8 Things I Wish I Knew When I Was 22(almostfearless.com)
almostfearless.com
8 Things I Wish I Knew When I Was 22
http://almostfearless.com/2008/05/21/8-things-i-wish-i-knew-when-i-was-22/
12 comments
Why the emphasis in the OP and your comment on travelling? I'd say it depends on what you want out of life, and in what order. I'm happy to go see the world when I'm retired.
I guess I am talking about travel. But in the point about a house I'm also talking about relocation. A house and all the stuff you accumulate because of it seriously inhibits portability. I wish I had maintained a smaller footprint, so the idea of moving wouldn't seem so daunting.
Travel is not a thing that you try, say to yourself that you've done it, and be done with it (like coke, say, or S&M). It's more like college; you do it in large part because it will benefit your life from then on. Traveling at the end of life makes about as much sense as going to college at the end of life.
I don't agree with that. Plenty of people go to college later in life.
You can't do everything at every time in your life.
I'd rather see the world when I have money to see it in a bit of style.
Everything shapes who you are from then on, and an experience like travelling may have a big effect on your later life. But so does being a parent, or starting a company, or any number of other big experiences. You just have to make a judgement as to which you want to experience first.
You could make a similar argument for having kids later in life - to some it doesn't any sense to wait until you're old and tired to have kids.
Everything shapes who you are from then on, and an experience like travelling may have a big effect on your later life. But so does being a parent, or starting a company, or any number of other big experiences. You just have to make a judgement as to which you want to experience first.
You could make a similar argument for having kids later in life - to some it doesn't any sense to wait until you're old and tired to have kids.
Buying a house is a great idea if you ask me, so long as you don't pay over the odds for it.
If I want to travel, I can rent it out (the rent will cover the mortgage) and in 12 odd years I will owe nothing on it, and can live rent free for the rest of my days (or buy a bigger house) - I am only 28 so by 40 the house thing is largely sorted, which is nice ...
If I want to travel, I can rent it out (the rent will cover the mortgage) and in 12 odd years I will owe nothing on it, and can live rent free for the rest of my days (or buy a bigger house) - I am only 28 so by 40 the house thing is largely sorted, which is nice ...
That assumes that you will be disciplined enough to not want to "upgrade" once you've sold it off.
I'd seriously consider buying a house/condo if I had the money (though not in the Bay Area). Livable inner city neighborhoods are only going to get more expensive relative to the rest of the market as time goes on because people are realizing that living in the suburbs is kind of lame. If gas prices continue to go up and stay up, rents in such areas will shoot up as well.
The environment you live in is a huge part of your life, and if you don't own your home, you're unlikely to be able to stay in an environment you enjoy. Aristocratization[1] isn't that far fetched.
[1] http://www.theonion.com/content/news/report_nations_gentrifi...
The environment you live in is a huge part of your life, and if you don't own your home, you're unlikely to be able to stay in an environment you enjoy. Aristocratization[1] isn't that far fetched.
[1] http://www.theonion.com/content/news/report_nations_gentrifi...
"Don't get pets"
Having pets has been one of the best things I've ever done.
Mine are magical and mystical, have taught me many things, love me unconditionally, and are better companions than many people I know. I love their company during long coding sessions.
They expect little in return. Just a little food and attention. I always have someone to care for them when I travel.
Their greeting is the best thing about coming home, whether it's been 8 hours or 8 days.
Having pets has been one of the best things I've ever done.
Mine are magical and mystical, have taught me many things, love me unconditionally, and are better companions than many people I know. I love their company during long coding sessions.
They expect little in return. Just a little food and attention. I always have someone to care for them when I travel.
Their greeting is the best thing about coming home, whether it's been 8 hours or 8 days.
I have lived this lifestyle, it is ok, with some caveats.
If you do extended travel, learn how to be outgoing. My first long trip was to Japan. Being shy and quiet made the first 3 months a nightmare. Luckily, at the time I was young and still reasonably good looking so women would ask me out. But it would have been more fun and easier if I hadn't had such social anxiety. I did some extreme personality modification afterwards and when I went other places I had a much better time.
