I have found using an llm to compress the information instead instead of reading it directly saves time. It's potentially lossy but it's not like the slop you got is going to lose much value by compressing it.
But feel deeply into it. It's heartbreaking yes, but love is underlying that heartbreak. The love of experiencing life.
Death is a doorway really. It grants freedom from the tyranny of the beliefs that things are permanent or they have to be a certain way. Every moment dies to the next and we are the constant awareness, aware of ourselves and the "things" we name that is actually just one thing - the totality of experience.
As experience continuously morphs, we remain at peace as that which hears these words. That which knows the thoughts that arise.
Death, in how we conceptualise it, is illusory. There is no evidence of anything apart from our awareness of it. Think of it like a move screen. To the characters in the movie, death is real. To the observer of the character it's a play. And what is a play with no stakes?
There are structural beliefs that we are this body. Are you this body? Does the body contain consciousness or is the body made up of consciousness (as in, without awareness of a body, how can it be known to exist). Same with our thoughts and feelings.
All concepts arise within this (whatever this is) but do not colour the colourless canvas that we are.
Yes, death is an experience but is it really the awareness, that which you are, that dies? Or is the thoughts of a body to which we attribute the thought of death?
I'm not talking about personal awareness. What would that mean? Awareness would be both aware of the term "personal" and "impersonal". Leaving the awareness still colourless as these thoughts come and go within it, inseparable from it.
So don't shy away from this, look closer and see it clearly. It's okay to have the beliefs we have about being the body but we cannot confuse it for our direct experience. And our direct experience of death, which is a thought.
There is no free will... But acting on the belief that there is no free changes the outcome.
The human mind is best served by the quote of "Last Samurai":
"I believe a man does what he can until his destiny is revealed to him".
Thus striking the perfect balance between effecting change when needed and acceptance of what is happening (reducing unnecessary psychological suffering).
This too is just one interpretation of free will which is truly a mechanism of no free will.
To share the starting point I found helpful, start with the question to yourself: "Am I aware?"
Go to the experience of validating that answer. That is your anchor and starting point.
You know that to be 100 percent true.
Then separate what you are aware of from you (that which is aware).
Then investigate the nature of the attribute you know you have for certain. Is it limited in anyway? Is it personal? Does all experience depend on it or does it depend on some element of experience?
Clarify the understanding of your experience of yourself. And only then ask this question again.
Happiness, or avoiding unhappiness. That is the true goal of every goal.
I would advise you go to your experience. Not thoughts and ideas. But directly to your experience and figure out what you want to.
To find happiness, first one must gain clarity about the one who is finding. If we can see that one we call "I" very clearly then the attainment of happiness is going to be easy.
If the question is unclear, the answer will be unclear or completely wrong.