for me. I'm making this app for myself, and trying to productize it for hackers, life hackers, travelers, etc. It's available on the store now but we've got another few major iterations before it's where we'd like it to be.
I'm also not one looking to bulk up w/ weights, and when I'm away from work I like meditative things
I find it a bit funny you say that because I used to be "bulked up with weights" (now I mostly walk/run with a little weightlifting added) and I found it to be a very meditative experience. The euphoria of pushing a barbell off your chest, the total physical drain at the end of a set of heavy squats led me to a place where I was completely focused inward and totally at peace.
In fact I think it was that mental relaxation that kept me doing it for all those years.
I find it a bit funny you say that because I used to be "bulked up with weights" (now I mostly walk/run with a little weightlifting added) and I found it to be a very meditative experience. The euphoria of pushing a barbell off your chest, the total physical drain at the end of a set of heavy squats led me to a place where I was completely focused inward and totally at peace.
In fact I think it was that mental relaxation that kept me doing it for all those years.
I was the same way for several years, but nowadays I find lifting quite boring and not relaxing, so I had to find other activities.
For anyone struggling to find the time to get some exercise in, http://www.simplefit.org is pretty nice.
The workouts are quick, can be pretty intense, and are staged based on your progress. Not for some people, but I've been doing it combined with some running and have found it to be pretty good so far.
The workouts are quick, can be pretty intense, and are staged based on your progress. Not for some people, but I've been doing it combined with some running and have found it to be pretty good so far.
I can definitely empathize with this. I don't know exactly when I stopped feeling the way the author describes, but it happened somehow.
I think living in California has been good for me - there's definitely an emphasis on living well here. I find it easier to take pleasure in the simple things now - hiking especially. Also I often get this "wow, I'm living in the future" feeling these days, which always makes me very happy.
I think living in California has been good for me - there's definitely an emphasis on living well here. I find it easier to take pleasure in the simple things now - hiking especially. Also I often get this "wow, I'm living in the future" feeling these days, which always makes me very happy.
I find this interesting. Like many I can relate to the article too. I live in the midwest and some of my problem is seasonal. My doctor specifically told me that I should consider moving to a more sunny climate. I have toyed with the idea of moving somewhere more sunny like CA for years. I always wondered if it would actually make a real difference.
I think most tech nerds can understand and appreciate the place this person is in. I know I do. If you're an INTP, I can almost guarantee that you have this problem.
Although I haven't conquered my own demons here, life becomes much easier when you know know that this is actually very common amongst intelligent people. In other words, this is only natural.
Accepting that the anxiety and depression are natural side effects of being a rabid thinker has actually helped me deal with it better. The anxiety and depression is still there, and I have my moments, but knowing that it is a natural phenomenon gives me a peace I would not have had otherwise.
It's not surprising to me that many programmers and deep thinkers end up practicing some form of Buddhism; getting away from the now is what our egos are trying to do constantly. Feeding your head with information is the geek's way of hiding from the present moment.
It seems as if I am always there; never here. And that is the origin of my depression/anxiety problems.
Although I haven't conquered my own demons here, life becomes much easier when you know know that this is actually very common amongst intelligent people. In other words, this is only natural.
Accepting that the anxiety and depression are natural side effects of being a rabid thinker has actually helped me deal with it better. The anxiety and depression is still there, and I have my moments, but knowing that it is a natural phenomenon gives me a peace I would not have had otherwise.
It's not surprising to me that many programmers and deep thinkers end up practicing some form of Buddhism; getting away from the now is what our egos are trying to do constantly. Feeding your head with information is the geek's way of hiding from the present moment.
It seems as if I am always there; never here. And that is the origin of my depression/anxiety problems.
I agree that some kind of anxiety is often (don't want to say "always") near to those who are said to be "rabid thinker". But is depression what I should think of a "natural side effect" of being such a man? If so, my would-be future (yeah, I want to be "rabid thinker"!) is going to be full of depressions :/
What I beleive is that any depression has a cause which can be (and should be) eliminated if you are going to be happy. If you really know what the problem is, you probably know what to do with this (it's harder when there are so many problems that it becomes impossible to find out the one-and-only root of all evil).
