Dear Millennials: Your parents lied to you(toughsledding.wordpress.com)
toughsledding.wordpress.com
Dear Millennials: Your parents lied to you
http://toughsledding.wordpress.com/2010/04/20/dear-millennials-your-parents-lied-to-you/
25 comments
I did, but if anything it had the opposite effect of what the author describes.
For instance, I played soccer as a kid and was quite terrible at it. Getting a trophy for showing up just made me feel slightly awkward; ultimately, it ended up giving me a healthy contempt for systems that rewarded such mediocrity.
For instance, I played soccer as a kid and was quite terrible at it. Getting a trophy for showing up just made me feel slightly awkward; ultimately, it ended up giving me a healthy contempt for systems that rewarded such mediocrity.
"I sure as hell don't remember being showered with praise or getting athletic trophies just for turning up"
I experienced a lot of that, but in retrospect my parents managed it pretty well by rewarding hard work. If I got a trophy for a bad sports season, they gave me the option to throw it out. I always did. When I was little, I earned an allowance by doing chores and yardwork. When I was in high school, I was expected to work in the yard if I didn't have a weekend job, so I was always working, but only sometimes getting paid. I was given cash rewards for quarterly grades through high school, but a B paid so much less than an A that it was more of an insult.
I came out the other end a little backwards: I dislike getting awards, and I feel uncomfortable if someone tells me I did a good job.
In the end, child development always comes down to parenting. If the child's environment isn't pushing them hard enough, they can do something about it
I experienced a lot of that, but in retrospect my parents managed it pretty well by rewarding hard work. If I got a trophy for a bad sports season, they gave me the option to throw it out. I always did. When I was little, I earned an allowance by doing chores and yardwork. When I was in high school, I was expected to work in the yard if I didn't have a weekend job, so I was always working, but only sometimes getting paid. I was given cash rewards for quarterly grades through high school, but a B paid so much less than an A that it was more of an insult.
I came out the other end a little backwards: I dislike getting awards, and I feel uncomfortable if someone tells me I did a good job.
In the end, child development always comes down to parenting. If the child's environment isn't pushing them hard enough, they can do something about it
Dale Carnegie has been writing about this stuff since the 30s, minus the pithy blame. This guy sounds like he is going through a late stage realization wound up with an entitlement attitude.
I did, but it didn't influence me because I knew they were worthless.
Interestingly, we're accused of not wanting to pay our dues and and the same time expecting to be rewarded for merely (but more importantly, being judged on) quantity, not quality. Seems like an interesting juxtaposition if you ask me. (I recognise this sort of thinking is pretty indicative of an arrogant 'millenial' ;)
Interestingly, we're accused of not wanting to pay our dues and and the same time expecting to be rewarded for merely (but more importantly, being judged on) quantity, not quality. Seems like an interesting juxtaposition if you ask me. (I recognise this sort of thinking is pretty indicative of an arrogant 'millenial' ;)
The slideshow mentions that Millennials like their large tasks broken up into manageable chunks with successes celebrated along the way. Who doesn't like that? Is there a waterfall mentality in non-tech fields still?
I've also read that the way to handle a generation of gamers is to humor them with clearly defined goals, regular feedback, and involvement in decision making. Again this seems universal rather than an exasperating personality unique to kids. Was there a recent generation that happily served as unthinking, unfeeling, unquestioning drones?
This is all a bit hard for this millennial to swallow. Frankly these analyses feel like another case of analysts telling their clients what they want to hear rather than offering any new insight. [1]
[1] http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=1257644
I've also read that the way to handle a generation of gamers is to humor them with clearly defined goals, regular feedback, and involvement in decision making. Again this seems universal rather than an exasperating personality unique to kids. Was there a recent generation that happily served as unthinking, unfeeling, unquestioning drones?
This is all a bit hard for this millennial to swallow. Frankly these analyses feel like another case of analysts telling their clients what they want to hear rather than offering any new insight. [1]
[1] http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=1257644
Is there a waterfall mentality in non-tech fields still?
I would assume yes, especially if there is an academic component to the field, and it's based on a social science (ie theories are unprovable). PhD's design the crap out of things, and then pass it on for implementation, during which, half their design assumptions will prove wrong.
The only example I have is esoteric: library science. others? Journalism?
I would assume yes, especially if there is an academic component to the field, and it's based on a social science (ie theories are unprovable). PhD's design the crap out of things, and then pass it on for implementation, during which, half their design assumptions will prove wrong.
The only example I have is esoteric: library science. others? Journalism?
I've been hearing this complaint since I was really young, so it surely can't be a "millennial" thing. Wasn't "kids these days are too pampered with self-esteem" a big complaint about Gen-X education in the late 80s and early 90s? They had all sorts of crazy ideas back then, like "edutainment", the idea that playing video games was a form of education!
