We all don't know what we are doing(cyberomin.github.io)
cyberomin.github.io
We all don't know what we are doing
http://cyberomin.github.io/startup/2015/12/07/nobody-knows-what-they-are-doing.html
23 comments
As someone who will soon be a new parent, how important do you think this "aura of infallibility" is? Obviously you want to reassure your kid whenever possible, but do they need to think that you're essentially always right? What if you discover that you weren't?
Don't over think things.
Be kind and gentle. Don't be their best friend -- do be their best teacher.
If they discover you weren't right, then apologise to them just as you would in any other situation where you are wrong. What they learn off you is how to be a human, not how to be right 100% of the time.
[At the start, they only need cuddles, feeds and cleaning anyway so you have time to learn as you go]
Father of 3 preschoolers speaking. I'm sure there's more to come.
Be kind and gentle. Don't be their best friend -- do be their best teacher.
If they discover you weren't right, then apologise to them just as you would in any other situation where you are wrong. What they learn off you is how to be a human, not how to be right 100% of the time.
[At the start, they only need cuddles, feeds and cleaning anyway so you have time to learn as you go]
Father of 3 preschoolers speaking. I'm sure there's more to come.
No the parent you were asking, but my philosophy with my kids has always been to own up to my mistakes as quickly as possible and then make it as right as I can.
I've had to apologize to each of my kids more times than I can count. The benefit that I've seen is that they are all willing to apologize to me as well.
It seems to have worked well so far, but my oldest is just 18 and the sample size is small.
I've had to apologize to each of my kids more times than I can count. The benefit that I've seen is that they are all willing to apologize to me as well.
It seems to have worked well so far, but my oldest is just 18 and the sample size is small.
Infallibility is probably the wrong word, on second thoughts.
Part of what I mean is you want your kids to know that you'll be there for them and you always have their best interests at heart. You want them to rely on you like the sun coming up in the morning, and you want to be able to bear that weight. Stability breeds healthy kids who aren't anxious about sudden change.
But if you make a mistake, you have to show them that it's OK to back down and apologise. Because they will know when you're being unfair, or if you're saying one thing but doing another. You're not earning their respect and trust if you do otherwise.
Part of what I mean is you want your kids to know that you'll be there for them and you always have their best interests at heart. You want them to rely on you like the sun coming up in the morning, and you want to be able to bear that weight. Stability breeds healthy kids who aren't anxious about sudden change.
But if you make a mistake, you have to show them that it's OK to back down and apologise. Because they will know when you're being unfair, or if you're saying one thing but doing another. You're not earning their respect and trust if you do otherwise.
You are absolutely right flashman.
That is such an unhelpful mantra to keep repeating.
It's phrased negatively and offers no enlightenment other than acknowledgement of your ignorance.
People qualify as worthy leaders by showing wisdom. Plenty of stuff is not super original (Facebook wasn't the first social network). Prior experience is a great teacher.
Good leaders make plans and manage their risks. Even if they are moving into a new field, they can draw on the skills and experiences of others. Then they prioritise what's important and allocate resources based off that.
As the plans get executed, they monitor progress and adapt accordingly.
There are always uncertainties. If they eventuate, the impact can be good or bad. Planning ahead means assessing the likelihoods and making appropriate contingencies.
Just acting confident is not showing leadership.
People qualify as worthy leaders by showing wisdom. Plenty of stuff is not super original (Facebook wasn't the first social network). Prior experience is a great teacher.
Good leaders make plans and manage their risks. Even if they are moving into a new field, they can draw on the skills and experiences of others. Then they prioritise what's important and allocate resources based off that.
As the plans get executed, they monitor progress and adapt accordingly.
There are always uncertainties. If they eventuate, the impact can be good or bad. Planning ahead means assessing the likelihoods and making appropriate contingencies.
Just acting confident is not showing leadership.
Absolutely. You can know ultimately that you don't know what you're doing, but still be pretty sure of your heuristic and draw from skills and experiences (as you say). People do not follow and are not inspired by those that will openly claim they have no idea what they are doing. This is a hindsight thing.
Yeah. There are also lots of different levels of not knowing what we are doing. People who are competent are confident due to statistical confidence: They have a good idea that they are in the ball park and they have a good idea nothing will go really catastrophically wrong. The mantra we don't know what we are doing really fails to separate the wheat from the chafe -- the people who didn't know every single detail but knew enough to guide a company through a growth process vs the folks who honestly aren't ready to be in business because they would literally starve.