It may seem as if I'm trying to say that depressions are unusual. Not really, I think that is a stage which should be overstepped (but what if there are some such stages?)
What I beleive is that any depression has a cause which can be (and should be) eliminated if you are going to be happy. If you really know what the problem is, you probably know what to do with this (it's harder when there are so many problems that it becomes impossible to find out the one-and-only root of all evil).
It may seem as if I'm trying to say that depressions are unusual. Not really, I think that is a stage which should be overstepped (but what if there are some such stages?)
I tend to be anxious and depressed like the author, but I've improved over the years. Things that have helped me:
There are 3 kinds of books I read: business, programming and spirituality. (I don't read fiction.)
It's a challenge to keep up to speed on all three, but when I start pouring myself into the latter (spirituality), I find myself feeling much lighter, living more in the moment and enjoying whatever momentary mess I'm currently into.
(Spirituality isn't about religion. It's about figuring out how to go deeper inside of yourself to make life-altering discoveries. "Whoa, that's why I react like that when she ...")
I've also found that consciousness-expanding drugs have helped me too. I can get outside my own reality and see things a bit more clearly. (I lived in Amsterdam for a time.)
There are 3 kinds of books I read: business, programming and spirituality. (I don't read fiction.)
It's a challenge to keep up to speed on all three, but when I start pouring myself into the latter (spirituality), I find myself feeling much lighter, living more in the moment and enjoying whatever momentary mess I'm currently into.
(Spirituality isn't about religion. It's about figuring out how to go deeper inside of yourself to make life-altering discoveries. "Whoa, that's why I react like that when she ...")
I've also found that consciousness-expanding drugs have helped me too. I can get outside my own reality and see things a bit more clearly. (I lived in Amsterdam for a time.)
How do you tell the great spirituality books from the bullshit ones? Are there spirituality books that an hardcore atheist such as myself can read? Lack of religious terminology would be a start.
I'll second that - I find the subject interesting, but must admit that almost all of the books I have picked up on spirituality start blabbering about force-fields and qantum mechanics without having a clue what they're talking about.
I have yet to find a good book on the subject - if someone from this forum can recommend anything it would definitely be appreciated.
I have yet to find a good book on the subject - if someone from this forum can recommend anything it would definitely be appreciated.
I think it is different for every person, as usual. I am a self-described atheist, and yet I have found much enjoyment in something as simple as The Tao of Poo by Benjamin Hoff. Seemed silly, at first, but I found myself listening to it (book on tape from the library at first) over and over again. Now I own a copy and the hard bound book. I usually get little lessons each time i relisten.
The lessons for me right now are: slow down, figure out a way to enjoy everything, because I'm still alive. Even in the bad stuff, there is some gleaming little tidbit in the corner that is helpful/instructive. And there is great stuff in what I used to consider mediocre. I don't need the extreme highs as much any more to feel good (still learning, still working on it).
I have a tendency to want to find the RIGHT way of doing anything I decide to do. Lots of angst, in that for me. Better to just let go, do my best at the time, and accept it as it is, as it happens. Eventually, it all seems to work out. If it does not look like it, It usually means I haven't waited long enough.
It then starts coming through in my work. Go ahead and ship it. Then keep refining it. Clients are usually nowhere near the perfectionist I am, and are usually quite pleased.
But, we're all different, your mileage may vary. :)
The lessons for me right now are: slow down, figure out a way to enjoy everything, because I'm still alive. Even in the bad stuff, there is some gleaming little tidbit in the corner that is helpful/instructive. And there is great stuff in what I used to consider mediocre. I don't need the extreme highs as much any more to feel good (still learning, still working on it).
I have a tendency to want to find the RIGHT way of doing anything I decide to do. Lots of angst, in that for me. Better to just let go, do my best at the time, and accept it as it is, as it happens. Eventually, it all seems to work out. If it does not look like it, It usually means I haven't waited long enough.
It then starts coming through in my work. Go ahead and ship it. Then keep refining it. Clients are usually nowhere near the perfectionist I am, and are usually quite pleased.
But, we're all different, your mileage may vary. :)
I'm trying to find somewhere online where I can buy a downloadable audio book version of "The Tao of Poo", don't suppose you know of somewhere? Google isn't coming-up with much.
