Ask HN: How do you know what you want?
8 comments
One trick is to watch what you do. If you keep inexplicably being drawn to something when other people wouldn't be, you probably like it.
You can also try standing apart from yourself and just watching what makes you happy. That's a bit complicated because your happiness is usually a function of the "trailing average" of what you've been doing lately. E.g. if you're happy having a beer in the evening, is it simply because you like beer, or because you like having a beer after having gotten something done that day?
You can also try standing apart from yourself and just watching what makes you happy. That's a bit complicated because your happiness is usually a function of the "trailing average" of what you've been doing lately. E.g. if you're happy having a beer in the evening, is it simply because you like beer, or because you like having a beer after having gotten something done that day?
"If you keep inexplicably being drawn to something when other people wouldn't be, you probably like it".
I totally agree with this one. If you do something that you love, it will just pull it out from you. Realize it or not, sometimes i see people living in denial because they can't believe that's their passions even though it's very apparent from other people's eyes.
I totally agree with this one. If you do something that you love, it will just pull it out from you. Realize it or not, sometimes i see people living in denial because they can't believe that's their passions even though it's very apparent from other people's eyes.
Exactly... and therein lies the difficulty: "standing apart from yourself." I guess that's why vocalizing your thoughts aloud to a confidant can help you "see" your thoughts outside your head.
That's why writing a blog is such a great idea. If you keep one not for marketing but just for personal thoughts, you find that you learn more about yourself than you'd expect. (I'm nearing my blog's one-year anniversary, and I find that writing in it has really solidified a lot of my views, among other things.)
All I can offer here is a personal observation:
Many times in my life when I've asked people for advice in choosing between several options, I've found myself secretly hoping they'd guide me to a certain option... hmm...
When I was a teenager, I'd ask my dad for advice and find myself asking leading questions and almost arguing to get him to advise me to pick a certain option. He would get annoyed and end the conversation with "if you already know the answer, why are you asking me?"
As I got older and our conversations got calmer, he would often end with "well it sounds like you already know what you want to do."
I find that when asking for advice (or venting about a tough decision), this pattern persists.
Now I try to have that conversation with myself, knowing I should trust my intuition. It saves a lot of time and frustration! Then, when I ask for advice, I'm actually ready to listen to it.
Many times in my life when I've asked people for advice in choosing between several options, I've found myself secretly hoping they'd guide me to a certain option... hmm...
When I was a teenager, I'd ask my dad for advice and find myself asking leading questions and almost arguing to get him to advise me to pick a certain option. He would get annoyed and end the conversation with "if you already know the answer, why are you asking me?"
As I got older and our conversations got calmer, he would often end with "well it sounds like you already know what you want to do."
I find that when asking for advice (or venting about a tough decision), this pattern persists.
Now I try to have that conversation with myself, knowing I should trust my intuition. It saves a lot of time and frustration! Then, when I ask for advice, I'm actually ready to listen to it.
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I think you have already honed in on the basics: "You have to actually do it". If it seems like there are too many things to try and they all look appealing, you just need to understand yourself better and self observation will help you there.
You are wrong to suggest that we grow to like anything life forces us to do. If you have an analytical mind, a job flipping burgers or pressing buttons as a tester is never going to satisfy you. You might be able to change the job to something you like more (e.g. write test scripts) but that's a whole other topic.
Some additional things I have learnt that may be useful for you are: (1) There is no one thing predestined to be your calling in life, there are several things you may like. (2) If you really want something, you'll usually get it eventually or find something that you like better.
It is useful to set a long term goal based on what you know you like so far and at least initially, while you are still in college, it is useful to state it broadly but don't tie yourself to a specific way of getting to that goal.
For example, I know I enjoy coding, technology, business and teaching. There are several combinations of these that could end up being my calling. The specific image I may have in mind is to work as an engineer / technical entrepreneur now and become a teacher later in life, but I am sure there are other configurations where I would be able to satisfy all of my urges (e.g. a venture capitalist who focuses on technology and guides entrepreneurs and writes code for fun a.k.a pg).
