Ask HN: Feeling Sick
13 comments
I asked myself if i could do anything, what would I want to do, and really I have no idea.
First, before I get to the advice part, a note: Our ability make decisions in the present based on our current emotional reaction to scenarios we imagine happening in the future is an amazing evolutionary advance (compared to, e.g., what even chimpanzees can do), but where it breaks down is that we have only one emotional response circuit, which got reused by evolution for us to evaluate future scenarios, and it doesn't distinguish between the present and the future.
Thus to ask yourself "what would I want to do", and to have no idea, is completely normal. A standard brain limitation. You're in a funk, where you feel sick. You think of some future scenario, something you could do, and check in with your emotion circuit. It says, "blah" and "feel sick". So do you feel like you want that future scenario? No, you feel sick.
So keep in mind that your emotional future predictor circuit is going to be offline while you're in a funk. Being experimental is a reasonable idea: you can go out and try things like going jogging or meditating or getting a hug or getting more sleep or cutting out the caffeine or taking a vacation or painting your room purple or doing nothing for a day and observe whether you feel a bit better or not, but when you imagine doing things you're not going to feel like you'd want to do them.
Another thing I notice is that in your description you describe your feeling bad as a result of not getting thing done ("I can't focus, and this driving me crazy"; "I asked myself what would I want to do"). I'm imaging that you have, in the past, felt good about getting things done, and so when you are unhappy and not getting things done, your hypothesis is that you're unhappy because you're not getting things done.
I suspect that causality may be going the other way: that is, you're not getting things done because you're unhappy, and when your emotional equilibrium is restored, your natural ability to get things done that you want to do will also be restored.
In the meantime, you need to triage your tasks: what are the things that you actually need to get done (to avoid starvation or homelessness, etc.); and what are the other tasks you "should" or want to get done. If you're having trouble with tasks in the first category, ask for help in getting them done from friends and family. For the rest, set them aside and don't worry about them until your emotional equilibrium is restored.
When you're in a negative emotional state, you need to first get to neutral. Once you're in neutral, working on aspirations and productivity tools are ways to then get to positive. But you can't go from -10 to +10 in one jump. You need to get to zero first.
I went through a period of depression, so I'm quite familiar with the feeling of not wanting to do anything, and being unhappy about it. I found therapy enormously helpful in getting myself up to zero. Eventually I got to zero and stopped going to therapy because I had outgrown it.
So this is my advice, since I've been in this situation and this is what worked for me: get therapy. Recognize that the goal of therapy is to get you reset, to get you up to zero. Once you're at zero, and start feeling like doing things again, that's the time to pursue GTD or whatever that you find useful. Therapists are typically not going to help you much getting past zero, but getting you out of your negative condition and up to zero is something that they're really good at.
Please feel free to email me at [email protected] if there's anything you'd like to ask or tell me privately.
First, before I get to the advice part, a note: Our ability make decisions in the present based on our current emotional reaction to scenarios we imagine happening in the future is an amazing evolutionary advance (compared to, e.g., what even chimpanzees can do), but where it breaks down is that we have only one emotional response circuit, which got reused by evolution for us to evaluate future scenarios, and it doesn't distinguish between the present and the future.
Thus to ask yourself "what would I want to do", and to have no idea, is completely normal. A standard brain limitation. You're in a funk, where you feel sick. You think of some future scenario, something you could do, and check in with your emotion circuit. It says, "blah" and "feel sick". So do you feel like you want that future scenario? No, you feel sick.
So keep in mind that your emotional future predictor circuit is going to be offline while you're in a funk. Being experimental is a reasonable idea: you can go out and try things like going jogging or meditating or getting a hug or getting more sleep or cutting out the caffeine or taking a vacation or painting your room purple or doing nothing for a day and observe whether you feel a bit better or not, but when you imagine doing things you're not going to feel like you'd want to do them.
Another thing I notice is that in your description you describe your feeling bad as a result of not getting thing done ("I can't focus, and this driving me crazy"; "I asked myself what would I want to do"). I'm imaging that you have, in the past, felt good about getting things done, and so when you are unhappy and not getting things done, your hypothesis is that you're unhappy because you're not getting things done.
I suspect that causality may be going the other way: that is, you're not getting things done because you're unhappy, and when your emotional equilibrium is restored, your natural ability to get things done that you want to do will also be restored.
In the meantime, you need to triage your tasks: what are the things that you actually need to get done (to avoid starvation or homelessness, etc.); and what are the other tasks you "should" or want to get done. If you're having trouble with tasks in the first category, ask for help in getting them done from friends and family. For the rest, set them aside and don't worry about them until your emotional equilibrium is restored.