It is very important to nail #1, figure out a career that you love, or at least LIKE. It isn't as though you come back, return to work, and your work anxiety is alleviated by your fond travel memories. In fact, your travel experience makes it much worse because you are just thinking "fuck I could be on the beach in Thailand right now instead of rebooting these servers at 4 in the morning."
Safety net is sort of important. You don't want to return and then be stuck taking the first job that comes along. Note that safety net doesn't necessarily mean having a bunch of cash. It could mean having a friend or family with an extra room where you can stay in the area where you want to work. In my case it sucked, because most of my friends were bums like me who live in studio apartments, and most of my family lives in the extreme middle of nowhere. Trying to find a job in Palo Alto while you are in the Yukon is not easy or fun.
Also, figure out what you really want. Travel is easy. You just need money for a plane ticket. You can go almost anytime. I didn't realize until after I traveled that what I really wanted was financial and career independence. I probably missed out on 5 prime career building years by bumming around doing the travel/slacker thing. Now I have to compete with Google Ycombinator braniacs. Back in the day, I only would have had to be as smart as the guys who made BlueMountain.com or geocities...
If you do extended travel, learn how to be outgoing. My first long trip was to Japan. Being shy and quiet made the first 3 months a nightmare. Luckily, at the time I was young and still reasonably good looking so women would ask me out. But it would have been more fun and easier if I hadn't had such social anxiety. I did some extreme personality modification afterwards and when I went other places I had a much better time.
It is very important to nail #1, figure out a career that you love, or at least LIKE. It isn't as though you come back, return to work, and your work anxiety is alleviated by your fond travel memories. In fact, your travel experience makes it much worse because you are just thinking "fuck I could be on the beach in Thailand right now instead of rebooting these servers at 4 in the morning."
Safety net is sort of important. You don't want to return and then be stuck taking the first job that comes along. Note that safety net doesn't necessarily mean having a bunch of cash. It could mean having a friend or family with an extra room where you can stay in the area where you want to work. In my case it sucked, because most of my friends were bums like me who live in studio apartments, and most of my family lives in the extreme middle of nowhere. Trying to find a job in Palo Alto while you are in the Yukon is not easy or fun.
Also, figure out what you really want. Travel is easy. You just need money for a plane ticket. You can go almost anytime. I didn't realize until after I traveled that what I really wanted was financial and career independence. I probably missed out on 5 prime career building years by bumming around doing the travel/slacker thing. Now I have to compete with Google Ycombinator braniacs. Back in the day, I only would have had to be as smart as the guys who made BlueMountain.com or geocities...
> I did some extreme personality modification afterwards and when I went other places I had a much better time.
I'd love to hear more about this. Usually when I go to a party I talk to a few people and have an OK time. However, the few times I've talked to everyone at a party, I've had a memorable blast. It's definitely not natural and I feel I have to be warmed up socially.
I'd love to hear more about this. Usually when I go to a party I talk to a few people and have an OK time. However, the few times I've talked to everyone at a party, I've had a memorable blast. It's definitely not natural and I feel I have to be warmed up socially.
Well, I am crazy. Around my friends I am outrageous and will say anything for a laugh. Around people I don't know I clam up and hide in the corner. I just decided to act the same way around strangers as I do around close friends.
Hey, 22-year old self, you know all that stuff you're worried to death about? All those failures and existential crap that's keeping you awake? It doesn't matter. I know it really seems like it does but, trust me, it doesn't. No, not that stuff either: It really doesn't matter.
Now stop reading about mistakes to avoid and start discovering new ones to make by yourself. Those mistakes will end up perversely leading you to your greatest successes, but you can't make them if you try following someone else's retrospective perfect blueprint for happiness.
Now stop reading about mistakes to avoid and start discovering new ones to make by yourself. Those mistakes will end up perversely leading you to your greatest successes, but you can't make them if you try following someone else's retrospective perfect blueprint for happiness.
