(I have an undergrad degree in Psychology.) Psychology has the means to be a proper science, but historically a significant amount of hasn't been. The examples you present tend to come from neuroscience, which in turn tends to be a much more empirically based field.
When I joined the military you could be asked, and had to answer truthfully if you were gay. Then there was the Clinton, "Don't ask, don't tell" period, and now gay and lesbian service members can serve openly.
I don't think there will be an end to all conflict, but we can and should chip away at discrimination. We should also take time to celebrate the wins, big and small.
> I hope that you didn't feel attacked by my comment
While I'm human and may have a visceral reaction to some things, I've also learned to regularly take a step back to check myself and my reactions. Written communication requires this even more so than face to face!
> the "needless/useless" comment was intended to be with regards to my own situation, not a prescription for others.
This is one of the hardest things for many people to understand. In a group therapy setting, one of the most common tenets (next to confidentiality) is the concept of "I" statements. In other words, the speaker should never speak for another person or tell another person what to do. You absolutely used an "I" statement approach, and I really appreciate that you did so!
> > Ironically, I've also been able to be a more effective advocate for all genders because now I'm in the "boys club".
It took me a while to embrace this perspective, precisely because it shouldn't matter. But there are people, men and women, who simply respond better when a person of a specific gender says something. Typically men have more authority. (There's actually a fair bit of research about this. For example, in the 'intelligent agent' community an agent that is given a white male appearance will be trusted more than the exact same agent with the appearance of a white female or a black agent of either gender). So, I've tried to harness this when it seems to be the most effective approach to address discrimination. Every now and then, I suspect the person I'm interacting with will respond better if they know my background, so on occasion I've come out so that I can more effectively communicate with the person.
There are a couple of the reasons it took me so long to embrace this perspective. First, I want everyone to have an equal voice, in other words, I don't want my voice to count more now just because it's deeper and comes from a hairy face; unfortunately, we're not there yet. Second, I just want to be me, I don't constantly want to be in trans/gender advocacy mode. About a year after transitioning, I realized that because I was treated as a girl/woman by the world for so long (and a non-gender conforming one for many of those years) and I absolutely pass as a guy now, I really am in a very unusual place. So as much as I want to just hide out in the closet, I feel responsible to everyone to fight discrimination in a way that very few can.
Based on your language and my time in the LGBTQ community, I'm assuming some things about your age. If I'm correct, just the fact that you questioned your gender and are discussing that process is a very different type of advocacy, but it is absolutely advocacy none the less! It's been nice being able to see the generational differences, and there's been so much progress since I first realized I was different!
Interestingly, my mother went through a questioning period (long before there was any language for it) and came to a conclusion much like yours. So when I first came out to her as a young kid, she thought my questioning was normal, that I would outgrow it, and that it meant she needed to fight even more for women's rights (because she thought that was the root of it for me). In many respects, she was my strongest ally but also the most painful thorn in my side. Several years after I transitioned, there was an incident in which her language actually put my well-being in severe jeopardy. It took that incident before she realized her experience is not my experience, and that neither of our experiences is definitively right or wrong. Rather our experiences, reactions, and identity are simply our own. It was a painful period for both of us, but she's become an even stronger ally as a result.
I look forward to a time when race, gender, age, etc. aren't used to justify violence or discrimination. Until then, I'll keep using my unusual position to advocate for movement toward that goal. Be the change, and all that. Between all of us, progress will continue.
I battled with a lot of the same challenges, but ultimately, I am much more like the men in my life and much less like the women in my life.
At a certain point, every gendered action, from saying my name (very female) to walking into the women's bathroom honestly felt like lying! So I transitioned.
I've been so at peace with myself since transitioning! Ironically, I've also been able to be a more effective advocate for all genders because now I'm in the "boys club". By that I mean, pointing out when someone is treating men or women differently just because of gender, but also helping highlight when someone is expecting different treatment just because of their own gender.
I'm both happier about myself and a more effective advocate for treating everyone equally!
>I know we're a long way from that now, but it's Sunday so I can do some dreaming.
I have that same dream regularly! I'm old enough to have seen some progress, and I look forward to seeing even more before I'm done. To that end, I think it's vital to be able to have respectful dialogue and a little humor from time to time.
I'm old enough that when I learned what "whore" meant it was only in reference to a female prostitute. "Gigolo" was the term for a male who had sex for money, but it's never had the same negative connotation as whore.
I would suggest "green people", however, that would be speciesism, and according to another HN headline, we should probably avoid that [1].
