Make Love Not Porn (2009)(thetyee.ca)
thetyee.ca
Make Love Not Porn (2009)
http://thetyee.ca/Life/2009/12/16/MakeLove/
60 comments
Couldn't agree more. [Edit: rest is unrelated to the article]
Recently, a facebook group against water fluoration started in my town. A few of my friends being in it, I checked it out, and saw a few things that didn't make sense in their affirmations: bad chemistry, selectively picking facts and misinterpreting them. I made a comment on the group to clarify them and was careful to put myself as neutral and mention some good points.
Well, they promptly deleted my post. I have a hard time understanding why they want to convince people with scare tactics and bad data, when they could do a perfectly credible stand without doing so. My opinion of democracy went significantly down with that. I wish I could refer them to Eliezer and Less Wrong... but I think these people aren't interested in truth.
(The group, if you speak french: http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=262927717140&ref=m... )
Recently, a facebook group against water fluoration started in my town. A few of my friends being in it, I checked it out, and saw a few things that didn't make sense in their affirmations: bad chemistry, selectively picking facts and misinterpreting them. I made a comment on the group to clarify them and was careful to put myself as neutral and mention some good points.
Well, they promptly deleted my post. I have a hard time understanding why they want to convince people with scare tactics and bad data, when they could do a perfectly credible stand without doing so. My opinion of democracy went significantly down with that. I wish I could refer them to Eliezer and Less Wrong... but I think these people aren't interested in truth.
(The group, if you speak french: http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=262927717140&ref=m... )
I think you've misunderstood. Sure, the author agrees that porn is not the devil, i.e. it doesn't lead to violent crime and it's not going to lead to the collapse of civilization, but nonetheless wants us to knows there are serious negative consequences that we should be aware of.
You see, that's my point. How do we know there are serious negative consequences at all? Because of the anecdotes she mentions? She didn't cite any rigorous study that concludes pornography is harmful, but simply appealed to our gut feeling that it's got to be hurting us somehow. While I may agree or disagree, my complaint is that her anecdotal evidence is somehow supposed to sweep away the presumably well-designed study cited at the start. That's the opposite of science.
Edit: My tone here is a little combative. Sorry, it's not intended as an attack on you.
Edit: My tone here is a little combative. Sorry, it's not intended as an attack on you.
I was thinking reading the article: the guys who mindlessly copy porn moves and replies, how do we know it they would have been any better without porn? A pretty good hypothesis is that they wouldn't, they'd have been either woefully inexperienced or unimaginative. That's why gut feelings are bad and studies are good.
But studies don't come into existence out of thin air. You need to put things into conversation for someone to put the effort in to go out and do a study.
That's OK I wasn't offended.
If it's so hard to study, for example, the climate scientifically, then it must be orders of magnitude harder to study something like the effect of pornography scientifically. I simply don't think it's a scientific question.
That's not to say that the article should be confused for an academic study of any sort, but it's certainly useful insofar as it will encourage some readers to think about a specific aspect of pornography prevalence that they'd never thought of before.
If it's so hard to study, for example, the climate scientifically, then it must be orders of magnitude harder to study something like the effect of pornography scientifically. I simply don't think it's a scientific question.
That's not to say that the article should be confused for an academic study of any sort, but it's certainly useful insofar as it will encourage some readers to think about a specific aspect of pornography prevalence that they'd never thought of before.
[deleted]
The quote "I wasn't just having bad sex. I was having bad porn sex." from Mary Elizabeth Williams pissed me off.
Sex isn't something that is happening to you, it is something you participate in. So it is your damn fault if it is bad sex. Speak up about what you like, porn related or not.
Sex isn't something that is happening to you, it is something you participate in. So it is your damn fault if it is bad sex. Speak up about what you like, porn related or not.
I got curious, and for what it's worth the actual Mary Elizabeth Williams article is better than this one quotation might suggest.
