Men don't have enough friends(salon.com)
salon.com
Men don't have enough friends
http://www.salon.com/2013/12/08/american_mens_hidden_crisis_they_need_more_friends/
2 comments
It seems US-culture centric. I'm French, I find there's much less of a push against girly things in my youth, at least compared to the US depicted in movies. I've heard people in US sometimes say "Either he's gay either he's European", is that true ;) ?
However I felt similar things. My first long term gf dumped me 50% because I wasn't manly enough. I also praise equality and hate dominance. I also turn to my friends for advice and sharing, which isn't manly either. I'm sensitive, which bosses don't like. I'm absolutely not effeminate, by the way, but relationships work much better since I date men.
But deep inside I have a secret. I'm straight. And I can say if you show feelings, society won't accept you as a hetero.
However I felt similar things. My first long term gf dumped me 50% because I wasn't manly enough. I also praise equality and hate dominance. I also turn to my friends for advice and sharing, which isn't manly either. I'm sensitive, which bosses don't like. I'm absolutely not effeminate, by the way, but relationships work much better since I date men.
But deep inside I have a secret. I'm straight. And I can say if you show feelings, society won't accept you as a hetero.
This author has trends but no causal links, no direct evidence. She projects her own ideas of friendship and happiness onto male relationships. Despite trying to avoid "measuring male friendships with a female yardstick", that's exactly what she does when she departs from the data gathered to assert:
> [male-patterned behavior is] restrictive and dehumanizing. It’s oppression all dressed up as awesomeness.
> To be close friends, men need to be willing to confess their insecurities, be kind to others, have empathy and sometimes sacrifice their own self-interest. “Real men,” though, are not supposed to do these things.
> And it is part of why men have a hard time being friends.
> men often don’t have a lot of practice being a good friend
Thanks for your contribution, Lisa Wade. Maybe I'm the exception for having two confidants: a best friend from college and my current girlfriend. Maybe this is actually a problem in need of solving, but your projection (or perhaps begging the question) scuttled your argument from the beginning.