To be very clear, as a transman, I'm particularly sensitive to gendered words. I think it's very important to take context into account. For example, I took great offense at the recent "corporate democratic whore" comment [2]. On the flip side, sometimes people can be a bit too sensitive! Personally, I really got a chuckle out of your edit!
> It's unfortunate that changes in the brain is all they studied. If you have 18 people who are undergoing this transition, it would be useful to document any other changes and note them as candidates for further study.
As a transman with a background in the sciences (social), I was actually really disappointed that there weren't any attempts to systematically gather this data when I was transitioning. I agree, it could bring a lot of data to the table that otherwise can't be ethically collected. Of course, in reporting any correlations there would need to be clear indications that the data came from the transexual community.
> many people will remark on an increased sex drive (not a surprise considering the testosterone)
Holy smokes! I was prepared for an increase, but I was totally not prepared for the amount of increase! I transitioned several years ago, and this change was definitely the one I was least prepared for.
> but the way people actually think about and treat the opposite gender seems to change as well.
Caveats galore: I don't think I treat the "opposite gender" any differently (to be clear, I was born in a female body, but identify as a guy, so "opposite gender" for me has always been women). But, I am very definitely treated differently BY many people, including women, now that I pass, i.e. I am seen as guy. As a result, I definitely treat individuals of the opposite gender differently because of how they treat me. For example, I can't stand women who complain about being discriminated against, but then clearly and unambiguously discriminate against me because I appear to be a privileged white guy. I simply couldn't judge this when I passed as a woman (I was aware that it happened, but without being a participant it's hard to determine whether that is in fact what's happening.) I now pass enough that I've experienced this with quite a few women. I've also dealt with more than a few women who are so hell bent on how they've been wronged, that they won't work with me because I'm a guy. The irony is that because I pass, when I'm in predominantly or exclusively male groups, I'm better able to argue for things which will reduce actual discrimination and bias against women.
In November each year there is an International Transgender Day of Remembrance. In memorials around the world the names of those murdered for being, or appearing to be, transgender individuals during the previous year are read [1]. These lists include sources verifying the details of their murders.
Counts differ widely because some sources will discount 'gender identity' as a motive, not count a violent crime against a transgender person as a 'hate crime'. For example, the very first link in the OP quote the police as stating, “It’s obviously a man, right? He doesn’t have a female name. I am not going to get into a debate about if he was transgender or not.” Meanwhile a friend of the victim who was at the scene of the crime –i.e. knew the victim personally and interacted with the perpetrator– stated, “If a person gets mad at you for being transgender and then comes back and kills you because his pride was crushed, and he was interested in someone he thought was a woman, it’s a hate crime,” So the police didn't categorize her murder as transgender-related, even though there is reasonable evidence that it was.
Even with differing counts, the number of transgender people murdered in the U.S. this year, and we're only in August, is at a historic high [2].
As a transman, I have experienced discrimination (a) as a woman (before I transitioned), (b) as a known transgender individual, and (c) as a man [1]. So I have a lot of empathy for women, both cisgender and transgender, within the tech world. That said, whenever I see photos of American tech company employees, I can't help but notice the complete or near-complete lack of African Americans, Hispanic Americans, and Latino Americans [2].
While the lack of certain ethnicities in the tech world does not compare to the deaths of Papi Edwards, Lamia Beard, Ty Underwood, Yazmin Vash Payne, Taja Gabrielle DeJesus, Penny Proud, Kristina Gomez Reinwald, Londyn Chanel, Mercedes Williamson, India Clarke, K. C. Haggard, Amber Monroe, Shade Schuler, Kandis Capri, Ashton O’Hara, Elisha Walker, and Tamara Dominguez, there is a common theme of not even being aware of, or acknowledging that there is, a problem.
For most of us, including myself, the lack of awareness or acknowledgement is because we are fairly isolated [3]. So one of the big steps is just increasing awareness. Of course, acknowledging there is a problem is also important. Likewise, it is important to acknowledge that people of color, transgender people, and transgender people of color are genuinely human and worthy of respect as fellow humans [4].
---
[1] Most recently, I was denied a job, despite being eminently more qualified on every advertised measure than the woman who got the position. When I respectfully confronted a key individual in the company, my suspicion was directly confirmed by that individual (i.e. "No, you were never seriously considered because you're a guy, but HR said we had to interview men so it didn't look like discrimination"). It was blatant enough that this person was willing to testify to it in court if I wanted to pursue legal action, and actually encouraged me to do so.
The one upshot of this incident was the willingness of someone in authority to confirm the discrimination. In my decades living as a woman, the preponderance of evidence made it clear that I was being discriminated because of gender, but the handful of times I confronted someone in authority it was denied or danced around.