I was fortunate enough to get them as a gift from family. The Santa Cruz Public Library System (California, USA) has a copy, and they are part of a network of libraries that cross-loan to other library systems. Are you a member of a local library and do they participate?
Search used: http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=benjamin+hoff+the+t...
Online results: http://search.barnesandnoble.com/Tao-of-Pooh/Benjamin-Hoff/p... http://www.amazon.com/Pooh-Philosophers-John-Tyerman-William...
Hope that helps.
Search used: http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=benjamin+hoff+the+t...
Online results: http://search.barnesandnoble.com/Tao-of-Pooh/Benjamin-Hoff/p... http://www.amazon.com/Pooh-Philosophers-John-Tyerman-William...
Hope that helps.
Thank you!
A feral kitten came to a friend of mine after asking the universe to help her get rid of the voles in her garden. She name the kitten Quito, befriended him, showed him how to get in and out of the house through the doggy doors. Introduced him to the other animals in the house. This took about 2 months. Quito vole hunts during the day, and comes inside to sleep on a tower pole of carpet at night. He watches with a proud smile on his face, full of himself after doing a marvelous job vole hunting in the garden. The other day I visited my friend. I watched Quito hunt and amuse himself during the day, and at night I would walk by him and whisper to him stories. The night before i was leaving, Quito was laying in the chair I usually sat in. I sat beside him, he turned belly up, like a U, tail between his legs, paws wrapped around his tail.. GAWD.. soo cute. I told him the story of his beautiful successful day with this one particular special moment, about a hole in the tree. Quito was up in the tree eating the bark, and noticed a hole. The hole said, "Quito eat me". Quito replied, "I cannot eat you, you are a hole, you are empty...it will not fill me up." The hole replied.. but, I am infinitely filled-up inside... eat me." I made sounds of popping the hole into my mouth, and Quito took his paw and quickly tapped my lips, awww Quito tried to eat the hole, but he could not. The story distracted and satisfied Quito, he jumped down back to his tower and slept, most likely dreaming of the hole that is infinitely filled-up.
It is unfortunate re the negative point. My story shared was to expose a distraction from focusing on being depressed.. find a another point-of-view. I intended to share the possibility of how one can focus on the negative or the positive aspects of one's day in every moment. Reflect and find balance during your day. Start by noticing and articulating the positive moments in your day, what did fill you up? Start with simple things. Did that toast for breakfast taste wonderful. Did you look out the window and see the sky.. beautiful or amazing. Learn a new language. Re-program your thought patterns. Re-compile how you see your day. It is not always about the BIG goals and changes. Aiming for BIG all the time will deplete you and leave you emptied. Take the time to find balance in seeing life, life has tiny moments too. Like writing code one character at a time... just might add up to a more fulling life.
I do not understand. As much as I like cute carnivorous animals, what does this have to do with the story posted?
Article is from 04/07. Is there any followup? It's not clear from all the commentary whether the author learned something from the anonymous solicitation of advice or if it served primarily as catharsis.
For anyone else living like this individual, I particularly agree with the commenters who mention taking up photography to get you out into the world creating art without abandoning a detail/tech-centric tendency.
For anyone else living like this individual, I particularly agree with the commenters who mention taking up photography to get you out into the world creating art without abandoning a detail/tech-centric tendency.
I have found that any art does the trick for me. Over my life I've played Viola, crafted pottery, attempted to paint, and done photography. Of those two were wildly expensive (photography, oil painting), and the others were cheaper. I think the main draw of modern photography for programmers is that a great deal of our technical skill transfers into every part of photography except taking a good picture -- so we don't feel baffled when we first start.
That said, if you want to take up music or some other art, it's never too late. Music lessons are fairly cheap and honestly indispensable (I held my viola wrong for six months of practice before I started lessons). Painting is a much freer art and you can produce decent works on your own without instruction. If you do painting, I personally found oil painting an amazing medium because it allowed me to constantly improve my paintings no matter how bad they started =p.
That said, if you want to take up music or some other art, it's never too late. Music lessons are fairly cheap and honestly indispensable (I held my viola wrong for six months of practice before I started lessons). Painting is a much freer art and you can produce decent works on your own without instruction. If you do painting, I personally found oil painting an amazing medium because it allowed me to constantly improve my paintings no matter how bad they started =p.