True indeed. Other observations:
-I wonder how they are dealing with the motorbike ban. Seems like quite the obstacle in a city like Lagos.
-I am fascinated by how other countries seem to be importing Black Friday from the U.S. to their shores. The U.K. is doing it too, I understand. I get the retailers' motivations, but I hope these societies never find themselves in the position of America's extreme affinity for it. To me it's a sad spectacle.
-I wonder how they are dealing with the motorbike ban. Seems like quite the obstacle in a city like Lagos.
-I am fascinated by how other countries seem to be importing Black Friday from the U.S. to their shores. The U.K. is doing it too, I understand. I get the retailers' motivations, but I hope these societies never find themselves in the position of America's extreme affinity for it. To me it's a sad spectacle.
This year's Black Friday in the UK was a lot more sane compared to last year's, thankfully.
Many stores opened early and had nobody waiting outside. Even Asda (owned by Walmart) said they wouldn't participate because of what happened (large brawls in supermarkets) in 2014.
Many stores opened early and had nobody waiting outside. Even Asda (owned by Walmart) said they wouldn't participate because of what happened (large brawls in supermarkets) in 2014.
Hey marcusgarvey,
People have quite adjusted to the motorbike ban, we have tricycles now covering short distances. You can always use a taxi or join a public bus for longer routes.
Thanks for that insight!
This is of course true, though not a new idea. Bret Victor said "the most dangerous thought you can have as a creative person is to think you know what you're doing."[0]
Moreover when we are convinced we know what we're doing, it's a sure sign we don't have a clue. After a few decades of practice I realized that in fact I didn't know what I was doing, and turns out that's the key to success.
[0] http://worrydream.com/dbx/
Moreover when we are convinced we know what we're doing, it's a sure sign we don't have a clue. After a few decades of practice I realized that in fact I didn't know what I was doing, and turns out that's the key to success.
[0] http://worrydream.com/dbx/
How do you be a leader in a situation where it's your first time doing a startup and "we all don't know what we are doing"?
> How do you be a leader
focus less on the lead/follow(or get out of the way) dichotomy and more on how to add value? think less of commanding troops in a battle against competitors or market forces, and envision yourself more like a bridge between your team and your customers.
in today's environment (as far as i can tell; haven't thought a/b it that much, really), the relationship with customers is about the only thing most startups "own". so you'll want to present yourself as someone who's going to go to bat for the people around you no matter what happens, especially the unexpected, and i thought the story about motorcycles being banned was a really good example of this.
focus less on the lead/follow(or get out of the way) dichotomy and more on how to add value? think less of commanding troops in a battle against competitors or market forces, and envision yourself more like a bridge between your team and your customers.
in today's environment (as far as i can tell; haven't thought a/b it that much, really), the relationship with customers is about the only thing most startups "own". so you'll want to present yourself as someone who's going to go to bat for the people around you no matter what happens, especially the unexpected, and i thought the story about motorcycles being banned was a really good example of this.
I'd avoid that situation if I could. That does not sound like a recipe for a happy ending.
I don't know where I'm going. Follow me. :)
Tools don't mean shit. It's what you do with the tool that matters. The quality is in your idea and story, not the tool.
Good ol' Socrates :)
This resonates with me very strongly. But it seems all too easy to extend this sentiment towards others and remind them that they don't know what they're doing, which creates a pretty toxic environment.
This resonates with me very strongly. But it seems all too easy to extend this sentiment towards others and remind them that they don't know what they're doing, which creates a pretty toxic environment.
I think it's better to have some weighted account of what you know and don't know then to assume that any process, framework, theory, or person can't be relied on for signal.
Daring to have an opinion and daring to be wrong can be just as much of an exploratory process; that, and it sounds less anxious.
A lot of people say "nobody knows anything!" and leave it at that. It's more often used as an anti-intellectual tool, or a license to say whatever you want since you've just established that everyone in the room is ignorant.
Daring to have an opinion and daring to be wrong can be just as much of an exploratory process; that, and it sounds less anxious.
A lot of people say "nobody knows anything!" and leave it at that. It's more often used as an anti-intellectual tool, or a license to say whatever you want since you've just established that everyone in the room is ignorant.
You have to step up and own your ignorance if you ever want to move past it.