“Hurry up and lose your first 50 games.” - Go proverb presented by Adam Keys
Adam then keyed in on the core of his talk: Learning. He said there are only kinds of learning: Learning from others & Learning by doing. You only learn by falling down. Nobody gets everything right the first time. Set yourself up to rapidly trying things until you find what’s right. Just like you don’t play hockey without padding: don’t develop without padding. Unit tests, exception notifier, cheap branching/merging in git, fast deploy with capistrano are all padding that mean you fear less and can try things that might hurt you because you can fix them fast."
Adam Key's talk summarized "Oh the Fail I’ve known" http://drewblas.com/2008/06/01/railsconf-2008-sunday-afterno...
Adam then keyed in on the core of his talk: Learning. He said there are only kinds of learning: Learning from others & Learning by doing. You only learn by falling down. Nobody gets everything right the first time. Set yourself up to rapidly trying things until you find what’s right. Just like you don’t play hockey without padding: don’t develop without padding. Unit tests, exception notifier, cheap branching/merging in git, fast deploy with capistrano are all padding that mean you fear less and can try things that might hurt you because you can fix them fast."
Adam Key's talk summarized "Oh the Fail I’ve known" http://drewblas.com/2008/06/01/railsconf-2008-sunday-afterno...
One of my favorite proverbs, although I've always prefered the phrasing "lose your first 50 games as fast as possible." That, and "win all four corners and the game is lost."
You must very smart to discover new mistakes.
And if you think you are then you are not.
No matter how many mistakes you work at avoiding, you're going to run smack into some you've not even dreamed possible.
Roll with them.
Roll with them.
My point was that studing other people's mistakes is a really good thing.
Some mistakes are too costly... You can't afford them.
Because one really bad mistake I'm half-blind and since then I prefer to think damn hard before making decisions.
Because one really bad mistake I'm half-blind and since then I prefer to think damn hard before making decisions.
On the subject :
Advice to Young Men from an Old Man http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/279126743.html
Things I wish I’d known when I was younger http://www.lifehack.org/articles/lifestyle/things-i-wish-i’d...
Advice to Young Men from an Old Man http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/279126743.html
Things I wish I’d known when I was younger http://www.lifehack.org/articles/lifestyle/things-i-wish-i’d...
21. Becoming a woman’s friend and confidant is not going to get you into an intimate relationship. If you haven’t gotten the girl within a reasonably short period of time, chances are you won’t ever get her. She’ll end up confiding to you about the sexual adventures she’s having with someone else.
23. Realize that love is a numbers game. Guys fall in love easily. You’re going to see some girl and feel like you’ll die if you don’t get her. If she rejects you, move on to the next one. It’s her loss.
Oh dear. I hope there are exceptions.
Oh dear. I hope there are exceptions.
sorry bub. if a woman likes you she will sleep with you within a couple weeks of meeting you. If she doesn't she either doesn't like you or has emotional problems.
You think if a woman doesn't give out sex within a couple weeks of meeting a guy, she has emotional problems? I'm pretty sure it's the exact opposite.
Excuse YOU? "give out sex" huh? Like it's a commodity they can run out of? were you raised by religious people or something? I'd classify that under emotional problems. If two people meet and like each other, why would they wait longer than a few weeks to have sex?
methinks someone has a romanticized and/or puritanical notion of sex. This is 2008, we have birth control and STD prevention. Sex is just sex. Time for social values to catch up. On the female side in particular, I get pretty damn tired of guys who don't get laid spreading rumors about girls because said girls won't sleep with them. Every girl I've encountered who has been called a slut has been for this reason.
It's the most disgusting to watch in high school aged kids. Assholes really screw up these girls self esteem at the most important part of their emotional development and then they can't enjoy sex as adults. Sometimes takes years to get over. And we wonder why most women in their twenties act so neurotic?
sorry, i'll stop ranting. I just want women to be able to screw whomever they want without consequences. :)
sorry, i'll stop ranting. I just want women to be able to screw whomever they want without consequences. :)
I've seen this sentiment elsewhere: http://www.bash.org/?414593
I haven't found there to be.
I forgot this gem : http://blog.guykawasaki.com/2006/01/hindsights.html
Corollary: you're more likely to regret not doing something than you're going to regret doing something.