At least one of Plato's dialogues had to do with the laziness and corruption of the youth at that time, so this has been going on for quite some time now. Remember that the Boomer generation were once shiftless hippies who had nothing better to do than smoke pot and weaken Americas moral fiber.
While it is true that (broadly speaking) nothing is ever really new under the sun, I believe an important shift did occur in America concerning entitlement thinking, and it did occur with the boomer generation (of which I am a part).
When I grew up as a kid in the 1950s, there was a huge emphasis on making sure that kids, unlike their parents and grandparents who had grown up on farms or had come to America as poor immigrants or had endured the privations of the Great Depression or the horrors of watching millions die and suffer in WWII, would get the very best education and all the modern conveniences.
Even more important, theories about child-rearing changed dramatically in America from about 1950 on. Dr. Benjamin Spock (http://www.answers.com/topic/benjamin-spock) became wildly popular with his ideas promoting "permissive" child-rearing and eschewing discipline. This meant treating kids like little adults, seeking their consent, and never using a switch on them when they misbehaved. Everybody was to cater to "little Johnny." Of course, the kids grew up feeling they were supposed to be catered to, and, voila, you have the hippie generation - the "me" generation, as in "it's all about me."
There is no doubt that the Spock babies marked a turning point in kids having strong entitlement expectations and this has led to such things as heavy emphasis on self-esteem (which the WWII generation would have laughed at), grade inflation ("all A's"), denigration of honors programs or anything else that makes some feel less recognized than others, indiscriminate showering of trophies on kids for mere participation, and the like.
Of course, every generation eventually grows up and matures through life experiences. But the broad change in American culture since the 1950s is unmistakable and has carried through to this day in a form that earlier generations had never known.
When I grew up as a kid in the 1950s, there was a huge emphasis on making sure that kids, unlike their parents and grandparents who had grown up on farms or had come to America as poor immigrants or had endured the privations of the Great Depression or the horrors of watching millions die and suffer in WWII, would get the very best education and all the modern conveniences.
Even more important, theories about child-rearing changed dramatically in America from about 1950 on. Dr. Benjamin Spock (http://www.answers.com/topic/benjamin-spock) became wildly popular with his ideas promoting "permissive" child-rearing and eschewing discipline. This meant treating kids like little adults, seeking their consent, and never using a switch on them when they misbehaved. Everybody was to cater to "little Johnny." Of course, the kids grew up feeling they were supposed to be catered to, and, voila, you have the hippie generation - the "me" generation, as in "it's all about me."
There is no doubt that the Spock babies marked a turning point in kids having strong entitlement expectations and this has led to such things as heavy emphasis on self-esteem (which the WWII generation would have laughed at), grade inflation ("all A's"), denigration of honors programs or anything else that makes some feel less recognized than others, indiscriminate showering of trophies on kids for mere participation, and the like.
Of course, every generation eventually grows up and matures through life experiences. But the broad change in American culture since the 1950s is unmistakable and has carried through to this day in a form that earlier generations had never known.
You are correct. I am a boomer, and I got participation trophies in the '60s and '70s. My kids, who are kids today, do not.
One thing that we think we've learned in the last 50 years: praise works better than threats as a motivator. Perhaps that is what these complaining old gruffs are seeing.
Academia is about the only place left where you can still give criticism that makes people cry and keep your job.
One thing that we think we've learned in the last 50 years: praise works better than threats as a motivator. Perhaps that is what these complaining old gruffs are seeing.
Academia is about the only place left where you can still give criticism that makes people cry and keep your job.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xe1a1wHxTyo
Monty Python - Four Yorkshiremen (40 years ago).
Monty Python - Four Yorkshiremen (40 years ago).
Brillant!
Such broad generalizations are rather annoying.
Most intelligent people will realize that praise granted indiscriminately is not really praise at all. If everyone gets an A, then the A itself becomes average (at least, in an intellectual sense).
While it's possible that people are so deluded as to believe the in the brilliance of a performance demonstrably within such an average (relative to their classmates, teammates, or whatever), I have not seen this within my peers (who are, in fact, millennials).
In other words, individual egos are not expanded in light of receiving an A in something akin to the cliched "basket weaving." At most, people feel good about themselves for manipulating the system to their advantage --- that is, finding the course of "least resistance" in the first place. Such an "easy A" is only useful as an external signal of "I'm smart" to employers or grad schools; it is not typically used as a proxy for the quality of one's inherent intellect.
Most intelligent people will realize that praise granted indiscriminately is not really praise at all. If everyone gets an A, then the A itself becomes average (at least, in an intellectual sense).
While it's possible that people are so deluded as to believe the in the brilliance of a performance demonstrably within such an average (relative to their classmates, teammates, or whatever), I have not seen this within my peers (who are, in fact, millennials).