Near the end of the piece, she says herself more or less what you say here:
So When Mr. Jackhammer asked, "Does that feel good, baby?" he may well have really been trying. And did I pipe up and say no? I did not. I ran away and never saw him again, prompting a friend to say with a sigh, "Now he's just going to go do that routine to some other poor woman."
For all the sex we watch and all the fancy moves we know and all the people we've ever seen without their pants, sex remains one of the hardest things in the world to speak truthfully about.
http://www.salon.com/life/feature/2009/11/01/make_love_like_...
Near the end of the piece, she says herself more or less what you say here:
So When Mr. Jackhammer asked, "Does that feel good, baby?" he may well have really been trying. And did I pipe up and say no? I did not. I ran away and never saw him again, prompting a friend to say with a sigh, "Now he's just going to go do that routine to some other poor woman."
For all the sex we watch and all the fancy moves we know and all the people we've ever seen without their pants, sex remains one of the hardest things in the world to speak truthfully about.
http://www.salon.com/life/feature/2009/11/01/make_love_like_...
the tone of the article is that sex is something that happens to women. this perspective is damaging because it both precludes women from taking responsibility for enjoying sex, and gives men responsibility for their partner's satisfaction. sex is, to a certain degree, about selfishness.
i think it's great that gallop started MakeLoveNotPorn - being aware that both men and women can / should speak up when you like / don't like something is a good first step towards taking responsibility for having a good sex life.
i think it's great that gallop started MakeLoveNotPorn - being aware that both men and women can / should speak up when you like / don't like something is a good first step towards taking responsibility for having a good sex life.
The idea that porn is to blame is wrong though. There is plenty of porn where the sex is not 'just happening' to the woman.
The fact that people seek out porn where sex 'happens' to women and/or adopt it as their point of view says more about society than about porn. Porn is just a scapegoat.
The fact that people seek out porn where sex 'happens' to women and/or adopt it as their point of view says more about society than about porn. Porn is just a scapegoat.
Couldn't have said it better - there's a huge variety of porn out there - and I personally dislike anything overtly "porn-star" like. There's truly something for all tastes when it comes to pornography on the internet - the fact that your significant other is seeking one type of porn above others probably signals his preferences moreso than his porn is dictating things to him.
It's the age-old causality question: do men choose porn based on existing sexual preferences, or does porn dictate people's sexual preferences? I'm more inclined to think that it's mostly the former and a bit of the latter.
It's the age-old causality question: do men choose porn based on existing sexual preferences, or does porn dictate people's sexual preferences? I'm more inclined to think that it's mostly the former and a bit of the latter.
Totally. I mean, he's begging for feedback. It's not like "You like that, baby?" has a subtext of "of course you do, because I'm awesome" or "of course you do, because my power to treat you like this turns you on." It's an honest question.
I laughed when she mentioned the asking seven times part. First of all she counted, and she doesn't respond, and then she blames the guy.
I am so thankful for my girlfriend right now.
I am so thankful for my girlfriend right now.
As much as I think that the article is problematic, I can totally imagine someone saying "you like that, baby?" in a rhetorical sense, rather than meaning it as an honest question. If that is the case, however, then it is a real problem that needs to be addressed rather than being blamed on porn.
Agreed. I see many parallels in in article's argument against porn and and arguments against violence in video games. Both, i.e. the porn and video game violence, can do well-acknowledged and serious harm against social mores: degradation of sexual intimacy in one case and simulation/glorification of violent behavior in the other case.
Both are also frequently made scapegoats and blamed for problems with society at large, be it lack of adequate sex-ed in school, unhealthy gender role models, or deeper, unacknowledged cultural glorifications of violence.
Both are also frequently made scapegoats and blamed for problems with society at large, be it lack of adequate sex-ed in school, unhealthy gender role models, or deeper, unacknowledged cultural glorifications of violence.
"You like that, baby?" is pretty porny, though. Guy just needs to grow a mustache and a mullet, he's all set.