The photography comments are cribbed from the "Linden Method" which is a pretty successful anxiety treatment system based in the UK. The idea is that you need an engrossing hobby to keep you from obsessing about your anxiety.
Great article.
I suffer from PTSD, GAD and mild depression. Having been involved in a fairly violent street gang in high school, I had seen a lot of violence and just plain f*cked up stuff. People getting shot in front of me, a lot of situations that forced me to confront my own mortality, etc.
It really didn't hit me until about 10 years ago. I was getting off the F train at 23rd street and had an overwhelming feeling I was going to pass out, which I then interpreted as my imminent death. It was frightening because it was so out of the blue and so intense. Who wants to pass out on a subway platform? Or worse, die on a subway platform?
For the next two years I tried to find a medical reason behind that first massive panic attack, but never found one despite spending several tens of thousands of dollars on medical bills. I finally had to accept that I had these certain mental conditions.
I used to reign it in through a variety of meds; anti-depressants, klonopin, ativan, xanax. I went to a cognitive behavioral therapist to figure out how to change my thinking and learn to control it.
These days I don't take any meds and though I still have massive panic attacks now and again, they mostly don't phase me as they're so common place now and you sort of grow to accept that these things aren't going away and it's your lot in life.
The most damning aspects of anxiety disorder aren't the panic attacks, by the way. It's all the passive shit that comes with it. Hyper-vigilance and derealization have to be the worst. Hyper-vigilance means that you are so focused on your physical well being that the slightest pain, discomfort, etc. gets misinterpreted as a major medical calamity. A cough becomes lung cancer, a mild pain in your armpit becomes non-hodgkin's lymphoma, etc. With derealization, you'll have entire spans of time where nothing seems real to you at all, familiar things become unfamiliar, etc. If you've read anything by Camus, you'll have some understanding what derealization is all about. It's pretty scary shit.
But despite all of that, I have what I consider a fairly successful career. I believe that is partially due to the CBT therapy, and part to my stubbornness to not be a victim.
I do think depression and anxiety are endemic to this current generation of technologists (late 20's and up). This new generation, seems more balanced though, so maybe it's a generational thing? Not sure.
One controversial thing that has helped me, as well as hurt me, is marijuana. Most times it helps me to get out of my head, specifically on days when the anxiety is thickest. On the flip side, sometimes imbuing too much brings the anxiety like nothing else. But most times, it's been more helpful than harmful.
I suffer from PTSD, GAD and mild depression. Having been involved in a fairly violent street gang in high school, I had seen a lot of violence and just plain f*cked up stuff. People getting shot in front of me, a lot of situations that forced me to confront my own mortality, etc.
It really didn't hit me until about 10 years ago. I was getting off the F train at 23rd street and had an overwhelming feeling I was going to pass out, which I then interpreted as my imminent death. It was frightening because it was so out of the blue and so intense. Who wants to pass out on a subway platform? Or worse, die on a subway platform?
For the next two years I tried to find a medical reason behind that first massive panic attack, but never found one despite spending several tens of thousands of dollars on medical bills. I finally had to accept that I had these certain mental conditions.
I used to reign it in through a variety of meds; anti-depressants, klonopin, ativan, xanax. I went to a cognitive behavioral therapist to figure out how to change my thinking and learn to control it.
These days I don't take any meds and though I still have massive panic attacks now and again, they mostly don't phase me as they're so common place now and you sort of grow to accept that these things aren't going away and it's your lot in life.
The most damning aspects of anxiety disorder aren't the panic attacks, by the way. It's all the passive shit that comes with it. Hyper-vigilance and derealization have to be the worst. Hyper-vigilance means that you are so focused on your physical well being that the slightest pain, discomfort, etc. gets misinterpreted as a major medical calamity. A cough becomes lung cancer, a mild pain in your armpit becomes non-hodgkin's lymphoma, etc. With derealization, you'll have entire spans of time where nothing seems real to you at all, familiar things become unfamiliar, etc. If you've read anything by Camus, you'll have some understanding what derealization is all about. It's pretty scary shit.
