I'm Chinese American and had parents that attempted to regiment my life but failed since I was so headstrong and stubborn (a pain in the ass, in other words). Here's my take on the matter.
It's a simple matter of a failure of common sense - in other words, smart people being really stupid. Immigrant Asian parents who come to this country and torture their kids with this kind of upbringing are basically trading off long-term well being for short term gain. This would be perfectly understandable as mere human nature if it were not producing fucked up individuals as a result.
However, on the flip side, these kids are just as much at fault in my opinion. They need to take the initiative as Americans (however new their family's status) and start leading the life they want to live as soon as they are able. I threw off those shackles at age 13 and never looked back. Refused to take the piano lessons, refused to get straight A's, and ran around with whomever the hell I pleased. I also learned UNIX and programming at around this time, which has been FAR more useful in my life (I make over a quarter million dollars a year, I'm not a dot com millionaire but I make a good living) than anything my parents ever told me to do.
The language barrier doesn't make things any easier. This is one of the main differences between east Asian and Indian families. Lots of immigrant Indians speak perfect English and have Anglo mannerisms. This matters because the parents and kids can level with each other. This simply cannot happen in a hardass asian American household. Parents and kids don't have conversations, they have dictatorships.
I've had a discussion with my parents about this as a 25+ year old adult and they pretty much agree - the damage done by this kind of parenting is simply a case of smart people doing very stupid things. I literally asked my parents "How do asian parents do this? What the fuck were you thinking?" and they said "we weren't."
I think the greatest irony is unless you are truly exceptional (top 0.5%), the kind of upbringing these parents are meting out will result in an awful cubicle job working making someone else rich who got far worse grades than you.
It's a simple matter of a failure of common sense - in other words, smart people being really stupid. Immigrant Asian parents who come to this country and torture their kids with this kind of upbringing are basically trading off long-term well being for short term gain. This would be perfectly understandable as mere human nature if it were not producing fucked up individuals as a result.
However, on the flip side, these kids are just as much at fault in my opinion. They need to take the initiative as Americans (however new their family's status) and start leading the life they want to live as soon as they are able. I threw off those shackles at age 13 and never looked back. Refused to take the piano lessons, refused to get straight A's, and ran around with whomever the hell I pleased. I also learned UNIX and programming at around this time, which has been FAR more useful in my life (I make over a quarter million dollars a year, I'm not a dot com millionaire but I make a good living) than anything my parents ever told me to do.
The language barrier doesn't make things any easier. This is one of the main differences between east Asian and Indian families. Lots of immigrant Indians speak perfect English and have Anglo mannerisms. This matters because the parents and kids can level with each other. This simply cannot happen in a hardass asian American household. Parents and kids don't have conversations, they have dictatorships.
I've had a discussion with my parents about this as a 25+ year old adult and they pretty much agree - the damage done by this kind of parenting is simply a case of smart people doing very stupid things. I literally asked my parents "How do asian parents do this? What the fuck were you thinking?" and they said "we weren't."
I think the greatest irony is unless you are truly exceptional (top 0.5%), the kind of upbringing these parents are meting out will result in an awful cubicle job working making someone else rich who got far worse grades than you.