I really disagree with your reading of that quote - other example uses of the verb to have without connotations of helplessness: "I am having a bowl of cereal", "I have a web site", "I wasn't having fun".
You are absolutely right that you should speak up if something bad is happening to you. For example, if someone is smacking you in the face, you should speak up about it. But that person shouldn't be smacking you in the face in the first place. The author's complaint about porn is that it makes a lot of people think that unacceptable behavior is acceptable. I know I only have anecdotal evidence to back it up, but I went to a boarding school where a couple of guys had a pool going about which one of them could cum on their girlfriend's face first. The reason they had a pool going is that all of them knew their girlfriends wouldn't be cool with it. There definitely exists a class of men who do shitty, immature things in things in the bedroom. Don't blame the victim.
I think that the point is that she wasn't even blaming the guy. She was blaming the porn which is stupid. "He wouldn't have been such an asshole if porn wasn't around," is a naive statement to make.
I agree. I also disliked this:
One friend said she's dreading her boyfriend's upcoming birthday because he views it as his "anything he wants" night. While she doesn't mind dressing up, she's dreading the "porn requests" (she didn't specify what those are, so we can only imagine).
That's not porn that is the problem. What is stopping this lady from simply telling her boyfriend what she does and does not like? And what kind of dysfunctional relationship is this if the boyfriend doesn't get to do "anything he wants" as a matter of course? Why is it a special birthday present for him to receive the satisfaction he obviously needs? Sounds like they're not really such a great match after all and porn is just a scapegoat.
One friend said she's dreading her boyfriend's upcoming birthday because he views it as his "anything he wants" night. While she doesn't mind dressing up, she's dreading the "porn requests" (she didn't specify what those are, so we can only imagine).
That's not porn that is the problem. What is stopping this lady from simply telling her boyfriend what she does and does not like? And what kind of dysfunctional relationship is this if the boyfriend doesn't get to do "anything he wants" as a matter of course? Why is it a special birthday present for him to receive the satisfaction he obviously needs? Sounds like they're not really such a great match after all and porn is just a scapegoat.
Do you seriously think that in a functional relationship (as opposed to a dysfunctional one) a boyfriend get to do 'anything he wants'? Or a girlfriend, for that matter?
It's perfectly legitimate (not to mention a fact in 99.99% of relationships by my estimate) for partners to have different needs and wants. And limits. Yes.
Compromises are a way of life for a good couple. Having 'special occasions' is not a bad way to go about these compromises, doing something for your partner you wouldn't want to do on a regular basis, with a nice socially acceptable rhythm to it.
To pick an example at random, I wouldn't buy my jewelry every day (or week, or month), but a couple of times a year for special occasions (birthday, anniversary) are cool.
Wrapping up, if there was an increasing cultural effect making my wife expect (and hint at) increasingly weird and tasteless things that she'd like for her birthday (I'd getting shivers just imagining examples), believe you me I wouldn't be happy about it, and saying no would still not be easy.
BTW: if you comment above was sarcastic and I missed it, consider this comment moot.
It's perfectly legitimate (not to mention a fact in 99.99% of relationships by my estimate) for partners to have different needs and wants. And limits. Yes.
Compromises are a way of life for a good couple. Having 'special occasions' is not a bad way to go about these compromises, doing something for your partner you wouldn't want to do on a regular basis, with a nice socially acceptable rhythm to it.
To pick an example at random, I wouldn't buy my jewelry every day (or week, or month), but a couple of times a year for special occasions (birthday, anniversary) are cool.
Wrapping up, if there was an increasing cultural effect making my wife expect (and hint at) increasingly weird and tasteless things that she'd like for her birthday (I'd getting shivers just imagining examples), believe you me I wouldn't be happy about it, and saying no would still not be easy.
BTW: if you comment above was sarcastic and I missed it, consider this comment moot.
What if I like two chicks at the same time for my birthday? I think my girl-friend would find it very easy to say no to that.
I was not sarcastic. Far from it.
