My father died very suddenly when I was 13 years old and it really threw me in to a tailspin. I finally decided people die and we miss them. At first its such a huge thing that it blots out the sun. It always stays that huge, but as we move away from it in time, eventually we get to where we can see the sun peeping out around the edges.
When I grew up and got married, my first husband was kidnapped and we found his murdered remains four months later. It is an unsolved mystery that is 23 years old. I cried and cried and cried and cried and cried. I stood out in my garden, dug my feet into the mud, and I cried. I cried for three weeks straight. No anti-depressants - just process. Grief is a process.
My advice is: 1) Your mind can take you to weird places around murder. Don't get too out there. People die and we miss them. Its that simple. 2) Don't talk about it all the time to everyone you know. Its pretty easy to say, "Hi, nice to meet you, my dad died," because its like a huge sunburn all over your body. But talking about it constantly keeps it at the surface of your conscious mind. It is better to wait and speak about your feelings with a trusted loved one or friend or in therapy. 3) Get a therapist - a cognitive therapist - and shop around for someone who is logical, intuitive and genuine.
I'm really sorry to hear you have lost your father. My father was the best father a person could ever have. He was brilliant, a scientist at NASA, a protege to Werner Von Braun, had an IQ higher than Albert Einstein's and was warm, loving - he was just the best. Its hard for other people to understand when you lose someone that is wonderful, because there are lots of people who lose a regular Joe, but how many of us have the experience of losing someone awesome? By this I mean that lots of people have dads that left them, didn't pay child support, or were abusive - its a different experience when you have a wonderful dad. I keep a photo of my father above my kitchen sink. Even though I lost him when I was so young, I'm grateful I had that man for a father and the love I received from him.
You get up in the morning, brush your teeth, floss, get a shower, eat your breakfast, and go about your day. Its going to be okay. Have faith things are going to be better over time.
When I grew up and got married, my first husband was kidnapped and we found his murdered remains four months later. It is an unsolved mystery that is 23 years old. I cried and cried and cried and cried and cried. I stood out in my garden, dug my feet into the mud, and I cried. I cried for three weeks straight. No anti-depressants - just process. Grief is a process.
My advice is: 1) Your mind can take you to weird places around murder. Don't get too out there. People die and we miss them. Its that simple. 2) Don't talk about it all the time to everyone you know. Its pretty easy to say, "Hi, nice to meet you, my dad died," because its like a huge sunburn all over your body. But talking about it constantly keeps it at the surface of your conscious mind. It is better to wait and speak about your feelings with a trusted loved one or friend or in therapy. 3) Get a therapist - a cognitive therapist - and shop around for someone who is logical, intuitive and genuine.
I'm really sorry to hear you have lost your father. My father was the best father a person could ever have. He was brilliant, a scientist at NASA, a protege to Werner Von Braun, had an IQ higher than Albert Einstein's and was warm, loving - he was just the best. Its hard for other people to understand when you lose someone that is wonderful, because there are lots of people who lose a regular Joe, but how many of us have the experience of losing someone awesome? By this I mean that lots of people have dads that left them, didn't pay child support, or were abusive - its a different experience when you have a wonderful dad. I keep a photo of my father above my kitchen sink. Even though I lost him when I was so young, I'm grateful I had that man for a father and the love I received from him.
You get up in the morning, brush your teeth, floss, get a shower, eat your breakfast, and go about your day. Its going to be okay. Have faith things are going to be better over time.