Exceptions: Tequila, mountain bike stunts and anything that didn't start to seem like a good idea until three drinks ago.
More exceptions: accidentally having a baby, committing a felony, ruining your reputation, dropping out of college, risking brain damage, etc.
"Ron's first law: All extreme positions are wrong." -- Ron Garret
(Naturally that only applies in some cases, but here I think it's pretty apt.)
(Naturally that only applies in some cases, but here I think it's pretty apt.)
You don't regret that stuff... you just laugh really hard about it in a few years.
...if, of course, you're still alive then. (At least for the mountain bike stunts...)
Technically, you still don't regret it even if you aren't. ;-)
Well, being 22 I must say that a few of these I had realized a long time ago. The theme of this post seems to be that living somewhat of a nomadic lifestyle and traveling is what we should all be doing. Similar to how drug users and people who don't have 100% faith in what they are doing attempt to bring people in with them, this author is trying to convince us all to be free wielding travelers in a time when we have no commitments. Sort of a validation by mass usage. Not all of us have an extra $1000 lying around to just leave everything on a whim (and some simply do not want to). While I would like to travel someday, it is simply not in the cards now.
One most important things that I have taken notice to in the past few years or so is that your life path is exactly what you want to make it. Early on in the school systems we are led to believe that your life will go as follows: School => Find High Salary Job => Retirement => Death. They train you to become reliant on the system and think that your goal should be to exit schooling with a high paying salary and if you don't you are screwed. You will be miserable and lonely forever. They never suggest once that you can stray off that path and most never question it.
Another realization that I have come across lately is that it is easy to become caught up in idealism. It's nice to dream up what you see for your future and forget where you are now. Steve Jobs spoke in his 05 Stanford commencement speech of connecting the dot's in hindsight and not realizing the impact that some previous events had at the time. The important thing to realize is not that we should look back in hindsight and connect the dots rather, focus on the creation of the dots themselves. You are in control and your future is not some mystical set-in-stone experience that you will have a great epiphany over sometime in the future while reflecting. So rather than hope that everything will work itself out, find out what you want and be the one to create the dots, not connect them. I could go on more but it's time I go create my reality rather than ramble about potentials.
One most important things that I have taken notice to in the past few years or so is that your life path is exactly what you want to make it. Early on in the school systems we are led to believe that your life will go as follows: School => Find High Salary Job => Retirement => Death. They train you to become reliant on the system and think that your goal should be to exit schooling with a high paying salary and if you don't you are screwed. You will be miserable and lonely forever. They never suggest once that you can stray off that path and most never question it.
Another realization that I have come across lately is that it is easy to become caught up in idealism. It's nice to dream up what you see for your future and forget where you are now. Steve Jobs spoke in his 05 Stanford commencement speech of connecting the dot's in hindsight and not realizing the impact that some previous events had at the time. The important thing to realize is not that we should look back in hindsight and connect the dots rather, focus on the creation of the dots themselves. You are in control and your future is not some mystical set-in-stone experience that you will have a great epiphany over sometime in the future while reflecting. So rather than hope that everything will work itself out, find out what you want and be the one to create the dots, not connect them. I could go on more but it's time I go create my reality rather than ramble about potentials.
Another thing they fail to tell you is that there isn't necessarily a tradeoff between success and fun. When I started college, the idea of majoring and working in "engineering" appalled me -- grind away my youth in a cubicle, then retire just as family obligations and gradually declining health take the fun out of travel? No, thanks. So I took a B.S. in math (rebellious, no?), and the two jobs I've had since then have been as a lone software developer and pseudo-engineer for companies with things to do overseas. Not that I knew it would turn out this way, but I like the result -- occasional several-week trips to places I wouldn't have thought to visit, on an expense account, and thrown in with a group of locals who I already have some connection with.
From what I gather, it's easy for engineers to spend a career like this if they want to. School advisors tell you to make yourself valuable, but they emphasize it with a stick -- if you don't, you'll be poor -- instead of a carrot -- you can cash in on your own value anytime. As PG mentioned in one of his essays, success is easier to tap if you stay upwind of it.