When you're in a negative emotional state, you need to first get to neutral. Once you're in neutral, working on aspirations and productivity tools are ways to then get to positive. But you can't go from -10 to +10 in one jump. You need to get to zero first.
I went through a period of depression, so I'm quite familiar with the feeling of not wanting to do anything, and being unhappy about it. I found therapy enormously helpful in getting myself up to zero. Eventually I got to zero and stopped going to therapy because I had outgrown it.
So this is my advice, since I've been in this situation and this is what worked for me: get therapy. Recognize that the goal of therapy is to get you reset, to get you up to zero. Once you're at zero, and start feeling like doing things again, that's the time to pursue GTD or whatever that you find useful. Therapists are typically not going to help you much getting past zero, but getting you out of your negative condition and up to zero is something that they're really good at.
Please feel free to email me at [email protected] if there's anything you'd like to ask or tell me privately.
I wish I could upvote this by more than just one point. This response is amazing. I know I don't add much to the conversation here, but I really wanted you to know that this was valued by me and I'm sure many others. Thank you.
I agree. Great response. So much advice a person like this would receive would be "do this" or "do that." If you don't have the urge to do anything perhaps that is a good thing. Your mind/body is trying to tell you something. It may be time to take a break. There's nothing wrong with that. We all sleep at night and sometimes we need more rest at points of our lives. Humans are not linear. We are more suited to a cycle of up and down rather than a straight, linear way of life.
When we're sick, the best way to get better is to rest. I know this isn't a popular opinion for a place like HN or even America in general.
You said you tried meditating but can't stand it for more than 5 minutes. There are other forms of activities that can get you into a meditative-like state. For me, this could be reading or walking for the sake of walking.
When we're sick, the best way to get better is to rest. I know this isn't a popular opinion for a place like HN or even America in general.
You said you tried meditating but can't stand it for more than 5 minutes. There are other forms of activities that can get you into a meditative-like state. For me, this could be reading or walking for the sake of walking.
Work to live, don't live to work.
Stop worrying about your productivity and indulge in life. Ask that girl if she'd like to disappear overseas for a week or two.
Stop worrying about your productivity and indulge in life. Ask that girl if she'd like to disappear overseas for a week or two.
To start off, if it makes you feel any better, most people's work ethics are like you.
You can't just keep going on a journey to search for motivation, because it didn't work for me. If you've attempted to read the productivity literature and the self help literature, I'm sure everything I say, you know already.
So to keep it clean and simple, pull yourself together man. No one is going to help you, and you're on your journey on your own. The motivation has to come within, and if you really want to become successful, then start acting more successful. Surround yourself with people of good work ethics. Start challenging people to motivate yourself through competition. You have to figure out what works for you.
The best way to measure your determination is to go jog. Set a high expectation number, let's say if you're endurance can only allow you to jog 2 miles currently, set a goal to jog for 4 miles. Refuse to stop until you finish the distance.
You can't just keep going on a journey to search for motivation, because it didn't work for me. If you've attempted to read the productivity literature and the self help literature, I'm sure everything I say, you know already.
So to keep it clean and simple, pull yourself together man. No one is going to help you, and you're on your journey on your own. The motivation has to come within, and if you really want to become successful, then start acting more successful. Surround yourself with people of good work ethics. Start challenging people to motivate yourself through competition. You have to figure out what works for you.
The best way to measure your determination is to go jog. Set a high expectation number, let's say if you're endurance can only allow you to jog 2 miles currently, set a goal to jog for 4 miles. Refuse to stop until you finish the distance.
Thanks man. I usually run 60-90 minutes 2x week, so running calms me down, and that is something that I force myself to do, but the other stuff doesn't happen. I guess that is what i figured after reading all this self help stuff that I ultimately need to figure stuff out myself, but I thought there might be other folks that could point me in the right direction.
I think you will find your answer or at least some breadcrumbs leading to it in stillness.
Every time you're feeling the way you are, as I suspect your post was written in a heightened state of your emotion, drop everything at hand and go to a quiet space. Grab a cup of tea and just sit and look at the smoke coming out of the cup. Clear your mind and purge yourself of all negative thoughts.
I understand the feeling every well as I think many here will say the same. We all want to do a lot of things, and sometimes that myriad of "things" we want to do can get overwhelming. When it gets overwhelming, just drop everything and regain your footing. I do make it a point to do "nothing" sometimes :)
When I say stillness, I really mean it. No computer, cellphones, electronics nothing but your collected self and perhaps a cup of tea. No watch either. You are the master of your self, space and time. Everything is as you say and execute.
Every time you're feeling the way you are, as I suspect your post was written in a heightened state of your emotion, drop everything at hand and go to a quiet space. Grab a cup of tea and just sit and look at the smoke coming out of the cup. Clear your mind and purge yourself of all negative thoughts.
