Yes, I have felt this way too for a long time, but this articulates it well. Thank you to you and @ncaroll for persisting with this conversation. I'll make sure I educate my children on this aspect so they don't have unrealistic expectations.
Thank you. In so far as my past actions have only largely affected me I am able to deal with regret stoically. It is much harder to come to terms with it when the regret is for actions which have affected others.
Thank you to everyone who took the time to reply (especially @pdfernhout). There is a lot of food for thought here. You are right that it is many life experiences which has shaped my wife into the person she is now, and I am partly to blame.
We had a long chat about this today because I was losing my mind and I couldn't just take it any more. It got a bit heated sometimes but we are determined to resolve this. I'm having to face up to my own role in making her the person she is so that is hard.
But what we both realise is that we are both good people, but perhaps misguided. As life progresses, there seem to be more and more things which I regret and it is a constant battle to stay positive and look forward to the next day.
I was very ambitious when I was young. My wife allowed her career to take a backseat so she could look after the kids. I think I was so immersed in my career and trying to provide for my family that I neglected to see the stress she was under raising two kids largely by herself. I mistakenly thought that if I worked hard to provide financial security for my family it would matter a lot. I now realise that was not enough. My career has been okay-ish so far but not exactly the kind of resounding success I had dreamt of. I'm beginning to think that ambition is a curse as it is all consuming. And I also feel bad that I don't have a lot to show for all the time I spent working.
My parents weren't exactly great role models for a happy marriage. I somehow, very naively, assumed that a marriage would work if both partners had the best of intentions. Today has been exhausting but I still have hope that we will work this out.
I do believe the whole family will be better of "with" and I just need to find a way to make it work.
I can attest to this. Being right means nothing in a relationship unless it is combined with compassion. I've been married for 20 years, and life now sucks as I am belittled or criticised on a regular basis. My children and I constantly walk on egg shells around my wife. And of course she is always right.
Having a partner who is always right is one of the worst things that can happen to anyone. Each day feels like a challenge to live without setting off the ticking time bomb that my wife is. Trouble is, I can't seem to find a way to communicate with my wife. She doesn't want to see a therapist. I am an immigrant in a foreign country and have no family or close friends I can turn to.
I'm just waiting for my kid to leave for college and then hopefully I can find a way out. I've reached a point where I detest people who are convinced they are right. The best thing anyone ever said to me when I told them that as I age I am less certain about everything and they said: "It means you are growing up". I wish someone would tell my wife that. She is dead certain about everything in life.