But despite all of that, I have what I consider a fairly successful career. I believe that is partially due to the CBT therapy, and part to my stubbornness to not be a victim.
I do think depression and anxiety are endemic to this current generation of technologists (late 20's and up). This new generation, seems more balanced though, so maybe it's a generational thing? Not sure.
One controversial thing that has helped me, as well as hurt me, is marijuana. Most times it helps me to get out of my head, specifically on days when the anxiety is thickest. On the flip side, sometimes imbuing too much brings the anxiety like nothing else. But most times, it's been more helpful than harmful.
I developed most of the symptoms of GAD last summer after having a panic attack where I ended up in the hospital. It was weird because I'm in my early 30s and have never had any anxiety symptoms before. I guess I was probably mildly depressed, but no prior history of panic attacks or other GAD symptoms. I believe the panic attack was brought on because I got food poisoning during a time period with a lot of uncertain work-related stress.
I find the hyper vigilance the most obnoxious thing about this. The other things I can't stand are various weird chest tensions and growling stomach issues, which are related to the hyper-vigilance thing. I'd probably not even notice them usually, but now they freak me out.
I've not tried any drugs but have used the "Linden Method" which was suggested by a friend. It was relatively useful but there's not much too it. Mostly: get an engrossing hobby like photography and learn some deep breathing exercises.
Other things that have helped:
- exercise, specifically outdoor exercise like running or surfing
- more social time with friends
- avoiding caffeine... this is a bummer since I really like coffee.
- one glass of wine seems to help, but drinking to excess makes it worse the next day
- regular sleep schedule seems to help
- spending less time using computer-mediated communication helps
- avoiding certain foods seems to help. I think indigestion triggers the hyper-vigilance response.
Out of all of these things, exercise seems to be helping the most. Thanks YC for the previous suggestions. I kind of knew that exercise would be the most beneficial, but it took some external prompting to actually get started running again.
I am interested in CBT. How do you go about getting into it? Just ask my primary care physician?
I find the hyper vigilance the most obnoxious thing about this. The other things I can't stand are various weird chest tensions and growling stomach issues, which are related to the hyper-vigilance thing. I'd probably not even notice them usually, but now they freak me out.
I've not tried any drugs but have used the "Linden Method" which was suggested by a friend. It was relatively useful but there's not much too it. Mostly: get an engrossing hobby like photography and learn some deep breathing exercises.
Other things that have helped:
- exercise, specifically outdoor exercise like running or surfing
- more social time with friends
- avoiding caffeine... this is a bummer since I really like coffee.
- one glass of wine seems to help, but drinking to excess makes it worse the next day
- regular sleep schedule seems to help
- spending less time using computer-mediated communication helps
- avoiding certain foods seems to help. I think indigestion triggers the hyper-vigilance response.
Out of all of these things, exercise seems to be helping the most. Thanks YC for the previous suggestions. I kind of knew that exercise would be the most beneficial, but it took some external prompting to actually get started running again.
I am interested in CBT. How do you go about getting into it? Just ask my primary care physician?
"I am interested in CBT. How do you go about getting into it? Just ask my primary care physician?"
I wouldn't recommend it. Doctors have a wide range of attitudes towards therapists. A friend of mine who is a GP is scared to enter therapy because he's scared that other doctors in his area might find out and lose respect for him. So, evidently, your doctor might help you locate a therapist or might just decide you're a loser, or both. Or he might try to steer you toward a particular form of therapy that you don't want.
There are online services that list therapists in your area. I think (don't recall exactly) this is the one I used:
http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/
The profiles include therapists' training, preferred approaches, and pictures. Highly analytical people should really make sure they get a therapist with a PhD. Therapists without PhDs tend to be more empathy-based, less analytical, and more likely to ignore the content of what you're saying. A PhD will at least listen to your complicated ramblings, try to understand them, and glean information about you and your problems from them. She will be able to understand your questions and complaints. That doesn't mean she'll buy into your own framing of your problems and engage with you using your own terminology, but she will recognize that what she's hearing is important to understanding your inner world. A PhD is also more likely to be smart enough to provide a critical perspective on your beliefs and to explain and defend her own ideas.