I think there's a big difference between buying people whatever they want, whenever they want it, and sexual satisfaction. Of course you do not buy your partner jewellery every day or week. Good jewellery is expensive. And you can only wear so much.
But sexual satisfaction is different. Sex is free. And if the guy is not satisfied in their normal sexual behaviour, and has to wait until his birthday when he can really do all those things he wanted to do the rest of the year - well, I think that is weird and kind of pathological.
So yes in summary, in bed, of course each person in a couple should be able to "do whatever they want". Why wouldn't they? Just like they should be able to talk about whatever they want and watch whatever they want. If they can't do these basic things then .. what's the point of even being a couple?
I think there's a big difference between buying people whatever they want, whenever they want it, and sexual satisfaction. Of course you do not buy your partner jewellery every day or week. Good jewellery is expensive. And you can only wear so much.
But sexual satisfaction is different. Sex is free. And if the guy is not satisfied in their normal sexual behaviour, and has to wait until his birthday when he can really do all those things he wanted to do the rest of the year - well, I think that is weird and kind of pathological.
So yes in summary, in bed, of course each person in a couple should be able to "do whatever they want". Why wouldn't they? Just like they should be able to talk about whatever they want and watch whatever they want. If they can't do these basic things then .. what's the point of even being a couple?
This sounds good, but it's not true in reality. Couples rarely see eye to eye on 100% of topics, so in a stable relationship, many things become a compromise of sorts.
Everyone should feel fulfilled by sex, but that doesn't mean that the woman should be expected to do depraved sex acts that she's uncomfortable with, just like the man shouldn't be expected to spread rose petals on the bed and sing sonnets each time.
Everyone should feel fulfilled by sex, but that doesn't mean that the woman should be expected to do depraved sex acts that she's uncomfortable with, just like the man shouldn't be expected to spread rose petals on the bed and sing sonnets each time.
If a couple isn't in the same ballpark on sex, they should probably not be a couple.
If a woman really wants rose petals/sonnets, she shouldn't have to wait for her birthday to get it. It's hardly an unreasonable request every 1-2 weeks. And if her partner can't give it to her, she should move on.
If a woman really wants rose petals/sonnets, she shouldn't have to wait for her birthday to get it. It's hardly an unreasonable request every 1-2 weeks. And if her partner can't give it to her, she should move on.
It doesn't need to be such a point of contention and resentment, though -- the author of the article writes as if sex is a begrudging gift, and that the way she happens to view sex is the way we men need to learn to see it. In short: emotionally she's about 11 years old.
Agreed, the author isn't sexually mature. I think I was more sexually mature when I was 13 than the author appears to be.
Sex is a partnership. It's (generally) two people and (generally) one bed. If your sex life isn't to people participating, it isn't sex. The author sounds like she's a 'lays down and take it' kind of 'lover', which gives me the shudders.
Sex is a lot of things, but non-participating in it is IMHO akin to trying to be raped. It's nonsensical, and it IMHO sounds like non-consensual sex. I clearly don't comprehend it, but perhaps that's because when I wasn't even sexually developed I was aware of what sex was supposed to be.
Sex is a partnership. It's (generally) two people and (generally) one bed. If your sex life isn't to people participating, it isn't sex. The author sounds like she's a 'lays down and take it' kind of 'lover', which gives me the shudders.
Sex is a lot of things, but non-participating in it is IMHO akin to trying to be raped. It's nonsensical, and it IMHO sounds like non-consensual sex. I clearly don't comprehend it, but perhaps that's because when I wasn't even sexually developed I was aware of what sex was supposed to be.
I think the perspective of younger women is that they have to acquiesce or else they will not have a boyfriend. That is, if it is fairly universal that younger men demand such things from their girlfriends then women must decide to acquiesce or be celibate. I'm not saying this is the case but it is the author's point. Well, I believe it is her point.