Your short term or "localized in time" options are always going to be restricted by your circumstances. You pick the best out of those options based partly on your understanding of yourself which will evolve with time (use pg's suggestions above/below) and (rarely) on your current needs. (e.g. You may have to choose a higher paying job to repay some loans even though you like the other one) but if you keep your long term goal in sight and don't lose hope on that, you'll be able to steer your way to it even if you get diverted temporarily by short term needs.
You are wrong to suggest that we grow to like anything life forces us to do. If you have an analytical mind, a job flipping burgers or pressing buttons as a tester is never going to satisfy you. You might be able to change the job to something you like more (e.g. write test scripts) but that's a whole other topic.
Some additional things I have learnt that may be useful for you are: (1) There is no one thing predestined to be your calling in life, there are several things you may like. (2) If you really want something, you'll usually get it eventually or find something that you like better.
It is useful to set a long term goal based on what you know you like so far and at least initially, while you are still in college, it is useful to state it broadly but don't tie yourself to a specific way of getting to that goal.
For example, I know I enjoy coding, technology, business and teaching. There are several combinations of these that could end up being my calling. The specific image I may have in mind is to work as an engineer / technical entrepreneur now and become a teacher later in life, but I am sure there are other configurations where I would be able to satisfy all of my urges (e.g. a venture capitalist who focuses on technology and guides entrepreneurs and writes code for fun a.k.a pg).
Your short term or "localized in time" options are always going to be restricted by your circumstances. You pick the best out of those options based partly on your understanding of yourself which will evolve with time (use pg's suggestions above/below) and (rarely) on your current needs. (e.g. You may have to choose a higher paying job to repay some loans even though you like the other one) but if you keep your long term goal in sight and don't lose hope on that, you'll be able to steer your way to it even if you get diverted temporarily by short term needs.
[deleted]
My own experience and as i've seen with others, is asking a question of "what are you reading for fun / what magazines are you buying?". An example, i used to have a flatmate that work day-job as software tester, but, the funny thing is, he never read anything about technology. All he read is poker. News, tricks, techniques. All are pokers. It's so apparent that the passion for poker draw him from other things.
However, while others can see it, from my own personal experience, i found it's not easy to convince yourself regarding what you want. I was lucky that i have exploited almost majority of the choices that i can get my hands on when i was 20 (and trying to figure out the same question). In a big divisions, i tried business, network-marketing, share, property and employment. But, always found life is the most interesting in business.
Combine with the first point, i always found myself reading something techy whether it's magazine, google reader (and, i seriously don't mind with Sedgewick's algorithms books for bedside reading) clearly makes me realize that something about business + technology is what i really want. That's why i do what i am doing, tech-business. :)
But, yes, agree that you need to figure out this question and need to be convinced heartily. Keep trying until you find it out. Good luck!
However, while others can see it, from my own personal experience, i found it's not easy to convince yourself regarding what you want. I was lucky that i have exploited almost majority of the choices that i can get my hands on when i was 20 (and trying to figure out the same question). In a big divisions, i tried business, network-marketing, share, property and employment. But, always found life is the most interesting in business.
Combine with the first point, i always found myself reading something techy whether it's magazine, google reader (and, i seriously don't mind with Sedgewick's algorithms books for bedside reading) clearly makes me realize that something about business + technology is what i really want. That's why i do what i am doing, tech-business. :)
But, yes, agree that you need to figure out this question and need to be convinced heartily. Keep trying until you find it out. Good luck!
What appeals to you will change over time. You're sounding like you want to make one decision that will last your whole life. There isn't one. There can't be one. The teachers at your uni have probably pointed out that you'll have 5 or so completely different careers during your working lifetime.
I believe that if you really want something, anything, as improbable it may seem, you always achieve it.
There are a lot of people who want immortality. A lot. And they're not going to get it. Everyone is going to get old and die.