[3] I'm at a small start-up, and we're all Caucasians.
[4] I recently had an extremely awkward conversation with someone in the tech community about transgender individuals. This individual certainly does not know I'm transgender. The hatred and degrading language this person used proved to me that they do not see transgender individuals as beings worthy of basic human rights or respect. While the opinions of someone like that cannot be changed in a single conversation, I hope my comments start to humanize transgender people for this particular individual.
I'm not comfortable giving my old and new names, or my year of birth, BUT I can share that my first and last names before transition were very female (I've never met a guy with either of them) and my post transition first and last names are very male (although my first name often has female versions). All of my names have been family names, with minor spelling changes because of language changes as ancestors migrated to the U.S.
Old first name:
- as female: the peak, of over 20,000, was a decade after I was born, stayed there approximately 15 years and has had a slow decline since
- as male: actually follows a similar curve, but the peak was only over 100
Old middle name:
- as female: the peak, of over 10,000, was between the World Wars, went through a steady decline until a decade before my birth, when it went into a sharp decline
- as male: the peak, of over over 25, was a few years after peaking as a female name, then went through a steady decline until 20 years before my birth and has leveled out at 10+ a year
New first name:
- as male: first peak, of over 10,000, was around my birth, then went through a small dip and peaked again a couple decades later
- as female: similar to the male curve with the two peaks breaking 50 a year
New middle name:
- as male: the peak, of over 2,000, was between the World Wars, went through a sharp decline until just after WWII, when it leveled out for a couple of decades, then went through another sharp decline before leveling out around my birth.
- as female: extremely sporadic, mostly due to the low numbers of women getting this name; the range went from just over 20 in one sample year to none for almost 20 of the sample years
I could use it for masturbation, but as a transman I don't have 'equipment' that most straight women are looking for.
I'd really like to be able to have sex, the way cis-gender men and women do and have sensation with it. I'd also love to get a blowjob and be able to feel it.
With a double sided toy that transmit sensations, this starts to enter the realm of possibility without requiring major, and expensive, surgery.
Transman here... I don't know if the tech is here yet or not, but I'd love to see a double-sided toy that responded on one side to sensations from the other side. For example, my girlfriend could give me a handjob, or what not, that I could feel.
The single biggest are intentional inclusion in more technical conversations and intentional non-inclusion in more self-appearance conversations. Along the same lines are expected background knowledge.
For reference, I'm in my mid-40's and transitioned over 5 years ago.
Prior to transitioning, I would frequently overhear or walk-into technical conversations about subjects that were relevant or of interest to me. While there were a handful of guys who understood my interest in technology and would intentionally include me, most simply wouldn't even think of including me (and I didn't know any women who were into technology). Thankfully, I never had a guy react badly when I included myself in a conversation, although I would occasionally get odd looks because of my interest and knowledge. Now I'm very intentionally sought out by colleagues (male and female) during technology conversations that are relevant or of interest.
Prior to transitioning, I frequently had acquaintances make suggestions about my appearance; make-ups I should try, how I should fix my hair, etc. While I've had lots of appearance-related conversations with my trans-friends, and I've had the typical, "wow you've changed a lot since I last saw you" conversations (but not as many as I expected). Other than those, I've only had one person comment on my appearance.
One of the more surprising topics that's changed has been car talk. I've never considered myself a car-person, prior to transition this wasn't ever a problem. Since I transitioned, it has come up with alarming frequency. While I've made a point of letting people know that I don't know a lot about cars, I still get comments that imply I'm an idiot for not knowing more.
Another thing that I find interesting is that prior to transitioning, I never had anyone suggest that I go a blind date with a friend of theirs; not one single time! Since I transitioned it's happened several times.
> When the world started behaving appropriately toward me… I was gobsmacked.
(throwaway account to say) As a transgender guy, I have experienced a similar contrast in how I was treated as a female and how I am treated as a man. There were certainly clear cases of discrimination, but I never expected the moment-to-moment differences!
As for the change to a tech job. I suspect there are multiple reasons for such a change. As @yetanotherphd mentioned, she's Asian, so probably got a boost from that (not saying it is right, just saying that stereotypes probably benefited her in this case). Some tech industries do seem to have a younger and more meritocratious population. Also, some tech industries are simply in better financial situations, and this can have many effects (e.g., instead of yelling at her about answering the phones while scrubbing toilets, the employer could have hired another employee).
- http://www.nature.com/news/over-half-of-psychology-studies-f...
- https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/psychology-s-cred...
- https://digest.bps.org.uk/2017/05/25/was-the-crisis-in-socia...