I have no idea how you got to "Problem Exists Between Keyboard And Chair" given that I literally blamed the slow OS disk drive inside the computer based on thousands of data points on my end.
Upgrade that PC's OS drive to a NVMe. Seriously. We manage thousands of PCs at work and ever since we got laptop models with NVMe drives, updates are a breeze with 6 ± 3 minutes of total downtime.
You could hope that Android Studio's emulator / modded Waydroid or WSA would work for a while. At most you'd be buying time. Seriously, just keep the phone and fix your own unwanted habits instead. You'd be wasting your time fighting the checks and blocks they have put in place. At some point strict hardware attestation will be both very strong and ubiquitous enough that it will be impossible to run apps with high security requirements in custom environments. Google and Apple have no incentive to let loose either, unless they are forced to, which I unfortunately don't see happening.
Constantly? My friends and I hardly ever talk about computers, and that's how it is for most people. What you are suggesting would be a very weird habit. Your friends have agency, are allowed to like or not care about Recall, and needn't be nannied the whole time. Reminder: being more tech-literate than the average person doesn't grant anyone the right to be annoying about such topics. Cherish the time with your friends instead.