We are going to die, and that makes us the lucky ones.
Most people are never going to die because they are never going to be born.
The potential people who could have been here in my place but who will in fact never see the light of day outnumber the sand grains of Sahara.
Certainly those unborn ghosts include greater poets than Keats, scientists greater than Newton.
We know this because the set of possible people allowed by our DNA so massively exceeds the set of actual people.
In the teeth of these stupefying odds it is you and I, in our ordinariness, that are here.
We privileged few, who won the lottery of birth against all odds.
How dare we whine at our inevitable return to that prior state, from which the vast majority have never stirred?
I guess this is being downvoted because HN isn't really a place where existential nihilists hang out. But in all honesty, isn't it incredible that anything happens at all! That gives me more hope and encouragement than anything else!
Once you can accept that your own life is insignificant and essentially meaningless, you can stop worrying about how many weeks, days, months or minutes you'll be here for and just appreciate the moment in which you are living. Perhaps you can even be grateful that you have lived at all.
I'm always interested in other alternate Internets. If you're feeling over the existing web there's always Gemini or DAT to conjure up those warm fuzzies of the early net.
As a team we play a game of Geoguessr (https://www.geoguessr.com/) on Friday afternoons. It's fun to have some friendly rivalry and banter and de-compress together after a week of work.
I see new ad/paywall hybrids springing up, whereby adblock users are detected and presented with a paywall / donation / nag screen and regular users are shown display ads.
Firstly, it sounds like you have manic depression (extreme highs and extreme lows), however I am not a doctor, so please talk to someone about how you're feeling so they can make a diagnosis.
Secondly, no matter how alone you may feel right now, please remember that this is only temporary. Over time you will meet like-minded souls who will become your friends, but they key is in finding them.
I have lived overseas on my own before and have felt loneliness and depression, but have found that in order to beat this you must make friendships. This will involve joining new groups and meeting new people (something which is not easy, especially for a self-confessed wallflower).
Fortunately, there are many groups and meet-ups from which you can discover like-minded people and I would encourage you to try and engage with one of them if you feel that you can. Once you have attended at least one meet-up you will see that:
a) It's not that hard to meet new people
and (perhaps more importantly)
b) New people like to meet you and that you make an important contribution to this world.
I hope my comment on this board helps you and that you are able to seek the professional help you need. On a parting note, please remember that even though sometimes you may feel unloved, the reality is is that you are loved by many.
We are going to die, and that makes us the lucky ones. Most people are never going to die because they are never going to be born. The potential people who could have been here in my place but who will in fact never see the light of day outnumber the sand grains of Sahara. Certainly those unborn ghosts include greater poets than Keats, scientists greater than Newton. We know this because the set of possible people allowed by our DNA so massively exceeds the set of actual people. In the teeth of these stupefying odds it is you and I, in our ordinariness, that are here. We privileged few, who won the lottery of birth against all odds. How dare we whine at our inevitable return to that prior state, from which the vast majority have never stirred?