They are saying that too many younger males have had their perspectives skewed by pornography and that something needs to be done about this. Maybe what the boyfriend really wants is something similar to '2 girls 1 cup' and that this want is the result of porn?
They are saying that too many younger males have had their perspectives skewed by pornography and that something needs to be done about this. Maybe what the boyfriend really wants is something similar to '2 girls 1 cup' and that this want is the result of porn?
Perspectives skewed? Isn't that another way of saying expectations raised? You could just as well complain about people not being happy with a normal job because their perspectives have been "skewed" by reading PG's essays. Maybe the porn just opened their eyes to what was possible.
I don't know, it just seems the whole thrust of the article is "sex is bad enough, but hardcore sex is even worse, and it's all porn's fault!".
And for what it's worth, myself and pretty much everyone I know have seen our share of pr0n, and I cannot imagine any of us thinking that 2girls1cup-style behaviour is desirable. I mean geeze, talk about the absolute worst example imaginable. Well, except SWAP.avi.
And yeah I'm aware I'm not arguing with you except as a proxy for the site .. ;)
I don't know, it just seems the whole thrust of the article is "sex is bad enough, but hardcore sex is even worse, and it's all porn's fault!".
And for what it's worth, myself and pretty much everyone I know have seen our share of pr0n, and I cannot imagine any of us thinking that 2girls1cup-style behaviour is desirable. I mean geeze, talk about the absolute worst example imaginable. Well, except SWAP.avi.
And yeah I'm aware I'm not arguing with you except as a proxy for the site .. ;)
> Maybe the porn just opened their eyes to what was possible.
I think the point is less about the mechanics of sexual contact (which is what your more talking about I think) as the interaction and emotional experience.
I watch a lot of pornography in my job; not in a sexual context but in a more abstract have to see the content way. It's quite an eye opener to see so much in an objective way.
In most porn the woman is highly submissive and either pleading for more pleasure or eager to provide sexual favours to the men. I find it hard to disagree with people that say pornography shows people (mostly, but not exclusively, the women) as objects - I do disagree with the conclusions they ultimately draw from that; but if people are emulating what they see as pornography in real life it's not the basis for a healthy relationship.
I think the point is less about the mechanics of sexual contact (which is what your more talking about I think) as the interaction and emotional experience.
I watch a lot of pornography in my job; not in a sexual context but in a more abstract have to see the content way. It's quite an eye opener to see so much in an objective way.
In most porn the woman is highly submissive and either pleading for more pleasure or eager to provide sexual favours to the men. I find it hard to disagree with people that say pornography shows people (mostly, but not exclusively, the women) as objects - I do disagree with the conclusions they ultimately draw from that; but if people are emulating what they see as pornography in real life it's not the basis for a healthy relationship.
> In most porn the woman is highly submissive and either pleading for more pleasure or eager to provide sexual favours to the men.
So, where do you find this... not most porn?
So, where do you find this... not most porn?
Lesbian porn. Female Dom. female targetted porn. And all sorts of other genres. :-)
There is also a small genre of pornography which shows realistic sex.
There is also a small genre of pornography which shows realistic sex.
Are you forgetting homemade porn? That seems like a much larger segment than those others, but is realistic by definition.
Should we automatically assume that when couples perform in homemade porn they're doing exactly what they would do off camera?
Well, that's a whole different rabbit-hole you're jumping down there. My comments here have been seen as anti-female in the past so I'll refrain from airing my views on the matter but suffice to say I think sexual behaviour in general and pornography in particular reflects a very long-standing social dynamic.
I have never known a man who was selected against because he was dominant.
I have never known a man who was selected against because he was dominant.
> I have never known a man who was selected against because he was dominant.
Harem attendants where eunuchs for reason. :P
Harem attendants where eunuchs for reason. :P
> Maybe the porn just opened their eyes to what was possible.