(Incidentally, I'm going back to grad school soon -- being a pseudo-engineer isn't as upwind as I'd like. That's one get-out-of-a-rut-free card with pretty low risk.)
From what I gather, it's easy for engineers to spend a career like this if they want to. School advisors tell you to make yourself valuable, but they emphasize it with a stick -- if you don't, you'll be poor -- instead of a carrot -- you can cash in on your own value anytime. As PG mentioned in one of his essays, success is easier to tap if you stay upwind of it.
(Incidentally, I'm going back to grad school soon -- being a pseudo-engineer isn't as upwind as I'd like. That's one get-out-of-a-rut-free card with pretty low risk.)
i think you're neglecting the fact that School => high salary job => early retirement with no obligations => happiness
this is a startup site, aren't we all trying to get rich so we can work on what we really care about without interference? that's what money buys.
this is a startup site, aren't we all trying to get rich so we can work on what we really care about without interference? that's what money buys.
I agree. Maybe I neglected to put the emphasis on the point I was trying to make which is that they attempt to scare you into believing if you stray off the beaten path you will be screwed.
[deleted]
I'd add: "Live someplace cool." Cool is a moving target, but I'm always blown away by people who spend their life in unremarkable places due to inertia.
For me, cool was Alaska for 10 years (a few years longer than I should've stayed, really). If you love tech, get to a place where tech is exciting. If you really love tech, that's probably SV. If you'd like to live someplace less crappy/expensive, that might be Seattle, Austin, or (if you can stand the East Coast) Boston.
For me, cool was Alaska for 10 years (a few years longer than I should've stayed, really). If you love tech, get to a place where tech is exciting. If you really love tech, that's probably SV. If you'd like to live someplace less crappy/expensive, that might be Seattle, Austin, or (if you can stand the East Coast) Boston.
"if you'd like to live someplace less crappy/expensive, that might be Seattle"
Heh. That's funny...if I could give my 22-year-old self a piece of valuable advice, it would be to stay the hell out of Seattle.
(It's June 3, 55 degrees and raining. Fun stuff. Y'all come.)
Heh. That's funny...if I could give my 22-year-old self a piece of valuable advice, it would be to stay the hell out of Seattle.
(It's June 3, 55 degrees and raining. Fun stuff. Y'all come.)
Heh. I'm in Seattle, too. Ever make the local startup meetups?
IMO, Seattle beats SV/SF as a place to live, but I'm moderately outdoorsy (sailing, kayaking, etc) and travel a lot during the wet winter. I only lived in SV for 3 months (for YC) but I really didn't care for it. I like Austin, but 95 in the summer is murder.
IMO, Seattle beats SV/SF as a place to live, but I'm moderately outdoorsy (sailing, kayaking, etc) and travel a lot during the wet winter. I only lived in SV for 3 months (for YC) but I really didn't care for it. I like Austin, but 95 in the summer is murder.
Yeah, we met at the last STS meeting, and the drinking afterward. I showed you guys how to get there....
54 in San Francisco. That's why everyone says the city's cool.
I find Steve Jobs' Stanford commencement speech to be a very good real life advice. If you are graduating this year, please watch it and learn from his experience.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D1R-jKKp3NA
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D1R-jKKp3NA
I'm glad I traveled when I was younger, but that seems to be the main point of this article/site... it's kind of an advertisement for itself.
Incidentally, does the background of the title look like Oregon's Crater Lake to anyone else? That is water I would not want to jump into... It's "cold, damn cold".
Incidentally, does the background of the title look like Oregon's Crater Lake to anyone else? That is water I would not want to jump into... It's "cold, damn cold".
Pretty good advice overall, but #6 I disagree with... and contradicts #2. You don't build wealth by spending... and while optimistic, chances are you won't go from $0 to million. But I suppose it's all relevant to one's goals... so long as your choices don't impact my taxes.
My 22 year old self is less than 1 year away!
9. Traveling is overrated.
I'm drawn to a more nomadic life, but am having problem breaking free because of these. Anybody else run into these problems? How did you solve them?