I wouldn't recommend it. Doctors have a wide range of attitudes towards therapists. A friend of mine who is a GP is scared to enter therapy because he's scared that other doctors in his area might find out and lose respect for him. So, evidently, your doctor might help you locate a therapist or might just decide you're a loser, or both. Or he might try to steer you toward a particular form of therapy that you don't want.
There are online services that list therapists in your area. I think (don't recall exactly) this is the one I used:
http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/
The profiles include therapists' training, preferred approaches, and pictures. Highly analytical people should really make sure they get a therapist with a PhD. Therapists without PhDs tend to be more empathy-based, less analytical, and more likely to ignore the content of what you're saying. A PhD will at least listen to your complicated ramblings, try to understand them, and glean information about you and your problems from them. She will be able to understand your questions and complaints. That doesn't mean she'll buy into your own framing of your problems and engage with you using your own terminology, but she will recognize that what she's hearing is important to understanding your inner world. A PhD is also more likely to be smart enough to provide a critical perspective on your beliefs and to explain and defend her own ideas.
Your primary care physician can probably refer you to someone. It would be a good place to start. "Feeling Good" (Burns) is a good source of CBT information and exercises. I would also recommend "Managing Your Mind" (Butler and Hope). Another approach called "Acceptance and Commitment Therapy" has showed some promise in research. The book "Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life" (Hayes) was written by the person who developed ACT. Another good workbook on the subject is "The Mindfulness and Acceptance Workbook for Anxiety" (Forsyth and Eifert).
It sounds like you have already read some of these books and find them useful to find possible "bugs" in your mind making you anxious. If so, maybe you'll find my comment a bit naive.
What I've decided is that the only way to find out all the "bugs" to annihilate is by ignoring all the easy to get suggestions made by other peoples (who are smart enough to do that without any assistance). It's important that you should find out where the roots of your problems actually are and how to get rid of them by yourself. I beleive that no one knows about you more than you do.
Why don't I consider such books as a good point to start from? In fact, I'm a bit afraid of such books... They look like ones about patterns: they don't always turn you into a good programmer, but there is a chance that after reading you won't be able to think in terms other than you have already read about (that is actually what I'm afraid of).
Anyways, I'm going to take a look at books you've mentioned (with care :). Thanks!
What I've decided is that the only way to find out all the "bugs" to annihilate is by ignoring all the easy to get suggestions made by other peoples (who are smart enough to do that without any assistance). It's important that you should find out where the roots of your problems actually are and how to get rid of them by yourself. I beleive that no one knows about you more than you do.
Why don't I consider such books as a good point to start from? In fact, I'm a bit afraid of such books... They look like ones about patterns: they don't always turn you into a good programmer, but there is a chance that after reading you won't be able to think in terms other than you have already read about (that is actually what I'm afraid of).
Anyways, I'm going to take a look at books you've mentioned (with care :). Thanks!
I found mine on adaa.org.
I'm not sure why you gave up on prescribed psychotropics under medical supervision but you're still self-medicating with mariajuana. Is the latter more effective? Having a (capable, attentive) doctor monitoring your treatment can be a big advantage, and it's worth putting some effort into finding such a person.
A variety of reasons. First and foremost, the side effects were typically worse than the benefits. For example, I was on Effexor XR for a year. The side effects from that included a lovely bubble sensation in your brain, sort of a cranial pressure that literally feels like your brain is growing too large for the skull it's contained in. The worst side effect, though, hits when you forget to take it. You get these things called "brain shivers" where moving your eyeballs causes an electric shock sensation in your brain. The more days you miss, the worse this gets, to the point that you are unable to get out of your bed because the slightest movement of your head results in a mildly painful shock.
Zoloft, on the other hand, is much more mild, but didn't really put a dent in it.
The benzo's were helpful, but are highly addictive. I still carry Klonopin around with me for those times when it's real thick, but I only use it as a last resort.
The most beneficial thing, for anyone suffering from anxiety, is CBT therapy as it teaches you a set of tools for navigating the anxiety and minimizing the impact of panic attacks. To me, that's far more sustainable than being a guinea pig for Pfizer. With CBT, you learn how to tackle it head on and come out on top. It takes some time, but it's doable.
