Ask HN: How to overcome the compulsion to comment?
12 comments
I have had to work on this, because what used to be a personal problem is now an occupational hazard. Here is what I've found. The compulsion to comment is trying to get rid of a feeling of irritation. That doesn't work, because the other side—probably just as irritated as you are—pushes back harder, irritating you more.
You can interrupt this compulsion simply by feeling the irritation without trying to get rid of it or channel it into something else, such as a proof of rightness. The more aware you are of how it's agitating you, the less likely you are to lash out.
It might seem like being more aware of something uncomfortable can't help, but in pratice it does. It gives space and time for the irritation to subside, and lessens the habit for next time.
This has given me a new perspective on tolerance. Tolerance is closer than we realize to the physical sense of "to tolerate", i.e. to bear a pain or stress internally without snapping. This capacity increases with practice. The best thing for tolerance is to experience the irritation, that buttons-being-pushed feeling, as a physical sensation and not an intellectual reaction. That somehow metabolizes it.
You can interrupt this compulsion simply by feeling the irritation without trying to get rid of it or channel it into something else, such as a proof of rightness. The more aware you are of how it's agitating you, the less likely you are to lash out.
It might seem like being more aware of something uncomfortable can't help, but in pratice it does. It gives space and time for the irritation to subside, and lessens the habit for next time.
This has given me a new perspective on tolerance. Tolerance is closer than we realize to the physical sense of "to tolerate", i.e. to bear a pain or stress internally without snapping. This capacity increases with practice. The best thing for tolerance is to experience the irritation, that buttons-being-pushed feeling, as a physical sensation and not an intellectual reaction. That somehow metabolizes it.
Well said.
After 20 years on the internet, the phrase, 'if you're angry, you've already lost' has stood me in good stead (after lots of practice...)
After 20 years on the internet, the phrase, 'if you're angry, you've already lost' has stood me in good stead (after lots of practice...)
I try not to have conversations here, and remember that everyone's entitled to be wrong, and that readers won't always assume the commenter with the last word wins. Also remember that we're all pretty much here with a common base of knowledge, so re-iterating the same old points (e.g., if you're not paying, you're the product) really accomplishes nothing... and everyone already knows Javascript is useful and that CSS sucks but it's the best we have, etc etc.
I use News/YC on my iPhone. Commenting is broken so I couldn't even if I wanted to :) The story is a little different on my laptop (as you can see) but usually I only let myself comment if what I'm going to say will add value to the discussion: a new perspective, a yet-undiscussed piece of information, some well-reasoned advice (and this only if I've been in similar situations), etc. Also, if I see a subthread between two people that is clearly going nowhere, I avoid it.
Good idea. I did that for a while, but somehow stopped eventually. I'll block HN on my desktop via /etc/hosts again.
For me, I've been spending more time at StackExchange because the QA format reduces the number of statements which provoke a comment relative to those which I might answer or from which I might learn something.
Spending time there makes me more aware of those times when I am about to start arguing on HN.
Spending time there makes me more aware of those times when I am about to start arguing on HN.
Perhaps you should try viewing comments in light of how it impacts the community at large? I think its good practice to avoid adding noise to a HN discussion.
This leads me to comment very infrequently. If my thoughts were already stated, I stay quiet. If a long discussion has already taken place and its unlikely my comments will be read, I stay quiet. If I post and it gets drowned out by similar comments before receiving any responses, I delete it.
My one and only goal when posting on HN is to add value. If I can't be sure I'm doing that, I don't comment at all. If nothing else, it seems like the polite thing to do.
This leads me to comment very infrequently. If my thoughts were already stated, I stay quiet. If a long discussion has already taken place and its unlikely my comments will be read, I stay quiet. If I post and it gets drowned out by similar comments before receiving any responses, I delete it.
My one and only goal when posting on HN is to add value. If I can't be sure I'm doing that, I don't comment at all. If nothing else, it seems like the polite thing to do.
I use two criteria on discussion boards and in life.
1. Can I add any value to the discussion by expressing my opinion? For example, a new data point, a different perspective, a new insight, etc.
2. What value do I gain by continuing to argue my point of view or with someone else? This prevents me from getting into useless extended arguments that don't add any value other than annoying me or someone else. Typically, on discussion boards, I would respond twice at most and then I stop participating on a specific discussion.
1. Can I add any value to the discussion by expressing my opinion? For example, a new data point, a different perspective, a new insight, etc.
2. What value do I gain by continuing to argue my point of view or with someone else? This prevents me from getting into useless extended arguments that don't add any value other than annoying me or someone else. Typically, on discussion boards, I would respond twice at most and then I stop participating on a specific discussion.