I do not agree with you, but that is a very interesting point of view. Never thought it like that. :)
I do not agree with you, but that is a very interesting point of view. Never thought it like that. :)
What is it that you don't agree with? Are you saying that everyone that watches porn immediately likes everything they see and adopts it as a defacto standard in the bedroom? If so, why are there not more people complaining about their lover/sex-buddy wanting 2girl1cup-style sex?
Is it not more reasonable that people watch porn and then adopt the things that they see which appeal to them? If so, then this whole argument is about whether or not people should be allowed exposure to new ideas which they might agree with and adopt into their view of the world (and/or expectations of it).
Is it not more reasonable that people watch porn and then adopt the things that they see which appeal to them? If so, then this whole argument is about whether or not people should be allowed exposure to new ideas which they might agree with and adopt into their view of the world (and/or expectations of it).
I think that a lot of the complaints brought up in the article aren't really complains about porn so much as they are complaints about how impressionable we are as individuals. We let so many of our tastes, preferences and behaviors be dictated by mass media, so why are we then surprised to find that we let our sexual behaviors be dictated by mass media as well?
On a related note, I think that a lot of the complaints can be attributed to a kind of pluralistic ignorance (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pluralistic_ignorance), where individuals are under mistaken impressions about the preferences and comfort level of their partners. In a sense, this is the flip side of impressionability, where we expect that other people are similarly impressionable.
On a related note, I think that a lot of the complaints can be attributed to a kind of pluralistic ignorance (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pluralistic_ignorance), where individuals are under mistaken impressions about the preferences and comfort level of their partners. In a sense, this is the flip side of impressionability, where we expect that other people are similarly impressionable.
TL;DR summary: A writer compares a proper peer-reviewed scientific study vs. asking her friends what they thought.
Sensitivity to something is invariably decreased by exposure. In my life, I've gone from a picture of bare breasts being a big deal and a huge turnon, to seeing graphic movies of any kind of sex imaginable free 24/7 on the internet. I don't think there is any question that this has made the average male expect their partners to do things that their partners mothers would never have considered doing. Whether this is bad or not is a separate question.
Everyone I know prefers amateur porn. I probably wouldn't be interested in a woman who was uncomfortable with what goes in in most amateur porn.
Of course, everyone I know is reasonably intelligent. In my humble opinion, you'd have to be an incredibly silly person to think commercial porn represents a model to aspire to. Frankly, if she's sleeping with guys in their 20s who act like commercial porn actors, I bet she has pretty poor taste in men.
Of course, everyone I know is reasonably intelligent. In my humble opinion, you'd have to be an incredibly silly person to think commercial porn represents a model to aspire to. Frankly, if she's sleeping with guys in their 20s who act like commercial porn actors, I bet she has pretty poor taste in men.
Because articles about sites should have links to the sites being discussed: http://makelovenotporn.com/
[deleted]
I think this is more a product of some aspects of society than just porn.
Sex in porn is reall incredibly different to real life - it takes a level of naievity and, probably, peer pressure to form that sort of impression.
I think it's disingenuous to suggest it's causing these issues for everyone.
Most of the described relationships just sound tucked up generally. The girl who dreads her boyfriends birthday seems as much the victim of her own silence as anything else!
Sex in porn is reall incredibly different to real life - it takes a level of naievity and, probably, peer pressure to form that sort of impression.
I think it's disingenuous to suggest it's causing these issues for everyone.
Most of the described relationships just sound tucked up generally. The girl who dreads her boyfriends birthday seems as much the victim of her own silence as anything else!
Look at this from another angle, it is equally valid to say that the sexual oppression that exists in our society has skewed many women and men in to thinking that there is such thing has a normal set of sexual behaviors.
That's why this "porn request" thing is blown to such ridiculous proportion. If the main stream perception of sex was not skewed but rather much more open-minded, this discussion would have been as casual as a discussion about ice cream flavors.
That's why this "porn request" thing is blown to such ridiculous proportion. If the main stream perception of sex was not skewed but rather much more open-minded, this discussion would have been as casual as a discussion about ice cream flavors.
