Listen, I can understand your frustration...I am a philosophy major also. The problem lies in two things the answer does not lie in you, self-reflection leads to the emptiness of yourself (not from the eastern perspective) and toy must have a concern for others, and the openness to accept God as Being, not Possibility. If God under our definition falls under Possibility, He is then ruled by existence, and limited. Is God Possible denies God...Does God Exist? This question is also limited, as God does not come into Existence? So you work with the idea God is Existence, how, why, and do I have any respect for people who have died for Him?
Philosophy is difficult because we have to read all the history of some senseless ideas to reach to the point we have today. The reason for this is retracing steps if a mistake is made and so that you do not think you did this all by yourself, and like Socrates said to reach the points of other men easily. A pursuit for Goodness, and a surrender to it, instead of Goodness surrendering to you might be another approach, for you are not the God of Goodness.