For anxiety, in general, I see the AD's being used until you get to a point with CBT that you can handle it without. The long term impact of AD's are still unknowns, and their efficacy is constantly challenged. If you can get control without that dependancy, the better off you'll be. That's just my opinion though.
As for the marijuana, it took some trial and error to discover what worked there. In the last six months or so, I smoke significantly less than I used to, in fact I haven't smoked probably in the last three months, save a few times at parties or hanging with friends and playing Killzone 2. It has it's own set of problems though, but in contrast to all the other medications I've been on, it's been the most effective with the least side effects.
Zoloft, on the other hand, is much more mild, but didn't really put a dent in it.
The benzo's were helpful, but are highly addictive. I still carry Klonopin around with me for those times when it's real thick, but I only use it as a last resort.
The most beneficial thing, for anyone suffering from anxiety, is CBT therapy as it teaches you a set of tools for navigating the anxiety and minimizing the impact of panic attacks. To me, that's far more sustainable than being a guinea pig for Pfizer. With CBT, you learn how to tackle it head on and come out on top. It takes some time, but it's doable.
For anxiety, in general, I see the AD's being used until you get to a point with CBT that you can handle it without. The long term impact of AD's are still unknowns, and their efficacy is constantly challenged. If you can get control without that dependancy, the better off you'll be. That's just my opinion though.
As for the marijuana, it took some trial and error to discover what worked there. In the last six months or so, I smoke significantly less than I used to, in fact I haven't smoked probably in the last three months, save a few times at parties or hanging with friends and playing Killzone 2. It has it's own set of problems though, but in contrast to all the other medications I've been on, it's been the most effective with the least side effects.
I can speak for myself. Wellbutrin made me paranoid, and Lexapro and Effexor had less serious but still life-altering side effects. Neither were worth the minor improvement in mood. (Further, they just make me incredibly apathetic.)
I'm glad that anti-depressants work for others, but I'm not willing to spend years going from side effect to side effect just to find the right drug which will probably stop working after a while.
I'm glad that anti-depressants work for others, but I'm not willing to spend years going from side effect to side effect just to find the right drug which will probably stop working after a while.
Lexapro had no side effects for me, except for mild, short-duration panic episodes when I was going to sleep, mostly during the first week. (If you have anxiety, the first week of an SSRI is known to suck.) The first three nights I had to take Klonopin (clonazepam) and by the end of the second week there were no side effects.
First, it's dangerous to give up psychotropics without a doctor's plan of attack. People that commit suicide and who take them are often found to be going cold-turkey when the incident occurs.
Second, I've found that when I've lived where pot is legal, that it has a similar effect for me. When I was really tightly wound at the end of the day, it helped me relax, shift my perspective and I could usually fall asleep in minutes.
Second, I've found that when I've lived where pot is legal, that it has a similar effect for me. When I was really tightly wound at the end of the day, it helped me relax, shift my perspective and I could usually fall asleep in minutes.
Exercise + Cognitive Restructuring Therapy helps a lot.
It's hard not to feel anxiety and depression in today's world and some events can't be controlled. But how we perceive those events can definitiely be controlled by analyzing and challenging them for correctness.
Vilayanur Ramachandran's talk at TED on phantom limb pain addresses this idea very well.
http://www.ted.com/index.php/talks/vilayanur_ramachandran_on...
It's hard not to feel anxiety and depression in today's world and some events can't be controlled. But how we perceive those events can definitiely be controlled by analyzing and challenging them for correctness.
Vilayanur Ramachandran's talk at TED on phantom limb pain addresses this idea very well.
http://www.ted.com/index.php/talks/vilayanur_ramachandran_on...
Kitesurfing or snowboarding. You need a physical outlet.
Exercise will give you peace. It worked for me.
Exercise will give you peace. It worked for me.
This story (and discussion) is so American... When translated into other languages I doubt it can be taken seriously by anyone.
Here, around 15:40 this cartoon/video explains why you feel like shit, in plain english with pictures, enjoy:
http://www.storyofstuff.com
Here, around 15:40 this cartoon/video explains why you feel like shit, in plain english with pictures, enjoy:
http://www.storyofstuff.com
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