In other words, individual egos are not expanded in light of receiving an A in something akin to the cliched "basket weaving." At most, people feel good about themselves for manipulating the system to their advantage --- that is, finding the course of "least resistance" in the first place. Such an "easy A" is only useful as an external signal of "I'm smart" to employers or grad schools; it is not typically used as a proxy for the quality of one's inherent intellect.
I'm not surprised by the poor writing and critical thinking skills he's suggesting. However, that performance has nothing to do with trophies or their parent's praise.
The English curriculum at public schools deemphasizes writing composition to focus on reading scores, which are tied directly to funding. As a result, many students receive very little instructions on how to organize an argument on paper, and generally aren't exposed to well-written essays until their freshman year of college.
These two factors create a brew of ignorance that makes students oblivious to college writing standards. This is made worse by the fact that larger colleges have their mandatory writing comp classes filled to the brim with all the grading done by over-worked TA's who, due to volume, cannot give detailed feedback on each paper.
The English curriculum at public schools deemphasizes writing composition to focus on reading scores, which are tied directly to funding. As a result, many students receive very little instructions on how to organize an argument on paper, and generally aren't exposed to well-written essays until their freshman year of college.
These two factors create a brew of ignorance that makes students oblivious to college writing standards. This is made worse by the fact that larger colleges have their mandatory writing comp classes filled to the brim with all the grading done by over-worked TA's who, due to volume, cannot give detailed feedback on each paper.
A "professor" that teaches writing skills that uses "gonna" and "gotta" in print.
You need to be careful about the praising for trying bit, especially as they get older:
"Actually, they were being treated like children but they had been their whole lives and didn't know the difference.
"Treating like an adult: You're fucking up. Here's how to fix it. Now fix it.
"Treating like a child: You're trying really hard! Good job! It's not the result that matters, it's just that you try!
"(That's actually a functional way to deal with children up to a point. In most cases they can't do a real job. But when they get to the point they can, when they're ready to learn to be adults with adult responsibilities, "it's a good try" should never cut it.)"
You need to be careful about the praising for trying bit, especially as they get older:
"Actually, they were being treated like children but they had been their whole lives and didn't know the difference.
"Treating like an adult: You're fucking up. Here's how to fix it. Now fix it.
"Treating like a child: You're trying really hard! Good job! It's not the result that matters, it's just that you try!
"(That's actually a functional way to deal with children up to a point. In most cases they can't do a real job. But when they get to the point they can, when they're ready to learn to be adults with adult responsibilities, "it's a good try" should never cut it.)"
A "professor" that teaches writing skills that uses "gonna" and "gotta" in print.
If it's any consolation, prescriptive grammarians have always been wrong. :)
If it's any consolation, prescriptive grammarians have always been wrong. :)
I endured this meme two years ago in corporate America: it was patronizing and obnoxious then, too.
I hope this guy at least gets paid to to run generational awareness workshops for people to ignore over sandwiches and doesn't run through this tired rigamarole for free.
I hope this guy at least gets paid to to run generational awareness workshops for people to ignore over sandwiches and doesn't run through this tired rigamarole for free.
The other thing I see all the time is people who think their way is the only way, or that the things that they care about are the things that really matter. Sometimes you have to learn one way of writing for one professor and another for the next. I personally would rather read something written by someone who has something to say rather than some who writes well but doesn't say anything useful.
Actually, empty praise bugs me more than anything. Even earned praise can seem awkward for me if it is earned in an ill Manner.
Still, my writing is rather horrid. So bravo for that call, at least on my part. Now, since she neglected a solution after all that speculation, anybody have any tips on improving your writing -- preferably free online material (but there's always the library otherwise).
If they were raised to be the "self esteem generation" then what does it say about their parent's generation and its parenting skills (or lack thereof)?
Why doesn't he raise the idea that maybe the reason they think they're good writers, but aren't, and think they think critically, but don't, could be that their pre-college education sucks?
Last I checked, most young people's parents don't grade their kids' essays. They may edit them, but that doesn't directly result in the kid saying to her professor the next year, "But I always got A's before!" There was a still a teacher supposedly being a gatekeeper between the paper and the grade.
From the comments: "There are two types of Millenials - whiners and fighters."
I dunno, but that sounds like HUMANITY in general, to me.
Last I checked, most young people's parents don't grade their kids' essays. They may edit them, but that doesn't directly result in the kid saying to her professor the next year, "But I always got A's before!" There was a still a teacher supposedly being a gatekeeper between the paper and the grade.
From the comments: "There are two types of Millenials - whiners and fighters."
I dunno, but that sounds like HUMANITY in general, to me.
Maybe they are good writers and this guy has a very peculiar sense of what is good writing? His essay didn't fill be with awe. He's not complaining about results. He's dumping on students because he doesn't like how they write. Could there be a more arbitrary metric? I don't think so.
I sure as hell don't remember being showered with praise or getting athletic trophies just for turning up.