Whiner Jerkins All Hands Meeting Powerpoint Revealed(mattmaroon.com)
mattmaroon.com
Whiner Jerkins All Hands Meeting Powerpoint Revealed
http://mattmaroon.com/?p=539
18 comments
Hilarious. Someone should do one about how the Web 2.0 denizens would go about with their life in a Depression. Tweeting from the government food lines, posting pictures of the day's crappy dished-out gruel on Flickr, posting Facebook updates of their hunger pangs and the number of pounds lost...quite a few possibilities.
...selling Apples on streetcorners...
Although I hold the title for most hilarious Keynote presentation, that was without a doubt the most amazing Powerpoint presentation ever devised by man.
Amazing. Matt, have my babies. We'll work out the logistics.
Amazing. Matt, have my babies. We'll work out the logistics.
You do? When? Love, Your Cofounder.
P.S. If you mean the 2nd day of YC Demo Days in Cali, it's not a fair comparison because we didn't use powerpoint.
P.S. If you mean the 2nd day of YC Demo Days in Cali, it's not a fair comparison because we didn't use powerpoint.
It was a training refresher on advanced cover tactics in urban combat. I had people in tears. My NCOIC ordered me to convert it to Powerpoint so he could use it, hahaha.
P.S. I wouldn't really have a place taking any credit for the laughs at our demos... I was laughing too since I had no idea what you were going to say.
P.S. I wouldn't really have a place taking any credit for the laughs at our demos... I was laughing too since I had no idea what you were going to say.
Any chance of this being available for preview?
Unfortunately it requires a security clearance to view :\
When I left that country I didn't even have anything I could legally store it on so I don't even have it anymore. Because that would be a felony. And I never commit felonies. Or something.
When I left that country I didn't even have anything I could legally store it on so I don't even have it anymore. Because that would be a felony. And I never commit felonies. Or something.
Understood. I wouldn't want you becoming a criminal. Or at least, not over that.
Or the crickets. Demo Day 1 in Cali - Ugh.
This is what it looks like to me: http://abstractnonsense.com/mm-slides.png
I can't find a "download" button.
You’ll probably want to full screen it.
Fullscreen mode is disabled. You probably need something like allowfullscreen="true" in your embed code.
Am I missing a joke? Or is it just broken?
I can't find a "download" button.
You’ll probably want to full screen it.
Fullscreen mode is disabled. You probably need something like allowfullscreen="true" in your embed code.
Am I missing a joke? Or is it just broken?
It's broken to me too; with flasblock + the debug version of flash installed, I couldn't get it to send me to the link posted by adnam.
It was broken, but is now fixed. Sorry about that.
It's the link underneath the flash.
Fact check: GOOG still has tons of cash. There's still a chance to get acquired by them!
Excellent. I'm not an MM fan, but this one made me chortle.
For a while too long, I thought Whiner Jerkins sounded like a real company, so I didn't click this link. Fool me once...
For a while too long, I thought Whiner Jerkins sounded like a real company, so I didn't click this link. Fool me once...
How can you not be an MM fan? That guy is great.
:)
I dunno. The third-person complimentary stuff he gets up to sometimes gets to be too much. :/
EDIT: No? No jokes today? I'm sorry.
EDIT: No? No jokes today? I'm sorry.
Just get it here: http://www.docstoc.com/docs/1857261/Whiner-Jerkins-All-Hands...
It's flippin' hilarious
It's flippin' hilarious
Sorry, it was working last night. Anyway, it's fixed now.
Funny but also really solid commentary on the past and present. I have been amazed for years at the practices of some investors and founders. This sums things up very nicely.
A great take on the VC market, Kleiner Perkins I assume. Stuff moves so fast on the Web - it's just 2 years ago that I wanted to sell to Google, and now that's no longer an option. But I have other ideas up my sleeve which don't require Google acquiring them.
Maybe the slides should be re-posted on scribd. Or maybe that would be just too ironic...
It wasn't docstoc's fault, it was mine. But yeah, I shoulda used scribd. For some reason it just totally slipped my mind. I saw the Sequoia one on docstoc and just used it.
Thanks for the laugh. It is great to laugh at some of the silliness in investing. It helps keep everyone in check.
Great work matt. You nailed just the right tone. I believed it was real right about until the end.
funniest power point ever
Cutting out an employee with $100k in salary is just as good as increasing revenues by $100k.
Only if your margins are 100%.
If your margins are 10% then cutting out that employee is just as good as increasing revenues by $1 million.
Food for thought before any new hire.
Only if your margins are 100%.
If your margins are 10% then cutting out that employee is just as good as increasing revenues by $1 million.
Food for thought before any new hire.
In other words, Cutting out an employee with $100k in salary is just as good as increasing net revenues by $100k.
Except not really. You hire an employee with the intentions that they'll be worth more to the company than the money the money they cost it. It could be more accurately stated as...