I understand the feeling every well as I think many here will say the same. We all want to do a lot of things, and sometimes that myriad of "things" we want to do can get overwhelming. When it gets overwhelming, just drop everything and regain your footing. I do make it a point to do "nothing" sometimes :)
When I say stillness, I really mean it. No computer, cellphones, electronics nothing but your collected self and perhaps a cup of tea. No watch either. You are the master of your self, space and time. Everything is as you say and execute.
One piece of advice: talk to a licensed professional therapist or some other trusted and professional source of counseling.
Burnout?
You must learn to forgive yourself for not doing enough, not being up to par to your past self, etc etc. Let your GF help you and be with you and take a break. a REAL brake. don't spend a week "resting" trying to cram in 20 books. There's no quick fixes.
Once you really rest. Once you find yourself calm again, let the drive and passion build up by itself once more, soon it will burn again even more . Start w/ small achievements, baby steps, you'll learn not to let yourself burnout again. Soon you'll be back on track.
You must learn to forgive yourself for not doing enough, not being up to par to your past self, etc etc. Let your GF help you and be with you and take a break. a REAL brake. don't spend a week "resting" trying to cram in 20 books. There's no quick fixes.
Once you really rest. Once you find yourself calm again, let the drive and passion build up by itself once more, soon it will burn again even more . Start w/ small achievements, baby steps, you'll learn not to let yourself burnout again. Soon you'll be back on track.
What are the things that you were trying to do but couldn't do? Is it a particular thing or things in general? If it's a particular thing, may be your subconscious is telling you the task is not ready to begin.
I have similar experiences in not able to start on a particular development task and later it turned out that the design was bad. All the effort would be wasted if I have started anyway.
It's better to just relax and do something else enjoyable. When things are ready, you can jump right in.
I have similar experiences in not able to start on a particular development task and later it turned out that the design was bad. All the effort would be wasted if I have started anyway.
It's better to just relax and do something else enjoyable. When things are ready, you can jump right in.
I understand what you're going through, and can relate with much of what you've said. I don't know what to do myself, or what advice to give. I would suggest disconnecting yourself from computers and the intenet for a whle though, and see if that improves your focus on other things.
You're burnt out, in the true sense of the term. If you don't take care of yourself now you may end up this way for good. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Burnout_(psychology)
I understand if you don't want to share, but what was the reason behind you and your girlfriends break-up? Is it possible that it has something to do with the way you feel now?
I told her that i needed sometime alone to figure stuff out. I still like her, and she still likes me, she tried to help, but sometimes I just don't want people around me. I thought that was understood, but clarifying again.
Take some time to forget about being productive and be creative.
Draw a picture. Bake something delicious. Write a poem.
Then share it with someone.
Draw a picture. Bake something delicious. Write a poem.
Then share it with someone.
Set short, intermediate and long term goals and knock off the short ones one day at a time until you get back on track.
I think the key here is set some short-term goals. Although it's important to have some long-term, you need to get the ball rolling. Set some short-term/easily attainable goals that way you'll have some successes to build off of.
What are you trying to get done? Why? What would you do if you didn't have to do this stuff you're trying to get done?
I freelance to make bank. I have enough money to get by for a couple of months, or live beyond my means for 2 months and blow it all. That is the question that i keep asking myself, because I went through all the old stuff on HN that suggested traveling, or helping others and volunteering. I don't have an answer, and I am just freaking out because of that.
I have been here since the beginning and I was more normal that what I currently am. Obviously I am using my past self as a metric to measure my present self, which is not really a good scale, but please bear with me.
I am unable to get things done, and I can't handle it anymore. I never believed in reading productivity p0rn, but my situation started getting so bad, that I took a 1-2 week break, and focused on reading all the popular recommended reading from GTD by Allen, to Zen Habits, etc. This was a couple of months ago, but I still can't seem to focus. I understand what needs to be done, and its really trivial, but I am unable to bring myself to do anything at all. I feel like throwing up. I really can't focus, and this i driving me crazy.
I am otherwise perfectly normal, healthy/fit, had a girlfriend (asked her for time off after valentine's day), and a great relationships with friends and family. I have been blessed with more that what most people in the world have in their lives, and I am thankful for that, but really I really don't have any motivation or desire to do anything.
I asked myself if i could do anything, what would I want to do, and really I have no idea. [I could say travel and help others in third world / other countries or here, but really i have done that and it just doesn't click].
If you have any advice that could help me reset, I'd greatly appreciate it. I even tried meditation, but I can't still for more than 5 minutes anymore.
Thanks.