PHP solves problems. Oh, and you can program with it too(nikic.github.com)

  function s($string) {
    return new String($string);
  }

  class String
  {
    public $string;

    public function __construct($string) {
      $this->string = $string;
    }

    public function __toString() {
      return $this->string;
    }

    // several helper methods like the following:

    public function toLower() {
      $this->string = strtolower($this->string);
      return $this;
    }
    
    // this would create lots of extra objects,
    // but leave the original unchanged
    public function alternateToLower() {
      return new String(strtolower($this->string));
    }
  }

  $username = s('ExampleUser');
  echo $username->toLower();