Cutting out a _worthless_ employee with $100k in salary is just as good as blah blah blah.
If the employee is not worth more than they cost the company you should not be hiring them recession or not.
Cutting out a _worthless_ employee with $100k in salary is just as good as blah blah blah.
If the employee is not worth more than they cost the company you should not be hiring them recession or not.
pretty juvenile IMO. great bridge burning though. nailed that part.
I give VCs and startup founders more credit than you do. If I met someone who blackballed Matt on the basis of a satire like this, I would wonder why they were being so insecure and/or vindictive.
That being said, hang on a moment (waits 60s). Funny, no calls from VCs. I wonder if it was this:
http://weblog.raganwald.com/2007/04/venture-capitalist-passe...
Seriously, the people I know (probably many fewer than everyone else) are the types to laugh hardest at this stuff. I recall meeting with an investment banking boutique about writing valuation models for them. The partner told me that before getting to work I had to familiarize myself with the Code of Ethics for his profession. He handed me a heavy tome.
I opened it, to find... blank pages! He laughed heartily. I can't see that guy spitting on Matt's shadow as they pass in the street.
That being said, hang on a moment (waits 60s). Funny, no calls from VCs. I wonder if it was this:
http://weblog.raganwald.com/2007/04/venture-capitalist-passe...
Seriously, the people I know (probably many fewer than everyone else) are the types to laugh hardest at this stuff. I recall meeting with an investment banking boutique about writing valuation models for them. The partner told me that before getting to work I had to familiarize myself with the Code of Ethics for his profession. He handed me a heavy tome.
I opened it, to find... blank pages! He laughed heartily. I can't see that guy spitting on Matt's shadow as they pass in the street.
matt's post pisses on people who hold a lot of clout within the industry in which he operates for no reason other than to get traffic to his blog. this seems shortsighted to me. maybe i'm wrong. let alone the fact that sequoia is the firm that put out the deck while kleiner is the only VC that has openly eschewed web 2.0 investments. they have been investing in energy and mobile while others put money into the seesmics. kleiner won't even listen to pitches from 99% of web companies even if they have a solid introduction. but matt decided to take a very public piss on them. it's a very small world. and the difference in tone within the comments on this thread vs. the "sequoia: armchair quarterbacks" is laughable.
Let's agree to disagree. You read a post where he pisses on people, I read a satire where he "takes the mick out of people." You perceive that his motivation is linkbaiting/trolling, it didn't occur to me to even consider his motivation one way or the other.
I will say this, though: According to my personal values, if he is wronging people, it ought to be wrong regardless of whether he is wronging the rich and powerful or wronging the poor and helpless.
Which is not to say that he wouldn't be burning bridges, but if I were to feel that he was wrong to publish this, I would feel that way on the basis of deciding that he was being mean or petty or spiteful or hurtful.
I guess I just don't see the people he is satirizing as perceiving themselves as being hurt by this deck. It could be a question of timing: I might feel differently about the exact same post if it came at a time when VC's were laying analysts off and we were treated to pictures of employees carrying their personal effects to their cars.
I will say this, though: According to my personal values, if he is wronging people, it ought to be wrong regardless of whether he is wronging the rich and powerful or wronging the poor and helpless.
Which is not to say that he wouldn't be burning bridges, but if I were to feel that he was wrong to publish this, I would feel that way on the basis of deciding that he was being mean or petty or spiteful or hurtful.
I guess I just don't see the people he is satirizing as perceiving themselves as being hurt by this deck. It could be a question of timing: I might feel differently about the exact same post if it came at a time when VC's were laying analysts off and we were treated to pictures of employees carrying their personal effects to their cars.
Some people don't have a sense of humor, and trying to explain one to them is like trying to describe color to a blind man.
In my limited experience with VCs and angels, they almost all do.
In my limited experience with VCs and angels, they almost all do.
sounds good. to be clear, i don't think his piss is actually having an impact and hurting anyone's feelings. more like he's pissing in the same spot where he's planning to sit and eat lunch.
Let's put it this way: If Matt is making a presentation to an investor one day, one of the minions may raise their hand and ask him how he explains this presentation.
Hopefully, Matt will turn their attention to the slide in his presentation that talks about net revenues and EBDIC, then say smoothly, "Of course I wasn't talking about you guys, you obviously invest in quality companies with actual business models."
Such a conversation would probably go well.
Hopefully, Matt will turn their attention to the slide in his presentation that talks about net revenues and EBDIC, then say smoothly, "Of course I wasn't talking about you guys, you obviously invest in quality companies with actual business models."
Such a conversation would probably go well.
But most of what he said was dead on. It just happened to be hilarious as well.
mildly amusing, yes. dead on, no. like watching a train wreck in slow motion, yes.
great work matt
Frakking hilarious, and close enough to reality to be kinda scary.