Good luck trying to get Congress to do anything actionable, especially when it comes to education. Any sort of education reform is going to come directly through the internet.
For me, it's because each symbol, letter or number is given a ton of weight in mathematical equations. You can't skip over and fill in the gaps later - like reading a book, for example - you have to understand each aspect before the whole makes sense.
For what it's worth, I think the second paragraph does a good job setting up what the product is. But agreed, the first sentence (while still humorous) is definitely a mouthful.
Ridiculous metaphors FTW: "You know, the twice or often thrice yearly events that bring everyone out to Cupertino, where they stand in line and contribute a few licks to the collective rim job the press loves to give Apple."