taparisbat3

8 tahun yang laludiscuss

wow, thanks :)

taparisbat3

8 tahun yang laludiscuss

Both.

taparisbat3

8 tahun yang laludiscuss

Can you elaborate on your changes?

taparisbat3

8 tahun yang laludiscuss

See a therapist if you can.

taparisbat3

8 tahun yang laludiscuss

I have opened myself to almost everyone near me.

No one can help but me.

The shame and guilt is deep inside me. It's me who's lost now. They try to be there but still...

taparisbat3

8 tahun yang laludiscuss

I talked to them about this, they were like : "well how will you earn money?"

I feel like it has never been about me, but about my achievements. This has fucked up my sense of self.

taparisbat3

8 tahun yang laludiscuss

I'm not even sure.. at the moment I'm lost. :)

taparisbat3

8 tahun yang laludiscuss

I've lived abandonment, verbal and physical svuse, bullying and a war :)

taparisbat3

8 tahun yang laludiscuss

It's difficult to sleep well when depressed.

Lately I wake up in panic, with only 3hours of bad sleep

taparisbat3

8 tahun yang laludiscuss

I have suicidal ideations, shame and start isolating myself.. This is hard because I wait for people to come toward me but these people don't care so you just end up feeling alone and depressed.

I hope to figure this out in my life.

What do you mean by physically sick? Can you interact with people normally?

Me me world is difficult for me too but also because I find it difficult to handle stuff just by myself

taparisbat3

8 tahun yang laludiscuss

I don't believe in the mission of my work. I actually feel guilty. The mentality around me feels just plain wrong.

And collecting with collègues, I think I'm just like you. Superficial chit-chat is difficult for me and I prefer when people get personal or just plain real on the discussion. Something I cannot find where I am because people are just superficial most of the time (well that's my point of view while being depressed).

I've only worked for a bank and this trading firm but I have always felt the pressure I put myself and the comparison to others. I can't be laid-back and take it easy.. It's unnatural and fake it til you make it is hard for me.

taparisbat3

8 tahun yang laludiscuss

There's always the possibility to find work on upwork etc to do freelance stuff.

taparisbat3

8 tahun yang laludiscuss

'one-off tech'? Yes your experience is awesome.

taparisbat3

8 tahun yang laludiscuss

I ordered some actually :) will try and tell you

taparisbat3

8 tahun yang laludiscuss

I don't enjoy it no. But I get to get bored easily with every job I have.

taparisbat3

8 tahun yang laludiscuss

Comparing myself with these super gangsta people around me makes me feel small and weak. The qualities I have seem irrelevant there (empathy, sensibility, helping others, etc)

taparisbat3

8 tahun yang laludiscuss

Thanks mc big g. <3

taparisbat3

8 tahun yang laludiscuss

Thanks. I will do this!

taparisbat3

8 tahun yang laludiscuss

I really feel the lack of empathy. But I need this more than those around me :/ which makes me feel special

taparisbat3

8 tahun yang laludiscuss

I think job is good as what my parents would consider a good job.. :(

taparisbat3

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Ask HN: Depression and job

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