It's a viscous circle with all the rejection. Don't take it personal. We live in a cruel world, but that does not make you less valuable as a person. Jesus loves you. Merry Christmas.
"And further, by these, my son, be admonished: of making many books there is no end; and much study is a weariness of the flesh.
Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man.
For God shall bring every work into judgment, with every secret thing, whether it be good, or whether it be evil." Eccl. 12:12-14