The focus of these kinds of articles always seems to rest much to heavily on there's too much evil porn and not on there's not enough good sex education, which I think is the real issue.
This feels weirdly old, despite being published in 2009. These are almost verbatim the kinds of criticisms old-school feminists were levying against porn prior to the advent of sex-positive feminism in the 1980s.
I find this article somewhat related: http://www.theregister.co.uk/2010/02/14/techno_toys/
[deleted]
[deleted]
It was the happiest moment of my young life. There is just something about blowing a load in a chick's face that makes you feel like a man.
Any boy who thinks like that is a jerk.
especially on behalf of younger women who might mistakenly think they have to put up with the new status quo if they want their guy to put out.
And any girl who thinks like that would be described as an idiot.
Seriously folks anyone who thinks being superior to your own sex partner is manlike and anyone who thinks they should just accept what ever is coming from there's is seriously a wimp.
Any boy who thinks like that is a jerk.
especially on behalf of younger women who might mistakenly think they have to put up with the new status quo if they want their guy to put out.
And any girl who thinks like that would be described as an idiot.
Seriously folks anyone who thinks being superior to your own sex partner is manlike and anyone who thinks they should just accept what ever is coming from there's is seriously a wimp.
Any boy who has a hormonal response to a certain sexual act is a jerk?
I hate to tell you this, but people have very little control over what turns them on and what makes them feel good. A boy isn't a jerk for wanting to give a girl a facial, just as a girl isn't a jerk for enjoying wearing leather and whipping her boyfriend (or vice versa).
What determines if you are a jerk is not what you want, but how you behave in the pursuit of it.
I hate to tell you this, but people have very little control over what turns them on and what makes them feel good. A boy isn't a jerk for wanting to give a girl a facial, just as a girl isn't a jerk for enjoying wearing leather and whipping her boyfriend (or vice versa).
What determines if you are a jerk is not what you want, but how you behave in the pursuit of it.
I'd hate to break this to you also, but being "turned on" is just another emotional state that is subject to the mind's interpretation and perception.
It's long been known (as the root of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) that the order of neurological operations is
Event --leads-to--> Perception of Event --which-leads-to--> Emotion
Some of these neurological responses may have become so ingrained and automatic that they seem "uncontrollable", but they are the results of many smaller controllable choices as to how to perceive a specific event.
It's the same reason why I find something enjoyable that you do not, and you find something attractive while I do not... we've made different choices along the way. It is a clear sign of emotional immaturity to believe that you are not in control of how you perceive events (which in turn creates the emotions you experience)
You are certainly not in control of the events that happen, nor the emotional release, but you can control how you perceive and choose to interpret things.
It's long been known (as the root of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) that the order of neurological operations is
Event --leads-to--> Perception of Event --which-leads-to--> Emotion
Some of these neurological responses may have become so ingrained and automatic that they seem "uncontrollable", but they are the results of many smaller controllable choices as to how to perceive a specific event.
It's the same reason why I find something enjoyable that you do not, and you find something attractive while I do not... we've made different choices along the way. It is a clear sign of emotional immaturity to believe that you are not in control of how you perceive events (which in turn creates the emotions you experience)
You are certainly not in control of the events that happen, nor the emotional release, but you can control how you perceive and choose to interpret things.
That quote was taken from another article. It could be faked, or the author of that other article searched really long to find somebody who would say that.
I don't like articles like that...
I don't like articles like that...
So, the author starts with an academic study of the sex lives of modern young people, which drew some conclusions that porn is not the devil: "pretty conventional, almost identical to their parents," and "pornography has been demonized and that its effects are negligible." Then, she spends more than a thousand words trying to refute that entirely by anecdotal evidence, capping it off with "porn is having a profound impact on our culture."
I know asking everyone to act like good scientists is too much. But I would like it if people would at least try to act like bad scientists, and selectively use studies that support their predetermined conclusions. What a world, where you strengthen your point by citing only studies that refute it.