Other answers have already stated the general idea, but my advice is to hew to the fairly clear, specific principle: Will my comment add some new non-trivial foreground or background information to the discussion that hasn't already been brought up?
Or, put another way: opinions don't really matter; we've all got one. What matters is bringing specific new information to the discussion which could make a difference.
(Oops: I see akg_67 has just brought up this same point while I was adding this. Oh well, I suppose I should delete this to be consistent, but perhaps two similar answers will help drive home the importance of this point. ;-)
Or, put another way: opinions don't really matter; we've all got one. What matters is bringing specific new information to the discussion which could make a difference.
(Oops: I see akg_67 has just brought up this same point while I was adding this. Oh well, I suppose I should delete this to be consistent, but perhaps two similar answers will help drive home the importance of this point. ;-)
A simpler principle for initially dealing with this: ask yourself "What am I trying to accomplish with this comment?"
On a forum like Hacker News, it should generally be one of the "make things better" reasons that are suggested by others.
But alternatively, you can on various forums, and I suppose the occasional Hacker News discussion, comment to make yourself feel better (however that works).
Ah, another suggestion: look back on your old comments (easy with Hacker News) and ask yourself if you're now glad you made (enough of) them. Do they make you cringe, or feel proud?
On a forum like Hacker News, it should generally be one of the "make things better" reasons that are suggested by others.
But alternatively, you can on various forums, and I suppose the occasional Hacker News discussion, comment to make yourself feel better (however that works).
Ah, another suggestion: look back on your old comments (easy with Hacker News) and ask yourself if you're now glad you made (enough of) them. Do they make you cringe, or feel proud?
I don't comment to make myself feel better (I mean not to show off how smart I am or whatever). The topics that make me comment are the ones where I feel people are completely unreasonable. As xkcd says - someone is wrong on the internet.
Mostly political, which somehow has sneaked into HN by now against the original rules.
Mostly political, which somehow has sneaked into HN by now against the original rules.
I usually comment when I feel like I am adding something to the conversation in a positive way. I comment on topics that sometimes are closely related to my own experiences. Or it could be about opinions or advice. I think it also ok to comment to disagree on something but you must provide more than just a "this is BS". I often see comments like that on "Show HN". If you must disagree, then provide a reason.
I do not comment when it is about proving someone wrong or proving yourself right because there is no end to it. I would not comment to argue on the internet/HN as well. I do get angry, trust me just like anyone else. But when a topic "pushes my buttons", I usually close that thread or just not comment at all.
The best way is to ask yourself: If I read this comment a few days or even weeks later, did it provide any value to the thread ? What about a year or two ? Or was I trying to prove a point ? If it is the former, your comment was worth it.
I do not comment when it is about proving someone wrong or proving yourself right because there is no end to it. I would not comment to argue on the internet/HN as well. I do get angry, trust me just like anyone else. But when a topic "pushes my buttons", I usually close that thread or just not comment at all.
The best way is to ask yourself: If I read this comment a few days or even weeks later, did it provide any value to the thread ? What about a year or two ? Or was I trying to prove a point ? If it is the former, your comment was worth it.
One thing to try - type the comment in the comment box, but don't actually push the add comment button, as in, don't post it. Do this for a few days, and the urge to comment will decrease (It worked for me)
Good idea - I did that sometimes and it worked. Will remember that.
Giving yourself permission to be impulsive is a habit. Self-control is also a habit.
Intellectually, you already know these internet discussions don't matter to your life. The other advice in this thread about thinking more reasonably isn't gonna help much--you're already reasonable. The problem is that your impulsivity is a habit you've built up by repetition. Habits can override reason, if you're not attentive.
So pay attention to your habits. Frame your problem as a bad habit, so you can treat the habit. Define the good habit you'd like to live by. Work up the initial determination to break your bad habit. Then arrange the next couple weeks of your life around reinforcing/maintaining the new habit through repetition.
With repetition, doing the right thing gets easier.
Intellectually, you already know these internet discussions don't matter to your life. The other advice in this thread about thinking more reasonably isn't gonna help much--you're already reasonable. The problem is that your impulsivity is a habit you've built up by repetition. Habits can override reason, if you're not attentive.
So pay attention to your habits. Frame your problem as a bad habit, so you can treat the habit. Define the good habit you'd like to live by. Work up the initial determination to break your bad habit. Then arrange the next couple weeks of your life around reinforcing/maintaining the new habit through repetition.
With repetition, doing the right thing gets easier.
Thanks, framing it that way makes a lot of sense!
I have cut out some push channels (like Facebook and Twitter), but I find difficult to block HN because it is my only news source.
I have already tried blocking my HN account and it worked for a while, but eventually I relapsed and started discussing again with a new account.