I really really wanted to design integrated circuits. When I graduated with my BSEE, there was a recession and all the major players in the IC business were laying off tens of thousands of engineers. So I ended up at GM. And when I tried to get into the IC fab part of that division, my machiavellian manager ended up pushing me out of the company completely (if I transferred, he lost the "headcount" permanently, but if I quit or was fired, he could replace me).
Desire doesn't get you want you want.
I believe that if you really want something, anything, as improbable it may seem, you always achieve it.
There are a lot of people who want immortality. A lot. And they're not going to get it. Everyone is going to get old and die.
I really really wanted to design integrated circuits. When I graduated with my BSEE, there was a recession and all the major players in the IC business were laying off tens of thousands of engineers. So I ended up at GM. And when I tried to get into the IC fab part of that division, my machiavellian manager ended up pushing me out of the company completely (if I transferred, he lost the "headcount" permanently, but if I quit or was fired, he could replace me).
Desire doesn't get you want you want.
i do what i know i enjoy doing until i don't enjoy doing it anymore. lather, rinse, repeat.
it usually is just that simple. your list of things you enjoy doing will shift as you grow, experience, and learn. you're wasting your own time and energy worrying about the "what if"s. either give something new a shot, or continue doing what you're doing.
"what if i'd like being a scientist better" or "what if i'd like starting a startup better". either go find out, or stop worrying about it, because its wasteful on many levels.
its been working out for me so far.
it usually is just that simple. your list of things you enjoy doing will shift as you grow, experience, and learn. you're wasting your own time and energy worrying about the "what if"s. either give something new a shot, or continue doing what you're doing.
"what if i'd like being a scientist better" or "what if i'd like starting a startup better". either go find out, or stop worrying about it, because its wasteful on many levels.
its been working out for me so far.
This is a very interesting question with no possible answer. That is due to the fact that every single minute what you think you want is changing.
What could help is to make a distinction between the material things we want (house, cars...) and the things and the other things we want (a family...).
As an exercise I sat out to write down the things (material) I convinced myself I have to have before I die. To my surprise my list include between 6 to 10 items and the total cost did not surpass $200k-$250k.
I then realized that I was working too hard while what I wanted (or think I want) could be easily achieved.
Writing what you believe you want is a great exercise. You may be surprise that what you think you want on a daily basis is very different from what you really want inside.
What could help is to make a distinction between the material things we want (house, cars...) and the things and the other things we want (a family...).
As an exercise I sat out to write down the things (material) I convinced myself I have to have before I die. To my surprise my list include between 6 to 10 items and the total cost did not surpass $200k-$250k.
I then realized that I was working too hard while what I wanted (or think I want) could be easily achieved.
Writing what you believe you want is a great exercise. You may be surprise that what you think you want on a daily basis is very different from what you really want inside.
I haven't yet heard the ending because the streaming keeps going dead.
I am in my last year of university and this question, how do you know what you want is so very perplexing. You see I believe that if you really want something, anything, as improbable it may seem, you always achieve it. Therefore to know what I want was the starting point for me towards striving to achieve it.
Anyway to get to the question of how do you know what you want and how do you know what you want to do with your life. I have been thinking about it over the whole year and I have concluded....
You see we always hear people talking of doing something you love, however we love doing many things, which should I focus on. How does one know that they want to do law instead of being a scientist unless he tries both fields. Trying everything however may not be possible. So I have this theory that people simply chose something either because of the circumstances, through blind faith, like mini miny..... or just go with it and once such a choice is made then they grow to love it. Hence it is an acquired taste rely, I mean I have read somewhere that our mind does not care what we do as long as we do something and we don't bore ourself.
With my mate yesterday we were talking about peer pressure in respect to clubbing and drinking excesivly. I put it to him that everything is peer pressure. Society provides us things to do and we are pressurised either by society, i.e. adverts, or by our own self to escape boredom. Society provides us with the choices, we simply pick one, wanting, or passion, perhaps has nothing to do with it.
In the spirit of discussion, what are your thoughts on how do you know what you want?