I try to listen for the feeling behind/under the words being spoken. Ask yourself why they're saying the thing they're saying, and try to respond to that.
Thanks for sharing. I resonate with so much of what you say, particularly this:
>>or perhaps they believe they already do it with an internal monologue.
This is the typical justification I use for when I'm not in the mood to journal.
And your comments about ADHD, being more intentional with people, and living a prosocial-oriented life. I too could easily veer down a hermit-like path but deliberately effort not to. And I used to think that a personal CRM was overkill and such detailed tracking of others a waste of time. I haven't implemented anything yet, but I see the value of it now. Relationships are cumulative, interactions build off of each other. Remembering salient details in prior interactions (e.g. from my recent life, little tidbits I could find useful: Rachel deeply loves her mom. Ana is aware that I get car sick easily and made an accommodation for me, etc etc...)can enhance future ones.
I'm intrigued by this viewpoint and want you to elaborate more! Why is getting smarter the worst goal to have? Do you think it's useful to get very smart at something specific, or does it amount to the same as not being smart at all?
Asking as someone perpetually soothing myself with advice about diet, alcohol, spirituality, etc.
Couldn't this prove the point that we don't equate movement with intelligence, though? Who's to say animals also don't possess this intelligence? Maybe we'd have to go down the chain then, to more inert species like plants and fungi, though they also possess intelligence I can't begin to comprehend.
Agreed, and I'll add that you don't have to be overly interested in metrics/fitness/quantified self to derive benefit from this.
For instance, I care little about the measurements of any given run or walk, I rarely even look at them when I'm done, but just the recording itself on my Apple Watch subtly motivates me to work harder and go longer. It becomes more of a 'workout' than a passive activity.
>> When I leave a job, I've kept the good friends, even hired some of them.
This is key for me too. When I was in a stressful people manager role, sorting through conflict and personalities every day, my favorite manager would always say 'people over companies.' Even if you have no intention of leaving your job or being friends with your coworkers, this thought brings everyone to the same level - we are all people who happen to be organized around this fictional thing called a company.
I feel for this writer. Whoever you are - you might be struggling but you are also so aware, even when you say you're not, and that's the first step if you do want to change. I imagine there are legions of others going through the same cycles that can continue this blissful mindless existence day after day, but they may eventually look back and wonder what their life was even for.
My two cents - turn inwards for a little while. Fascinate yourself with yourself. Learn everything about yourself. From there you will find a purpose, which I think is what you're lacking so you let others fill up that space.
Meditating can help you separate all these stories you have about yourself from the true you, which is beyond words. Sit in silence and learn what it's telling you.
This kinda just reads like a post hoc rationalization for a career decision. 'Leaving Google' is supposed to mean something momentous, but it isn't. It's a career decision, like many of us make at least several times through out life.
May I ask what your practices were that led you to the dark night, and how you then came out the other side? After years of meditation I've kicked it up a notch this past year, and feel like I'm approaching that dark night period. My feelings are somewhat muted, my previous interests and passions have dulled. It's hard to see the point in doing anything.
>> feeling a calling to do something to help others or even the whole world
I would like to get to this place. I try to remember this from A Course in Miracles when I'm feeling pressured to perform:
I am here only to be truly helpful.
I am here to represent Him Who sent me.
I do not have to worry about what to say or what to do,
because He Who sent me will direct me.
I am content to be wherever He wishes, knowing He goes there with me.
I will be healed as I let Him teach me to heal. (T‑4.XI.8:2‑6)
I take it even further. Emotionally distance yourself from your cravings, sure, but also your entire body. I now think of my body as separate from 'me,' my soul. But I do need my body to express my soul. So I take care of it, I give it what it needs, I exercise it. Counterintuitively, this practice makes me love and respect my body more than I ever did when I equated body and self.
There is always something more appealing to do than to meditate. That's what makes it difficult but also more important than ever in my opinion. The practice itself isn't actually hard -- it requires nothing but a willingness and a short block of uninterrupted time.
Anyway, to answer your question:
I've been meditating for about 9 years now. I started with Vipassana, which is probably the most beginner friendly and popular these days. I believe apps like Headspace, Calm, etc. use this technique as a foundation. I used Headspace for the first couple years. I thought it was much better then than it is now. I also used Tara Brach's meditations, which you can find freely available online or in podcast form.
The basics are as follows:
Sit in a relaxed but alert posture (sometimes I sit on a meditation cushion, sometimes I lie down), relax your body from top to bottom. I start with top of my head and slowly and deliberately relax all the muscles in my forehead, temples, jaws, neck, shoulders etc all the way down. Take deep breaths in through the nose and out through the mouth. After a few minutes of this my body feels sufficiently relaxed. I find it crucial to quiet the body down first before being able to focus my attention on my breath.
Then I stop trying to control my breathing and just follow it. Distracting thoughts will come up, but when you realize that happens just bring your focus back to your breath. The coming back is the important part. Keep doing this and the spans of time focused on the breath become longer, the distractions shorter and less frequent. Anchors might help you stay focused longer. For example, you can count 1 on the in breath, 2 on the out, up to 10 then repeat. Or you can visualize the breath as a color, flowing in and out of you. Attaching another element to the breath in this way makes it easier to focus on.
Sometimes, but not every time, I will reach a state that feels warm and euphoric. There is a deep sense of calm and okay-ness. It's great to access this but I try not to control it or get too excited about it, otherwise I lose it.
I could go on and on about this. Let me know if you'd like to know more. My practice has changed quite a bit over the years but the basics are still the same: sit, relax, breathe, focus.
I understand what you're feeling, and I'm glad you're asking for help.
A few things that have worked for me:
- Internalizing the idea that most people simply do not care about anyone but themselves. This is not a bad thing. In situations like this it is truly liberating. "You will become way less concerned with what other people think of you when you realize how seldom they do." David Foster Wallace.
- Internalizing the idea that if the worst case you so fear actually happened, you would still be ok. More than ok. You would actually fear it less after that.
- Immersion and repetition. New environments can be overwhelming. But you can and will adapt. If you keep showing up, acknowledging that it will be uncomfortable, but push through it because that is how you get to the other side, you will be able to relax. Of course, do follow your gut if something truly feels off but this anxiety sounds more like a product of your thoughts than an actual threat.
Crunchbase has a 'Pre-Seed' filter on their company database. A quick glance shows these Pre Seed cos have still raised money though, so not sure if they're capturing the stage you're after. IndieHackers, maybe?
I have spoken to product managers who would use the tool in lieu of their current, manual process. Of course, this is not airtight validation (see e.g. The Mom Test), but it's a start.